Chapter Eight
HARDIN
Two Months Later
I HAVE IGNORED all eight of my father's phone calls today.
I know I should talk to him, and figure out what's left to do so I can graduate a semester early, but I don't feel like talking to him today. I know she told him I spent time over the house, and stupidly I hadn't expected him to hope I would come around more since then.
Though I can't tell what's annoying me worse; my father's hope or that I find myself thinking about Tessa more and more. I'm not sure why, but I imagine it has to do with my father's inability to shut the fuck up about her. I know she is attending WSU this year—all the more reason for me to graduate early.
Between my father, Molly, and Steph, my phone keeps blowing up and I'm tempted to throw it out my window. I don't even like cellphones; they're obnoxious and materialistic. But unfortunately mine is necessary for my job and to stay in touch, so I try to only use it when I need it.
Molly wants her usual fix, Steph just can't take a hint that she's aggravating the shit out of me, and whatever my father needs can wait because I always waited for him and now I just don't care.
I decide to text Molly back. She is annoying me the least today, and I promise her a quick fuck later on at the party.
I put my phone in the cupholder and leave to pick Nate up from Tristan's apartment. Nate tries to convince me to let him drive my car, but I decline. I'm on edge enough today, and I like driving when I need to clear my head. Nate drones on about the party last night, telling me all about how Molly took her top off and strip teased for a room full of guys. I give him a sideways look with a wicked grin on my face.
"Nothing I haven't seen before," I tell him, smug, though I know he's seen her body too. I wonder if I could get her to do one tonight, just for me—I know I could, and I haven't had one in a while.
"You and Molly still fuck buddies?" He asks me.
"Of course we are," I roll my eyes, "we haven't been anything else."
"I just feel like nobody's seen you lately," Nate shrugs, "Molly said she hasn't recently, and Steph didn't know if you went home for a bit."
I scoff, "I've been working a lot. And I can't go home right now." I don't elaborate. The good thing about Nate is he rarely pries into my past, and if I don't tell him he knows better than to ask. Nate is one of the few who knows about my life back home, and he's never judged me for it. For that, I consider him a good friend to keep around.
"We're picking up Steph's roommate by the way," Nate tells me. I roll my eyes again. Great. Because Steph likes to think I'm her goddamn chauffeur all the time. "Steph texted me a little while ago, she asked if that was cool."
"Roommate?" I ask. Nate shrugs.
"I don't know. Steph hasn't stopped talking about her. I can't tell if Steph even really likes her, though."
"Oh boy," I retort sarcastically. Steph's roommate is either a boring prude or maybe a wild child. Either way, Steph is going to try and recruit her into our circle of friends and she's either going to be obnoxiously promiscuous like most girls that go here for the parties, or just the complete opposite with no experience. I'm not into virgins, so we shouldn't have any problems. "Steph is a bitch. She's probably faking… the poor girl must has no idea."
"Why bring her to the party then?" Nate wonders out loud.
"Probably to humiliate her, or something," I say, "like I said. Steph is a bitch." Nate just laughs and shakes his head. He turns the music up on the speakers, singing obnoxiously loud with the screaming vocals. He rolls all the windows down, and he reminds me of a dog the way he sticks his head out.
"If you get me pulled over, Nate, I swear to—," I start to say, as Nate turns it up more to drown me out. I flip him off, but he only laughs harder.
Sometimes I'm envious of how happy he always seems to be. He's fucked up, too, but he doesn't let it consume him. If only that were my case.
We pull up to the dorm buildings. I notice Steph's tall figure before I even see the girl standing beside her. When I see her though, I almost slam on the breaks. I want to keep driving, or turn the car around, but I don't. I should have known—my luck is absolute shit, so how did I not see this coming?
Of course she's Steph's fucking roommate. Of course.
She's not dumb. She's knows it's me—and my car is a dead giveaway. My anger dissolves into shock, and then lust and I can't help but stare at what Tessa is wearing—that's definitely not her tight, black dress. I would know by now, after spending some time with her and her usually hideous attire. But goddamn if that dress doesn't look fucking amazing on her body—her curves look killer, and the shape of her ass nearly sends me over the edge in my seat.
Steph must have leant it to her for tonight, and I usually hate Steph but right now I could drop to her feet and kiss the ground she's standing on.
But I'm mad at her—I have to be, so I do my best to recollect myself and keep my face stoic.
