ACT THREE
Scene D
FROM BLACK:
INT. THE JEAN GREY SCHOOL MEDICAL CLINIC, SALEM CENTER, NEW YORK – NIGHT
Cece hated reality television. Especially now that it had become a little too real. This was worse than Jersey Shore; she now was watching someone (she kinda sorta might have feelings for) get tortured on intergalactic television. Cecelia left the room just after Remy nearly took a spill off the side of a cliff. No one seemed to recognize the horrifying danger Remy was in, or perhaps they didn't care. Cecelia had a small mean thought: she was glad Rogue had been taken too, otherwise the X-Men might have ditched Gambit in Murderworld and there'd be nothing at all Cece could do about it. Never had she felt so completely helpless in a situation. She had absolutely nothing to offer. She could do one thing and she could do it well.
Cecelia walked down the hall to the medical clinic. The doctor side of her checked Exodus' vitals. The vengeful side of her wished to smack him upside the comatose head with the medical chart. Exodus was laying on the bed covered in a sheet. She looked at his stupid face. Cyclops had said he'd be sending someone to come retrieve Exodus and return him to a cell where he belonged. Cecelia hoped it would be soon, otherwise she might strangle him. Exodus had a few belongings which had been carelessly cast to the floor. Cecelia picked them up now.
She bent and picked up the heap of white fabric from the floor. Seriously, who wore a cape? Cecelia thought for a moment. Okay, Magneto, she guessed. She folded the cape over her arm and placed it in a nearby chair. Exodus had to have the most ridiculous getup in the history of mutant villains. She crouched to retrieve his tunic. She picked it up by the shoulders and shook it out. Something dropped to the floor. It was gold and shiny and rolled across the linoleum tiles. Cecelia dropped the tunic and squatted to retrieve the object from where it had rolled under the bed. It was a gold coin. She held it in her hand for a moment. It looked very much like the coin that Hank and Kitty were dismantling. She thought to bring it to them. There as a face imprinted on the coin; a big fat disgusting face. Cecelia mashed her thumb down on it.
A golden rectangle of light appeared before her. Cecelia quickly stood. It looked to be some kind of doorway. Cautiously, Cecelia stuck her index finger into the light. With her shield protecting her, she didn't worry about her finger getting spontaneously chopped off or anything. She retracted her finger and looked at it. It appeared normal. Cece crept closer to the glowing portal, her face inches from the glowing surface. She took a breath and closed her eyes and then pressed her face into the light.
When she opened her eyes, she saw the bright interior of a room that looked like one of those lotion and fragrance shops; only that there were body parts hanging from the ceiling or heaped into dump bins. There were smaller baskets of eyeballs, fingers, noses, and...other bits. There were also two large metal tables in the center of the room. Cecelia took in the surroundings. On the farthest wall was a large bank of monitors, each playing a different show. Someone was sitting in a chair in front of those monitors. The chair turned slowly. Now the occupant faced in Cecelia's direction. The figure was a fairly tall, muscular woman with silver hair. She had broad shoulders, a silver-clad bust, powerful legs, and six-yes, six arms. One of her six hands was holding a bag of cheese curls. Another hand delivered a cheese curl to her mouth and as she chewed, she looked at Cecelia thoughtfully.
Spiral swallowed. "Who're you?" she asked.
Hesitantly, Cecelia stepped through the doorway and into the shop. "Cecelia," she answered.
"Cecelia?"
"Cecelia Reyes."
Spiral's brow furrowed. "What kind of name is that?"
Cecelia blinked at her. "It's...well, spanish."
"No, I mean, what kind of name is that to call yourself? Don't you have some kind of-I don't know...alias? Code name or something?"
Cecelia shook her head. "Nope."
Spiral brushed flecks of orange powder off her leg. "What do you do?" she asked.
"I'm a doctor," Cecelia told her.
Spiral waved one of her many hands. "Nononono...what do you do, mutant ability-wise? Are you a mutant? You don't look like a mutant. Not an interesting one anyway."
"I am a mutant," Cecelia admitted. "But I don't really define myself that way."
"Well what's your power?" Spiral asked.
"I can generate a forcefield."
"Does it look cool?"
Cecelia shrugged. "It doesn't look like anything."
"That's boring," Spiral said. "Why are you wearing that horrible outfit?"
