Ch7: Caring Disguised As Hate

"Though my soul may set in darkness,
It will rise in perfect light;
I have loved the stars too fondly
To be fearful of the night."
-"The Old Astronomer" (Sarah Williams)

His eyes widened in surprise as she came at him. He backed up against the counter. Snape whipped out his wand and sent a spell at her that knocked her into the potions that had been handed in earlier. The cold dungeon floor pressing against her cheek and his wand pointing threateningly at her were effectively sobering. The mad light in her eyes died and she lost all of her frightening rage in an instant.

She sat up. There was a sharp pain in her arm that caused her to look down. A jagged shard of glass protruded at an odd angle from her flesh, imbedded deeply because she had fallen hard on it. She quickly moved to pull it out. "Allow me."

She stopped, surprised. Snape got down on her level and eased the shard out, quickly clotting and drying the blood with a wave of his wand. An awkward silence stretched out as they observed each other shrewdly. Snape seemed to be lost in thought, locked in a world of his own and unconscious of what he was doing. Renesmee noticed that he was gripping the glass rather tightly.

"Sir, you're going to-"
She broke off as the sharp edge sliced through the flesh of his palm. His eyes returned to normal as he looked with distaste down at his bleeding hand. Renesmee was frozen on the spot. There it was, that hauntingly beautiful vermilion liquid that she craved so much, whose lure was so powerful. Her vision clouded red again, this time in bloodlust.

Snape glanced up and went rigid at the look in her eyes. He raised his wand again but his hand was shaking. Faster than his eyes could follow, she had his hand held between hers. "Cullen, I believe it is in your best interests to put my hand down."

She had never before been so drawn to blood. This was like...nothing she had ever encountered before. Of course she had she smelled something ravishing, but she had not assumed that this was it.
The pupil of each eye dilated and crimson was clearly evident in her irises. She could hear his pulse skyrocket as he tried in vain to wrench his hand from her grasp. She closed her eyes, sighed, and dropped his hand. Renesmee began rocking slowly back and forth on her heels. She knew not how long she stayed like that, nor when she noticed the tantalizing aroma lesson ever so slightly, but when she opened her eyes the mess was gone and Snape was across the room watching her, his hand healed. He was tracing his lips with his pinky, black orbs watchful.

Seeing that she had returned to normal, he said, "The Headmaster is on his way." She nodded solemnly, putting her head in her hands. In a small voice, she said, "I'm sorry, sir. I was just so, so angry, and then you were bleeding..."
What he said next surprised her. "You stopped didn't you?"
"I could have killed you..."
"Yet you chose not to."

"I'm still going to be expelled though aren't I?"
Still thoughtful, he said, "Maybe not, Cullen. I might but Processor Dumbledore is exceedingly more lenient than I. Besides that, someone who has a natural talent in Potions should not be tutored by just anyone."
Renesmee laughed humorlessly. "I was about to exsanguinate you and you're concerned about my potions work?"
Snape did something that caught Renesmee completely off guard: he smirked.
"My, my Miss Cullen, what a word for someone your age to know."
"I'm not an idiot you know," she remarked.
"Aren't you? Says the one who attacked her Professor?"
The bandying ended when a knock sounded at the door. The Headmaster walked in and closed the door behind him. He looked from Snape to Renesmee, concern etched on his face. "What happened here?"

Renesmee stood up shakily, looking ridiculously like a colt. "Miss Cullen here nearly attacked me."
Dumbledore turned towards her. "Renesmee, what happened?"
Renesmee explained in detail every single thing that transpired, only hesitating when she came to the part about the draw his blood seemed to hold for her.
Seeing her reluctance, Dumbledore said, "Is there something else you need to tell me? If you don't want to say anything more, you don't have to."
Renesmee looked at him, really looked at him, and saw that he spoke the truth. Assured that he would understand her predicament, she made up her mind to tell him everything.