Before I even have the car in park, Steph opens the back passenger side door and gets in; like Nate and myself, Steph watches her expectantly.
"Come on, Tessa!" Steph insists. Tessa's eyes land on me, a hard edge in her stare.
"Get in, or we're leaving without you two!" I snap. I will make her and Steph walk to the party if they continue to stand there and waste my gas. Steph flips me off.
Something brings Tessa back to earth and she climbs in after Steph, slamming my door harder than necessary. I grit my teeth, peeking at her in the backseat through the rear view mirror.
Tessa sits with her arms crossed over her chest, pushing her breasts up in the most disarming way. Fuck. And she's trying to look anywhere but at me. Two can play this game.
If not for the music coming from my speakers, the silence would be more awkward than it already is. Nate is the first to break it, bursting into laughter.
"What's with the awkward fucking silence?" He asks, catching his breath. I see Steph's grin from the backseat and I already know this can't be good.
"So Hardin…" She starts in a sing-song voice, her eyes piercing through me and I can't look away or she will win this battle. Steph continues, "When were you gonna tell us how you know Tessa, here?"
A noise between a gasp and a choke escapes Tessa's lips, and if not for the two cockblocks in this car with us, I'd love to hear more from her beautiful mouth. But I'm supposed to be angry with her—she started it. Okay, that's not entirely true… I started this shit two months ago, she just picked it back up today.
Tessa is already looking at me, waiting for me to answer Steph's question.
"I don't," I say simply, "not really." I see the frown reappear on Tessa's face and I feel bad—I really do. But she had to have expected it from me by now.
"Well how did you guys meet?" Steph pries. Such a need-to-know-it-all bitch, she is. I glare hard at Steph, and I am tempted to turn around and say something nasty to her but the idea of stopping the car and making her walk comes to mind again. I don't do it, though I should—I can be a gentleman, sometimes.
I also don't want to say something stupid in front of Tessa that I'll regret later. It's odd, she actually makes me feel guilty for being rude to people. I want to seem good in her eyes, though I know I've fucked that up a lot already.
"Steph…" I grit my teeth. She rolls her eyes at me, and usually I would find that shit annoying but this is Steph. I really don't care what she does.
She turns to Tessa without a word, the same expectant expression on her face. Tessa just shakes her head awkwardly, diffusing my tension immediately—I wonder why she doesn't just tell them. Any other girl would just to be petty.
Steph lets out a deep sigh, then turns to Nate. I don't pay attention to their conversation, however—I'm too aware of the silent girl in the backseat of my car, looking dangerously tempting. Fuck, why couldn't this situation be different?
Why couldn't she be sitting in my passenger's seat, in that sexy little dress, with her legs crossed to keep me at bay. I would touch her thigh, and with a light squeeze I would have her legs opening at my touch.
I wonder what she's wearing beneath it, if anything at all. It is rather tight on her—I'm well aware of how it's clinging to her body in a sinful way.
My boxers are tighter in the front now, and all I can think about is coaxing her to join me in a room upstairs so I can remove that dress and savor every inch of her incredible body.
She's different from most girls I've been with, but that makes it all the more exciting—her body really is beautiful. If only she dressed for it more.
I don't realize I have zoned out driving, until my hands unclench the steering wheel and I feel all of the blood pulse back into my fingertips.
I catch Tessa's eyes in the mirror briefly, but her gaze drops before I can get a better look.
The party has already started when we pull up to the frat house. The lawn is already full of people, and I have no doubts that the house is already packed. The only good thing about living at this place is that the parties are huge.
"How many people are here?" Tessa gasps.
"A full house!" Nate exclaims. I see the shock and terror on her face—clearly she's never been to a good party, or even a party by the looks of it. I park on the edge of the lawn, almost all the way on the grass, and shut the car off. I am the first one out of the car, my groin is aching and I am so worked up—I try to forget my ridiculous thoughts from the car ride as I make my way through the crowded house. I spot Molly's pink hair, sitting on the kitchen island. I can tell by her eyes she's high already, and probably on her second or third drink.
I make my way to her, and the smirk on her lips grows larger. "Hardin," she slurs.
"I can see you've started already," I tell her, bringing my pinched fingers to my lips to imitate a blunt. Molly giggles, then rolls her eyes at me.
"Of course I did," she shrugs, "it's no fun otherwise."
"What do you say we have a bit of fun later?" I ask her, resting a hand by her hip. Molly doesn't answer, but the look she gives me tells me I could take her upstairs now and fuck her hard.
