clary's pov

it's bright. very bright. i hear him screaming at me and feel him shaking me but i cant see anything. i feel his fist collide with my face. he's trying to take me back. i cant let him. i wont let him. but why wont i? if i let him then i'll see my baby again. i miss my baby enough to deal with him. but somethings pulling me back. a voice that is so fimiliar but i cant think of who it belongs to. "clary wake up! clary" he calls "clary you have to wake up" JACE! i wake up with a gasp. jace is holding me. im scared to move even though i know he wont hurt me. i feel hot tears streaming down my face.

my cheek brushes against his chest and i wince in pain. he notices and turns on the lamp. he takes my chin in his hand and moves my face as to see my cheek better.

by his facial expressions i can tell he is upset at something "how did this happen" he asks gesturing towards my face "i dont know" i say.

"do you want to talk about it" he asks "h-he was trying to t-take me back" i sob "who was trying to take you back where?" he asks

"s-sebastian" i say "h-he was trying to take me b-back to the d-dream world" i choke out.

"hey look at me" he says soothingly. i dont want to look him in the eyes after what i let happen. i cant. i betrayed him. i let sebastian take what i wanted only him to have.

i force myself to look at him but i only look at his chin "clary" he says "look at me" he says.

i force myself to look at the liquid pools of gold the he calls his eyes. i actually find comfort looking at him.

"i will never let him hurt you again" he says "jace" i say "you cant protect me from something you'll never see" i say with tears threatening to spill again.

"well i can damb sure try until my feet bleed from running to you until my lungs give out from calling your name until my heart pounds so hard trying to find yours that it literally bursts" he says

his words make the tears spill over and my arms involuntarily wrap around his neck. we lay down and fall asleep in each others arms.

when i wake up its from a big sparkling man screaming at me "i forgot to tell you guys" he says.

"magnus i am to tired to worry over your new eyeliner thingy" says jace

"no you stupid idiot. i forgot to tell you guys the true sex of the baby" he shouts. i shoot up and jace follows but the poor thing is to tired to even be excited.

i know this becuase all he wanted to talk about before i went to sleep was what our baby was going to be and what we would name him/her based on there gender.

"what is it" i shout happily "i can officially say that there will be a little buiscut jr. running around the institute" he says

"oh my god" i say "shes not dating anyone unless im dead and shes not aloud to wake up until atleast 12" he says pulling us both to lay back down.

"well you my good man can sleep all you want for now but as for you miss fray. you are going shopping with me, izzy, and blueberry" says magnus

"only if i can hold the baby" i say. he grins widely. "come on and get dressed" he says.

i move jaces arm off of me and walk to the dresser and grab some stuff to wear and go to the bathroom

"what are we shopping for" i ask from inside the bathroom "baby clothes, now that you and izzy know what genders to shop for we can actually find stuff" he says

"guys talk when your out not in my sleeping space" says jace. cometely ignoring him magnus begins to discus the maximum amount of glitter he is alowed to get for me and jace's baby.

me and jace both agree on none but magnus baggers us until jace finally talls him to go nuts if it means he can go back to sleep.

Izzy's pov

in the baby's are us, magnus and clary argue over girl clothes while i am forced to shop for two boys. yes they are both going to be boys.

i will still love them but i dont know how to entertain boys the only baby boy i was ever around was max and i didnt know what any of the things he liked were. simon would know but he left this morning and wont be back from the academy until a month before the baby is do.

i dont know what to do then a little light bulb flickers in my brain for a second then it springs to life. "oh my god clary you have to help me i dont know how to shop for boys"

"im a little hurt that you turned to me on that but come on ill help" she jokes.

when we leave we carry back atleast twenty bags filled with clothes, shoes, mittins, botties, bottles, and binkies.

we decided that since im having twins one will have dinosours and the other will have cars so we can tell them apart. apparently those were what simon liked as a kid.

clary and magnus argued over fairies or polka dots they eventually decided on sparkly polka dot so that both parties could be happy.

as a joke on jace we decided that we would buy some duck stuff and decorate with that but we would switch it before the baby was born.

mom buoght cribs and dressers while clary was asleep and to distract himself jace already put theres together and since simon had no idea how to he asked jace to do ours.

so when we get back to the institute we start to put all of the duck stuff in the room that i set up for clary's baby.

there are duck sheets, wall stickers, stuff toys, a mobile, a cover for the changing table, and little handles that we found for the dresser.

when we are done we send clary to get jace. and when they get back the look on his face is priceless

clary's pov

i go to get jace and find him still asleep. maryse told me that he hardly slept while i was out.

