ACT II
SCENE 1
Lights come up on an open field. Sunflowers are everywhere. Dorothy and her group are lazily crossing from stage right to stage left.
DOROTHY
This is horrible. I could never hurt anyone. I felt so sick when I saw that other witch. I wish we could leave the wicked witch of the west alone. But if we do that I'll never get home.
SCARECROW
And I'll never have a brain.
TIN MAN
And I'll never get a heart.
LION
And I'll never be courageous. Oh I'm so scared. How are we ever going to do this?
DOROTHY
I don't know. Oh, why did the Wizard give us such a hard task? How do you kill a witch?
SCARECROW
We'll think of something. I just know we will.
Dorothy's group leaves stage left as Toto's group enters stage right.
BRAIN
The records are quite clear on the subject.
COURAGE
There is no way that you read about this.
BRAIN
It was a phase, when I went through a mild depression during sophomore year. The medical community has a number of similar case files on the topic of depression. The desperate lack of focus often leads to unusual activities. Mine constituted the study of witches.
TOTO
Wild. I can't believe you were ever depressed.
HEART
Anyone who denies the experience is hiding even more.
COURAGE
That pathetic fool, the Lion, has been depressed most of his life.
BRAIN
Can we please return to the subject at hand? The point I'm making is that no witch has ever been killed, in the strictest sense of the word.
TOTO
Until the other day that is. Remember I told you about the house in Munchkin land.
COURAGE
There you go. It can be done. What's the hold up?
BRAIN
The other day was a mistake. It was not possible.
COURAGE
Never speak to me of the impossible.
HEART
True beauty exists in the moments after the impossible has been made possible.
TOTO
How's that?
BRAIN
Will everyone listen! In ages past, witches were replaced, not killed. A young, vibrant, confident witch could absorb the powers of an elderly witch.
COURAGE
Too easy. All we need is a young witch. (pause) Hey, maybe Dorothy's a witch?
HEART
She's too pretty for a witch.
COURAGE
What about Glenda and the Witch of the South?
HEART
Ah, good point. They are both enticing women.
TOTO
Dorothy is not a witch. No way. Not possible. She's just a kid. If she had any powers, she would have left home long ago.
BRAIN
This would explain the other day... No, it was too random... Besides, even if Dorothy were a witch, she would most definitely be too weak to overpower the Wicked Witch of the West. No. We need a realistic plan. One that doesn't rely on fantasies.
TOTO
Wait, I thought you said it was impossible.
COURAGE
We could take her in a straight fight, no problem. I only need a minute to lay her out.
HEART
Wait, who said anything about fighting?
COURAGE
How else are we going to defeat her?
HEART
Talk? (Courage laughs) Look, I'm not a fighter. I can't do it.
COURAGE
Wimp.
HEART
Call me what you want, but I cannot condone the murder of a living being. Doesn't she have a right to life? Shouldn't she be allowed to experience the wonder of this world?
COURAGE
She's an evil, cold-hearted witch. Everyone in Oz is miserable because of her.
TOTO
Should we give up our happiness to allow her to continue tormenting others?
HEART
I don't see why not. Suffering is a part of the life experience. It allows you to see what is truly important.
COURAGE
You pathetic loser.
HEART
Speak for yourself. At least I'm not wasting my life picking fights with weaklings to make myself feel better.
COURAGE
No, you spend your time pining for a lost love, not doing a single thing about it.
BRAIN
This course of debate is not productive. We need a plan. We need a method for achieving the impossible.
TOTO
Call me crazy, but I think I'm beginning to agree with Heart. What right do we have to take her life?
COURAGE
What of her threats to kill us?
TOTO
That gives us the right?
BRAIN
That may not give us the right. However, the courts have agreed over the years that violence in the act of self-defense is an acceptable rationale.
COURAGE
Why are we even talking about this? It's clear what we need to do. If you and Dorothy want to get home, we have to take this witch out.
HEART
Nope, nope, not good enough. So what if you never get home? Oz is a wonderful place. Every day I discover more beauty in the smallest detail and the grandest expanse. What can Kansas offer to top this?
TOTO
Kansas isn't perfect, but it's the only home I have. I could actually take it or leave it, to be honest, but Dorothy would have a tough time adjusting. She's just a kid. She's not ready for the responsibility of being out on her own.