"You've got an admirer," She says in a smug tone of voice, tilting her chin up. I turn to see Steph and Tessa, standing in the doorway. Tessa looks uncomfortable—she tries to look anywhere but at me again, though Molly already ratted her out. "Hey Steph!" She calls out, obnoxiously high-pitched this time. I used to think Molly was as fake as they came, but Steph proved to be worse. I actually feel bad for Molly sometimes, when Steph gets all judgmental and shit about Molly's activities.
Molly tugs on the back of my jacket, her cold fingers trace the skin on my lower back, above the waistband of my jeans.
"Molly," Steph throws her arms around Molly's neck; it seems Tessa is completely forgotten already, though she's only standing a few feet away. Steph looks at all of us, then says "Everyone. This is Tessa, my new roommate." I can see that Tessa is uncomfortable again, practically squirming under all of the attention she's receiving.
"Do you want something to drink?" Molly asks her. Yeah right… I think to myself. Of course, I'm wrong about her once more. Tessa shrugs a shoulder.
"Sure," her voice is almost a whisper compared to the noise around us. Molly pushes a red cup across the counter in her direction.
"Don't smell it before you drink it. Just sip."
And of course, Tessa doesn't listen. Her nose scrunched up immediately, and she eyes the cup wearily.
"What is this?" She asks.
"It's a mix of vodka, scotch, and just a touch of whiskey to get the party started," Molly flips her hair over her shoulder, re-adjusting herself so that Steph can sit beside her. "Beer is so overrated. And totally not strong enough anymore." I almost laugh out loud—Molly drinks to drink, she really doesn't know much about alcohol. She only cares about what's stronger. Unlike me—alcohol was a distraction, when I didn't particularly care for the taste much, and though I've given it up I still know my liquor and spirits.
I don't think I like the idea of Tessa drinking, however. Especially starting off on something so strong—meant for the heavy drinker, not the new or casual.
"Molly, she's never drank before," Steph says quietly. She turns to Tessa, and adds, "we can start you off with something else." Oh look, the bitch actually has a heart… or she's very good at acting, and that's likely it. Though I don't really care.
"This is fine," Tessa insists.
"You'll be on your ass if you finish that," Nate tells her. He tries to reach for her cup, but Tessa sets it down on the counter in front of her, cupping it in both hands. He calls Zed over, "Zed! Bring us some beers!" I see a flash of annoyance on Tessa's face—she's as stubborn as ever, and she's willing to prove us all wrong. But for what reason?
"One sip won't hurt," Molly rolls her eyes, clearly annoyed by everyone's objections. "Don't turn her into a pussy before she's even had a sip. Just drink it," she stares at Tessa, waiting.
"Molly!" I warn, while Steph whines at her pushy best friend. Molly completely ignores me, like I knew she would, and she gives Steph a hard glare.
"One sip!" Molly snaps at us. "Then you can shove beer down her throat all night. Let her have a taste of freedom—she looks like she could use a bit of liquid courage anyway." As we are paying attention to Molly, Tessa takes a quick, large gulp, and despite the cheering around us she looks as though she wants to spit it back out.
I'm not going to stand here and watch her try to impress the likes of these people—myself, included. I thought she was different from us, but perhaps I was wrong and the impression I got from her was different because we were alone. I don't bother waiting for Molly to follow me, instead Nate and I go find Jace and his friends.
xxxxx
I'M NOT SURE what time it is when I find Molly a short while later. I left my phone upstairs in my room, but I'm too high to care about the time anyway. It's not that late, I'm sure. The party is just getting better now that I've got a buzz on.
I don't even care that Molly is clinging onto me, all of her weight on me—which isn't much, she's a small girl. I know that she's waiting for me to sneak her away, and I'm thinking pretty soon I might.
I haven't been listening to Nate or Jace's conversation; I haven't been paying attention to anything. My mind is quiet for once, despite all of the noise around me.
"Why won't she just get lost already?" Molly sighs into my ear, her tone is clipped and I turn to see what she is whining about. I spot Tessa, staring between me and Molly and Nate. There she is, looking all uncomfortable again. I can't help but smirk—why did Steph even bring her here tonight?
"You look lost," I say as soon as she looks at me again.
"I'm looking for Steph," Tessa says over the noise. Molly laughs, her whole body shaking with it.