Haltingly, she began to explain, and as she did so she saw Dumbledore's facial expression morph into one of understanding. Glancing at Snape, she wasn't surprised to see that his was unfathomable. His black eyes were deadlocked on her. She colored slightly and looked at the floor. No one spoke for a minute. It was Dumbledore who finally broke the spell.

"Miss Cullen, as long as you can control yourself, I see no reason why you should not continue your stay here at Hogwarts. I knew what you and your family were; I simply trusted your judgments and upbringing. I am, however, glad that you confided in me." Turning to Snape he said, "Perhaps now you have a better grasp of the situation Severus?"
Snape's dark orbs held no emotion as he looked coolly between his superior and his subordinate. "Clearly," he said. Eyes focusing on Renesmee, he said, "Leave, now."

She fled from the room at a dead run and only slowed when she came to the Fat Lady. She clambered in and quietly went to her dorm, where she shut herself up on her bed and wept silently. Jacopo slithered out from underneath her pillow and twined around her ankles, pressing close in an attempt to lend her comfort. "They know, Jake, they know," she sobbed softly. "They know what I am now!"

"Who knowsss?" he spat quizzically. "Snape and Dumbledore do. They know that I'm half vampire now."
"And what hasss come of the knowledge? Are we to be sssent off now?"
"No Jacopo, for the Headmaster is a kind, caring, compassionate man and he said as long as I can control myself, I may stay."

"Then what isss there to worry over, my Lady?"
"I almost attacked Snape-I started to. When his blood spilled...Jake, I thought only full vampires had Singers. Apparently I was wrong. How am I to face him if every time I look upon his face I am reminded of how much I would like to kill him for his blood?"
"You mussst bear it, Lady. You can, for you are strong."

She lay down and slept. Every encounter with him, every class, was awkward for her. Her skills never failed her but her thirst only grew. She began sneaking into the Forbidden Forest at night to feed on wild animals. All was relatively well, though that Potter and Weasley were acting strange.

She woke up feeling as though today should mean something more than usual. She rolled over, careful not to unsettle Jacopo, who was as usual touching her somehow. What was today? A holiday, a day off, a post day, a-wait. Today was her birthday, her true twelfth birthday. A small grimace formed on her lips. Renesmee wondered what her friends would do if they knew. Like her mother, she hated getting presents or having anyone make a big fuss. She decided to play it off and act normal.

Renesmee went through her daily morning routine with everyone else. She sat at her usual spot at the house table and commenced breakfast. Glancing around, she realized that everyone was acting strange, not talking, and avoiding looking directly her. She didn't know what was going on until later, after classes, when she was ambushed in the common room by Kiku, Hermione, Maggie, and the Weasley twins, who threw her a small party and bombarded her with their gifts.

Finally stealing away, she snuck out and roamed the halls, diligently listening for sounds of pursuit. She was so caught up in ensuring escape, she wasn't paying attention as she rounded a blind corner. She slammed into something solid and warm. A familiar heady fragrance enveloped her as the man snapped impatiently, "Watch where you're going, Cullen."
Snape pushed her out of the way and strode onward.

Hermione appeared to have had a skirmish with Potter and Weasley as she was no longer speaking to them. A day or two later, a notice pinned up in the common room caught Renesmee's eye. Gryffindor was to have flying lessons with Slytherin. Even Hermione was nervous, and a boy named Neville was close to having an anxiety attack.

At three thirty that afternoon, they all set out across the grounds for the flying lesson. The day was clear and breezy and Renesmee understood at once that the weather was perfect for their intent. They headed towards the Forbidden Forest. The Slytherins were already present. There were twenty broomsticks lying on the ground at intervals in neat lines. A yellow-eyed woman with spiky grey hair appeared. "Well, what are you all waiting for?" She barked. "Everyone stand by a broomstick. Come on, hurry up."

