Change of Heart
Merlin couldn't believe how it had got so bad so fast. They had reached the outlying villages of Caerleon's capital just before sundown the next day. What followed next had reminded him too vividly of the many sieges on Camelot.
"Take the villages," Agravaine had proclaimed while Arthur had been sitting motionless on his horse next to him. There had been no prohibition of plundering. The Knights had exchanged uneasy looks but it had been too late. The order had already been handed down at the usual speed.
Merlin and the others had been pushed along as Camelot's army had started its assault on the village before them. Merlin had stayed close to Arthur and had tried to keep him out of harm's way while at the same time trying to keep an overview over the battle. Most villagers had started to flee their homes and run for their lives. Around him, barns, stables, cottages, and houses had been devoured by flames. It had been a nightmare. Merlin had lost all sense of time.
Then, long after night had fallen upon them, they reached the last of the villages. While the destruction and plundering had gone on with undiminished force, Arthur and Merlin had been separated from their main force.
"Arthur, we should..." Merlin had started but at that moment, Arthur's horse had suddenly reared up.
A little girl had been standing in front of him. In tears, shaking, and with an expression of utter horror in her eyes. Merlin knew that expression well. He had seen it on the faces of the little children back when Kanen had attacked Ealdor and again when Morgana's troops had devastated the lower town. He had, however, never expected Arthur to be the cause for it. Arthur had been petrified. He and the girl had stared at each other until finally, a female villager, probably her mother, had grabbed the girl's arm and pulled her away. But this brief encounter had a profound effect on Arthur, Merlin could tell from his distraught look and his shaking voice.
"We should head back," was all he had said.
Back at the camp, Arthur had retired with his uncle to probably discuss their plans for the next day. Nobody else had been asked to join them.
Merlin remained outside with the Knights near the fire.
"Anyone else not liking where this is going?" Elyan asked after a while. The events of the night had taken their toll on all of them. Merlin saw how perturbed they all were by what they had seen that day.
"We should trust Arthur to make the right decision. He is our king and our friend. He wouldn't take his responsibilities lightly," Leon remarked.
"No, he wouldn't. But I'm not sure he is able to make the right decision. Not when ... a certain someone ... you know," Gwaine replied cautiously.
"He'll figure it out eventually," Merlin stated with more conviction than he felt. He still wasn't able to shake off the memory of the girl's terrified look.
Lancelot had followed their hushed conversation silently. In the corner of his eye, he saw Agravaine leaving Arthur's tent.
"We should go and talk to him," Lancelot murmured.
As they purposefully entered the tent, Arthur was sitting at his makeshift desk studying some maps. He looked up curiously.
"Percival?"
"Sire," Percival replied hesitantly. He was not a man of many words and it was obvious that he felt uncomfortable.
"Well?"
After a prolonged pause, Elyan said: "We just want you to know there isn't a man among us who would not die for you. We made our pledge, and we wear the Pendragon crest with pride. But today, we have fought because you told us to. Not because..." He looked to the others for help.
"Not because we think what we did was right," Lancelot admitted meekly. "And I... we don't believe that you think that either."
Merlin could see that his words touched Arthur deeply. He was clearly disturbed.
"We are your friends, Arthur," Gwaine continued. "And being friends means that you can tell your friends the truth."
"It also means that we are there for you when you need us. We wanted you to know that, sire," Leon said.
Arthur made no attempt to answer. He just sat there lost in thought.
Then he finally spoke: "I thank you for your honesty. I means a lot to me. And I promise you I will think thoroughly about what you said to me. We'll meet again tomorrow and discuss what we should do next."
"Good night, sire," Leon said as he ushered the others outside. Merlin stayed behind.
"They care for you, Arthur. As do I."
"I know. And I wonder if I deserve your friendship."
There was a long pause before Arthur spoke again: "The way that girl looked at me... it chilled me to the bone. I don't want to be that guy. I don't want children to be afraid of me. I don't want anybody to fear me. Respect, yes, but not fear." Merlin heard the despair in his voice.
"It is not too late to change the course, Arthur. You can still try and make a peace with Caerleon."
"After what I have done?" He sounded doubtful.
"It is better to stop late then to never correct one's course," Merlin said and he realised that this was also true for him.
Arthur smiled for the first time this night. "Sometimes you say things, Merlin, that don't sound stupid at all. One might be fooled into thinking that you are not an idiot."
"Thanks for the compliment, I guess," Merlin returned the smile. But he got serious again quickly. "So what will you do?"
"I'll offer Caerleon a truce and hope he is impressed enough by what we did here today to accept it."
The next morning almost compensated Merlin for the traumatic events of the previous day. Arthur was a changed man. Very much to Agravaine's displeasure as Merlin happily noted. Arthur had sent out some messengers to convey his petition for negotiation and within an hour, Arthur and his delegation of knights met with Caerleon's queen and her delegation on neutral ground between Caerleon and Camelot's camp.
"My husband is indisposed," Queen Annis stated as the delegations met.
"I am sorry to hear that. But if you have the authority to negotiate this truce, I suggest we proceed anyway," Arthur replied indicating a small bow.
"Very well. What are your terms, King Arthur?" she said returning his gesture.
"You will withdraw your army from my territory, return any village you have seized under my command, and refrain from any kind of attack in the future. In return, I and my men will withdraw as well. We can live in peace."
"Tell me, Arthur Pendragon, why are you offering this truce? You have impressively demonstrated your power on our villages yesterday. You might even have succeeded in capturing our capital. So why talk of peace? Your father would not have done that. "
"Because I am not my father." Merlin's heart jubilated as he heard Arthur say these words. "Because it's not victory I seek. It is peace. I hope that today will mark a new beginning for our kingdoms."