"She left with Tristan about an hour ago," Molly tells her, "she's probably gonna be gone for a while." You mean all night, I want to say. That's Steph. I see the confusion and terror on Tessa's face as she realizes she's stranded here for the night. "You look like you're about to cry!" Molly laughs harder this time.
"Well if she comes back will you tell her that I went back to the dorms?" Tessa asks, trying her best to remain patient.
"How do you plan on getting back?" Nate asks.
"I'll just walk," Tessa quickly says. "I haven't even has one drink. Just tell her for me, okay?"
"You're not walking back this late," Nate shakes his head. I want to ask him why he even cares what she does, but part of me is thankful for his rational side right now. Even high, Nate is less of an asshole than the rest of us. "Not trying to be a dick, but do you see how you're dressed? And you're almost about three miles from the dorms."
Tessa sighs, her aggravation is growing and I can tell she isn't thinking about anything else except for leaving this house. "Everyone else has been drinking," she huffs out, "I don't have my car…"
Now I think she may actually start crying.
"Hardin can take you back later," Nate says, earning a choke from Molly and a furious glare from me. Who the fuck does he think he is, making shit my responsibility? Last I checked, my plans for tonight are getting fucked and getting fucked up—and I've achieved neither so far, so I'm not going anywhere. Nate rolls his eyes at me, "What? You haven't been drinking, man. The least you could do is get her back safely. Steph said you would."
"Well Steph needs to stop making promises for shit I didn't say, because I'm not driving anyone home tonight." I nearly toss Molly onto the floor as I stand up. Nate begins lecturing me on being nice for once, and I am about to argue back when Tessa's voice breaks us up.
"Enough!" She yells, "I'll just walk back. I don't want him driving me anywhere anyway!" She only looks at me for a brief second, and I can see she's angry. When she looks at Nate her expression softens, "thank you for your concern, but I'll be fine. Just tell Steph I went back."
She rushes to escape before he can protest, but runs into someone behind her, carrying beers. I hear Molly's laughter, while Tessa runs out the door and Nate tries to call for her.
"Fuck you guys," Nate snaps at us, shaking his head, "she just wants to leave. You should have at least offered to take her home, regardless. You know what could happen—what the fuck is your problem, man?" I can only stare at Nate, I have nothing to say. I know he is right, but I won't admit that out loud.
"She doesn't belong here," Molly says, shrugging carelessly, "she should have stayed home. I don't know why Steph even brought her along—just because Steph left doesn't make her our responsibility."
"Whatever," Nate scoffs, "I'm gonna go find her, and make sure she doesn't need help while you two can keep acting like you don't give a shit." I want to follow him—I try to make my feet move, but they don't.
"I don't!" Molly calls after him, a smirk on her lips. Molly tugs at the bottom of my jacket again, trying to get my attention. She whines, "Hardin! Take me upstairs…"
"Piss off, Molly," I say over my shoulder. I don't look to see her face fall, I know she is mad when she starts yelling after me. I don't listen to her though, instead I make my way upstairs and lock my door behind me.
Nate's righteous attitude has put me in a bad mood, mostly because he is right and I shouldn't have been such an asshole towards Tessa. She wouldn't be fucking walking back to the dorms in the dark if I only had a decent bone in my body. I care that she could find danger—she's not exactly strong enough to defend herself. I drop my head into my hands, feeling a headache starting fast. Why is Nate such a good fucking person all the time?
My phone buzzes in my pocket; a text from Molly, no doubt. I manage to retrieve it and turn the screen on. It's a text from Jace.
Coming to the docks tonight?
No. I'm staying in. I text back.
Well I'm leaving soon. Molly said she's gonna join us later. You sure you're not coming?
I said no.
Ok. Don't say I didn't offer.
I shut my phone off, and lay down. I know they are just going to continue their partying down there—with more booze and drugs than they had here. Jace only shows up to the parties here for the free alcohol, but down by the docks is where he makes his money. And I don't feel like smoking anymore tonight. I'm exhausted as it is, and that stuff doesn't help me sleep anyway.
My mind won't shut off about Tessa, running out of the house. Now that my buzz has worn off, I feel worse about the whole thing.
Am I really that mean to her like she always said? I don't think so, but maybe I don't see things the same way.
THE NOISE DOWNSTAIRS dies down a while later—I'm sure the others have left for the docks by now and everyone else has passed out from exhaustion or blacked out from too much alcohol.
