Chapter Eight: Have A Little Faith
The entire way up to the ICU was heart wrenching for Grissom. The sign in procedure, he felt, was worse than trying to visit an inmate on Death Row. When he finally reached the room, he took in a deep breath and closed his eyes, trying to envision her happy, smiling face. Releasing the breath and forcing himself to stay strong, he stepped through the sliding doors.
Her happy face instantly faded away.
He had to fight back the tears when he saw her body. So many machines. Beeping and whistling at even intervals. Medications, pumps and IV fluids hanging from a pole next to her bed, leading into her frail arm. They had cleaned her up slightly from the last time he saw her, though he imagined that was more do to need for the surgery than respect of the patient. There was a long blue tube coming from her mouth, attached to a large machine, displaying different numbers on it's screen as it pumped away. It was being held to her face with a cyan colored, ovular shaped, guard adhered to her skin. Bandages covered the majority of her body that he could see above the many blankets. A whistling sounded and he watched, helplessly, as her chest would rise and fall at its command. He hated seeing her like this. She looked so weak, so pale. So…not Sara. Not his Sara.
Walking slowly, hesitantly, he stared at his wounded wife lying eerily still on the bed. Seeing a chair positioned by her bed, he sat down, before he fell down, his motions seeming to be in slow motion. Tears streamed down his cheeks unguarded as all of the emotions came rushing back to him. Taking her hand in his, he realized just how fragile a state she was in.
"Hey Beautiful." He whispered, kissing her hand lightly. "I'm here Sara, I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. I love you so much."
Seeing the caked blood coating her skin was too hard for him to look at. Gently placing her hand back down on the bed, he rose from the chair, walking to the nearby sink. Determinedly, he shuffled through the cabinets and drawers until he found what he was searching for – a small basin, soap and some wash cloths. The water ran into the basin, mixing with the little amount of soap he had added. The temperature was perfect, he thought as he dipped his finger in the water, just right for her.
Gradually walking back to the chair he had just vacated, he sat and placed the basin on the nightstand beside the bed. Dipping one of the washcloths into the sudsy water and ringing it out slightly as to not soak her, he rose it to her face, and with the most delicate of motions, wiped the blood stains from her cheeks, forehead and under her eyes, and finally around the ventilation tube leading from her mouth. He hesitated a moment as he looked at her, she looked peaceful as Michael had, despite the pain he knew she was in.
We'll get through this. We have to.
Closing his eyes tight and breathing deeply, he said a silent prayer for Sara's health, before continuing to clean her neck. He couldn't reach it all with the way her head was positioned, facing him, but he did what he could. As he migrated down to her chest, he began to weep again at the sight of the incisions from her surgery. He placed the washcloth down and took her hand, placing it over her womb, his hand secured tightly over her own.
"That's what you were going to tell me. Isn't it?" he asked, fear emanating his voice. "That you were pregnant again? That's what the surprise was?"
His fears getting the best of him, he looked away, but just as quickly turned back to face her, not having her in his sight worse than seeing her this way.
"Oh God, Sara, I'm so sorry. If I had just remembered the damn list. If I had just gone and got it myself. You wouldn't…" His voice trailed off as the tears cascaded down his cheek to land on hers.
After a few moments and a moment to compose himself, he reached for the washcloth and continued to clean her up, wiping down her arms, her hands… Until he noticed that her wedding ring wasn't on her finger. He panicked. Those rings weren't just some pieces of jewelry to him, or to Sara, they represented everything they felt for each other, the life they had built. Quickly scanning the room, he called out as he saw a nurse walking by the sliding glass doors to the room.
"Excuse me!" Flailing his arm in an attempt to further gather her attention.
The door slid open and the older women, dressed in pink scrubs, walked in, a concerned expression on her face. He realized then that she must have thought something had happened with Sara.
"Is there a problem?" She asked as she looked at the various monitors, taking a mental note of her stats and making everything was at the levels they should be. Turning back to the man, she assumed was the husband, she noticed the red puffy eyes and the various tear stains on his cheek. Sometimes she hated this job. Working in the ICU was never easy.
"I'm sorry, it's just that I noticed my wife, she isn't wearing her wedding rings. What happened to them?" He politely asked, but the panic was still evident in his voice.
The nurse, whose name tag read Janet, understood his reaction. She, herself had been married for close to twenty years and had once accidentally dropped her ring down the kitchen sink. She had cried hysterically until a plumber was able to recover it. It wasn't just a ring, but the promises and vows it stood for. And she could tell already after only a few moments with this guy, that he was the real deal. This girl, she was his world. Giving him a reassuring smile, she walked over and retrieved Sara's chart, taking a quick look through it.