Madam Hooch called from the front, "Stick out your right hand over your broom and say 'Up!'"
"Up!" everyone shouted. Renesmee's broom flew into her hand at once. Looking around, she noticed that Harry Potter's, Maggie's and a few others had too. Hermione's rolled over and Neville's refused to budge. They were then showed how to mount without sliding off of the end and Hooch corrected their grip.

As Madam Hooch was preparing to blow her whistle so they could try launching and landing, Neville kicked off by accident. "Come back, boy!" she shouted, but he was rising straight up continuously. At twenty feet he fell, his broomstick drifting away. Madam Hooch bent over him looking frightened and noted his broken wrist. "Come on, boy-it's all right, up you get." Turning to everyone else, she said, "None of you is to move while I take this boy to the hospital wing! You leave those brooms where they are or you'll be out of Hogwarts before you can say 'Quidditch'. Come on, dear". She took him off limping, her arm around him while he clutched his wrist. When they were out of hearing range, Malfoy started laughing madly. "Did you see his face, the great lump?" The other Slytherins sniggered along with him. "Shut up Malfoy," Parvati snapped.
"Ooh, sticking up for Longbottom?" Pansy Parkinson said. "Never thought you'd like fat little cry-babies, Parvati."

Malfoy found Neville's Remembrall and went up with it, enticing Potter with taunts. Potter then followed him into the air. They bandied back and forth before Malfoy threw it and Potter caught it after pulling off a spectacular fifty foot dive. McGonagall came out and took him away. Weasley and Parvati tried to defend him but she had none of it. They all went back inside, although Renesmee walked off a distance to call Jacopo back to her. She had let him out that morning. Renesmee decided to perambulate for lack of better plans.

She somehow ended up in the dungeons. She was surprised by how far she had strayed. She went into an empty classroom, locked the door, and sat at one of the desks. "We're alone now," she whispered in Parseltongue. Jacopo slithered out of her robes onto the desktop. "How were flying lesssonsss Reessse?" he inquired. "Complicated," she replied before explaining in detail exactly what happened. Every once in a while he would comment accordingly.
Jacopo, whose flickering gaze had been roving around the room, suddenly let out a warning hiss. Renesmee looked up only to lock eyes with Severus Snape. With a dawning sense of horror she realized that she had locked herself into the Potions classroom and that Snape had probably been in his closet the whole time, listening.

"Professor..." she began, trailing off awkwardly. "How long have you been utilizing your abilities?" he asked, staring at her in a calculating way. She told him about her first trip to Diagon Alley with Dumbledore, how she had been introduced, and about acquiring Jacopo. Jacopo was staring him down, daring him to attack his Mistress, to make one false move. Moving closer, he asked, "Cullen, how interested are you in the Dark Arts?"
Renesmee held her head high and answered unflinchingly, "I greatly enjoy them, sir. I love Potions, Transfiguration, and The Dark Arts, though not necessarily in that order."

He merely stared at her for a few minutes before he said, "Leave now," in the same monotone. She obliged, hiding Jacopo in her robes once more. Snape didn't mention the encounter or bring up their conversation.

Everything played out smoothly, until October.
Then, at Halloween, something no one expected occurred while the whole school was at the Halloween feast. A thousand live bats fluttered from the walls and ceiling while a thousand more were swooping over the tables like low black clouds which caused the lights in the pumpkins to gutter. Renesmee was just thinking of how much better she and Snape got along when Quirrell sprinted into the hall, turban askew and looking as though he might wet his pants from fright. He ran up to Dumbledore and choked, "Troll-in the dungeons-thought you ought to know." He then fainted. Chaos and havoc ensued as his words caused mass panic in the student body. Dumbledore finally got the attention of the masses and rumbled authoritatively, "Prefects, lead your Houses back to the dormitories immediately."
Percy Weasley took charge of the situation in stride. "Follow me! Stick together, first years! No need to fear the troll if you follow my orders! Stay close behind me, now. Make way, first years coming through! Excuse me, I'm a prefect!"