I still can't sleep, I never really can. It's nothing new, but I haven't been able to sleep for longer than an hour or so these past few weeks. After tossing and turning for what must be hours, I decide to just get up. As I head downstairs to see the damage left behind from the party, I spot a familiar blonde at the top of the stairs.
She never left?
That makes me feel infinitely better, though I'm not sure why. Maybe because Nate's words really got me, and I'm just relieved to know nothing bad happened to this stubborn girl.
"What are you doing?" I ask her. She jumps at the sound of my voice. When she turns to face me, she looks exhausted. "I thought you left." At the bottom of the stairs, I catch a glimpse of pink hair—Molly hasn't left yet, either.
"I should have," is all she says.
"Why didn't you?" I ask quietly. I wouldn't admit it if she asked, but I'm glad she is here in front of me now.
"I realized walking back was a stupid idea," she mumbles, and the pout on her lips grows the longer she looks at me. "Did Steph come back?"
There's so much hope in her question. Why? How can she be so hopeful that the friend who left her stranded here actually remembered to come back for her? I know Steph—she is probably blacked out drunk at Tristan and Nate's apartment.
"I doubt it," I say. I want to say no, she didn't. But I suddenly can't bear to see anymore stress on this girl's shoulders tonight. Instead, I ask her, "Why did you even let her talk you into coming here tonight?"
All of her perfectly held-together patience comes crashing down in the matter of a second, and she finally snaps, "I don't know, Hardin! Honestly, this night has just gotten worse and worse, and I would really like to get back to my dorm instead of getting stuck sleeping here in a room that isn't mine! But that clearly isn't happening tonight!" She begins sobbing quietly, I see the single tear run down her cheek, though I don't think she notices it herself.
"I would offer you a ride home, since you're clearly hysterical," I say, "but you said so yourself, you don't want me driving you anywhere."
"You told Nate earlier you weren't driving anyone anywhere," she says impatiently.
"Yes, but you said you didn't want me driving you anywhere."
"After you got mad!" Tessa retorts, matter-of-factly. She even rests a hand on her hip, stubbornly stating her fact. "I don't need your help, Hardin." I sigh, annoyed.
"Fine, have it your way then." I say, "Walk back to your dorm for all I care!" But I do care… too fucking much, all over again. This defiant, prissy little know-it-all has gotten under my skin all over again and as long as she's near me, that's where she'll stay.
I won't stand here and let her refuse my help. She can take her pride and leave whenever. I storm back into my room; I should have known it was a mistake to leave it.
Before I even step toward my bed there's an obnoxious, loud pounding on my door and I know that's her. Why wouldn't she be childish in one of our arguments?
I'm vaguely reminded of when she stomped her foot over me holding her planner hostage, but I don't have time to think too much about it because I am suddenly yanking my bedroom door open without another thought.
Her blue eyes, swimming with anger, only fuel my fire. "What the fuck?" I demand. She starts yelling at me, but I can only focus on the footsteps ascending the stairs in a rush. I don't want to deal with Molly's rage on top of Tessa's—these women are crazy, and I decide I should pick just one battle to try and win tonight.
"Who do you think you are—?" I pull Tessa into my room before she can protest, shutting the door quickly behind her. I lock it out of habit, but also because I know Molly is crazy enough to barge in.
Last thing I need is her and Tessa shouting at me. I can't imagine the humiliation Molly would put Tessa through for having been caught in here with me.
"Hardin?" Jace. Did none of them leave? It must not be as late as I thought—or they came back. And if that's the case, I don't really want Tessa to get caught up in Jace's shit. He may be my friend, but I know his games.
I press a finger to my lips, begging her just this once not to fight me on it. I'm surprised, and relieved, when she doesn't.
"Who is that?" She mouths.
"Hardin?" Molly. I know what they're here for—I already told them no.
"Come on, he's probably sleeping," Jace says after a few more knocks. Molly makes a comment I don't hear, and soon enough their footsteps disappear down the hall.
I turn back to Tessa, and she asks, "what did they want?"
"Same thing they always want…" I sigh, but don't elaborate, and thankfully she doesn't press me for an answer either. After tonight, I don't think she wants to hear anything more about me and Molly's other activities.
"Who was that?" She asks.
"His name is Jace. You don't want to meet him, trust me," I tell her, my tone serious. She stands with her hands still on her hips, and I suddenly remember why I have trapped her in here. "Care to tell me why the hell you're trying to bust my door down?"
