thanks for the reviews guys!

just realized i didn't do a disclaimer! yikes... so here it is: i don't own bleach! never will!

there's a... dirrty/intimate moment in this chapter... it's not meant to be crude/raunchy but if you wish to fast forward i've marked that section with stars ** not sure if i should change the rating to M??? Please let me know =S don't want to offend anyone...

8

The first week passed by rather slowly. Rukia spent the remainder of the week and all the weekend in her apartment and at her favourite study spot in the library. She had not even told Rangiku until the start of the second week…

Rangiku had come home with tears pouring from her eyes. She was practically in hysterics. Rukia instantly threw down her textbooks and went to console her friend. Guiding her to the couch, Rangiku tried to calm her crying, leaning on Rukia as Rukia gently rubbed her friends back. Rukia knew better than to ask what was wrong—Rangiku would tell her when she was ready.

'He's leaving,' Rangiku said, her voice shaking.

Rukia was unsure of what she meant, 'who is Rangiku?'

'Shuuhei, he's leaving,' Rangiku said, sitting up and wiping her tears away. 'He's just told me now.'

'For what? Where?'

'There is some military promotion, something or other. His father is pushing him to do it. I don't blame him, I mean, he's brilliant, he deserves recognition for his hard work it is just…' Rangiku paused for a moment. Rukia reached to the side table to grad a handkerchief passing it to her. Rangiku continued, 'Rukia I have never, ever had a guy tell me I have a lovely personality, I've never had a guy look into my eyes when he talks to me. Shuuhei listens to what I have to say, and he treats me so well. Christ, we haven't even had sex Rukia…'

Rukia couldn't help but give a look of shock at what her friend was saying. Rangiku went through men as though they were garments; she always had an endless supply of suitors. But never had she ever cried over one, or spoken of one in such an affectionate way—mostly because none had ever treated her decently. 'Where is he going?' Rukia questioned.

'Just London, but it is still far. He, he doesn't want to do the distance thing.'

Rukia hugged her friend, letting her cry a bit more on her shoulder, 'well it looks like we're back to just having each other.'

Rangiku scoffed at this, 'please you have your jackass twit of a boyfriend still. I'm sorry, Rukia, I didn't mean that I'm just… bitter…'

'No, no it's fine Rangiku,' Rukia insisted, 'Renji and I actually ended things, over a week ago now.'

Rangiku's jaw dropped, 'excuse me? What? Why didn't you tell me? Why? What happened?'

'Easy on the interrogation,' Rukia said jokingly, 'we're just not on the same page for anything. I just don't see us lasting.'

'Really?' Rangiku asked in disbelief, 'well I mean he could be a complete jerk but, you seemed so attached to one another… I guess we both fell victim to the Zaraki men hey?'

'Never again,' Rukia said with a smile.

'Christ no,' Rangiku said in agreement, 'shall we have tea and, just… talk? Relax tonight?'

'Most definitely,' Rukia replied.

%%%%%

The next week was a bit easier, with Rangiku and Rukia providing one another with moral support Rukia found herself laughing again. She felt awful for Rangiku but at least she was spared of a burden that Rukia had to worry about—running into her ex. Rukia was very nervous about running into Renji; as much as she tried to tune out to her surroundings so as not to notice him, she always had an eye out for him. It was strange how she felt; she did not want to see him, yet at the same time she couldn't bear the thought of never seeing him again. He would probably not want to talk to her, or yell or just be distant. There was no way he would want to ever reconsider dating her again, so Rukia pushed those thoughts from her head.

'Well I'm going to head to my Women's Group meeting, you sure you don't want to come?' Rangiku asked, interrupting her thoughts.

Rukia tilted her head, 'what? Oh! No, no thanks Rangiku. I have a feeling if I joined something like that I wouldn't end up going. I always get distracted. Have fun though, I will see you later.'

'See you at home!' Rangiku said as she waved and left.

Rukia watched her friend run off. I miss Renji. She scolded herself for thinking that, but it was true. It's only been two weeks, just toughen up. Maybe I will go home this weekend— SMACK! Rukia walked into someone, this time so spaced out she dropped her books, and herself on the ground. 'I'm sorry, I'm so sorry I—'

'No it's my fault. Are you okay? I'm sorry I—'

That voice, his voice, no it can't be… Rukia looked across from her and saw Renji—who was also knocked to the ground, sitting across from her. 'Seriously?' Rukia said in shock, mostly to herself.

Renji smiled at her shyly, 'you really need to learn to watch where you're going.'

