He was in the Fade. He recognized it by the oranges and greens and the mist. An expanse of jagged rock stretched before him. And then a voice sounded in the air.
"Fenris!"
He turned, and there was Hawke, running toward him. Her arms came around him in an embrace, and he knew this wasn't real. He was dreaming again. This was not real.
"You have to get to Skyhold," she told him as she let go.
"What?" he said. This didn't make sense.
"You have to get to the Inquisitor. Tell her-"
Fenris awoke with a gasp. He lifted his head and his eyes fixed on the bag of herbs on his nightstand. He'd forgotten to take them. He'd been so exhausted from the memorial service that he'd climbed into bed without giving the herbs any thought.
He sat up and ran his face over his hands. Hawke had spoken to him. She'd said he needed to get to Skyhold, that he had to tell the Inquisitor something.
It didn't make any sense. It was a dream. What Hawke had to say… it was nonsense.
He rose and stepped to the nightstand where he gathered up the bag of herbs. But then he paused as he glanced out the window at the scar in the sky.
Hawke had tried to tell him something when he'd been on the road to Skyhold. The breach had opened, and that night he'd dreamed she'd grabbed him and her mouth had opened. But he'd woken before she could speak.
Fenris shook his head. It was madness. Hawke was dead. She wasn't trying to tell him anything.
But he sat the herbs back on the table and paced. Dreams were supposed to be a reflection of reality, were they not? What if his mind was trying to tell him something? Something about… about…
Crazy dreams where your dead girlfriend talks to you?
Fenris picked up the herbs again, but his feet wouldn't move.
What if Hawke or his mind or whatever was trying to tell him something? Should he just shut it out, try to ignore it? What happened when he ran out of herbs? What then? He couldn't ignore it forever. If the dreams didn't settle down…
He went for a run, trying to clear his head. It was still dark, and the guards on the wall were alarmed to see him there, but he ignored them. He needed to figure this out – if it was important, if it mattered, if he was just going crazy.
When he made it back to his room, exhausted and out of breath, he didn't have any answers. But that didn't stop him from taking the bag of herbs and dumping it out the window.
In the light of day, Fenris thought he might have acted too hastily. The dream had spooked him, that much was clear. But to think that Hawke might have been trying to tell him something from the grave was ridiculous. And to dump out the herbs…
Maybe he could find the herbalist again – if she was still at Skyhold. Maybe she'd agree to make him another bag. But then, he didn't have a way to pay for it or anything to trade with.
He thought perhaps Varric might agree to help, but when he found the dwarf that morning, he realized he didn't want to tell Varric about the dreams. Everything that had happened – getting him to Skyhold and the memorial service – Varric had orchestrated. What would his friend do in an attempt to help him if Fenris explained about dreams that left him rattled and shaken?
He didn't want to know. And he definitely didn't want to give Varric the opportunity.
So when he approached Varric, and the dwarf suggested he needed a proper introduction with the rest of the Inquisitor's team – "Now that you're a part of it." – Fenris didn't protest. He let Varric guide him around the castle.
His encounter with Vivienne was interesting, to say the least. Perhaps it was her lavish living area and her extravagant dress, but something about her set him immediately on edge. But then she commented on his outfit and brooding air and how he could elaborate on it to great effect. Varric was annoyed, having suggested countless times that Fenris needed to be more cheerful. But Fenris was amused. He thought he could come to like this woman.
He met Cassandra again, and if she held anything against him from the incident with Dorian, she didn't show it. Fenris liked her no-nonsense attitude and her dedication to her skill. He thought she might be a worthy sparring partner, as the Iron Bull had been. He made a note to himself to suggest it some time.
His impression of Blackwall upon seeing his living quarters was of a kindred spirit. The man had chosen a place out of the way from everyone else, and he didn't care that it happened to be a barn and was untidy. But then, Fenris knew he himself had hidden because he'd had a past to face and people to hide from. And it made him wonder what Blackwall might be hiding, though he kept his thoughts to himself.