Her shoulders drop, and all of her fight disappears. "Not really…" She says after a long moment. I roll my eyes, brushing past her as I cross the room to my bed. I'm exhausted, and in no mood to play this game with her anymore tonight. Her eyes follow me, a furrow in her brow, and she says, "Wait… are you a part of this fraternity?" The shock in her voice is evident, so I don't answer her question.
"Does it matter?" I ask instead.
"I just never would have pictured you belonging to one," she states quietly. "That means you go to school here…?"
"Surprise," I'm surprised she hadn't figured that out already. The silence in the room is deafening. I think I prefer her talking to me more than her ignoring me, but her ignoring me is pretty funny. She gets so mad at me.
"What is your problem with me?" Tessa all but whispers. I get the feeling this is unrelated to the present, and has more to do with how we left things two months ago.
"Why do you assume there's still a problem?" I run my fingers through my hair, pulling at the roots.
"Because there is, or was…" I was right. "You said still." She points out matter-of-factly. "The car ride was obvious. You're being rude to me again…"
"I never changed, Tess," I sigh.
"Oh, I'm sorry," she scoffs, an sarcastic laugh escapes her lips, "I never thought of you as the type to care about the opinions of others, but in front of your friends you've treated me like I am nobody to you!" She spits out, raising her voice with each word, "Not worth your time or—,"
She stops herself, angry tears form in the corners of her eyes as she stares back at me. Fucking hell. Why does she care so much? I don't even know what to say, I open my mouth once or twice but no words come out.
Does she really think I give a shit what they think about me?
"That is so far from the truth," I tell her, keeping my voice low. I don't realize I am walking toward her until she turns away from me, her thin fingers gripping the middle shelf of the bookcase for support. Her knuckles are white, and from where I am standing I can only see the side of her face, but her eyes are closed. When she opens them she still doesn't look at me, but I notice she traces her fingertips along the spines of my books, stopping at Wuthering Heights.
"Get away from me, please," she begs, she sounds exhausted. Something in her voice nearly breaks me, and I know I can't ignore her request. I step back, putting a good distance between our bodies. As soon as I do, her eyes are on me again and she gives me a hard glare, "as I remember it, you kept coming back to the house and you wanted us to try and be friends. I'm over whatever this is, Hardin! I meant what I said in the first place—just leave me alone! I don't know why I let Steph talk me into coming here tonight… I guess I was just stupid for thinking anything good could come of any of this."
She doesn't give me a second before she is out the door, and almost to the stairs again. Literal. Fucking. Hell. Goddammit! I'm not done with her, and yet she's running away again—when she was the one who barged into my room and started yelling at me. She drives me absolutely fucking mental!
I manage to catch up with her, grabbing her arm a little too hard. I loosen my grip immediately, but I don't let go of her. She's not leaving me yet. "Why do you always start shit with me and run away? What the fuck is that, huh?" I yell, my anger getting the best of me. I need to calm down.
"You keep walking away, Hardin!" Tessa snaps, "It's not so fun getting a taste of your own medicine, is it?" She looks so damn proud of herself.
"You're really being ridiculous, you know that?" I retort, shaking my head. Her skin is so warm and smooth in my hand, I let go of her this time; I need to focus.
"I'm being ridiculous?" She shouts. It's a good thing nobody in this house bats an eyelash at a couple making a scene—we've surely woken the whole damn house with our yelling.
"What do you want from me, Tessa?" I demand. She doesn't look away from my gaze, and all I can think about is how alive her eyes are when she's angry at me. Fuck.
"I'm leaving now," Tessa says, looking away first. Of course you are. She's only proving my point further.
"Fine," I snap, "Leave. But don't bother coming back."
"Don't worry," she says over her shoulder, "I don't plan to."
Tessa is off the last step and rushing through the living room when my mind snaps to, and I realize we have solved absolutely nothing yet again. And I'm fucking pissed now.
Dammit.
Fuck.
Goddammit.
I hate this frustrating girl, I really do.
Fuck, no I don't. But I want to.
I am running after her, down the stairs and out the front door. She is sprinting across the yard, looking back at me once when I yell her name. "Tessa!"
Am I really going to follow this girl? Fuck. What is wrong with me?
"Tessa!" I yell, "Fuck!" She stops halfway up the street, just as I get closer. When I reach her, I touch her arm but she doesn't turn around. That's better than her turning around and punching me, like I expected.
