This is the ending, kitten's. I know it's a rather short series, only eight chapters, but I don't want to drag it out forever either. I also want to finish now so that I don't keep you all waiting for more, lol. Consider it my Christmas present to you. :]
I hope you subscribe to me, because I'm thinking of doing a one shot sequel to this about Lily telling Sirius that Harry is his baby. It'd be an alluring piece to write, would it not? Haha. You should subscribe now so you can find out. ;]
Lily's POV.
[X]
The choices I make aren't going to be the ones I forever please myself with. The choices that are going to be coming are, surely, not going to be the ones that I will forever remember. The choices that I've made in the past will haunt me forever, something I wish I had never done that will always be stuck with me, no matter what happens. The choices I make, the choices everyone makes, are choices that will forever be stuck with us, past, present, and future.
I am not ashamed of what happened between myself and Sirius. That night…that is the night that I will forever treasure the most. Mine and James's first night together was more romantic, more beautiful, I admit, but my night with Sirius will always be forever my most favorite. I love James, don't get me wrong, I always have. My love with Sirius, though, was just so true. We were caught up in the moment. We were being teenagers. I'm sure the child growing inside of me now will do the same thing. I hope that the woman he makes love to though won't have to be forced to walk away from him. I'll be sure to pass that message along to him. I couldn't stand to be the reason that woman gets her heart broken. I know what it feels like to lose one of the people you love most.
I haven't been with James or Sirius (physically) in a month and three days. I'm pregnant. I tested positive a night before James and I made love for the first time. I know it's Sirius's. I still have his note. I will carry out his wishes not matter what it is. Maybe it is James's. I think I'll just lie to myself and let everyone around me believe it.
We are graduation from Hogwarts in a few days. I'm going to miss the castle. James and I are already engaged, a wedding to be in place a few months after we get out of school. James already has a job as an Auror, me as a Healer. I'm proud to say that we already have our lives in place, a family on the way as well. He doesn't know it yet, but I'm going to tell him tonight. It will make him happy, seeing as they also just won the Qudditch Cup. Gryffindor is just full of surprises this last year.
"James," I took his arm and pulled him away from the cheering party, "I need to tell you something."
He followed me happily up the stairs to his dorm, a sloshing cup of butterbeer in his hand. He placed it down on his trunk when we entered his room. I walked over and sat down on his trunk. He stood in front of me, waiting for me to speak. I took a deep breath and looked up at him, smiling happily. It was a happy smile, yes.
Remember, Lily, it's the truth now. You're lying to yourself and to him, I thought as I spoke,
"I'm pregnant, James."
"What?" he crowed, his face breaking into a beaming smile. I jumped up, his excitement rubbing off on me. He picked me up and spun me around the room, laughing in my ear,
"Darling, that's amazing."
"Can you believe it, James? It's so perfect. We've already got a baby along the way. A real family," I beamed at him again, "It's like our plan is just falling right into place."
"Can I add one more step to the plan?" he whispered in my ear, hugging me close. I nodded, happy to have his arms around me. He spoke softly in my ear, "Sirius should be it's godfather. He's been so supportive of our relationship. He was so sure we would get together. Don't you think we owe him that, Lils?" I swallowed the lump in my throat so I could speak,
"Yeah, he should. He does deserve it."
"I thought so, too. I know you think he's a real arse, Lily, but really he's a great guy. He'll be ecstatic," James kissed my tenderly.
"One more thing," I whispered against his lips before he could pull back, "If it's a boy, I want to name him Harry."
[X]
Our little one year old son was flying around on the broom at his first birthday party. I stood next to Sirius, laughing, as James chased the giggling boy around the room. The cat streaked between James's legs and up the stairs as it ran from Harry's new toy of destruction.
"Thanks, Sirius," I smiled over at him, "Harry's going to love it."
"Anytime. As my godfather, I find it a privilege to be able to give him things that will drive you and that demon cat up the wall," he winked at me. I laughed again and turned my attention back to James and Harry.
"Isn't our son beautiful?" I whispered, where only Sirius could hear me. I felt his hand on my lower back. I tried not to lean into him, but it wasn't working so well. I only hoped James wouldn't notice. Sirius was an arse, yes, but he was my arse. My lovely, wonderful, pain.
"He's grown up a lot. I hope Voldemort doesn't get any of you anytime soon. I really want to see him grow up. You know, Lily, he looks a lot like me," he whispered in my ear as we watched James charm things to the floor now, giving up on the chase.
"Yes, I suppose I should consider myself lucky that you and James happen to look so much alike," I did consider myself lucky. Man, I would have been screwed trying to explain to James why Harry looked like Sirius instead of him. The dog would have been out of the bag for sure.
"A secret I'm taking to the grave," Sirius muttered to me, "I don't want anyone to know. Do you forget sometimes that he's my son?"
"I do. But the second you walk in that door and I see Harry go running to hug you, I remember," I admitted, not feeling that bad. He knew I forgot, anyway. I was always just so happy with James. Sirius sounded a little smug when he answered me,
"I told you back in seventh year that you would be able to forget about me."
I nodded, not knowing what else to say. James turned his back to us to charm something else down and Sirius quickly pecked me on the lips. I took an uneasy step away from him, not having kissed him since the end of my seventh year in Hogwarts. It was a different thing then kissing James. I wasn't sure if I liked it or not.
"I still love you," he whispered, his eyes full of longing and pain. I felt my heart stop as I looked up at him and whispered,
"I love you too, but not in the same way. I let you go like you told me too. Now you should release me."
"I wish I could. It is far easier said then done," he gave me a sad smile and I felt my heart ease a little. Good, I wasn't the only one who couldn't unearth the same love that we had felt so long ago.
"I wish I could help you, Sirius," I mumbled as Harry flew around the table, screaming and laughing his little head off. He sighed and took a step back, the small distance between us suddenly seeming huge,
"I wish I could feel the same as I always had."
James, smiling like he just won the war, came walking back over to me. He put his arm around my waist and kissed me softly and slowly until Sirius cleared his throat loudly. I made a face. And the arse Sirius returns. James laughed and looked up at him,
"Sorry, mate, just can't help myself."
A secret I was taking to the grave.