Cecelia looked down at herself. "These are O.R. scrubs," she said.
"Oh, are they?" Spiral asked.
DING!
Cecelia looked around for the source of the sound. "What was that?"
"That was me getting dinged for plagiarizing a joke," Spiral admitted. "What's with the footwear?"
"What, these?" Cecelia said, extending a foot. "They're just white tennis shoes."
"They're hideous," Spiral told her and pointed with a cheese curl. "I wouldn't be caught dead in those things."
"I wouldn't wear a silver bustier, so there you go," Cecelia snapped. Behind her, the golden glowing door disappeared with a vip! sound. Cecelia turned and said: "Uh, oh."
Spiral selected another cheese curl from the bag. "Nyeh," she said and stuck the curl into her mouth. "I can get you another one. Send you back. I don't really see you as on-screen material anyway."
Cecelia walked over to the woman. "Who are you?" she asked.
"Spiral," Spiral answered.
"As in: downward?"
"You could call me Rita," Spiral told her.
Cecelia looked at all the various monitors. "Are any of these shows actually good?" she asked.
"No, it's all garbage. I am watching this one Earth show though-," she pointed an orange coated finger at one of the monitors.
"Oh, we're watching that too. Don't spoil, we're a few episodes behind. We didn't have cable until the other day," Cecelia said.
"Who's 'we'?" Spiral asked.
"Remy and I."
Spiral's eyebrow raised. "You mean Gambit?"
"How many Remys do you know?" Cecelia asked her.
Spiral stuck her finger in her mouth to suck the orange off. "You and Gambit are watching Game of Thrones-together?"
"Yeah. I didn't think I'd like it...I don't really care for that kind of fantasy stuff. But Remy talked me in to it. And it's actually pretty good," Cecelia told her. "Pretty gory though."
Spiral offered the cheese curls to Cecelia who took few from the bag. She ate one and held the others in her cupped palm.
"Do you and Gam-Remy...spend a lot of time watching television together?" Spiral asked.
"Kind of," Cecelia said, chewing. "I'm tired after work. I like to veg out on the couch for awhile. And Remy'd been a little long-faced lately. For awhile there, it was hard to get him out of the house."
Spiral's eyes narrowed and she gave Cecelia a sly smile. "Are you and Gambit...a couple?"
Cecelia put the last cheese curl into her mouth and chewed on it. She shrugged. "No. We're just seeing each other...in a not serious way."
Spiral perked up at this piece of gossip. "What about Rogue?"
"Oh, he and Rogue broke up."
"Really?" Spiral said, intrigued. "Well, that's certainly going to make things awkward."
"What?" Cecelia asked, confused. "What do you mean?"
Spiral pointed at one of the monitors. A piece of white vinyl tape had been pressed down above the monitor and the words Paradise Lust: Set C was scrawled on it in black marker. On the screen, Cecelia could see Remy crouched in a stream. He was gulping water from his cupped hands.
"Oh! Thank god, he's okay!" Cecelia said, then turned to Spiral. "How do we get him back?"
Spiral looked at Cecelia as if she'd sprouted four extra arms. "You don't get him back. He's the star. He's gotta finish the show."
"How will he do that?"
Spiral rocked side to side in her chair. "He can either follow direction...or die."
"What direction?" Cecelia asked and pointed at the monitor. "Who's directing this thing?"
"It'll be pretty obvious what he's supposed to do," Spiral said, "come the next scene. I don't want to spoil it."
Cecelia slapped Spiral's bag of cheese curls from her hand.
"Hey!" Spiral said watching as cheese curls went flying all over the floor of her shop.
"Spoil it!" Cecelia snapped.
Spiral scowled. "Well, he's supposed to find the island goddess, sate her passionate hunger, and then live happily ever after. Or at least in syndication. After that...should be a wrap. But there are obstacles in his path."
"Like what?"
"Coconuts," Spiral said, glancing at the screen. "But hey, I have an idea. You could help him."
Cecelia put her hands on her hips. "How?" she asked.
"I could send you down there," Spiral pointed at the monitor. "You could go rescue him or something. Maybe it will add viewer interest."
"I thought you said I wasn't on-screen material?" Cecelia said dryly.
