-Chapter 07: Flowers Falling in Ruins-
He never realized that there was such beauty in decay.
The steady creaking sound of the swing snuck its way into his mind, gently, like spring rain water dripping from the veranda and snaking down the sidewalk, freeing him from the dreamland he'd lost himself in. Opening his eyes, Kaito interrupted the work of his own mind – morbid dreams made from reminiscence of the past mixed with visions of the future. He let out a soft sigh, his fingers tightening their grip around the chains of the swing he was sitting on. They were so very old, as if they were near to falling apart; the reddish rust left a stain on his palms.
It was a clear, blue, cloudless afternoon and he had been straying through street after street, until he ended up at this old playground. This vast space was bordered by green bushes, protected from the sun by some young trees of which the foliage has already spread wide and high. And it was active, too, so filled with children despite its abandoned state. There must be some apartment building or kindergarten in the surroundings. Some of the youngest children were playing in a sand box, making hills and castles that collapsed as soon as they turned their backs. The ones who were old enough to stand on their own little feet were enjoying themselves around it. The little decorations that this playground had – the swings and seesaws – were all so old and rusting, but they didn't seem to mind. They were too full of energy for those toys, too busy chasing each other from one side of the ground to another, playing hide-and-seek in the bush, or sitting in circles singing and dancing.
Kaito felt a throb in his chest.
Singing and dancing.
What had his life been all about? He couldn't really remember. Whenever he tried to think about it, all that he could hear was songs.
One song after another flitted through his memory like silver hummingbirds, too fast to catch or to even see. Singing was what made him happy, because it made people happy. Children, adults. The other Vocaloids – Oh, he loved to hear their voices mixed with his. Master – Master seemed delighted in every word he said, as if every time he spoke was like the first time. And even the Crypton representatives were happy. "As good as it can get," he heard them say. He didn't mind that his sales were lower than Miku's, Len's, or Meiko's. He didn't really understand the representatives' analysis of his style, his image, his maintenance fees… He only knew one thing: that, as long as his CDs were still selling and the composers were still submitting songs for him, he could keep singing.
What did he have left, now?
A kid was standing in front of him.
Kaito never realized when she'd got there. She was… suddenly there, as if she just came up from the ground. Or maybe it was just him who was too lost in thought. In any case, Kaito panicked. He stood up and scrambled backwards, completely forgetting that he was sitting on a swing. His legs got caught on the plank as he struggled to right himself, only managing to fall flat on his butt instead of breaking his neck.
Kaito gave a mental "Ouch!" as he could no longer make sounds now that he wasn't plugged in. Teary-eyed, he looked up at the girl to see who it was. Her appearance rang a bell, but he couldn't quite tell where or when he had met her before. It was a child about six years old, with black hair reaching her shoulder, tied into two small pigtails with yellow ribbon. She wore a white shirt, red dungarees, and a red backpack graced with a little white bunny. Golden brown eyes fixed at him when the little girl smiled and called out happily, "Kaito-nii! You are Kaito-nii!"
How did she- Was she one of the fans? But why was she calling him "Kaito-nii"? Just where had they met before?
Oblivious to Kaito's confusion, the girl fearlessly took his hand and pulled him up. "How did you know we lived near here? Kiyoteru-kun meant to write you an email, but he never got around to it. Anyway, it's nice of you to come over!"
Kiyoteru-kun? He knew that name, but who was that? Kaito dug in his memories… Blank.
He really should try to pay attention from time to time!
"Yuki-chan, who's that?"
"It's my nii-chan!" The girl with the red dress responded proudly and started to pull Kaito towards her circle of friends. "Oh, Kaito-nii, you have to sing with us! You sing so prettily!"
… No, just… no!
Kaito tried to yank his hand away, but he didn't dare to hurt this little creature, whoever it was. She looked so happy that she had found him. He would break her innocent joy if he dared to run away. But how could he explain to her that he no longer possessed the one thing that would make her proud of him?
"Oh, I know who that is!" One of the children stood up and pointed at Kaito, shouting in excitement, as if he was afraid someone would say it before him. "It's Kaito-san!"
"It's my nii-chan!" added Yuki-chan with a pout, unpleased that her friends did not see the link.
"No wonder you have such a pretty voice, Yuki-chan," cooed a little girl with long hair and tender eyes, face brightening in amazement. "We're so lucky!"
They quickly left their places to form a circle around Kaito. "Sing for us, Kaito-san! Sing us a song!"
It had happened again. Kaito didn't know why, but somehow, it kept happening. It had rarely happened before, when he would have been happy to sing his heart out for his audience, no matter how little. Was it the wrong route he'd followed? A wrong turn he took? Kaito didn't know the twists of fate. He only knew that he had in front of him children who he once could have made happy, but now couldn't. He couldn't make anyone happy any longer.
For now he was empty. He had nothing.