Rukia felt herself blush and looked away from him instantly. 'Yeah…' she said quietly.

Renji moved to stand up and held out his hand for Rukia. She took it reluctantly, so as not to be rude, slowly letting him help her up. He did not let go of her hand once they stood, and she couldn't bear to take it away. 'How are you?' he asked her.

'Fine, really fine,' she responded, 'and yourself?"

'It's odd how I feel actually,' he said.

'Oh?'

'I feel extraordinarily happy again,' he began, gripping her hand tightly, 'but at the same time, I'm rather distressed because I know that the happiness is going to go away… as soon as you walk away.'

Rukia could not help the ends of her lips that curled up into a smile. She looked away from Renji, who moved closer, taking her other hand. He leaned close so he was practically whispering in her ear, 'I've learned something in our time apart.'

'What is that?' she inquired slowly.

'That I cannot be without you. Rukia I miss you, so much.'

Rukia sighed and backed away from him, 'I miss you too Renji, but it's the right thing to do…'

'No it isn't,' he interjected, 'please give me another chance. I was an arrogant, stupid, dumbass boy and I'm sorry. I had the love of my life in my arms and I was the biggest idiot and lost you… and now, now you're here again and I'm terrified this is the last time you'll let me be this close to you…'

'Renji it's not that easy—'

'Hey Renji!' it was Izuru yelling, running towards them. 'Hey Rukia,' Izuru greeted, 'sorry to interrupt but Renji, we got a rugby game in half and hour! Coach needs us to warm up.'

'I'll be there, tell him I'll be late,' Renji told him. '

'No,' Rukia said, 'you'll be on time Renji, I won't keep you any longer, it was nice to see you Izuru.' Rukia quickly grabbed her books and walked away hurriedly away from them.

Renji watched her go and felt the empty hole in his chest grow. 'I'm not going to get her back am I?'

Izuru shrugged, honestly not going what to say, 'I dunno mate, she seems very cross with you. Plenty of fish in the sea I guess?'

'No,' Renji responded, 'in my heart there's only Rukia.'

%%%%%

Rukia sat down at a bench under a tree and gave herself a while to regain her composure. That was definitely not how she expected a run in with Renji to be. He still loves me, he still wants us to be together…

'Excuse me, sorry Rukia?' a girl's voice asked.

Looking up Rukia recognized the petite brunette as Momo, one of Renji's really close friends. 'Yes, I am… it is Momo correct?'

'Yes, uh, may I sit down with you?' she asked timidly.

Rukia nodded, 'oh yes, yes of course. Sorry I was just, um…'

'Crying?'

'Yeah.' Rukia had no real way to cover that one up.

'Renji told me you two broke up, or were taking time apart. I am sorry to hear that.' Momo patted Rukia's shoulder tenderly.

'Yes, well sometimes things just don't work out right?'

'Rukia, I hope you don't think it is too bold of me to say this but, Renji changed after he met you. In a really big, drastic way.'

Rukia wasn't sure if Momo meant this in a good way or bad way. She seemed incredibly nice, Renji had always been telling her of the kind things Momo did for the guys. 'Oh?' she asked nervously.

'He's always been a bit silly, you know, what I mean. But he talks about you constantly, specifically you and him together. He, oh I probably shouldn't say but, he is really, madly, passionately in love with you.'

Rukia felt the tears starting to rise up again. 'I'm not so sure… because well…'

'Oh darling, I know you must be furious he rarely invites you. He's just… nervous, not that that's a valid reason. Renji went from being a guy who was determined to just be single, live the bachelor life. Since he met you Rukia, well he's changed completely in such a short time. It's scary I'm sure you've felt that at some point.'

It was true, Rukia had. She couldn't believe how fast and instantaneously her feelings for Renji had grown. 'Did he, did he tell you about that night we broke up?'

'Yes,' Momo admitted, 'that stupid cow. She's always causing trouble. But Rukia, Renji has never and I mean never been unfaithful to you. I don't drink and I am with these guys all the time at school. He seriously talks and thinks about you nonstop. I would tell you if he was two-timing on you Rukia because well, let's face it. This is man's world. If we women don't stick together we have nothing.'

Rukia felt comforted by Momo's words. It was nice hearing that Renji did say sweet things when she wasn't around. 'Well maybe we should try again…'

'I'm not going to tell you what to do Rukia, but I think you should know that true love is so scarce in this world. Many people will not have the fairy tale happy ending and not by choice. You and Renji I know could have that. Don't wish away love Rukia you'll regret it more than anything if you do.'