Spiral gave Cece a reappraisal. "Right now you're a hot mess. But maybe we can zazz you up a bit. Who can tell what you've got goin' on under all that?" Spirals arms made an all-encompassing gesture at Cecelia's ensemble.
"I think this sounds like a bad idea," Cecelia said.
"I think you think too much!" Spiral announced and jumped to her feet. "This will be fun! A makeover! Wardrobe!"
Several racks of clothes shot out from the surrounding walls. Cecelia hastily stepped back as one zipped in front of her. Spiral began shuffling through the clothing options.
"So...," she began casually. "If you and Gambit aren't serious..."
"We're not," Cecelia said and fingered a very sequin-y garment.
"Then you don't mind if I ask him out? If he survives, of course!"
Cecelia stared at Spiral. "Be my guest," she said flatly. "You're just his type: completely nuts."
"Really?" Spiral asked brightly. "You think so?"
Cecelia answered with an exaggerated sigh.
"How about this?" Spiral asked and held up a garment.
"No way," Cecelia told her.
"Won't you even try it?"
"There is no way that is going to fit me," Cecelia said.
Spiral handed her the hanger over the clothes rack. "Just put it on."
"This is ridiculous," Cecelia said, pinching the dark red leather between her forefinger and thumb.
Spiral happily hummed to herself and clapped one set of hands gleefully.
Shaking her head, Cecelia turned and pulled off her top. She then toed off her sneakers and stepped out of her bottoms. Spiral peeked over the clothes rack.
"Do you mind?" Cecelia said with a glance over her shoulder.
"Even your panties are ugly," Spiral said. "Let me get you something else." Spiral waltzed away to disappear behind a curtain.
Cecelia squeezed herself into what appeared to be a red leather vest of some kind. "Oh geez," she said as she tried to stuff herself into the top. There was a gratuitous amount of cleavage no matter how much she tried jiggling herself down into it. Also on the hanger were a pair of matching hot pants.
"No freakin' way," she said.
Spiral reappeared. "Let-me-see-that thong-th-thong-thong-thong!" she sang and snapped at pair at Cecelia.
"No, no, no, and no."
"I guess you could go commando," Spiral said.
Cecelia yanked the shorts up over her bottom. Spiral performed an elaborate gesture and the clothes racks shunted back into the walls.
"Day-um!" Spiral cried. "Who knew you had a slammin' bod!" She kicked Cecelia's scrubs out of her way.
"I feel like a sausage," Cecelia said and looked down at her exposed stomach. She pinched her tummy, making her navel a flat line. "Lou & Hy's...look what you've made of me."
"You look great!" Spiral soothed. "Your curves are kickin'!"
Cecelia looked at her dully. "Have you seen the women in the X-Men? One of them wears a thong to work. I couldn't even describe to you what Emma Frost wears."
"Oh, I've seen it. What there is of it, anyway," Spiral said. "Let's find some accessories. Then...makeup!" A nearby wall turned itself around revealing a mirror and vanity. Spiral seized a leather band and began pulling Cecelia's hair up on top of her head. Another set of Spiral's hands retrieved a necklace made up of pointy teeth and beads. Very bright red lipstick was smeared onto Cecelia's mouth.
When Spiral was finished, she grinned insanely at her accomplishment. Cecelia turned to look at herself in the mirror.
"Ay Dios mío," she said.
FADE OUT
ACT THREE
Scene F
FADE IN:
INT. THE GODDESS' TEMPLE, PARADISE ISLAND, MURDERWORLD – DAY
The camera slowly panned up from the feet of the sheet-covered sleeping woman, over her shapely calves and thighs, the curve of her hip to the dip of her waist. It spent awhile hovering over the rise and fall of her breasts, then finally to her throat and up to her placid sleeping face. Rogue's lips were parted slightly and the faintest, cutest snore could be heard emanating from her darling freckled nose. The camera rose above her, giving the television viewers a full-figure shot of the sleeping Rogue. Save for the sheet, she appeared to be in the altogether. She was hugging a Bamf doll under her chin.
