Chapter 8
"I'll handle this," he said, reaching over and opening the door.
"No," I said, leaning across him, putting my hand over his and yanking the door shut.
He stared down at our touching hands; a second later he turned back to me, our faces only a few inches away, and stared intently into my eyes.
I quickly drew back into my seat. "I've got this. Stay here." I said, speaking the last part slowly and clearly.
"Bella, I'm not just going to let you—"
"Jasper, just listen to me please. What happens if you catch a scent? Do you think they're going to even let me have the chance to chase you down?"
Jasper stared at me for a moment then sighed. "You're right." He glanced back at four figures in the road, and then back to me, looking uncertain.
"If I need the help, you're only a split second away," I said reassuringly.
"Okay."
I stepped out of the car and shut my door, keeping my eyes down as I walked towards the group. Finally I allowed myself to look up and meet Perry's fierce glare. His expression was reflected on the faces of those with him, two males, and a female, Mable.
"So, 'just exploring,' San Antonio," he said scornfully. "You were just visiting a town you'd never been to before. 'Just visiting,' huh?"
"Yeah, and now I'm leaving," I said, swallowing. "We are leaving."
"We," he repeated. Perry's eyes darted over my shoulder and then to the male on my right.
The male, the same one whom I'd tracked all night, who'd tracked Jasper, took a step towards the car.
I dove in front of him, putting myself between him and the car, and into a crouch, snarling.
"A little protective, aren't we?" the male asked, chuckling darkly. "I just wanted to see the car."
"So how much did you lie to us?" Perry asked, calling my attention back to him.
I tore my eyes away from the male and looked back at Perry. "I didn't. I came to explore."
"Clever, very," he sneered, "And you pumped Mable and I for the information you were looking for."
"I didn't have to pump you two for information, that information was well known, and I'd already found the trail. It was only a matter of time before I found Jasper," I retorted.
"Jasper, is it? Well Jasper's got a tough lesson to learn about prudence," Perry said, flexing his hands and drawing himself up into his full height.
"Oh really? Well the last time I checked you weren't the Volturi."
"And it seems to me you didn't really want the Volturi to show up here, so consider us doing our duty in the stead of the guard," Perry spat back.
"Over a pile of my smoldering ashes," I snarled.
Mable dashed from Perry's side to directly in front of me, within inches of my face. "That can be arranged," she growled.
We stared each other down, my eyes searching hers for the first flinch, the first sign that she was about to strike. Suddenly, a wave of calm washed over me, though I resisted. However, I was out of practice and unprepared and gave into Jasper's will. I grudgingly relaxed and straightened up out of my crouch, Mable doing the same. The other three seemed to settle as well, though all four looked confused as to why they suddenly lost their desire to fight.
"Why are you really here?" Perry finally asked, shaking his head, as if he were trying to shake away the calm.
"I heard you'd named him, and I came to find him, to save him," I said quietly.
"Who is he, your mate?" Mable asked, glaring suspiciously over at the car as she shifted back, taking a few steps away from me.
I sighed, and squeezed my eyes shut for a moment. The thought of my mate set the wounds covering my body to throbbing. "No, he's my brother," I said, my voice a bit higher.
"Your brother?" Perry asked curiously. "Do you mean he was like you, the whole not eating humans bit?"
"Yeah, we shared the same lifestyle, but obviously things changed."
"Obviously," Mable echoed.
"So how does all that figure into him coming here and treating Texas like his own private buffet?" Perry asked.
"You know that healthy sense of respect I have for the Volturi?" I bit my lip and forced the emotions back into the hollow of my chest.
Perry nodded.
"After our mates refused to join the Volturi, the guard paid us a visit. There was a fight. It was only three of us, my mate, Jasper's, and me, but in the end I was the only one left standing," I said, looking back up. "They were murdered by the guard."
Mable's expression softened slightly. Perry's gaze remained icy.
I shook my head in frustration and turned my eyes to the sky. "He's here because of me, and I couldn't just let him get himself killed. Please, just give us the chance to get out of this city."
Perry cleared his throat, and all eyes were on him. "Alright, one chance," he said. Mable flitted to his side.
"And you don't stop for anything either. You need to get him out of San Antonio."
"Thank you," I breathed. "I'm going to take him somewhere where we can hunt. I think half the problem is that he's ravenous right now, he's so thirsty."
The male to Perry's left chuckled darkly, and Perry shot him a look, rolling his eyes.
"What?" I asked, furrowing my brow.
"Well, it's just hard to believe he's 'ravenous,'" the male sneered.
I raised my eyebrows in question.