HEART
Well then, who's saying the Wizard knows the only way out? There have to be other ways back to Kansas. Come on Brain, this is where all that book learning should be paying off.
BRAIN
I'm certain you will all find this hard to fathom, but I do not know. None of the books I've read ever hinted at a land titled Kansas. The Wizard may be our only available avenue of information.
COURAGE
How much clearer can this be? We need to go forward. We need the witch gone. If not, no Kansas and no Mary.
HEART
Mary. My lovely Mary.
COURAGE
Yeah, that's what I'm talking about. Now you remember why you're here. Are you willing to lose the love of your life for your principles? Are you willing to spend the rest of your life alone and miserable because you're too scared to hurt someone?
TOTO
Okay, now you're playing rough. Just leave the guy alone.
COURAGE
No. I want him to hear the truth. Life isn't so easy. You don't always get everything you want. Tough choices have to be made.
HEART
(pauses to think about it)
Yes, I would. I would rather sacrifice my own happiness than sacrifice a beautiful creature.
COURAGE
Liar!
HEART
If you had any principles, you'd understand.
COURAGE
Don't insult me kid. You don't want me roughing you up.
HEART
I'd like to see you try. I'm beginning to think you are pure bravado with no umph to back it up.
COURAGE
(gets in Heart's face)
Why you...
TOTO
(breaks up Heart and Courage)
Will you stop it! This isn't helping. We need to focus so we can figure out what to do.
HEART
I know my course of action.
COURAGE
You don't know the meaning of the word action.
BRAIN
(raises her hand)
I know. Action is...
COURAGE
Just shut up, will you.
HEART
I will embark on a search for my lovely Mary on my own. The debt I'd owe the Wizard for his help is too much for me to handle.
Heart distances himself from the rest of the group.
COURAGE
What's your story, Toto?
TOTO
(glances at Heart)
I'm going to follow Dorothy. Make sure she's safe. But, I will not fight the witch.
COURAGE
What if you have to? What if there's no other way?
TOTO
I will find a way. This fight isn't me. This isn't my fight.
COURAGE
Oh, what a waste. Brain, what about you? Don't tell me you're out too?
BRAIN
I'm finding it hard to think, which is strange for many reasons. The problem is certainly perplexing. For research purposes alone we should continue. We could sustain a career based on the results of this project. Recognition and respect would grow with each article published in the journals. However, I must admit that Heart makes an interesting point. Would it not be better if we were our own remedy for our problems instead of relying on the unsubstantiated genius of a mysterious wizard? Where is the proof that the entity behind that booming voice will actually be able to help us? Why are we following the edict of a man without any credentials to support his claim? We have all of the necessary elements right here to breathe life into our dreams without his help.
COURAGE
You disappoint me. All of you. You really do. We could have done something great here, something worth while. Only the lucky few get a chance like this. And you want to toss it away. We can be heroes. Instead you want to remain losers. We can be revered for all time by the citizens of Oz. You want to be ignored. We can be immortalized. You're pathetic. This is fame we're talking about. Adoration by the masses. Don't you understand that? What more could you possibly want? Ah, forget it. Forget you.
The foursome split up even more with Courage in the center of the stage shaking her head and mumbling to herself. Noises are heard off-stage. Dorothy screams and monkey sounds are heard.
DOROTHY
(off stage)
Leave me alone! Stop it! Help!
LION
(off stage)
Oh, I'm so scared.
TIN MAN
(off stage)
There are too many of them. We don't stand a chance.
SCARECROW
(off stage)
Ouch. Stop picking at me.
DOROTHY
(off stage)
Help, Toto, help!
TOTO
(reacts instantly)
I'm coming.
COURAGE
Yes! A fight. It's about time.
Courage follows Toto off stage.
TOTO
(off stage)
Let her go, now!
COURAGE
(off stage)
Put 'em up monkey boy.
BRAIN
(pacing nervously)
Do you think it prudent to enter the fray? I've read a few articles on the winged monkey psyche. Perhaps we could help.
HEART
I told you I don't want to fight.
BRAIN
No, you said you had no desire to kill the witch. This is entirely different. We would be helping our friends defend themselves.
HEART
Renaming an event does not redefine it. This is not my battle. It may be yours, but leave me out of it.