Rogue stirred and she pressed her face to the pillow with a small moan. Her hand reached up to comb her hair back from her face. When her fingers touched the unruly curls, she froze for a moment, then blindly began touching the hair on her head. Rogue abruptly sat upright, both hands to her head. Her hair had inflated to mammoth proportions. She attempted to mash it down, realized she was not wearing anything but a sheet, and then quickly covered herself. Rogue looked around. She was on a large king-sized bed draped in a frothy haze of mosquito netting. Rogue wrapped the sheet around herself and scooted to the center of the bed.
Just then, the netting was swept back and Rogue was momentarily dazzled by both the light and the man standing before her. She blinked. The man was tall, broad-chested and square-jawed, with a head full of white-blond hair. Rogue gaped at him.
"Good morning, Your Royal Hotness," the CAPTAIN said.
Rogue pressed down her giant hair. "Uhm," she said beguilingly.
"It is time to rise and greet the day," the Captain told her. "Your worshippers await you. Won't you grace us with your magnificence?"
"Who-? What-?" Rogue continued conversationally.
The Captain took her hand and led her from the bed. Rogue dragged the sheet behind her. She found the bed to be centered in a large opulently adorned chamber. The floor of golden-hued stones was polished smooth and decorated with plush carpets and pillows tossed here and there. There was a large bath surrounded by towels. Rogue gravitated to it and found a silk robe, which she hastily put on. The Captain looked disappointed.
Now somewhat dressed, Rogue turned to him. "Now, who are you?" she asked.
"I'm the Captain of the Guard, your grace," he said with a courtly bow. It did wonderful things for his abs. He was dressed in leather breeches, boots, and nothing else save his sword.
"And what is this place?" Rogue questioned.
"This is your royal chamber, my queen," the Captain explained.
"And Ah have a royal chamber because...?"
"For the performance of your royal duties," the Captain responded.
Rogue stared at him with a blank expression. "This is going nowhere fast," she said finally. "Where is the exit?"
The Captain swept his muscular arm towards the open doorway which lead out to bright sunlight. "Your people wish to feast their eyes upon your beauty, Your Royal Hotness."
Rogue sighed and walked to the door. She stepped out into daylight and onto a wide balcony. From this height she could see a large courtyard below. She was standing at the peak of a truncated pyramid. To her right and left, stairs descended the pyramid to the courtyard. Surrounding the courtyard were small simple houses and beyond that a great stone wall. There was a monumental gate in the wall and it was closed. Beyond the wall rose a tall mountain. Smoke was rising ominously from the mountain.
Rogue strode to the edge of the balcony and looked down. Below was a sea of young, bronzed men in loincloths. Upon seeing Rogue, the men fell in a wave to prostrate themselves before her.
"Now what's this all about?" Rogue asked. In the center of the courtyard rose a long, tall, wooden...thing. "What in tarnation is that?"
"I believe in certain religious cults they might have called it a herm," the Captain said.
"Really?" Rogue said. "Because t'me it looks like an enormous d-oh!"
There came from the earth a deep rumble and then the ground began to shake. Rogue clung to the railing of the balcony as the ground shook. From below came a collective moan of fear from her worshippers. From above the volcano chugged out a plume of smoke.
When the earthquake ceased, the Captain spoke: "Your Royal Hotness, the goddess wishes for you to fulfill your royal duties."
Rogue straightened, eyeing the volcano warily. "All right, Ah'll bite. What do mah royal duties entail?"
"My queen is the living embodiment of the temperamental goddess ROMY, whose stupendous lust has gone too long unfulfilled," the Captain explained. "You must perform your royal duties and satisfy the goddess to save us all from imminent destruction...via volcanic eruption."
"That is the stupidest thing Ah've ever heard," Rogue informed him.
"The viewers at home demand it," the Captain said commandingly and then turned to a hovering camera. "Text in your votes now! Your service provider's rates and charges apply!"
"When Ah get outta here, someone is gonna get clobbered," Rogue threatened. "Startin' with Spiral. Ah'm gonna rip all six of her arms off and beat her with 'em."
"Your Royal Hotness," the Captain turned to her again now. "The HARPIES have brought you their daily offering."
"Well, this should be interestin'," Rogue said dryly. "Let's see it then."
Several comely men hauled on ropes and the massive courtyard gates opened slowly. Rogue was led down the right staircase to the courtyard. She stood in the shadow of the giant herm. She looked up at it with an expression that was part curiosity and half grimace. Rogue turned her attention away from it when several figures strode through the front gates.
