I managed to write this one much quicker after I got back into the swing of things.
4 months later
"I look back at my past actions and I feel ridiculous. There is little I can do to really apologise for it, but I was confused a lot about myself. But I apologise for the hurt I caused you."
He had messaged Feliks three weeks ago, to apologise to him, after realising that he could contact him. He felt he needed to help settle any ghosts of his past, or at least some of them. He had no desire in meeting up with any previous friends, or visiting the places he grew up, but he did realise he could apologise.
He hadn't expected Feliks to ask to meet him, but here he was, sitting across from his previous victim Feliks Luckasweicz, now sitting across from him in slacks and a jumper, accompanied by a killer pair of heels. It was his hotel room, as Feliks was staying in Hamburg for business before flying to New York for his fashion business. He had clearly done well for himself as a designer in the fashion world.
Feliks didn't say anything for a few moments and just had body language to show he was deep in thought. But then he just smiled.
"OMG, relax Ludwig. I'm totally fine with it. Well, ok I always considered you an asshole when I thought back, but then I received your email and I really liked it, like I never realised that I needed an apology. I just kinda wanted to meet you myself. Your bullying affected me and everything but I wouldn't have decided to try really hard at fashion to rub it in your faces when I got rich."
Ludwig smiled. "I see. Well, I'm glad to see that you're doing well."
Feliks smiled. "Thanks. But part of the deal inside my head was that you weren't also supposed to be successful. You were supposed to be cleaning toilets."
Ludwig laughed a little nervously. "Sorry."
Feliks noticed Ludwig's uncertainty. "I am joking though. I realised as I got older that life wasn't that simple. I mean, I never took into account the idea you'd be gay."
Ludwig shrugged. "I came to that conclusion as well- That life wasn't simple, not the fact that I'm gay." He added quickly. God, he was bad at explaining himself. "Though I've known for a few years now. That I'm gay. More than a few, the reason I lashed out at you was because I was gay and you were so… flamboyant." He said. He hoped that wasn't offensive.
Feliks laughed again. "Like, such a compliment. But it's funny, I'm not even 'full gay'. Totally bisexual and dating my female assistant Tori. But you know, clothes that women wear are pretty and I like wearing them, so that means I have to be dating men right? Imagine the looks on your old friends faces when they realise you're the one with a boyfriend."
Ludwig sighed. "I think they'd know. I mean, I got drunk enough to try and kiss one. I ended up in the hospital after that."
Feliks smile fell. "Oh." He said. "I'm sorry, I didn't know. Like, I knew you were in the hospital, but I never really thought about it myself. I guess homophobia is a bitch."
Ludwig shrugged. "No need to apologise, but thanks."
"Nah, I do, people are affected by homophobia in different ways."
Ludwig nodded, strangely comforted by Felik's words.
He felt his phone buzz. "Oh, I do apologise, I have to leave now." He said. "My brother is getting married."
Feliks' let out a sigh of relief. "Oh shit, is that why you're dressed in your suit. Thank god, like, I thought I'd underdressed, and that's rare for me."
Ludwig laughed, feeling like a bit of an idiot. "Yeah, I probably should've explained this. I suppose it does look a little odd."
Feliks waved. "Bye, Ludwig, I do hope we get to meet again sometime. Like, let's keep in contact."
Ludwig couldn't deny that he felt his heart swell a little. "Of course."
"Ludwig, I'm freaking out! What if this wedding goes wrong? I just want it to be awesome." Gilbert had said straight away to Ludwig as he walked through the door in the hotel where the wedding was being hosted. "What if I stumble over the words? What if fall over? What if Liz's dress catches fire? Why have we got candles anyway?! I hate candles!"
Ludwig shrugged. "You're being ridiculous. Calm down." He placed his hand on Gilbert's shoulder. "Calm. Down." He said.
Gilbert nodded. "Right. I'm being ridiculous." He said, and tried to psyche himself up. "Of course it's going to be awesome!" Gilbert proclaimed and fist pumped the air. Ludwig rolled his eyes at his brother's quickly changing mind. "Oh, Luddy, how did your meeting go with Feliks? Sorry, my mind is all over the place."
"Fine. I think its best we met in person, and I could apologise to his face. And he seemed to want that as well, to put the past behind us."
Gilbert slapped him on the back. "That's brilliant. I'm glad for you, bro."
Ludwig nodded. He would've liked to have talked more about it, but there was no way he was making Gilbert and Liz's day about him.
But Gilbert did continue talking. "I'm so glad you're here, on my wedding day. I mean, I've only known you for about a year but that's not the point. Its just so awesome."
Ludwig hugged his brother, albeit briefly. "I'm glad I'm here too. I'm glad you reached out to me." Gilbert smiled largely. Ludwig noted his brother's excitement. "I'm sorry your parents aren't here." He said. Ludwig felt little affection for their father, but he had laid flowers down at his grave and made his peace. But he knew Gilbert did miss them, even if he did complain about their lie.
Gilbert looked at Ludwig with a sad, wistful look on his face. "Me too." He admitted, and patted his brother in wordless thanks. They decided to move wedding organising.
They were being helped by Gilbert's friends Antonio and Francis, who'd previously met during Gilbert's stag party, which he tried to deny that he got that drunk at. They were friendly enough however, and eventually guests started to arrive. He was eventually greeted by Feliciano and Roderich.