i shake him awake. he opens one eye. his face is smooshed from the pillow and his hair is ruffled like a ducks feathers i think evily

"we decorated the nursery come see" i say "you did it with out me" he whines. "come see" i say i hold his hand and half drag him to the nursery.

whe we walk in his face goes from tired to excitment to purepure horror "you are trying to mentally scar our duaghter" he shouts as he looks at the room

"what you dont like it" izzy teases. "i cant deal with this right now i need to eat breakfast" he says

"its three in the afternoon and what are you getting" i ask "mangos" he says

simply and heads off to the kitchen

i decide im hungry to and tell the others that im going to eat. i see magnus slip a little stuffed duck into his pocket and laugh.

we head to the kitchen where jace is eating a mango. "you hungry?" he asks "yes i havent eatin all day" i say.

"ill fix you something. what are you in the mood for?" he asks "mac and cheese with chocolate and bacon" i said

"ok" he says with a huge grin and a chuckle.

when he's done cooking he brings the plate over to me and fixes one for himself only without the bacon and chocolate.

izzy eats some of mine while magnus looks at us in disgust.

when we are done eating we go to the library. while me and jace are cuddled on the couch i slip into sleep while he reads a book.

im back in the room. the room i had hoped i would never have to see again. he's not here but the memories are sitting infront of me like im watching myself and him from someone else's eyes. i see him ontop of me i try to get away feom them i pull on the door nobs and try to break the windows. i try busting the doors down but nothing works. tears are falling feom my eyes his voice is filling my head while our bodies fill my vision i try to turn away but now im stuck. i try to close my eyes but its like someone is holding them open. his voice gets louder as he tells me all the things that he loves about me. all the things he wants to do to me. all the things he wants me to do to him. things he wants to watch me do. i cant take it. i scream and scream to try and drown out his voice. my eyes finally close but i can still here his voice.

his voice rings in my head like bells. i here him calling my name but he sounds different.

jace is calling me and begging me to wake up. my eyes fly open and my screams stop. tears still flow down my cheeks.

"are you ok?" he asks "yea im fine" i say with a forced smile. "clary can i talk to you?" asks magnus

"yea sure" i say wiping away my tears. we both walk in the hallway and shut the door behind us.

"clary what happened in the dream world" he asked "nothing" i say with a forced smile. "clary tell me" he said "nothing happened" i say.

Magnus's pov

i already know what happened but she needs to admit that it did. she keeps saying nothing happened. i wonder if she can even admit it to herself.

i turn and put my hands in the wall, caging her in. i dont want to do this but the stress of her dreams and keeping all of this in cant be good for her baby. she needs to talk to someone and since i already know she can just talk to me if she doesnt want to tell anyone else.

"magnus stop" she begs. her breathing gets harder and tears are forming in her eyes. "clary i cant until you tell me" i say "i cant" she says

clary's pov

magnus traps me against the wall. what is he doing? did sebastian trick me again? im still here and hes going to hurt me again wearing magnus's face.

"magnus stop" i beg. i cant breath. my eyes are burning with tears "clary i cant until you tell me" he says.

i cant tell him. he'll hate me and if he tells somepne else they will hate me to. "i cant" i say.

"clary tell me what he did to you" he says. the tears spill over. he knows. he only wants me to admit it. he know everything. he hates me. "you already know why do you want me to say it"

he moves his hands "he raped you" he said. i felt like evrything fell apart. "you cant tell anyone mags" i sob.

"i wont but this stress that you are carrying isnt good fpr the baby and i figured that if you told someone that it would take some of it off of you"

"im fine it was just a dream" i say "clary it wasnt just a dream trust me i saw all of the injuries and heard you scream and cry everytime he did something to you so it is ok to be upset ok?" he says "ok"

ok so i promised an explination so here it is. i am depressed and i am trying to help my self. i just recently stopped cutting myself and i also just recently started school and my mom is back with my step dad. they broke up becuase he was addicted to drugs and got violent with her a couple times and by the time i decided that i was going to try to get better is when she told me. i absolutly hate this man becuase he hurt my family you wouldn't understand if you dont have a big southern family but my mom is making me keep this a secret for now and i am struggling to keep myself from wanting to die. but since im crying i am going to stop telling my stupid sob story and go on to better news.

ok i finally updated and i plan on doing that more often and i am trying to work on 2 other stories while im working on this one so that when this one is done i can put another story out and actually update regularly. so im ganna let you guys vote in my pm's or in the review on one but im not giving descriptions just the title becuase i think it should be a surprise

so vote on either

you're wrong

or

im sorry

so if you have any questions or comments or suggestions please tell me in pm's or in the review so thanks mandanes and goodbye