There were three amazonian women wearing bird masks and what appeared to be fur bikinis. They held between them three young men bound in ropes. The women led the men towards Rogue. The leader of the bird-women gave a curt bow in Rogue's direction.
"More offerings for your magnificence," the woman said, though Rogue could tell her heart wasn't in it. Rogue could see the woman's bright blue eyes through the eyeholes in her mask. Her hair was long and golden blond. Her bee-stung lips pouted attractively in the Captain's direction.
"Thanks, Ah guess," Rogue told her and looked at the three men. They were all quite handsome specimens.
"Does Your Royal Hotness find any to be to her liking?" the Captain asked.
"They look fine t'me. Put 'em with the others."
The Captain looked disappointed again. "There are none you wish brought to your chamber, my grace?"
"No, not especially," Rogue told him.
"Perhaps my queen needs some assistance in these matters," the Captain said. He opened up a pouch on his belt and produced a small box. He held it up beside his face. "Five times daily AROUZAL®," he said in a authoritative tone. "From Pfizer. In semi-scientific tests, AROUZAL® has been proven to be effective in stimulating a woman's-."
Rogue slapped the box from his hand.
The Captain turned to the Harpies' leader. "Her Royal Hotness finds your offerings to be lacking in desirability," he told her.
"Now, Ah didn't say that...," Rogue began.
"We'll just have to sacrifice their members to the volcano like the rest of them," the Captain continued. "And add them to the eunuch slaves."
The young men in the courtyard stood around nervously.
"What?" Rogue snapped. "No! Don't ya go doin' anything like that!"
The Captain looked at her hopefully. "Has her Royal Hotness changed her mind?"
"Ah-uhm. Send them up t'mah chambers," she commanded. "Ah'll keep 'em around. For later."
The three captives looked relieved. The Captain clapped his hands and two sword-bearing soldiers approached to lead the captives away. The Harpies' leader turned to Rogue and held out her hand. She opened and closed it in a 'gimme' gesture.
Rogue looked at the Captain. He removed another pouch from his belt and put it in the woman's hand. Several coins clinked within the bag. "Another offering will be expected tomorrow," he said.
"Yeah yeah," the Harpies' leader said in a tired tone. "Any special requests? Blondes? Maybe swarthy? You like 'em kinda built or more lean-like?"
"Ah-no! Ah don't want any more offerings! Three is enough!" Rogue exclaimed.
The volcano rumbled and sent them all staggering.
"Tomorrow," the Captain said.
The woman nodded her masked head and turned to leave. The two other women followed after her.
"My queen, your harem awaits!" the Captain said. "You and you alone can spare us from Romy's fiery wrath!" The Captain turned again to the cameras. "Will she succeed in sating the goddess' abominable lust? Find out after these messages from our sponsors!"
FADE TO BLACK
ACT THREE
Scene G
FADE IN:
INT. SPIRAL'S BATH & BODY WORKS SHOPPE, THE WILDWAYS – DAY
Gambit's head hurt. The smell of the "Midsummer's Eve" scented candle burning nearby didn't help matters either. In fact, he was feeling a little nauseated, but that might have been due to the concussion.
Spiral tsked. "You nearly killed yourself before the first commercial break," she said. "Do you want to get cancelled?"
"What does getting cancelled mean?" Gambit asked, his eyes were narrowed to a squint since his head hurt so bad. "Does it mean I can go home?
"No, it means being dead," Spiral informed him.
"Then, no. I don't want to be cancelled," he said.
"Seriously, a coconut?" she asked him. "Am I going to have to babysit you through the whole series?"
"Look, I really don't appreciate being thrust inta this situation," Gambit said. Once again, he found himself strapped to a table in Spiral's Shoppe. There was blood on his face from his head wound. Spiral wiped at it with a cloth. "Though I am glad you decided t'leave me intact. What I don't care for is de ink you put on my arm."
Spiral looked at the tat. "You don't like it? I think it adds to your bad boy appeal."
"De only people wit' tribal tattoos are 'roided out douchebags wit' fake tans and backwards hats," Gambit informed her.
"So you're saying you want it gone?" Spiral asked and reached for the leather band Gambit had tied over the tattoo.
"Look," he snapped, "just-leave it alone!"