At the tavern, he met Sera. She reminded him of a mix of Isabella, Merrill, and some form of crazy that was uniquely hers. He didn't know if he should feel endeared to her or afraid. Though, he did like what she told him of her organization, Red Jenny, which looked out for the "little people", as she put it. So maybe she wasn't so bad.
What did freak him out a bit, however, was when Varric explained about Cole.
"He's what?" Fenris asked, certain he'd heard wrong.
"A spirit from the Fade who's become human."
Fenris stared.
"It's not like with Anders," said Varric, guessing where Fenris' thoughts were going. "Cole hasn't possessed anyone. He's just… Cole."
"How can a spirit just become human?" asked Fenris.
Varric shook his head. "I don't know how it works. It just – just meet the kid. He's not that weird, I promise."
Fenris had thought he was a little strange when they'd played cards, but he'd just assumed he was touched in the head. He certainly hadn't imagined Cole was a spirit that was trying to figure out how to be human. He didn't even know what that meant. As such, he was a little apprehensive when he put out his hand for Cole to shake.
"You're… Fenris," he said as he remembered. "You lost your hawk."
"Uh, yes," said Fenris slowly. He wondered how much of the situation Cole actually understood.
"She reaches out to you." Cole told him. "But you're scared, confused. For you, it's not real."
Fenris stared at him, his eyes widening. Was Cole talking about his dream?
"Uh, Cole," said Varric. "Maybe you sh-"
But Fenris held up a hand to silence him. "What are you saying?" he asked Cole.
"Not real," said Cole, his gaze darting around the room like he was following something they couldn't see. "Can't be real. Just a dream. But you dumped out the herbs."
Fenris took a step forward. Cole was definitely talking about his dream, and seemed to know it in detail. Could Cole know somehow what Hawke had tried to tell him?
"Her eyes wide, pleading." Cole continued. "Tell the Inquisitor. Tell the Inquisitor."
Fenris stood in front of Cole now, staring at him as though his gaze alone could the make the boy's words make sense.
Cole looked up at him, their eyes meeting. "Tell the Inquisitor." He repeated.
And as Cole said the words, they took on new meaning. Hawke had told him to tell the Inquisitor something. But maybe it didn't matter so much what her specific message was, so long as something was said.
Fenris turned on his heel and fled the tavern, Varric running after him and calling for him to explain. But Fenris kept moving forward. Maybe he was crazy for following the advice of a spirit. But it was one more voice added to his own, telling him that something wasn't right. And at the moment, he was not inclined to ignore it.
"Now wait a second!" Varric called after him as Fenris approached the war room.
Fenris didn't care. He reached the double doors and pushed them open. Cullen, Josephine, Leliana, and Inan turned to look at him.
"What is the meaning of-?" Cullen started.
But Fenris held up a hand as he'd done with Varric.
"I've been having dreams about Hawke," he told the Inquisitor.
She titled her head to the side. He didn't know if that meant she was intrigued or if she wondered why he'd thought to bother her with such a thing, but he kept going.
"She was trying to tell me something last night," he explained. "Something I needed to tell you. I wouldn't have bothered you with this except that Cole-"
"Cole?" she asked, her head straightening.
"He said-" Fenris struggled. What exactly had Cole said? None of it had made much sense. "He said that Hawke was reaching out, that I needed to tell the Inquisitor…" Was it all madness? Had he just interrupted their meeting for no reason other than to prove he was crazy.
But her eyes widened and she asked him, "When did you start having these dreams?"
He thought for a moment. "After I received Varric's letter."
"And when the breach opened?" she pressed. "Did they change?"
There was no way he could forget that night when he'd fled Pryce's wagon. The look in Hawke's eyes as she grabbed his shoulders… "Yes," he told her.
"Maker." Inan breathed.
And then she was fleeing the war room and Fenris had to jog to catch up. Cullen shouted after them, but to no avail. Varric caught them in the hall as well, looking up at them and asking for an explanation, but he too went unanswered.