"There are so many. How are we suppose to choose?" Sara sighed, looking at the many rings in the display case. "White gold, yellow gold, platinum, silver. Then there's the style. Then diamonds or no diamonds…" She rambled on, finding the whole process of ring shopping to not quite be her natural forte.
Grissom had asked that they go to a custom design store, wanting Sara to have her own ring, not something that anyone else would be wearing. She had agreed, sharing his thought, only she wanted Grissom to have something all his own.
"We'll figure it out. Have a little faith." He teased her, but truth be told, he was just as confused as she was.
"Well, which ones do you like?" She asked as they both leaned into the glass to see the sparkling metal closer.
"What about that one?" Pointing out a ring in the corner.
"Eh, too godly."
"How about that one."
"It wouldn't look right with my engagement ring."
"Sara…" He drawled, spotting a ring on the other end of the case.
"Hmm?" She responded distractedly.
"There." He pointed to the ring he couldn't take his eyes off of. Sara peeled herself from the case to look at what he was pointing to and immediately gasped.
"It's…" She was having a hard time putting her feelings to words.
"Simple, yet elegant?"
"Yeah, exactly it's perfect."
"No, you're perfect. That is just worthy enough to be worn by you."
"That was the cheesiest, most sweetest thing I have ever heard." She laughed at him, making him blush. "I love you." Still snickering at his absolute adorable nature, she leaned in and kissed him.
"Mmm. I love you more."
"Not possible." She rebuked playfully, as happy as could be with her cheesily delightful man.
"Extremely possible." Seeing her about to argue back, he stopped her by holding out his hand for her to shake. "Truce my dear?"
"Only because you're cute."
"Oh, is that why you're marrying me? My ruggedly good looks?"
"Well, that and the sex."
"Oh was as long as that's covered…" They both laughed as Sara huddled up to close to his side, wrapping her arm around him.
"Hello there, I'm Denise. Welcome to Moriches Designs. Can I help you find anything today?" A sales clerk in her late forties asked as she approached the couple.
"Uh, yes actually. We're picking out our wedding bands." Sara eagerly responded, amazed at how excited she was to share their news.
"Oh excellent! Congratulations to you both!"
"Thank you." Both Grissom and Sara graciously replied.
"Well, did you have anything specific in mind?"
"We were actually setting our eyes on that style there for Sara." Grissom pointed out the ring he had shown Sara, and the woman instantly grinned.
"What a great choice. Donald just finished this one!" She enthusiastically explained.
"Donald?" Sara asked.
"Donald Moriches. He's such a nice guy. He says that 'no two women are the same, therefore no two women should be wearing the same piece of jewelry.' So, this store never sells two of the same piece." Her liveliness was contagious, as Sara and Grissom listened intently to the woman's story. "Donald, his wife Margaret and their daughters Claudia and Joy design and create each piece themselves. They're a great bunch of people. The business has been in their family for generations." Denise had opened up the display case and handed the ring to Sara to try on as she spoke.
Grissom stopped listening the moment the ring was on Sara's finger. It was beyond the picture of perfection it presented in the case. On Sara's finger is was home. Sure she had been wearing her engagement ring nonstop since he had proposed, but this was different. Seeing the actual band added to it suddenly made it seem real.
Sara was going to be his wife.
Sara, too, had stopped listening once the ring was on. It fit like it had been made for her finger. Against her engagement ring, it was as if it had found it's own soul mate, like she had found Gil. Then it hit her…like a ton of bricks.
She was going to be Grissom's wife. Grissom, the man she had been chasing after for years, was going to be her husband.
"We'll take it." They both announced simultaneously.
"Well okay then. I guess that was a unanimous decision." Denise laughed. "Now if you're interested, Donald made a male band to match this one."
"Please." Sara answered, anxious to see a band on Grissom's finger.
"Just give me one minute." She excused herself to a back room to get the ring.
"Gil…" Sara sighed happily, again looking at the ring before meeting his eyes.
"Can we just go get married now?" Grissom asked like a petulant child wanting to know how much longer the car ride would be.
"Don't tempt me!" She threatened.
"I don't think I can wait another month to see that ring on you all the time." She was finding his complaining to be truly endearing.
"I know babe. I know. But I want it to be special, not just some judge a city hall." She understood how he felt, she was feeling the same way – not wanting to wait another day to be his wife, but she wanted it to be perfect. Their closest friends and Gil's mother, it was important for her to have them there.