"He got a girl on the south end of town not three days ago," Perry answered.
My jaw dropped. "Three days ago?!" I cried loudly, my eyes flashing.
I spun around and glared at Jasper, who'd suddenly become very interested in the ceiling of the car. He pursed his lips and sighed.
"Three days ago," I repeated, growling.
I was furious. The way he'd carried on, I wouldn't have guessed anything less than three weeks, but three days?! I was unusual for going a month without hunting, but that was only after years of conditioning. Most vampires hunted every two weeks, at minimum. His gluttony left his family worried sick about him, and covens marking him for death. How dare Jasper do this!
A wave of calm attempted to overtake my anger, but I wouldn't allow Jasper to distract me this time.
"Oh can it," I said sourly, rolling my eyes and turning back to those standing behind me. Their expressions again reflected an amusing cross between serene calmness and confusion.
I set my jaw and said quietly, "I hadn't been aware of that fact."
"Apparently not," Perry smirked. "Alright, we should all get going, the sun's going to be rising not too long from now."
"Thank you for this."
"No, seriously, don't mention it. To anyone," Perry said, raising a hand. "I don't need the rest of the south thinking I've gone soft."
"Okay," I said, turning around and walking back towards the car.
"Oh, and Bella?"
"Yeah?"
"Stay out of San Antonio for a while. And if you guys know what's good for you, stay out Austin for longer," Perry said warningly.
"That won't be a problem." I nodded once, and opened the car door, and slid into the seat, shutting the door behind me.
I looked up, and the street was now deserted, the vampires having disappeared into the grey of the early morning. I revved the engine a few times and pealed out.
"Bella?"
"No. Don't," I growled, my hands tightening around the steering wheel.
Jasper huffed and angled his body towards the window, and he stared out sullenly.
We drove in silence for nearly two hours. It was nearly five in the morning, and the sky had minutely changed to a lighter shade of grey.
Jasper shifted uncomfortably in the seat and sighed deeply.
"What?" I asked coldly, glancing over.
"I'm still thirsty," he said, with an edge to his voice.
"You're thirsty," I said incredulously. It wasn't a question.
"Yes! Don't act like you don't know what it's like to be thirsty," Jasper accused.
"Huh," I chuckled once, shaking my head. "I guess it's just hard to remember what that's like."
"Oh come on, Bella. Don't pull the holier than thou card on me now."
"Well excuse me, I'm just having trouble grasping how you could possibly be thirsty given that you hunted three days ago. After having human blood three days ago," I said, glaring over at him.
"Are you going to make me feel guilty for hunting humans now? Is that where we're going? Because if it is, you can pull over now, or if you prefer, I can just jump out," he said, reaching over and opening the door slightly.
"Shut the door Jasper!" I hissed.
He opened the door wider, glaring at me.
"This is not about humans. This is about you putting your family through hell, just so you could overindulge in hunting. Do you have any idea how worried Esme was when we got the letter, or Rosalie, or Carlisle for that matter? He actually shouted at Emmett. Shouting—Carlisle! Because Emmett was all for coming into town, guns blazing to save you, even if it meant getting himself killed in the process—all because he cares about you. Everyone cares about you! When we heard that you had one more hunt left in you before you'd be taken out, we hopped on the first plane to get to you! And that's despite the fact that we knew there were dangers—do you understand that more than one coven is pissed at you? Out to get you? But saving you outweighed those dangers, because you are too important to this family. And to find out that you're just picking off humans left and right, regardless of the consequences… I just, I can't believe that you would put them, and put yourself through this," I ranted loudly over the noise of the wind rushing past the open car door.
Jasper yanked the door shut and stared over at me. "What letter?"
I allowed a small sigh of relief. "Peter sent a letter. He and Charlotte were really worried about you too. It was how we found out about where you were."
"Yeah, I saw them in Amarillo," he said quietly.
"That's what they said."
An awkward silence settled over us, farms and fields went by in a blur.
"So why'd you go back to humans?" I asked.
Jasper rolled his eyes and gave me an indignant look.
"What? I'm being curious, not critical! I thought it was too difficult for you to tolerate their last moments, something about their fear and pain being too distressing for you. How did you get past that?"
"Yeah well, I think you'll understand when I say that once you've experienced a certain level of agonizing pain nothing really compares," he said quietly.
I bit my lip and tried to push away the guilt that rose up within me. Being away from my shelf, my window, my home, I couldn't recapture the numbness that I'd once mastered, so the guilt won out, and consumed me. I accelerated the car, as if the speed would somehow put distance between me and the emotion, like I'd left it on the side of the road miles back, and I was merely driving away from it.
