The following week, John and I had a huge amount of media appearances but all anyone seemed to want to talk about was me and Phil. I refused to answer the questions and kept trying to focus the attention onto John. John wasn't a big help with that either. He kept trying to encourage the questions, hoping I would give some kind of answer.
"CM Punk is willing to give me the time I need to figure this out. Why can't you?" I asked him.
John dropped the matter after that.
That Sunday, John and I had a lot of media interviews. All I wanted to do was curl up in bed. I broke free as soon as I was able to and rushed back to the hotel. I fell face first into my pillow an hour later. Tamma and I had connecting rooms in the hotel. She came into the room without knocking.
"Let me tell you about the conversation I just had with Punk." Tamma began, sitting on the bed.
"Do I have to?" I groaned into the pillow.
"You're going to want to hear this. Sit up."
I grumbled something into the pillow. Tamma snatched the pillow from under me, forcing me to lift my head.
"Up! Come on, you're going to want to hear this." she repeated.
"What is it, Tamma? I've been up since 5AM due to media appearances with John to promote the Money in the Bank pay-per-view but all anyone wanted to talk about was CM Punk. I'm tired of talking about CM Punk."
"He isn't being a douche bag. He thought he was doing the right thing." she continued, ignoring my statement.
"What are you talking about?" I said, finally sitting up.
"Someone got it in his head that you were better off without him. Before you ask, he wouldn't tell me who. Punk felt that you deserved someone better than he felt he was. So he's been acting like an ass to push you away."
"Well, it worked. He got what he wanted."
"But that's not what he wanted, Kat. He wants you. He wants to be with you."
"He sure has a hell of a way to show it!" I exclaim, beyond tired to make sense of her words.
"Yes, that's true. But he told me that he realized that Adam is the only guy that you dated since him."
"Tam, none of this is news. So?"
"So? Now is not the time to be thick. Why is Adam the first guy you've dated since Punk?"
"Because I haven't found anyone that I was interested in dating." I answered.
"And?"
"And what? Tamma, I'm tired. I'm stressed out. Out with it."
Tamma ignored my pleas and made a noise out of frustration.
"Because even when he treated you like you were nothing to him, you still loved him. You still do love him."
"Yes, so?"
"So? So why aren't you down the hall with him right now?"
"It's more complicated than that."
"How is it complicated? You're in love with him. He's in love with you. What is complicated about that?"
"What if…what if it is too late for that?"
"What are you talking about?"
"What if it's too late to say I love you. What if we can't get back what we had. What if we can't get back to where we were?"
"What I'm hearing from you right now is fear."
I laid back down on the bed, staring up at the ceiling.
"Can you blame me?"
"Yes, yes I can." Tamma matter-of-factly said.
"You know what Punk and I have been through."
"And I know what you two mean to each other. I know that you've spent the last three years waiting for your Phil to come back. He's here, Kat. He's down the hall, waiting for you to make a decision."
"I just need a little time."
"How much more time needs to pass? Why are you acting scared?"
"I am scared. I can't have my heart broken again. I wouldn't be able to handle it."
"Scaredy cat." Tamma teased, poking me.
"Don't poke me." I told her.
"Scaredy cat." she said again, poking me.
"I said don't poke the bear."
"What bear? I see a scaredy cat. Scaredy cat." she said, poking again.
I pushed her off the bed with my foot. She laughed at me, then made me sit back up.
"I may not have always been the biggest fan of Punk's but I want you to be happy. And I really think your happiness is down the hall."
"My happiness, as you put it, didn't believe me when I said I didn't do anything with John Cena."
"It wasn't you that he didn't believe." she stated.
"Tamma say what again?" I asked, leaning forward.
"He didn't in that moment. But he realized later that you would never intentionally lie to him or cheat on him, he felt like he didn't deserve you. Punk felt like, in that moment of doubt, he lost you."
"If that is true, why didn't he just come to me and explain?"
"I asked him that. Punk said that he knew if he did, you two would eventually get back together, but he felt like he didn't deserve you. He wanted you to move on to someone that he felt could be better for you. So he tried to push you away. He felt it was for your own good. But it backfired on him."
"Because no matter what he did..."
"You still loved him." Tamma finished.
"No matter what happened between us..."
"Your feelings didn't change." she continued.
"You know what, that kind of makes since in P's brain." I said with a slight chuckle.
"Are you going to talk to him?"
"I think I am." I said, standing up.
"Atta girl." Tamma said with a smile.
I walked down the hall to Phil's room. Just before I was about to knock on the door, I could hear a man and a woman's voice. It was muffled so I couldn't make out who it was. Judging by the noise, I could tell what was going on. I backed away from the door without knocking. I sat against the door connecting Tamma and my room and banged my head repeatedly against the door.
"Why are you back?" Tamma asked through the door.
"Apparently I was right. It is too late for us." I said, still banging my head against the door.
Tamma opened the door swiftly. I fell backwards at her feet.
"What do you mean it's too late?"
"He has a girl in there with him."
"That's impossible. I just talked to him an hour ago."
"I know what I heard."
"That makes no sense."
"Yeah, well, apparently it's making complete sense to whatever girl he's banging in there."
"You're sure you went to the right room."
"His room is 318?"
"Yes."
"Then I'm sure."
Tamma sat down next to me, a little dumbfounded.
"Kat, I just talked to him."
"It's not your fault, Tamma. He's changed his mind again. He's entitled. See, this was what I was afraid of. Without meaning to, Phil broke my heart again."
Tamma put her arm around my shoulders.
"Want to go get some ice cream? Put in Thor or something?"
"You know, I think this is a problem that even ice cream and Chris Hemsworth's abs can't fix."
"What are you going to do?"
"I'll give an answer tomorrow. Tonight, I think I'm just going to cry myself to sleep."