Those words, don't wish away love… hit Rukia hard. That was exactly what she was doing. She was pushing Renji away. Sure they had things to work out but, they had a genuine care for one another. They never meant to hurt one another intentionally. 'What should I do to get him back?' Rukia asked.

Momo smiled happily, 'you don't have to do anything love.'

'But where, how… I don't… I can't…'

'Well I'm going to watch the boys' rugby game in about an hour or so. We'll see a good bit before the end if you want to join me. I have some studying to do prior to,' proposed Momo.

'Sounds brilliant, if you don't mind me tagging along.'

'Not at all!' Momo said excitedly, 'I've been dying to get to know you! For my master's I am thinking of researching the chronic moronic nature of males, what are your thoughts on this?'

Rukia laughed and the girls went to go and study before heading out.

&&&&&

Rukia and Momo had the most honest of intentions to get some studying done, but ended up laughing and talking the whole time before heading over to the boys' rugby game. Momo told Rukia all about her crush on Toshiro, who was the youngest (not to mention shortest) captain of the rugby team there had ever been at the university. Rukia was so happy talking with Momo, it was nice to finally be conversing with one of Renji's friends. She was very nervous about going to the game, but Momo assured her it would do nothing but make Renji's day.

They got to the sidelines and Rukia instantly spotted Renji on the field. She instantly noticed how incredibly good-looking he looked in his rugby attire. He was intensely focused on the game. Momo excitedly pointed out Toshiro, who was a small guy with hair so blonde it looked white, and big blue eyes. He was barking out orders at all of the boys.

'He's loud for looking like such a tyke,' Rukia said laughing.

Momo laughed as well, 'oh shush, I know he's not very tall but I just adore him so much.'

Rukia suddenly saw darkness as two hands came from behind her covering her eyes. Turning around, Rukia saw Rangiku and Shuuhei laughing together. 'Did I scare you Rukia?' Rangiku asked playfully, 'look who came to surprise me?' She was smiling lovingly at Shuuhei.

'Please it would take more than that to scare me,' Rukia said, 'hello Shuuhei, it is nice to see you again.'

'Hello Rukia,' he said smiling, 'I told my brother to quit being such a dumbass. You let me know if he steps out of line.'

Rukia laughed a bit. 'Will do. Oh, sorry this is Momo. Momo this is Rangiku and I'm sure you know Shuuhei.'

'Oh we've met, it's nice seeing you again Rangiku.'

'You as well Momo, I do hope you'll both meet us at the pub after the game? We're heading over there with some of the guys now,' Rangiku said.

'Of course my dear! Wouldn't miss it,' Momo replied.

'See you!' Rangiku called as she left arm in arm with Shuuhei.

'So sad he's moving,' Rukia said as they left.

Momo nodded, 'they're so sweet together. Be nice if they could work something out.'

Their attention was soon alerted back to the game. It was nearing the end, and the game was tied. A few fights had broken out, Renji getting in one even, but the referee had been quick to act at breaking them up. The other team had almost scored, they seemed very evenly matched in skill. Rukia was starting to feel apprehensive their team would win, until Izuru managed to get the ball, and began to run, dodging the others as best as he could. Renji leapt out from behind Izuru, running at hell's speed. Izuru managed to pass the ball to Renji before being tackled down. Renji quickly faked his way around an oncoming player, somehow managing to jump over someone else before making it behind the line, planting the ball firmly on the ground before members of the other team jumped on him. They had won! Momo, Rukia and the rest of the crowd began cheering insanely. Renji had just scored the winning goal! Their team pulled the other team's member's off Renji who stood up, merely nodding and giving his teammates some casual high fives. He didn't look overly thrilled at his victory. Rukia noticed he had a gash on his forehead, which was probably less serious than it looked.

'What are you waiting for Rukia? Go to him,' Momo urged.

Rukia dropped her books aside and ran over closer to where Renji was. She was nervous; maybe he had given up on her after their earlier encounter. The minute Renji saw her, he blinked, looking as though he had seen something impossible like a unicorn. Then a huge grin appeared on his face and on Rukia's, she couldn't help it. He began to run towards her and she began running to him, not even concerned about the mud that splattered on her clothes. They stopped in front of one another, timidly smiling, each hesitant to be the first to reach out to the other.

'Rukia, I… I can't believe you're here,' he said.

'Yeah, I… I ran into Momo and we, she, told me to come and watch the game.'

Renji smiled, knowing how being able to hang out with Momo must've made Rukia's day. 'She's a nice girl hey?'

'Incredibly, we get on really well,' Rukia replied.

