Eight

"Miss…Beckett?" A nurse in pink scrubs called out across the OB-GYN waiting room. Kate stood and followed the woman back to the exam room, her male companion traveling along behind her. Once in the room, she was handed a gown and instructed to change.

Castle sat on the guest chair and waited patiently until she was changed and seated on the exam table. At that point, he stood, walked over to her, and pressed a kiss on to the top of her head. "It's going to be fine," he told her reassuringly. She had been tight lipped about her pregnancy over the prior few days. In fact, she'd spent two nights at her apartment and only communicated with him through texts and two minute phone calls, but he knew it was mostly due to her nerves which, at that moment, were all over her face.

She flicked her eyes in his direction. "Says the person not giving birth in eight months."

"Ah…touché," he conceded, but his comment did get a small smile out of her.

When her regular doctor entered the room they exchanged pleasantries before the woman in the white jacket turned to Castle. "And this must be the father."

"Richard Castle," he said, extending his hand.

The doctor blinked. "The writer?" Castle nodded. "Oh! How exciting—I just preordered you latest book!"

"Excellent, thank you," Castle nodded graciously.

The doctor turned her attention on Kate and began the physical exam. "Well, you're definitely pregnant," she confirmed a moment later with a smile. "Do you have any ideas about an approximate date of conception?"

"Seven weeks ago," Kate informed her. She then looked up at Castle who appeared deep in thought, obviously trying to remember seven weeks prior. When he did, his expression relaxed into a smile and he nodded.

Kate lay back against the exam chair, he expression tightening as the doctor continued her exam. A moment later, she felt Castle's hand slip in hers and she squeezed it tightly.

After answering questions about what they knew about their family genetic histories, Kate and Castle were given a basic overview of what to expect by the doctor. She handed out pamphlets, answered the few questions that Kate had and then congratulated them and sent them on their way.

"This is exciting, right?" Castle asked her as she redressed. "The doctor thinks the baby is nice and healthy. And the next time we'll get to hear the heartbeat!"

"Yeah," she said in a tone that made her seem as though she was agreeing to nothing more exciting than going to the grocery store.

"You're going to love that—really. It's amazing," he said, momentarily transporting himself seventeen years into the past when he'd heard Alexis's heartbeat for the first time.

"I'm sure."

"Kate?" He stood and walked over to her, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder. "Are you okay?"

She looked over to him with a smile, though he knew it was forced. "I'm just tired; let's go."

Forcing herself to ignore his crestfallen expression, she led the way out of the doctor's office and to his Mercedes parked a few blocks away. Once inside he asked, "Do you want me to take you back to the twelfth? Or drop you off at your apartment? Or…"

"My apartment," she confirmed. As the drove, she continued to glance over at him. Each time she did, his brow was a bit more wrinkled. She felt the guilt seeping into her bones and knew she couldn't torture him any longer. "And, actually, I'd like you to come up," she added softly. He glanced over to her and nodded, his brows beginning to unknot.

She didn't speak again until they were inside her apartment sitting side by side on her couch. She picked up his hand in hers and began with an apology. "Castle, I'm sorry. I can see I'm hurting you and that was never my intention. I would never ever want to hurt you. It's just…" She took a deep breath and held it in a moment before continuing.

"When my mom died, I made this unconscious decision never to hurt again. I didn't want to feel that—that heartbreak, and if I opened myself up to anyone I always risked it. I compartmentalized everything for my job and it just became easy to compartmentalize my whole life. I just don't open up to people, but I know that's no way to live."

She gazed at him and saw she had his full attention. Pulling her body a bit closer to him, fighting every piece of herself that wanted her to stop, she said, "I need you to know it's very hard for me to say these things, but I also know I need to say them. I love you, Rick."

It was the first time she'd uttered the words, though he had been saying them for weeks. Thus far, she'd managed to side-step them every time, usually responding with a kiss or just a smile, but she saw the hurt in his eyes every time she hadn't returned the sentiments and she didn't want to do that to him anymore, not when her reasons for keeping her feelings inside were so foolish, so selfish.

"I do love you. I have for a while," she confessed with a small smile. "You're the person I trust most in the world. And I do want to have this baby with you." She pulled his hand into her lap and pressed it against her stomach. He splayed his fingers across her lower abdomen and smiled.

Kate shook her head and lowered her gaze to her lap. "It's just everything was happening at once with Espo coming back and the Nikki Heat thing…I was just so overwhelmed and shocked I didn't know how I felt, but today, at the doctors it all became real.