"Sorry I'm late, Roderich tried to direct me…" Feliciano said, as Roderich just grumbled in the background.
Ludwig shrugged. "It's fine. Let's take our seats."
It proceeded as a wedding normally proceeded. Gilbert stumbled over his vows, but so did Elizabeta. They kissed, everyone cheered. They eventually moved onto the reception.
During the wedding however, Ludwig had heard the church door open and close, and had turned around to see his mother join the group. He had been surprised, she was meant to be arriving half way through the reception. He waved to her slightly as she sat down at the back and smiled.
They had been conversing since they had previously met. Ludwig had to return to London with Feliciano to work soon after, they so they mainly skyped or called each other. Ludwig found it strange, to be learning about another person over the phone. He had told her more about himself, his past, and had tried to explain his homosexuality to her. Times she got upset, but there were times she just sat and listened. But he invited her to Gilbert's wedding, as it was his next time in Germany and the rest of his family were looking forward to meeting with her.
So after the wedding, he immediately went out to meet her.
"Hey, you made the ceremony." He said as they sat outside the hotel in the garden. Ludwig was glad that the weather was warm.
"Yes, I ended getting an earlier train than I first thought, so I got here an hour earlier. It was a very beautiful ceremony." She said. "They look very happy together."
Ludwig nodded. "I know. Would you like me to introduce you to them?" he asked.
Jennifer beamed. "Of course, I won't deny that I have been excited for this" she said, but as Ludwig was set to move, Jennifer grasped his arm. "Is your boyfriend here?"
Ludwig winced slightly. "I said he would be. I'd like it for you to meet him face-to-face." He said.
Jennifer motioned for him to sit. "Ludwig I- I understand what you've told me. About your past and your lifestyle. I know I probably appear cruel, but… don't you want what Gilbert has?" she asked, as she brought her hand up to gesture to the hotel's decorations for the wedding.
"Technically I could get married in London."
Jennifer sighed. "That isn't what I meant. I meant… the only gay people I've ever known were gay prostitutes Ludwig. They weren't happy people." Jennifer explained. "I got out of prostitution, I met a nice man, and had children I could keep and achieved happiness."
Ludwig understood a little better where his mother was coming from. "Mother, you have to believe me when I say that things have gotten a lot better for gay people since the time you were a prostitute. And if I tried to be straight and marry a woman I wouldn't be happy. This is who I am, and I can't pretend it isn't, because pretending only bought me pain."
Jennifer nodded but didn't reply, as if she was digesting what he said. After a few silent moments, she stood up. "Come on. Introduce me to him, introduce me to Feliciano. And Gilbert. And Elizabeta, and that cousin. I'm looking forward to it." She smiled.
Ludwig smiled. Of course.
He introduced her to Gilbert. His brother had smiled and cheerily kept the conversation going and animatedly told her about his career as a teacher and how 'awesome' Elizabeta was. His mother semed to like him, if a little taken aback at how 'un-like' Ludwig he was.
Ludwig could tell that her smiles were more forced when she talked with Feliciano, but she seemed to relax, a little in amusement, as Feliciano attempted to tell his life story in great detail, but deliver it into a few minutes of speech, whilst he roughly shook her hand. Feliciano had eventually finished the story, but Jennifer had laughed.
"He seems very nice, Ludwig. Though you weren't lying when you said he talked."
Ludwig nodded. "Well, he makes sure there aren't many awkward silences."
Jennifer smiled. "I am happy for you Ludwig that you're happy. I don't understand completely, but I am." She said.
Ludwig hugged his mother in a rare show of affection. "Thank you, it means a lot."
The reception continued and people eventually delivered speeches. Ludwig's own had been short but full of affection, and Antonio's and Francis' were silly and bawdy, and the rest of the wedding continued without much note of ill.
He had left his family and joined Feliciano outside.
"How are you? Too much German?" he asked.
"A little. At least your mother understands English." He said.
"Thanks for joining me this week though, you didn't have to."
Feliciano blinked at him incredulously. "Of course I had to! I love seeing Gilbert and Elizabeta, they're so funny and friendly." He said.
Ludwig laid back a little, and turned to Feliciano. "I love you, Feliciano."
Feliciano beamed at him. "I love you too." Feliciano replied.
And the two held hands in silence for at least a few minutes, before re-joining the party.
END
Thanks for reading my story!
This story ends my 'My brother' universe, and I tried hard on it. I feel I accomplished everything I was trying to set out with this sequel: Finish Ludwig's story and explore ideas of whatever life is. Its full of compromises, its complex and its a bit shit, but you can move past that with people you love and care about. This story was also to an extent about homophobia.
Jennifer Schmidt is just too much into the whole 'nuclear family and happiness' mind-set to realise that Ludwig is probably fine as a gay man. Mainly because when she thought about what Ludwig would be she hoped he'd be rich, successful with a wife and kids, you know, 'normal'. The moral of that story is don't idealise people. She's making an effort at least, unlike some homophobic parents, and in my head she gets over it after meeting with Feliciano and Ludwig a few more times. Often you see the portrayal of homophobia as just linked to religion, which really skims over the surface of ingrained social bias to heterosexual couples, and you don't even realise it. I can sympathise with Jennifer Schmidt, in a way.
Germany work on your equal marriage shit.
Anyway, I hoped you liked this fanfiction, please review to share your thoughts!