BRAIN
Don't you have any courage?
HEART
Don't you?
BRAIN
Well... Um... You see...
HEART
If you did, you'd already be helping.
BRAIN
See that's the thing... I want to help, really I do. But I've read the reports. The nature studies were excruciatingly arduous affairs that often ended in bloodshed. Flying monkeys are normally very passive, but when provoked you better stand clear. Those claws...Those teeth... Those wings...As a species they are mesmerizing. Did you know they have hollow bones? Their power to weight ratio is incredible. It gives them quite an advantage in the struggle for food. Did you also know...
HEART
Stop already. You've answered my question and you don't even realize it. You will stay here and not do anything at all. You will fret and worry and attempt to explain your actions, but in the end, you will do exactly what you propose not to do. By the time you think about the problem and talk about the problem, you won't have any time left to act on the problem. You will avoid the fight in your own way. At least have the guts to admit it.
BRAIN
You think you know everything, don't you? You think you have it all figured out. You love the world so much you don't want to destroy it. But you also don't want to do anything to protect it. Our friends are in trouble. Don't you want to help them? (Brain pauses) What if Mary was the one in trouble?
HEART
Do not drag Mary into this conversation.
BRAIN
What are you going to do, stop me?
HEART
(turns his back on Brain)
This conversation is over.
BRAIN
No it isn't. If Mary was in trouble, would you let her fend for herself? (Heart glares at Brain) I understand the logic now. Love conquers all, even principles. However, friends are another story.
HEART
Will you stop talking already? If you want to help, go help. Stop bothering me with words I don't want to hear.
BRAIN
Oh, I'm going. You can stay and wallow in your principles.
Brain heads off stage, but runs into Courage who is returning from stage left. Courage is exhausted.
BRAIN
Watch it.
COURAGE
(out of breath)
Where were you? Did you not see the fight?
BRAIN
I was planning to join you.
COURAGE
Doesn't matter. You missed everything. It was brutal. My lion was beat to a pulp. Your scarecrow didn't fare any better. He lost tons of straw.
BRAIN
How could he not? The numbers don't lie. A lion, mind you, should hold his own against a handful of flying monkeys. But not a scarecrow. He might have a fighting spirit, but he has no strength.
COURAGE
And I lost track of the Tin Man's dents. He looked like a crumpled piece of paper.
HEART
Oh, how could they be so cruel? Do they abhor beauty? Do they only desire destruction? How can I love someone who only causes me agony?
COURAGE
You can't, that's for certain.
HEART
We need to find help. The victims of this battle need to heal.
BRAIN
Superb idea. There is a small village a few hours walk from here. They are known in the history books for their generosity.
COURAGE
I'd love to help, but we'd have to find everyone first.
BRAIN
What do you mean? What happened?
COURAGE
What happened is that the monkeys tore through us without any resistance. They knocked me to the ground like I wasn't even there. By the time I got back up they were carrying everyone away to the west.
BRAIN
Toto?
COURAGE
Yep.
HEART
And sweet little Dorothy?
COURAGE
Didn't I say every one?
BRAIN
What do we do now?
COURAGE
Isn't it obvious? We go after them. Now!
HEART
I still detest the notion of fighting.
COURAGE
I don't care anymore. It's going to take all of us to rescue them so you're coming with us. You can squirm in the background when the action starts if you want. I don't care.
HEART
But...
COURAGE
But nothing. Everyone you care about is now a prisoner of the Wicked Witch.
BRAIN
Except Mary.
COURAGE
Yeah, whatever. Look, you don't have to fight the witch herself, but so help me if I'm going to let you stay here. If you don't, you'll hate yourself forever.
HEART
I couldn't live with myself if hate ever bound my soul.
COURAGE
That better be a yes. Let's go.
BRAIN
Wait.
COURAGE
What is it now?
BRAIN
We need a plan of action. This is a complex and improbable undertaking. If we...
COURAGE
The plan is, we fight our way in, rescue everyone and fight our way out. End of plan.
BRAIN
You're kidding, right? That plan is almost laughable. The great strategists would think you an idiot. There are only three of us, against a potential army.
COURAGE
Fine. What do you suggest?
BRAIN
(pauses)
Well, as I see it...
Fade To Black