"I mean, don't get me wrong—I'm a little bit terrified," she confessed with a laugh. "But I'm going to have a baby; I'm going to be a mom, and it's going to be with you and that makes me very happy."

A mixture of relief and joy flooding his body, Castle leaned in and pressed two kisses to Kate's lips. He nuzzled their foreheads together for a moment before pulling back and gazing down at her. "You know, Kate, it's not a bad thing to need someone—to want to be with someone."

"I know." She turned away, shaking her head at how silly some of her fears sounded. If someone asked her the question: would you be okay with being alone for the rest of your life? She would have responded 'No, of course not,' but by building walls around herself the way she had, she was, in effect, giving that response.

"What?" he asked upon sight of her bemused expression.

"Nothing. I was just thinking about how funny life is. If someone had told me the night we met that the crazed fugitive who tied me to a chair would, at some point in the future, be the father of my child, I probably would have lost my mind."

Castle laughed, but then said, "Hey, I resent the term 'crazed.'"

"Really? Because you were a little crazed that night. Rightfully so, but still a little crazed."

"Well, maybe," he conceded, "but it all worked out in the end, right? You're happy now."

She smiled. "Very."

His expression mirrored hers. "Me too. Happy enough to want to celebrate—if you're feeling up to it."

She nodded. "Yeah, I'd say I'm up for it—it has been a few days," she added with a wink.

Later, they lay side-by-side on her bed. Castle on his side, his hand resting atop her lower abdomen, while Kate lay on her back with her head tilted in his direction. "Let's go to the Hamptons this weekend—just the two of us. We can relax and celebrate a little more and then when we get back on Sunday we can tell Alexis and Mother—and your dad."

She considered this for a moment. "I don't want to tell people until the end of the first trimester."

"Not even them?"

"No, no," she said quickly, rolling onto her side. "Them, but no one else. I just want to wait and get used to the idea. Plus keeping it between us will be kind of nice, right?"

"Sure." He leaned down and kissed her. "But it's not like I was going to put up a billboard in Times Square or anything—oh! We should do that to announce the baby's birth when he or she comes!"

Kate blinked at him. "Please tell me you're kidding."

His brow wrinkled. "Well I guess that would be a little unnecessarily expensive…" Kate merely rolled her eyes.

In Kate's opinion, the forty-eight hours she and Castle spent in the Hamptons was nothing short of perfection. They went for a long walk on the beach, during which she was cuddled up in one of his sweatshirts. They sat on the porch, watching the waves roll in, and talked for hours about various subjects, including their unborn child. Castle breached the subject of gender preferences, to which she informed him that she didn't care either way. He said he didn't either, though if he was forced to choose he would pick a boy since he already had Alexis.

On Sunday morning, as it rained, they made love. After, Castle insisted on bringing her breakfast in bed. As they ate, they talked about the upcoming months. Kate turned down his invitation for her to move into the loft permanently, but she did not dismiss it as negatively as she had his quasi marriage proposal. Instead, she requested to put the subject of cohabitation on the back burner—at least, for a few months.

One subject Castle remained firm on was that of her job. It had been touched briefly upon by her doctor, but Castle felt the need to reiterate that her profession was a dangerous one and not well suited for a pregnant woman. Kate conceded this point, but informed him she could not simply quit her job; it was in her DNA. Besides, the fact was she couldn't take a leave of absence without giving a reason why, and she was not ready to reveal that reason yet. Instead, she made a deal with him that she would let Ryan and Esposito take more of a lead on cases and she would stick mainly to interviews and interrogations so as not to put herself or their child in any unnecessary danger.

Back at the loft, Castle could not contain his excitement to make their announcement. They'd hardly set down their overnight bags before he ushered his mother into the sitting area and yelled for Alexis to come down from her room. When the four of them had convened, Castle slipped his arm around Kate's shoulders and said, "Kate and I have something to tell you both."

Martha gasped dramatically and clutched her hands to her chest. "Oh! You're pregnant! Congratulations!" She stood and pulled Kate into a smothering, motherly hug.

Kate's only response was to laugh. "How could you possibly know that?"

"Because, my Darling, you're positively glowing!" Martha said, hugging her a bit tighter.

"Are you really pregnant?" Alexis asked. Kate nodded. After the four of them exchanged hugs, it was Alexis who asked, "When's the baby due?"

"The first week of June," Castle informed them.

"But we'd like to keep it to ourselves for a while," Kate added. "We're only telling immediate family."

"Well don't you worry, dear—the news is safe with us," Martha said. "Oh this is just so exciting!"

Castle gazed down at Kate and beamed. "We know."