"You're awful grumpy," Spiral said. "Here I thought you were a pretty easy-going guy."
Gambit took a breath and let it out slowly. "I've suffered a severe head trauma."
"Oh right," Spiral said and dabbed the top of his head. "You have to admit though, your hair looked divine before you got all this blood in it."
Gambit's world was spinning in a slow circle. Spiral's face kept reappearing in it over and over again.
"I heard you were single," Spiral said inexplicably.
Gambit said: "That reminds me, I need to check my Facebook security settings when I get back."
"Does that mean you're on the prowl?" Spiral asked.
"I've been known to do some prowling," Gambit replied. "But probably not in de way you're inferring."
"I just wondered if you might have a type," Spiral said.
"Type?"
"Like a type of woman you were attracted to," Spiral confirmed.
"Female is my type," Gambit told her.
Spiral brightened. "If that's the case, I wondered if you might be interested in taking me out to dinner sometime? I mean, if you can make it through this series, and all."
Gambit blinked at her. Though discombobulated, he realized the err of giving Spiral a negative response. "Dinner? Are you asking me out on a date?" He couldn't help but sound dubious.
Spiral nonchalantly shrugged all sets of shoulders. "Maybe you don't like women with six arms...?" she said cooly.
"That...is not a detriment really," Gambit told her. "I have a fairly vivid imagination. I could figure out what t'do with de four extra hands easily."
"Maybe you feel threatened by an immensely powerful woman?" Spiral suggested.
"Ah, no. One of my exes can bench press a tank," Gambit said.
"Maybe you're intimidated by a woman with genius-level intellect?" Spiral guessed.
"I admire an intelligent woman," Gambit said. "And brain-power is not necessarily my strong suit, so comparatively, all women are geniuses."
"Then why don't you want to take me out?" Spiral asked.
"The fact that you maliciously intended to injure friends of mine, not to mention the general human population of Earth, might have something t'do wit' it," Gambit told her.
Spiral pointed at her head with two of her hands. "I have issues," she said. "A troubled past."
"That I can sympathize wit'," Gambit told her. "Though if you're willing t'turn over a new leaf and start anew, I would be willin' to overlook your past misdeeds."
Spiral looked at him from the corner of her eye. "Do you really mean that?"
Gambit shrugged to the best of his ability. "I have no place t'pass judgement on others."
"So, it's a date then?" Spiral asked happily.
"Sure, chere. Why not?" Gambit replied. "What you like t'do? Me, I've become a bit of a homebody. Don't get out much."
"Do you like to dance?" Spiral asked.
"Ma belle, I am a Cajun man. We's born dancin'," he told her. "Singin', playin', and general carousin' is my forte. If you don't mind de Catholic guilt trip every Sunday wit' a generous dose of superstitious nonsense."
"Sounds fun," Spiral said.
"Does this mean you'll let me go?" he asked.
"I'll let you go finish the show," she said. "I'm sorry, I have no choice."
"Seems like you're pretty on top of things, chere," Gambit pandered. "Runnin' de show, so t'speak. Where's Mojo?"
"San Diego," Spiral replied. "ComicCon."
Gambit shook his head. "I...don't even want t'know what dat means."
"He's relying on ratings to give him the power to transport back," Spiral told Gambit.
"Yeah?" Gambit quipped. "How's dat workin' out for him?"
Spiral looked at the ratings. "I have to say, the hits are low and the reviews are few and far between," she said. "But do you really want to leave Mojo in San Diego?"
"Let de stuck-up jerks on Utopia handle him," Gambit said.
"You'll be passing up your chance to rescue Ro-ogue..." Spiral said tauntingly.
Gambit sighed. "She's down there, is she?" he asked. "In dat Paradise Lust mess?"
Spiral nodded affirmatively. "Do you still love her?" she asked.
"I've yet t'fall out of love wit' any woman," Gambit replied.
"Aww," Spiral said and looked down at her cart. "I should probably fix up your head."
"What's that?" Gambit asked. "That ain't a staple gun is it?"
"Hm..." Spiral answered and picked up the implement. "Just hold still. This will hurt. A lot."
She fired three staples into Gambit's head. "Ow! Ow! OW!"
"There you go!" Spiral said. "Okay...! Time for the next scene! Off you go then!"
FADE OUT