'Look, Rukia I—'

'No Renji, it's all my—'

'Hardly, I'm such a—'

'I love you… Renji,' Rukia said looking earnestly up at him. 'I don't want to wish love away, when I was so lucky that you came into my life.'

Renji wrapped his arms around her and kissed her. She responded just as passionately and the kiss quickly deepened, her arms tightly holding onto him. Sounds of hooting and cheering from Renji's teammates interrupted them, causing them to break off one another laughing. Renji told them to piss off and picked Rukia up to carry her back off the field where it was less muddy.

'Wait while I go change quickly okay? Then, come with me to the bar for a bit? Just to celebrate, then we'll do whatever we want… does that sounds okay?' he asked.

'Perfect,' Rukia replied.

'I love you,' he said kissing her again, 'you're not ever leaving my side again.'

'They'd have to drag me forcefully,' she responded, 'now hurry along and get yourself decent.'

&&&&&

The evening had been the most fun Rukia thought she had had all year on campus. Every one of their friends was there. Rangiku and Shuuhei were all over one another, having a great time. Momo got to be with Toshiro, and Rukia was with Renji. It was a great celebration, everyone was just enjoying each other's company. After nine o'clock though, Rukia and Renji headed out hand in hand, perhaps both a little tipsy from the partying.

'Renji you have the most incredible dance moves I think I've seen on a human,' Rukia laughed.

Renji beamed proudly, 'I am a rare gem of talent.'

She rolled her eyes. 'Of course.'

They walked a bit further and Renji stopped and turned to face her. 'Well, this is the halfway point between your place and mine, or is there any other place you want to go?'

Rukia pulled him close to her and kissed him slowly, earning his full attention, 'I've never seen your place.' She had a wonderful, devious look in her eyes.

Renji smiled with interest, 'Rukia Kurosaki I feel like you're implying something dreadfully naughty.'

'So what if it is?' she said, kissing him again, biting his lip as she pulled away this time. Her eyes were looking at him with such want, Renji almost found it intimidating.

'Well, allow me to escort you,' he said presenting his arm for her to grab onto, 'I have always fancied being a tour guide.'

&&&&&

They went to Renji's place, which was a very nice connected-house style home for senior students (with money) at the university. Inside the door, Rukia was impressed with the nice furniture and how tidy it was for two boys. 'Izuru and I aren't actually as big of pigs as we make ourselves out to be,' Renji noted as he collapsed back on his couch.

Rukia smiled, and walked over to Renji and shocked him by sitting on top of him, their faces nearly touching. She moved her hips against him as she adjusted to a more comfortable position. Renji looked in her eyes and gently pulled her face closer, closing the space between them. From her body motions Renji could tell Rukia was implying she wanted something, something more then they had done before… It wasn't like they hadn't been physical, not at all but he knew she was a virgin—and the last thing he wanted to do was pressure her or do something to upset her, especially since they had just gotten back together that day.

****

Pulling away he moved her bang from her face, 'we're a little frisky tonight,' he said trying to gage her mood.

'That a bad thing?' she asked coyly.

'Not at all,' he replied, 'but I—'

He couldn't finish his sentence coherently as Rukia began to unbutton her blouse, revealing her silky white bra—which really did not conceal much.

Rukia knew she was being bold with her actions, but she wanted to be close to Renji, close in a very intimate way. She had never felt more ready to give herself to someone than this night. Maybe the alcohol had calmed her nerves but Rukia felt as though her mind was clear. All she could think about was how in love with Renji she was.

Her hands came down to tug at Renji's shirt pulling it off. She ran her hands up his chest and began to kiss his neck. She felt his hands on her back holding her, his breathing became rushed.

'Rukia, we don't have—'

She silenced him in the only way she knew for sure would work. She began kissing him fiercely, and he let her but only for a moment. Soon they were both fighting for dominance. Rukia let him win and slipped her hand behind her back taking off her bra. Renji must have noticed until she leaned her chest forward against his because when she did, he let out a small groan.

He kissed down her neck and let his hands off her back, moving them from her shoulders, slowly down her chest. He leaned back to be able to fully see her body. She was so breathtaking. Rukia couldn't hold back her gasps as he began to kiss in between her breasts, shuddering as his mouth enclosed around one of them.

Before she knew it, Renji was carrying Rukia upstairs to his room. Everything was off except their underwear. He laid her down gently on his bed and gently moved over top of her. He ran his hand down her face and kissed her softly.

'I love you,' he said softly to her, 'we don't have to do anything you're not comfortable with.'