"There is something about you, Arthur Pendragon. Something which gives me hope for us all." After a small pause, she continued: "We have reached an agreement. And you may rest assured that I shall comply absolutely with the terms of our agreement. Our men will be withdrawn by nightfall tomorrow."
"Thank you, Your Highness."
Queen Annis held out her hand and Arthur grasped it. The knights and Annis's delegation broke into applause and jubilation.
Camelot had prepared them a worthy welcome. People were lining the streets, throwing flowers before them, and chanting "Long live the king!" Merlin could see how Arthur enjoyed these demonstrations of sympathy. Merlin was satisfied with the result of this little episode. It could have gone better, but he was convinced that Arthur was on a good way at last.
He also knew that Morgana and Agravaine would not tire in their efforts to bring about Arthur's downfall but for the time being, he had decided to stop worrying.
Instead, he visited Kilgharra and Aithusa.
"You've done well, young warlock. But Arthur's time of trial has only just begun. He needs you at his side more than ever," Kilgharrah greeted him as he met them at a clearing.
"What is Morgana going to do?"
"I do not know, Merlin. But I know that if you do not find a way to stop her, then nobody will. It is your destiny. Have faith in it."
And Merlin tried his best not to doubt his destiny though he couldn't help but to remember how it had betrayed him on the fields of Camlann. He sighed heavily and Aithusa hopped to him looking at him with her big golden eyes. Affectionately, he patted her cute little head and smiled. She cooed happily and curled up in his lap. Absent-mindedly, Merlin continued stroking her while thinking about how things had changed in Camelot. He thought about Arthur who despite the hardship he had been through was growing to become the king Merlin had come to see in him; about Lancelot and Gwaine who knew of his magic. It still felt strange to have someone who was not Gaius to talk to. The peaceful scene was suddenly disturbed as Lancelot came rushing into the clearing. Alarmed Merlin looked up, while Aithusa jerked up and hiding behind him.
"Lancelot? What's wrong? Has something happened to Arthur?" Merlin asked worriedly.
Panting Lancelot replied: "No, everyone's fine. But Arthur's looking for you. It seems important, he said if you didn't come within half an hour, he would personally lead a search party and drag you home at your ear. So I thought I'd better make sure he doesn't have to do that."
"Thanks, Lancelot. We'd better hurry then."
Waving his good-byes to Kilgharrah and Aithusa, Merlin and Lancelot made haste to return to Camelot.
"Where have you been?" Merlin was greeted by an impatient Arthur.
"Gathering herbs for Gaius. What's so urgent?" Merlin changed the subject before Arthur could reproach him further.
Arthur seemed to feel uncomfortable all of a sudden. Merlin raised an eyebrow in suspicion.
"I need you to do something for me" he said ominously.
Carefully placing his palms on her eyes, Arthur guided Gwen into his room which was illuminated by a hundred candles. He led her to the middle where damask red rose petals had been strewn across the floor. He had to admit that Merlin had done a very good job at this.
"Now keep your eyes shut one more moment" he said softly. Then he took his hands from her face and went to face her dropping to his knee and taking her hand.
"May I open them now?" Gwen asked impatiently.
"Yes you may."
As she opened her eyes, she looked around excitedly. Taking in the candles and Arthur kneeling before her, she startled overwhelmed.
"Arthur..."
"Guinevere, please hear me out first. I am not asking you as King of Camelot. I am asking you as just a man who begs you to love him."
"I am not a princess, Arthur."
"I know that and I don't care. I just want you. You are my inner light, Guinevere, you remind me that there's more to life than struggle. You had faith in me when I had lost it. I need your strength to help me take on the burdens that still lie before me – as my Queen by my side; as my lover, my friend, my advisor. I never loved another but you, Guinevere. I ask for your hand. Take my heart, it always belonged to you and so it shall until the end. Will you do me the honour of becoming my wife?"
Gwen covered her mouth with her left hand and tried to fight back the tears that were persistent to be shed. But these were tears of joy.
"Oh Arthur! Of course, I will be your wife! I love you, Arthur! There is nothing in the whole world I could want more."
Arthur's face broke into a huge grin. With wobbly knees he stood up and enfolded her in his arms. For so long they had been fighting to be together and now they finally were.
"Nothing will ever manage to tear us apart now, Guinevere, I swear" he whispered as he ran his hand through her long brown curls taking in her lovely scent of almonds and rose petals.
This moment was perfect in every way. Both Arthur and Gwen remained standing in each other's embrace barring the world that would too soon try to nag at their complete happiness. But not now. Everything that was important now was that they had each other and they both lingered in this moment knowing that together they would face anything.
"I don't know what the future holds for us. But for the first time since I became king, I know in my heart I've made the right decision," he whispered tenderly.
Author's note: I really struggled with this chapter because as I stated in the previous chapter I wanted to retain his emotional journey. I didn't want him to murder anybody but I thought that he had to see a pretty harsh consequence of his decisions for him to realise that he needed to be himself. So I came up with this alternative (I'm not totally convinced but it's the best I can do for this episode, so I decided to put it out there and move on, if that is all right with you ;-) ). I also have pulled forward Arthur's proposal to Gwen for two reasons: firstly, I wanted to have something nice to end this chapter and secondly, I didn't buy Arthur listening to Agravaine on that. He and Gwen have been through too much for him to just give up on her and I thought that once he realised he had to stay true to himself, he would ask her to become his wife. Also I hope you liked the little fluff-scene with Aithusa. There'll be more Aithusa, I promise.
So, thanks for keeping on reading and reviewing! It means a lot to me.