The children looked confused as the silence just went on forever. "I know," Yuki declared, "Kaito-nii is just shy. He won't sing if we don't sing first. Come on, guys!"
Holding his hand with utter trust, the little girl cleared her throat in that adorable manner of children trying to imitate adults, and began to sing. Her young, untrained voice rang through the quiet afternoon, hesitant, coarse with worry, but absolutely beautiful.
I really like you.
That's a lie.
But the truth is-
Mmmmm~
His eyes were getting blurry. Still, he could see the other children parting their lips to join in the song.
Apologies and tears are flowing
That's just how I am-Ummuh~
It's not like that- I'm not crying-ummuh~
I like that side of you!
(Toeto)
Enough, it was enough! What had he even done? Why was this happening to him?
It couldn't be punishment for not working hard enough. There hadn't been a day when he forgot to polish his singing skills. It couldn't be punishment for haughtiness, for he was always aware that he wasn't as great as his fellow Vocaloids. It couldn't be punishment for not making good use of his abilities… He had always made people happy with it, hadn't he!
Then why, just why…? Why him? Why did it have to be him who lost everything he had? Everything he was?
"Come on, Kaito-nii, sing with us!"
The little girl's plea pierced through his soul. Her hand was warm on his arm. He suddenly realized that the sound she was transmitting to him wasn't the beat of a human heart. It was heartbeats powered by the rumble of machine.
The little girl was just like him. Not human. A singing robot. A Vocaloid.
Where had he gone wrong? He didn't deserve it!
… Why wasn't it her instead of him?
oOo
"Damnit, stop straying off on your own, Kaito-nii…"
Len didn't usually talk to himself. He had too much sense for that. But today was an exception. Wandering three hours under the sun of a cloudless afternoon was not pleasant, especially when there was not even a breeze to cool you down. That much should be enough to send any person out of their mind. At this point, Len could declare loud and clear that he did not believe stories about people surviving after getting lost in deserts. Those were myths, just myths.
Who could survive that?
Len let out a sigh. The sun was already setting and the heat was long gone, but he still couldn't find Kaito. He didn't know his plan to cheer up his older brother would be such a fiasco. He was supposed to find Kaito, make a heart-felt speech, cheer him up, get all comfy and snuggly and walk home with him, hand in hand. But he wasn't even able to find Kaito to begin with. Kaito was Kaito, after all. He wandered off when nobody was paying attention, ran away to somewhere no one could find him, and only crawled home crying when he had been worn out, beat up by mischievous children, chased around and bitten by dogs, torn to shreds by stray cats, drenched by some bastard who drove past him when he was walking near a puddle, et cetera, et cetera.
Len smiled a little. Why do you always make it so damn hard to find you, Kaito-nii?
He had wandered pretty far. Maybe he should go back. Maybe Kaito had already gotten home at this point. He would have to find another chance to be alone together with Kaito and cheer him up. If he headed home now, maybe he could get there on time to hear Kaito annoying everyone on his way with questions about the invisible good force that had stocked up Haagen Dazs in the fridge. It would be so satisfying to quietly slip into his room, hiding a smile as Kaito chirped happily on the background, because that magical ice cream-giving force was no one else than-
"Come on, Kaito-nii, sing with us!"
Len's head jerked up when he heard that name. Energy filled his seemingly tired limbs as he dashed ahead and peeked over the corner. He was looking at an old playground. Standing there in the middle of a circle of children was Kaito, held, clung to, and probably asked to sing. The children were all singing, and the one nearest to Kaito was obviously pleading him to join in with them.
It was no good…
At first, Len thought that it would end up with Kaito running away. But in an instant, he realized that… it was way worse. Way. Worse. It wasn't his imagination or the play of light from the setting sun that made Kaito's eyes gleam red. It wasn't just embarrassment that was making his arms shake; his hands had curled into fists and the nails must be digging into his palms. From where he was, Len could only see a part of Kaito's face, but the traits he could pick up already horrified him. It was one of the "masks" that Kaito had put on in the first crisis at Master's birthday. Or rather, it was one of the real faces that he had always concealed under the smiling mask.
The face that Kaito had on right now… was anger.
Len had only caught a glimpse of that face once. But it had scarred his mind, burning into his memory like red hot metal. He didn't like it. At all. It wasn't anything like Kaito. It didn't suit him one bit.
Kaito backed off a few steps, trying to free himself from the little girl. But she was insistent. Something was banging and shouting at Len's consciousness, making him dash out of his corner. He could see Kaito raising his hand, and he was afraid it was too late.
Desperately, he called out, "Kaito-nii!"
oOo
A/N: New chapter, finally! Sorry for the wait, folks, I had some crazy time at college and wasn't really in the mood for something. This chapter was some more emotional rambling and ended with another cliffhanger, but I promise that from the next it'll be resolving problems already. So please keep following; I'm already working on the next chapter and will try to finish it soon. XD
I wish you all a very happy new year! The best in your endeavours!