"I know. I suppose I can wait. As long as I have you waiting with me, I can do it."
"Well, I'm not going anywhere." She mumbled against his lips, before closing the small distance and kissing him with all the love she felt.
Denise came back into the room and smiled at the sight. Not wanting to disturb their moment, she waited until they broke apart before entering fully and addressing them.
"Well, with passion like that who needs movies?" She joked, watching as they both blushed. "Oh don't be embarrassed! It's sweet. You're getting married, you've earned the right to kiss!"
Together the three finalized the transaction, both Grissom and Sara falling just as in love with Grissom's ring as they did with Sara's. Filling out the paperwork, signing on the dotted line and swiping the proper card, they we were on their way home.
"I feel…I don't know…overwhelmed, I suppose. But in a good way." Sara stated, holding Grissom's hand in the car as he drove.
"Mmm. I know what you mean."
When Sara started to uncharacteristically giggling, Grissom rose a curious eye brow to her.
"Sorry…it's just…you're going to be my husband." Another giggle. "Husband…"
He laughed.
"Hey, um, I know we haven't talked about it yet, and it's fully your decision and I'll be happy either way…"
"Gil, honey, spit it out."
"Sorry. It's just I was wondering if you were going to keep Sidle or change your name to Grissom…" He was nervous, she could tell.
"You know, I never even really thought about it." She answered honestly.
"Oh, well like I said, whatever you decide I'll be perfectly fine with."
"Are you sure?"
"Absolutely. I don't need you to have my name to know that you're my wife Sara. I love you no matter what your name is. You've been Sara Sidle your whole life, I don't expect you to change that for me."
She smiled. He was so considerate.
"You know, I have been Sara Sidle my whole life. But all that this name has brought me in the thirty-six years I have had it is an abusive father, murderous mother, a lost childhood, no life and no family. I think I am ready to be Sara Grissom."
He smiled. He had never thought of it that way.
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah I am. I will gladly leave Sidle behind to be a Grissom. Because with you, for the first time in my life I have someone I feel safe with, some to love and love me, a real home and a future to look forward to. I don't want anything more than that."
He didn't know how to respond to that, so he just smiled, a great big loving smile and squeezed her hand.
"Besides, as a Grissom, everyone at work will fear me." She chuckled.
"Uh, Sara, they already do." He replied smartly.
"Well yeah, but now they'll fear me more because my name alone will remind all of those who dare piss me off that they're not just dealing with me."
He always did love her logic. He smiled at the memory of that day. They had been married a month later in a charming little ceremony in their backyard, with just their closest friends and Grissom's mother present. Bruno had been decked out in a top had and tuxedo jacket, carrying their rings down the aisle.
"Ah." The nurse humming along as she ran her finger across the page, broke him from his memories and he looked up at her. "It looks like two rings were removed from her left ring finger prior to surgery do to the possibility of swelling. According to the notes they should be in with her personal effects that were sent up with her." She continued speaking as she walked to a cabinet and pulled out a large white plastic bag, Personal Effects written across the front. "Here we go." She added, as she handed Grissom the plump bag. "They should be in here."
"Thank you." He graciously replied, looking at the bag then back to the comforting smile on Janet's face.
"She's a pretty girl." She commented, looking at Sara and causing Grissom to look back as well.
"Yeah, she is." They both just watched Sara sleep for several long seconds before Grissom spoke. "Do…do you think that she can hear me?"
"I believe she can. I think that she knows you're here with her, loving her, and I think that will make a world of difference." She heard these questions all the time, but it never made her answer any less true. She had seen it far too many times to not believe it.
The broken man before her didn't respond other than the most minute of nods, clutching his wife's hand with all the strength he had.
"You take it easy Mr. Grissom. Your wife is a strong woman. She'll pull through this. You just have to have a little faith and not give up hope." With a sad smile she gave his shoulder a encouraging squeeze. "If you need anything, you let me know."
With that, the nurse left, leaving Grissom struggling to find his faith again. Several long minutes passed before Grissom found Sara's rings in the bag. Holding tightly to the small symbols of their life, all he could do was stare at her, brushing her dark hair from her paled face with his fingers. If she were awake, he thought, she'd find that very comforting.
She always loves when I do that.
"I'm not ready to say good-bye yet Sara. Remember, you told me that once." A sad, wistful smile graced his face as he stroked her cheek. "Please, honey, don't give up. Keep fighting. Please stay with me."
