A/N: I told you all that I wouldn't be doing three week updates anymore. By now you know the drill so I won't keep you. Have at it!
What Now?
Seconds ticked to minutes.
Minutes ticked it hours.
And the hours slowly melted by.
And even as time passed around them, Bella did not move from Alice's cold grip. The initial shock faded around her and the new fear, the fear of knowing. The thought, the hope that once she knew what was wrong with her then, vanished like fog in an intense sun.
This was something that she couldn't understand, something her mind was unable to comprehend, let alone deal with. There was absolutely no way to rationalize any of this. That's why she clutched onto Alice like a life raft. It was the only thing she could do if she had any hope of not completely falling apart. And even then, her grip was slowly fading.
"Alice?" Bella whispered. "What do you know about…it…err…being a siren."
"Well, for one thing, I know you can fly."
"Fly?" The color drained from the younger girls face. She could barely keep from falling on the ground, how in God's name would she be able to keep herself airborne? There were times when she thought breathing was too dangerous. If you have to crawl before you could walk then, in her mind, you have to walk before you can fly. And walking was something she hadn't mastered yet.
"I'm sorry, that was a little – blunt." Alice said flashing another one of her reassuring smiles. The constant contact was making it harder and harder for her to ignore the thirst that was slowly building up inside of her. Venom trickled its way down her teeth before pooling on her tongue, so fast that it seemed like she was constantly having to swallow to keep from spitting all over the young siren as she talked.
It was a massive tug of war, on one side, (her rational side) told her to leave before she did anything to hurt her friend. And her irrational side told her to stay, that her friend needed her there more than she needed blood. It was impossible to make a decision because both sides wouldn't cede an inch to each other. As a result, Alice forced herself to tightly coil herself, so that she could stay as long as possible and bolt out when her control finally slipped through her fingers. Although by then it might be a bit too late.
"Don't worry; baby steps, remember?" The vampire said between gulps of venom and tightly controlled breaths to allow as little of her absolutely intoxicating scent to touch upon her nostrils as possible. "and, it will come naturally."
"Is that why my back's been hurting?" Bella asked, realizing that as soon as the question passed her lips she was in the running for the world's most idiotic question. A faint blush rose on her cheeks and she buried her head deeper into the vampire's neck.
"Ya, it is." Alice said, choosing her words and tone carefully. She could easily sense the embarrassment of the question and wanted to avoid either hurting or pitying the new siren. "There are wings folded into your back, and they're like any other part of you, if you keep them in one position for two long they cramp up."
"This may actually sound stupid, but no stupider than my last question. Is it magic?" If she hadn't already accepted her award for best idiotic question that one could have been her acceptance speech – and her entry for the next competition.
Alice let a small laugh escape before she answered. "No, it's not magic. Its nature, sirens are an evolved from of a human. The wings have probably been growing for as long as you have, you just noticed it. Think of it as puberty round two."
"Great." Bella said, "Because round one was oh so much fun." She tried only to smirk but it wasn't too long before her smirk gave way to a giggle and before a giggle gave way to a laugh and from there it cascaded until both of them couldn't stop laughing at the memory. Though for Alice it was a memory that she only held fragments of.
"Ya but this one will be so much better, I mean at the end of one you get a driver's license, at the end of this one you get to learn how to fly…and not a plane." Alice said dragging Bella to her feet.
"I guess you're right, but like you said baby steps. I have plenty of time to learn this stuff." Bella said. "How do you know so much about sirens?" The last question managed to bypass her brain and just come out.
Alice froze, without her visions even the most apparent questions evaded her.
She didn't have an answer.
What happens if I lie to her?
What happens if I tell her the truth?
This was a classic impasse that her visions guided her through for close to a century, and now it painfully slapped her in the face that she realized that she'd never had one of these problems since her visions began focusing on Bella. Until now.
"I know a lot of things, about a lot of things." Alice said with a coy smile, hoping that the subject would be dropped.
"Oh, okay." The siren said, "Well, I think I should start on – something." Her tone suddenly went flat. Alice knew all too well what was going on, the initial shock of the situation wore off, leaving Bella once again with more questions than answers.
"Want me to leave so you can start on – something?" Alice asked pulling back just slightly out of Bella's tight grasp.
"Umm…No, yes, no, I dunno it just kinda hit me all at once, you know." Bella thought she'd taken the news well – aside from the fainting, of course – but a sudden wave of new and inexplicable emotions just hit her anger chief was among them. She didn't want to be thought of as a freak that people would constantly poke at and study for the rest of her life. She wanted to be a normal high school junior biding her time until she can go off to college and start on her real life.
"I know the feeling." Alice said, forcing her smile to stay on her lips. Sometimes what someone else is thinking is quite obvious, even without telepathy.
Bella slowly released her grasp on the short vampire "Why me?" Bella asked through clenched teeth; a tear began streaking down her face.
"That, I don't have an answer to." Alice replied wiping the tear from her face.
"I thought you knew!" Bella said throwing herself up from the couch.
"I know a lot, but I don't know why you." Alice rose from the couch stretching a hand out for Bella's shoulder.
"Don't! Just leave. I want to be left alone." Bella's words hit the pixie with more force than words should be able to carry. The stars of hope that Alice began to see an hour before had vanished in an instant.
"Of course, but if you want to…"
"Just go!"
Alice left without another word, leaving the new siren to battle through the raging torrent of emotions alone.
~~**~~**~~**~~
Once alone the anger deep inside the young girl erupted; the book that she'd been so obsessed with was lying in pieces. The pages about sirens had been ripped from the binding and torn into two dozen rough pieces that littered the small bedroom; joining the bit's of glass and plastic from that morning. Bella stretched herself out across her bare bed; the anger still wanted to erupt but no longer had an outlet. Hot tears rolled down her cheeks as she clutched her sheets in desperation, before screaming all she could scream.