She seems like a gentle girl, but she's so angry at me all of the time.
"Will you stop walking away from me?" I ask, breathless.
"Why?" Tessa snaps immediately, wrenching her arm out of my grasp. She turns to look at me, and her eyes grow wide when she does. I don't know what this back and forth between us is, but I'm relieved to know it's not just my head being messed with.
"Just stop," I tell her quietly. She presses her lips together in a tight line. I haven't stopped thinking about her lips since that night at the pool—when I told her I don't really kiss girls. It was a vague answer. "Let me drive you back…" I offer. She laughs bitterly.
"You're not serious," she says. What the fuck?
"I am." I say, my tone is serious. I'm trying not to lose my temper with her again, but she is making it difficult. Why does she think I'm joking now? I know I was an asshole earlier, but it's the least I could do now. My buzz is gone, but I could use her as a distraction. "This is the one and only time you will see me pushing aside my pride, Tessa. So accept it now, or never see it again," I warn her, "Your choice."
Her arms are crossed over her chest, and she gives me a disbelieving smirk, like everything I have just said is a joke. She must decide not to test me, however, because she huffs out a sigh, and says, "Fine."
"Good choice," I tell her and begin walking back to the frat house. I hear her footsteps behind me a few seconds later.
She waits as I retrieve my keys, and I decide to humor her and her polished attitude. I walk around the car and open her door for her. I can't help the smirk on my face, and it's only followed by a deep laugh when she gets into my car with a pout on her lips and a pissed off expression on her soft features.
I get into the driver's seat and start the car, the engine softly purrs to life. We don't talk which makes the drive awkward, so I turn the radio up just enough to get rid of the tension. I don't know how we kept ending up alone together, but if it makes any sort of difference, I think I prefer her company over anyone else's.
"What kind of car is this?" Tessa's voice rings through the silence, her voice low.
"It's a 1970 Ford Capri," I say proudly, "it's a classic."
"It's beautiful," she says thoughtfully, a smile tugging at the corners of her lips. I meet her eyes, and smirk.
"I know," I reply playfully. She tosses me an eye roll, and returns her gaze back out the passenger side window. I take a second to look her over while she isn't watching me. She doesn't seem upset by my teasing, which is a good sign. Maybe she's calmed down a bit. I hope so, anyway.
She rests her chin on the palm of her hand, and I am certain she is pressing her forehead against the cold glass. Her eyes are closed and she looks as though she could be sleeping.
"What changed your mind?" Tessa quietly asks after a long moment. When I look at her this time, she is already looking at me, waiting.
"Does it matter?" I ask.
"Clearly, it matters!" She huffs out, "Contrary to your belief, I don't ask questions that don't mean anything, Hardin."
"You tell me all the time I am rude or mean to you," I say as we come to a stoplight. "I guess I was trying to show you I'm not all bad."
"That's all you've shown me," Tessa sighs.
"That's not all," I argue. The light turns green then and Tessa tries to tell me so, but I don't care until the car behind us actually does honk. I pull over into a parking lot and turn to Tessa.
"You've been nothing but cruel to me," she says quietly, "I thought there were a few times where I was wrong about you. But then you go back to your real self. What did I do to make you hate me…?" I don't hate you, that's the problem… I don't tell her that, though. I can't.
"I'm trying to show you, you don't know all of me." I tell her.
"You don't let me know all of you," Tessa sighs, "You don't let me ask you questions… you don't care, Hardin. I was stupid to think you would."
She's far from stupid—she is so different from any girl I have ever met. She's frustrating, infuriating, witty, stubborn, annoyingly observant, and quite beautiful in a subtle way. She's stunning… and for those reasons, I don't hate her at all. She has challenged me at every opportunity so far, and she has found her way under my skin like the ink I wear.
"Tessa, shut up for two seconds and let me talk, please," I nearly plead, earning a glare in response. Her anger is mild at best, but she listens; she actually listens to me for once. I don't even know where to begin now.
I must take too long for her liking, because she huffs out a large sigh and turns to grab the handle, "Hardin, I'm leaving if you don't start talking…" I stop her before she achieves her escape.
"Fuck," I curse, all of my frustration rolls through me like waves and I can't seem to think straight, "Tessa stop! Stop trying to walk away from me for once, please!"
Hardin Scott does not beg, but this girl would have me on my knees if she tried to run now.