Rukia smiled at him and took his hand in hers, 'I want to Renji.'

He still felt hesitant. He was scared of her hating him, or hurting her. Rukia moved up to kiss him and Renji let his worrying go aside. His hands moved their way down, removing her underwear. Rukia blushed having never revealed this part of her body to anyone before. Suddenly, she felt like holding back. But when Renji began to touch in between her thighs she relaxed in his arms again.

It felt strange at first, having him touch her in such an intimate way but after the initial discomfort Rukia found herself lost in his touches, moaning louder as he continued. Renji was losing control the more he touched her. She was so tight, and so wet her body was tempting him to pleasure her more. He felt her fingers sneak below the waistband of his boxers, pulling down. Renji quickly took them off. Rukia saw him and looked away. Sure she had felt his manhood before but to see it shocked her slightly. Maybe she wasn't ready… no everything is just new, it's different.

Renji began to rub the tip of erection against her entrance. He wanted to push in so badly. Rukia calmed down and kissed Renji deeply. 'Renji,' she said, panting slightly, 'please, I want to feel you so badly…'

The sound of her lustful voice, begging for him killed any last bit of self-restrain or doubts he had. Renji kissed her, hard and began to press himself against her. He was met with strong restraint from her muscles and slowed down, moving in cautiously.

Rukia had expected it to happen faster. She was shocked at the instant pain she felt as Renji starting to press inside of her. She bit her lip, thinking it would just be over soon, but the pain just grew causing her to let out a painful cry. Renji stopped instantly and looked at her.

'I'm sorry,' he said quietly.

'It's fine, I'm fine,' she replied. She wanted to ask if it was supposed to hurt this much…

Her eyes communicated everything. 'I don't want to hurt you,' he said softly.

'It's okay,' she insisted. Wanting him to continue.

Renji pressed himself in a little faster this time, keeping his eyes on Rukia's face to make sure he wasn't hurting her. Her muscles were so tight, completely enclosed around him. The stinging pain instantly came back to Rukia, she felt as though if he were to continue he would rip her in half. She turned her head bit her lip harder, drawing blood to prevent herself from crying out again. Renji pulled out a bit sensing her discomfort, he moved his hand to massage her gently before pressing further in again. Rukia let out a soft, yet distressful moan this time cringing away from him in pain. She didn't understand why this was hurting so badly.

****

Renji stopped instantly and moved away from her to give her a bit of space. He took hold her hand gently squeezing it to comfort her.

'It's fine,' Rukia insisted, 'I'm okay.'

Renji shook his head, 'Rukia I don't want to do this if I'm hurting you.'

Rukia nodded and although Renji wasn't 'rejecting' her, she couldn't help but feel that way. She felt unattractive, like something was wrong with her… why was her body not letting this happen? She wiped a tear hoping Renji didn't see it. He smiled at her and moved so that he had her enclosed in his arms, her head resting on his chest. 'Come here,' he said warmly, his breathing calming down, 'I love holding you like this.'

This made Rukia smile. She held Renji tighter, never before feeling so connected, or attached to someone like this before. Still she was a little disappointed, embarrassed; she had always pictured her first time being so in the moment, so easy, so painless…

Renji sensed she was worried about what had happened. He leaned over and kissed her playfully on the cheek. 'Hey beautiful.'

She laughed lightly, 'hello handsome.'

He pulled the blankets up over both of them, and held Rukia tightly against him. He loved the scent of her skin, it was intoxicating, completely overpowering him. Rukia felt safe in his strong arms. She knew now that everything would be all right, that Renji would keep her heart safe.

'I've heard from most of the graduate schools and jobs I applied for,' he said suddenly, breaking the silence.

'Oh?'

'Yeah, I've been accepted to all of them,' he told her.

'Renji that's amazing! Congratulations,' she said hugging him.

'I'm staying in England, I'm staying close to you,' he said.

'Renji you can't deny yourself opportunities because of me…'

'I'm not Rukia. I told you, I wasn't going anywhere and I'm keeping my word.'

Dear Diary,

I am the happiest girl that ever existed. I cannot begin to count my blessings in life. Things are going so well, school, Renji, family (well Ichigo is as miserable as always...). For the first time ever I feel stability, I feel excitement. I am incredibly excited about every new day life gives me. I cannot wait for the future, bring it on! I feel invincible. To think it is all because I took a risk. Falling in love with Renji was the best thing that's ever happened. I cannot believe how incredibly fortunate I am. Things couldn't possibly get any better.

Love always,

—Rukia.

%%%%%