Jasper leaned over and looked at the speedometer. "What?" he asked.
"Nothing."
"You're lying," he said. He stared at me intently for a moment. "Why do you feel guilty?"
I breathed out of my nose sharply, irritated that I could no longer hide things from those around me. I looked at him for a moment, then hit the brakes and eased over onto the shoulder of a country road. I took a few more deep breaths and slowly turned to him.
He stared back, looking mystified.
"Jasper, you cannot imagine how sorry I am for all of this, for what I've put this whole family through. If I could take it back, if I could have been stronger in the fight, or even if I could somehow have controlled my emotions more so afterwards, maybe you'd have been able to stay. I'm so sorry Jasper, I wish somehow I could—"
"Is that what that whole this being 'your fault,' was about back there?" he asked angrily.
I stared at him blankly then dropped my head down.
"Bella, look at me."
I looked up and met his furious gaze.
"Answer me."
"Yes," I whispered.
"You think I left because of you?"
"Well, yeah, because I was so…emotional," I said, searching for the last word.
He bit the inside of his cheek and stared at me for a moment, then slid back into his seat. "You are the most self centered person I have ever met in my existence, bar none."
"What?" I snapped.
"You are incredible. Only you could make the death of my wife and my brother, and the grief I felt from it entirely about you."
"I...I…I didn't—" I stammered
"You've had five years to mull this over, and in that time, the best you could come up with was that I left because you were too emotionally distraught?" he asked in disbelief. "Did it not occur to you that maybe I was a little grief stricken too? God!" he cried, opening the door and jumping out.
I got out quickly and stood awkwardly next to the car.
Jasper paced quickly back and forth in front of the car, causing a small cloud of dust to steadily rise like smoke as it shone in the headlights.
"I…I didn't think it was just because of me, I just thought I might have been a contributing factor," I said, a new sense of shame washing over me. "I mean, of course everything around the house was going to remind you of her."
He stopped pacing and looked up at me. "Her? You're not even going to say Alice's name?"
I winced, and looked down at my feet, shamefaced.
"You can't say either of their names, can you?" he sneered.
"No, I can say their names," I said, frowning.
"Then say them. Say Alice, and say Edward!"
I winced again and huffed once, "Alice, Edward," I mumbled in a barely audible tone. I looked up at Jasper, trying to veil my pain with a look of defiance. "You happy?"
"You're ridiculous," Jasper said.
"Thank you, I've been told that before," I said bitterly, recalling the time Edward described me in the same way so long ago, before I'd ever known or even begun to guess he was a vampire. The memory had caught me off guard.
"Well then you shouldn't be so surprised to hear it!"
"I'll thank you to stay out of my emotions!"
"Yeah, it doesn't work that way, sweetheart," Jasper said sarcastically.
"What the hell, Jasper? What is wrong with you?!"
"I'm angry Bella, because you've somehow warped the story around in your head to make my grief about you, and I resent that, a lot. I left because my life in essence ended with Alice's. Being in Forks, living like the Cullen's, it only made sense when I was with Alice. And with Alice gone, continuing to live that life, living period, didn't make sense any longer."
"What do you mean 'like the Cullen's'? Jasper, you are a Cullen."
"No Bella, I'm not. I never truly fit in with the family because I didn't have this higher calling of being some moral form of vampire. I simply went where my love was taking us. The condition for being there was denying the most basic aspect of being a vampire, and for being with Alice, it was a price I was willing to pay. Yes, it was taxing to feel people's emotions as I was about kill them, but it was merely an inconvenience, not a deal breaker."
"So what, you left because you didn't feel any tie or obligation to your family because without Alice, they aren't your family?"
"'They aren't your family'? See, even you refer to them like they're separate from you. Even you know that just because you get a new last name it doesn't mean you're a part of the family," he said with a sickening smirk.
I was completely taken aback. "I'm sorry, in these past five years did you eat a bunch of assholes? Because you certainly are acting like one," I said coldly, immediately turning on my heel and stalking across the road. I gracefully leapt the fence and broke out into a run through the field.
I couldn't believe how cruel…and how right he probably was. For a moment part of me longed to be human again, if only so I could have the release of crying actual tears. The lack of physical manifestation of emotion only pushed me to run faster. As much as I cared for Jasper's wellbeing, I couldn't face him, not now. His points, however apt, were enough. They were enough to make me wash my hands of him. He could do what he wanted, I'd done my good deed, saved him from getting himself killed, what he did next was entirely up to him.