It wasn't nearly as satisfying as she hoped for, but it was better than nothing. The anger slowly began to ebb away leaving only desperation and pain in its wake. A feeling worse, by far, then anger. The desperation arose from all the old insecurities that Bella developed growing up, but the pain that welled up was worse. She'd just turned on the only one she'd met willing to help her like a rabid dog.
It was the worst she'd felt in her life.
The siren stayed in bed, staring at the bland white ceiling until she heard the metallic grinding of a key in a lock. "Bells, I'm home," Charlie called from the entryway, hanging up his coat and the holster.
"wonder-fucking-ful," Bella swore, wiping the tears from her eyes. "Hey, dad!"
The slow methodical footsteps of her father wound their way up though the stairs and stopped just outside the bedroom door, "You okay in there?"
No answer.
"Bella?" He called as he rapped his knuckle lightly against the door, "Can I come in?"
"Please don't, I think I'm sick." Bella lied, trying her best to sound sick. She couldn't let her father come in and find everything in the room broken or thrown around. Well she could, but the explanation – she decided, was completely not worth it.
"Alright, let me know if you need anything," Her father said pacing back to his room in the same orderly steps.
"Thanks," she said too low for him to her, "but I can't. You can't help me."
Bella rose slowly from her bed and, as quietly as she could, gathered her bedding from the floor, careful to make sure that no bits of glass worked their way into the bed spread. Once she was sure, she padded back to her bed and wrapped herself tightly in her bedspread before falling into a dark restless sleep.
Sometime later a frigid breeze fluttered through Bella's curtains piercing the heavy comforter and straight into her. Bella shuddered again clutching the spread tighter against her, to no help. Cracking her eyes open, she snaked one had up to the back of her shirt.
No tears, no blood.
Maybe it was all just a dream, Bella thought as she rolled over trying to find some alien source of heat. Five minutes of cowering under the covers and shivering were five to many; the brunette slipped her legs over the edge of the bed and down onto her icy bedroom floor. "When'd I open that?" Bella grumbled as she shuffled to the window. She shut the window hard enough to rattle the glass in the frame. That's when her eyes fell upon two floating golden orbs the exact same shade as…
"Alice," she breathed, fogging up the window. Bella wiped the fog away as fast as she could, but it was too late, Alice was gone.
The young girls head spun. There's no way she saw what she just did, it was impossible. Her room is on the second floor and the only tree near it couldn't be climbed. And even if it could you can't just jump off the tree, it's almost twenty feet off the ground, and she would have broken her hip, or her back, or her neck. "No." She said, shaking her head violently. Her feet managed to bring her back to bed, before she collapsed in another round of restless sleep.
The morning came too soon, another day saturated with clouds and rain, but here that was par for the course. Bella threw off the, now, hot comforter with a muffled grunt, when what passed for sunlight worked its way to her eyes. Blinking, realization finally settled into her mind along with it – acceptance.
She looked around the room, knowing that it would be a good idea to clean up before she slipped, fell, and slit her through on the only glass shard in the room big enough to do it. The siren went to work, carefully picking up the shards of glass, most of which stayed within the confines of the frame. She dumped the glass and the bent frame into the small wastepaper basket. Gingerly taking the picture of her and her mother from the baseboard she shook it free of glass and set it on the corner of her desk. The small digital clock was worse for wear but still functional; even with the bits for plastic chipped off the back and a large crack running across the clear plastic bubble. She set it back on the pine nightstand before going across to the hall closet and grabbing a small broom and dustpan. Once the glass and the plastic (and a couple of dust bunnies) were confined to the trash can; Bella's attention turned to the book.
The torn book.
Alice's torn book.
The siren's stomach lurched into her throat. She'd thought it all a dream and here was a simple leather bound book that made reality come through and slap her in the face. She picked up the book, careful not to destroy it any further. She put the book on the other side of desk and started picking up each piece of the pages. There were too many pieces to be able to tape them back together.
Hopefully Alice will forgive me. Bella thought as she trudged into the bathroom. She undressed quickly and turned the shower on. Once the water heated and she stepped inside Bella allowed the hot water to just run over her.
There was no hurry to any of her actions; they were slow and methodical as she went about her morning routine. Soap, shampoo, face wash, razor, water off, towel dry, and leave the shower. The siren stepped out twenty minutes later to a bathroom choked with steam and pruned skin. Not that she minded, sooner or later she would have to confront Alice. She ran a brush through her hair before blow-drying it. Still wrapped in a towel she went back to her room and dressed for the day, never glancing at the clock.
Time stood still for a brief moment as Bella held her shirt in her hand, this one free of tears or blood. She closed her eyes and thought about some of the things Alice told her about how naturally some of these things would be to her. Maybe a minute passed before anything happened, but when it did, it was a sensation like nothing she'd ever felt before, but at the same time it felt right.
Her skin slipped aside from just inside the shoulder blades this time without any blood. From deep within her small frame she felt something unfold in the same way she would extend a bent arm after days of keeping it bent. But still she continued, despite the dull ache in what she knew were her wings.
As much as she wanted to she resisted looking at them, knowing they were there and seeing them were two different things. One she could handle but the other was harder and if she fainted again the last thing she wanted was to be found lying face down in pants and a bra with huge white wings billowing around her like a slutty Halloween costume.
Bella pulled them back in shuddering when her skin fused itself back together with a sickening plop. Pulling on her shirt she cast a sideways glance at the clock for the first time that morning.
She was late. She grabbed the backpack she never remembered bringing upstairs and headed for the front door.
