I had locked myself in the weapons room almost two hours ago. It was easy to override the door so that no one could get in. I just needed some space. Some time alone without my family to process everything that had happened.
Well, I set out to process everything. My plan was to go over everything that had happened since we took in all of the bionic kids and started this academy. To try and figure out where everything went wrong in an effort to avoid any more rebellions. Among other things. But instead I found myself sitting down in the far end corner of the room.
I like to think I'm pretty good at keeping my emotions in check. Most of them that is. I know I easily show my frustration and joy but when it comes to feeling sad and broken, I'm really good at hiding my emotions. Which is why, after sitting in the corner of the room for 10 minutes, I felt the first tear fall and was confused. I had never cried before. I never cried when Adam hurt me or when my family made fun of me. Not even after I found out Douglas was my real father. But here I was, sitting in the corner of the weapons room, crying.
It started with just a few tears, silently falling down my face and onto my knees that I was hugging closely to my chest. But after a few minutes I started to fully break down and silent sobs were replaced with loud, messy tears. Every time I tried to wipe the tears off my face, more just replaced them so I gave up.
I didn't realize how long I could actually cry for. I thought maybe I'd be a mess for 5 minutes, 10 tops. But here I was, almost two hours later. Still sitting in the same corner, in the same weapons room, with my legs pulled tightly to my chest and choking on painful tears. My eyes had become puffy and my nose was red. My whole face felt numb.
At one point I think I heard my family banging on the door, begging me to let them in. But it was so hard to hear over the tears. They must be so angry with me. I should not have snapped at them the way I did and I definitely shouldn't of used my bionics to push them away from me. I betrayed them. Just like...
Anyway, I think they were there for a while, but I know that now they are gone. I can't handle being around my family right now. I can't handle the disappointed looks they will give me, the hurt that will be evident in their voices as they ask me to explain the kind of relationship I had with... him.
I can't even think about his name right now. It hurts too much.
I also know that my family wants to talk about how I'm gay. Since they just found out about it in not the best circumstances. I know they will ask all those typical questions that people ask when they find out your gay. 'how long have you known?' 'Are you sure your gay? 'Are you sure that you aren't confused?' 'Why didn't you tell us?'
I honestly can't handle there stupid questions about something so simple at the moment. Not when I'm like this. Not while I'm a crying mess over a stupid boy. But then he wasn't just some stupid boy was he? No. The truth is that he was everything to me.
He was my first real best friend. He laughed at all my jokes and called me out when I was being a smug bastard. We worked together on inventions and geeked out over science. We trained together and messed with my brother together. I told him everything, even things that I shouldn't of.
He was my first boyfriend. He told me he cared about me. He held my hands and asked me to be his boyfriend. He kissed me on the forehead, the cheek, my hands. He held my hand while we were alone and told me how important I was. He always made me blush.
He was my first kiss. I will never forget the way he pull me towards him. The way his hand felt on my arm, how tight his grip was. The moment our lips met for the first time. The feeling of love that came with the kiss. He looked at me with such admiration after our first kiss. The look told me he loved me.
He told me that I was the most important person in his life. I will never forget how soft and sweet his voice sounded when he told me that. He also told me that he was going to destroy me. I will never forget the hate and anger in his voice.
The truth is that I'm in love with Sebastian Krane. The painful truth is that Sebastian Krane doesn't love me back. and I'm a broken mess because the truth hurts.