Renesmee remembered that Hermione didn't know about the troll, so she broke away from her huddle to turn down a deserted side-corridor. She was about to slink away when she realized that Ron and Harry were doing the same. She melted into the shadows to listen to them conversing. Assured, she was about to rejoin their House when she heard the same quick footsteps that the other two did. They hid behind a large stone griffin while she stayed where she was, almost as motionless as her vampire relatives. It was Snape, not Percy as they had all suspected. He continued on and faded from view. As soon as they went into the next corridor, listening to Snape's fading footsteps, she slipped out of her hideout. After a split second, she decided to follow Snape, for she knew he was heading towards the third floor corridor.

She ran, feet blurring, fluttering bird's heart pumping erratically. Sooner than she thought she might, she caught sight of his billowing black robes. She slowed, keeping a safe distance behind him and staying in the shadows. He came upon the door and muttered the charm that would unlock it. He went inside. She was about to follow when she noticed Quirrell lurking nearby. Upon noticing Snape, he skittered away. Renesmee felt a sense of mounting panic as vicious snarling rent the air behind the door. There was a grunt of pain accompanied by a thud that was surely a body hitting stone.

She ran to his aid, shedding her panic as she flung the door open and stepped inside. She instantly knew why this place was forbidden upon pain of death; this beast was surely a killer. Before her was a monstrous dog that filled the entire space from floor to ceiling. The beast had three heads, three pairs of rolling, rabid-looking eyes, three quivering noses, three nightmarish maws, and repulsive saliva pooling from wicked yellowish fangs. In short, it looked like a beast from hell and reminded Renesmee of Scylla in The Odyssey. Its eyes were focused on Snape, who was crumpled on the floor, his leg a bloody, mangled mess. The yellow fangs of one head were tinged scarlet with his blood. As he tried to fight off one head, the other snapped at his throat while the third tore at his leg again.

He moaned as he tried to raise his wand a fraction to curse Cerberus' uglier twin. Renesmee hissed and brought out her own wand. She already had in her possession books with more advanced spells to sate her thirst for learning. She thought of all of them, shooting the first one that came into mind. "Incendio!"She cried, aiming at one of its noses. A flash of satisfaction hit her as the creature yelped and the smell of burnt flesh filled the room. The dog pawed at its nose in an attempt to smother the flames licking hungrily at the unprotected flesh.

Renesmee used the opportunity to grab Snape by his shoulders and drag him out. She slammed the door closed behind them just in time. The dog from hell was barking savagely and snuffling angrily at the door. She and Snape were both lying on the floor panting harshly. Sweat glistened on his greasy temple as he sat up. He suddenly looked furious. "Cullen!" he snarled. "You will speak of this to no one, do you hear me?"
"Loud and clear Professor," she remarked coldly, leaning against the wall. "You're so welcome. Glad you're fine," she spat venomously. His thin lips twisted into a smirk. "So good of you to comprehend so quickly, Cullen. Now leave me."

Despite the fact that this was Snape, Renesmee felt a twinge of worry at leaving him here, alone and bleeding. "Sir-"
"Go!" he hissed, emphasizing how much he wanted her gone in that one syllable. She stood up and dusted herself off. She began to walk away. After a pace or two she spun around and said cruelly, "Great, next time I won't bother. Also, maybe you should wash your hair, you great overgrown bat."
She turned and pelted away back to the commons room and her dorm, where she cried herself to sleep with Jacopo wrapped around her chest, his head over her heart as he whispered comforting words to her. Her tears represented caring disguised as hate. How was she to know that Snape's actions symbolized the exact same thing? How was she to know that he cared for her, too, and that she was his only almost-friend since Lily Potter? How was she to know that his biting words that hurt like hellfire were meant to hurt, so she would go where she belonged, with the other students, safe and out of harm's way? That he was angry that she had seen him reduced to a weak, vulnerable position he was ashamed to be in and because she had risked her life for him? No, she didn't know, couldn't, because that would destroy him, and he had enough problems.