Chapter 7 Shut up and Kiss Me

"Your woman? Fiancé?" I question after cleaning up the blood and making sure the flat is more secure just in case they decide to come back.

"It made the back off, didn't it?" He replies, shrugging off the question.

"What are you doing here, Severus?" I demand, "Have you been watching me?"

"You make it incredibly easy. I didn't even have to break through any wards." He answers honestly.

"Why would you? Why are you here?" I repeat defensively.

"Tara…Miss Doe, you left me with knowledge of events from my past that I fail to recall." He points out.

"It's Tara…only my patients call me Miss Doe. And I didn't just leave. You threw me out the second you found out." I counter.

"You lied to me." He accuses.

"I never lied to you about our past relationship." I insist.

"I asked you if I should know you, and you said-"

"No. I said no. You never asked me why you shouldn't remember me. That's a different question entirely." I sigh, cutting him off. I move to sit down on the sofa and he sits in the chair facing me.

"Why shouldn't I remember you?" He asks, studying me.

"Because we were a casualty in the final battle. You promised me that we'd both survive…and as individuals, we did. What was between us didn't. I've been trying to forget you for the past five years. Why should you remember now?"

"Did you hate me that much?" He questions softly, "Was I that horrible of a fiancé, that you would leave me the moment the opportunity presented itself?"

"I held on for as long as I could," I object, "Part of me held was still holding on when I started the occlumency lessons. I've drowned myself in work and books in an effort to keep myself so busy that I never had to think about you again. Seeing you again made me realize that…being able to avoid thinking about it doesn't mean I ever stopped feeling it. Hoping that there was some way…but you put a stop to that when you threw me out."

"Minerva has told me that you stopped coming to see me before I was even released from St. Mungo's." He counters, "You did hold out for that long."

"You didn't remember me. I might as well have never existed to you, but you were my life. I couldn't handle it." I murmur. "I loved you too much…"

"We were intimate?" He questions. It seemed a suitable enough way to broach the subject.

"After a while," I answer simply.

"After how long of a while?" He pushes.

"We had known each other four five months before you ever kissed me. It was at least…at least another two months before…"

"Before we had sex," He finishes for me. "And you were still innocent. I was your first?"

"Yes," I answer uncomfortably.

"The two memories I saw of us occurred in different places, but I assume they go together. The one on the couch…I obviously wanted you. Is that how it started?" He asks.

"You assume wrong," I reply, "They memory of us on the couch…we didn't get much further than what you saw. However, you did want to, and I had let it get any further we would have."

"Why didn't you?" He frowns.

"I wasn't ready, and you always kept control of yourself when you sensed that I was growing uncomfortable with the idea. You were so patient…"

"The other memory?" He continues, slowly piecing things together in his mind. The more she spoke the more he could remember, but there were still gaps.

"About a month later there was a path of roses leading from the door of my private chambers into my bedroom." I smile, remembering, "I came in early. It was my birthday and you wanted to surprise me. You were still preparing. The dinner you had planned wasn't even started yet. Your gift to me, a silver necklace, was lying unwrapped on a small table that you served dinner on. You set everything up around the bed so that I could relax and let you tend to me…you were disappointed when I came in two hours too soon. I, on the other hand, was quite swept away and…well…dinner had to wait."

"I know that I loved you," He admits, holding my gaze, "I thought it was curious that I felt inexplicably drawn to you during the lessons. Now it's not so surprising that I still felt…something for you. A recognition that I didn't understand…"

He looks away. "I asked you to marry me?"

"And I said yes,"

"I needed you?"

"No more than I did you."

"I promised you that we would bother survive? That we would be together once it was all over?"

"I believed you"

"I asked you not to give up." He states stiffly. It wasn't a question. He remembers that bit clearly. "I can remember more in the short time that we have discussed this than you have even revealed to me. How do you know that, if you had stayed with me and told me the truth, I wouldn't have remembered you?"

"I failed you," I whisper, fighting back tears. "I already know that. You don't have to say it. I've always known it…and now, you know it, too."

He stands up and moves to sit next to me "Are you even listening to me?" He demands, sharply, tilting my chin up and forcing me to look at him. "Tara, I remember you. I remember…almost everything, I think. I remember this-"He leans his head down and presses his lips firmly against mine.

I quickly pull back, "Severus…"

"Damn it, Tara! The only way our relationship will be a casualty of war is if you let it be! I have fought for you. Today I have proven that I am still willing to fight for you. I realize I may have crossed the line by throwing you out after I saw the memories, but you must understand how much of a shock it was to me. I have always felt as though there were something missing. Simply walking through the corridors of Hogwarts put me in a sore mood because I knew I wouldn't find it there. You were gone. I've lost you once already. Now that I've found you, I don't want to lose you again."

"How could you ever trust me again?" I object. "I left you when you needed me the most! You deserve more than that."

"How could you push me away when I still want to be with you? You're mine, witch. Look me in the eyes and tell me that you don't still love me." He demands.

"I-I can't." I reply hesitantly.

He pulls me to my feet and pulls me into him, "I still love you…despite the fact that you've had five years to plan a wedding and haven't even picked out a dress yet." He smirks mockingly.

"I can't do it without you," I answer, offering him a smile.

"Then we'd better get started. I'm not as patient as you think, naïve girl." He replies.

"I think I can handle that," I tease lightly.

"Shut up and kiss me, witch."