Fenris followed Inan to a door in the hall where she drew a key from her pocket and opened it. The door opened to an atrium – a round room that was open to the floors above it. On the walls were painted various murals in shades of black, red and cream. He was so captivated by them that it took him a moment or two or notice the books and papers that were scattered about the floor and some of the furniture that had been turned over.
"What happened here?" he asked.
Inan stepped around the table in the middle of the room, gathering the books and papers into her arms. "I had some… aggression," she told him. "That needed to be worked out." She shuffled the books and papers in her arms, then laid them on the table and stared down at them like she expected them to give her answers.
"At Adamant," she said at last. "When we were in the rift, there was a demon that blocked our way. Hawke volunteered to draw it away while we escaped." She ran a hand over her face. "I lagged behind and I – I didn't see Hawke fall, but the demon overtook her. It was coming at us."
She sighed and turned to Fenris. "I started having the dreams soon after. I thought they were just nightmares. But if you're having them too, and if she's speaking to you…"
"She spoke to you, too." Fenris realized. "She said something to you."
"She said, 'I'm here.'" Inan told him. "I thought it was just a figment of the dream but…"
She trailed off. Fenris' heart pounded in his chest. He didn't want to consider what he thought Inan was saying. Because if it was true, if they were both seeing Hawke and they weren't crazy, if it was possible even for a moment to believe…
"What if Hawke beat the demon?" Inan said at last. "What if she's been trying to communicate with us? What if she's been trying to tell us that she's still in there… alive?"
Fenris' knees gave out, and he stumbled back against the wall, leaning on to it for support. When that didn't help, he sunk to the floor.
Hawke was… alive?
"Could it be possible?" he said, more to himself than to anyone else.
"If anyone could fight that demon and live," said Varric, who Fenris hadn't noticed standing by the door. "It would be Hawke."
Fenris looked to Inan. He didn't know what to believe. He didn't want to believe. Because believing Hawke was alive and trapped in the Fade meant he could lose her all over again. "What if we're wrong?" he said. "What if we're just…?"
"I think it's more of a risk to do nothing." Inan said. "Than to try and discover we're wrong."
"Will someone please tell me what's going on?" asked Cullen who stood in the doorway, having caught up with them at last.
Inan turned to him. "I need horses and supplies gathered immediately for a journey to Adamant. Enough for the Chargers, myself, and three others. I'll explain later."
Cullen hesitated, looking from the Inquisitor to Fenris barely holding himself up on the floor to Varric who was pale beside him. "I'll… take care of it." He said, and then he was gone.
"I need time to think," said Inan, pressing her hands to her face. She returned to the table and began smoothing out the papers and books in front of her. "Maybe Solas left us something we can use. Please," she added when neither Varric or Fenris had moved.
Fenris was still in a daze. He wasn't sure he had the strength to pick himself off the floor.
At last, Varric walked over to him and offered his hands. "Come on, elf."
Fenris made it to his feet and fumbled his way out of the room until finally collapsing into a chair out in the hall.
Varric stood opposite of him. "Tell me about these dreams."
Fenris told him every dream he could remember – from watching Hawke battle demons in the Fade to the night the breach opened and Hawke had noticed him to the dream he had the night before when she'd spoken to him. It sounded like someone else's voice as he talked. His mind still reeled. Could Hawke be alive in the Fade? And if she was, if she'd been trying to reach him all this time…
Varric threw his hands in the air when Fenris finished. "If you'd told me any of this this morning, I would have said you were crazy. But hell, I think dreams are crazy on principle. But if the Inquisitor…if both of you…" He ran a hand over his face. "Do you think she could be right? Do you think Hawke could actually be…?"
Fenris didn't know. He wasn't certain of anything right now. But if Hawke was out there, if she was trapped and searching for help… and he was sitting here doing nothing…
"I need to do something, Varric." Fenris said at last. "Anything."
Varric nodded and gestured for Fenris to follow him. "Let's see if Curly needs help."
Fenris stood, and he as he walked from the hall, he felt like someone else was moving his legs, like he was sleepwalking.
Like he was in a dream.