"Why?" She demands, her eyes searching mine for the words I can find. "Why?" She asks again, much softer this time.
"I'm not sure what any of this means," I start, feeling my hands start to shake. They always do when my emotions get the best of me and I can't focus. I don't know how to be honest with her—I've never had to do this before, and I'm really trying for her. But I've been honest with her where feelings didn't matter, and I know all she wants is answers. I may as well give her the truth. "You make me want to hate you, but when I tell myself I do I only think about you more…" I see the confusion on her face become realization, and she understands exactly what I just said.
I continue, "I don't hate you, Tessa. You piss me off, you challenge me, you frustrate me…" you drive me absolutely fucking mental, and all I can think about is fucking that snobby attitude out of you… "you're so far under my skin and I can't stand it at all."
"But you said I wasn't your type," she argues. Of course that would be her first thought. If I could take back one thing I said to her, it would be that. Fuck my type, I don't care about any of those girls… but I care about her more than I'm willing to admit. She isn't my type, that is true… but I don't give a fuck. She is better than any type I've come across. So much better.
"After all I've just said, that's the first thing you think to question?" I say.
"I just don't get it," Tessa replies, twisting her fingers together in her lap.
"Clearly, it doesn't matter if you're my type or not, Tessa…" I retort. It's exhausting trying to stay away from her. I can't, I'm not strong enough to keep my distance and it's getting harder the more I think about her.
"What?" She asks. I must have said that out loud. "What's exhausting?"
What do I have to lose?
"Acting like I have to stay away from you." I admit, "Acting like I don't care about you…" I have hurt myself more times caring about people or things; it is easier and less painful not caring so much at all.
I don't know why I would think this time is any different—she could easily break me with one word. But I think I would be willing to get hurt for her.
"Do you remember the second night I stayed at my father's house?" I ask her, and immediately I know she does.
"Of course I do," Tessa sighs, her expression is almost sad—regretful, maybe? "But I've tried not to," she confesses.
"Why?" I ask her. I want to know why.
"Because Hardin," she nearly whines, and the sound of my name in such a vulnerable voice goes straight to my groin. "You don't get it… you make me so angry, and I can't just ignore the mean things you've said to me. I don't like how you make me want to hate you. You make me want to be cruel, too."
I know this to be true, unfortunately. But that's what intrigued me about her the first time—despite how cruel I could be, she never evened the score. She gave me patience, when I deserved anger. And she only showed me her anger when I went too far. It's fucked up, how much I want to push her—but her anger is a beautiful distraction. Tessa comes to life around me, and until she showed me that I never felt anything before her.
I'm just as confused as she is, if not more. And I want her. I want her to want me, too. But a big part of me fears the chaos that could come of it—I don't want to fuck her life up, too.
"I make you feel something else, too." I say, testing her reaction. I am thrilled when her body responds exactly like I knew it would.
"What's that?" She asks.
"I see how you react to me, Tessa," I tell her, reaching across the armrest for her hand. I'm relieved when she lets me touch her, and I open her fingers up. Her hand is cold, but her skin is soft and I wonder if my touch burns her skin like it does mine despite its temperature. I lightly press into the palm of her hand, and I feel her pulse quicken, "I know I make you nervous. I make you crave my touch."
Tessa pulls her hand back, and for a moment I think she may cry. "You know I have Noah… can we agree to either be friends, or stay away from each other? I can't do this back and forth with you anymore, Hardin. Seriously. It's too exhausting." She said this similar phrase to me on the couch at my father's house.
"I don't want to stay away from you," I blurt, hoping that will change her mind. Her breathing picks up, and I know I am affecting her. "I mean… I don't think we can stay away from each other. With Steph being my friend and your roommate."
"So we try the whole friends thing again," she states. "Not friends with benefits." I can't help but smirk—it's obvious what she's got in mind, and perhaps we can work to that someday. I wouldn't be opposed.
"You don't know what you're missing, Theresa," I tease her. She rolls her eyes. "Attempt two of being friends."
"Attempt two," Tessa laughs, shaking her head, "we must be bad at it."
"You can't be good at everything," I say, grinning. The know-it-all she is. I check my phone for the time, and I'm relieved to not have any missed calls or texts from Molly for once.
1:58.
"It's late," Tessa comments. I nod, and we finish our drive back to the dorms. I can feel her eyes on me for most of the drive, and I decide to take that as a good sign. I find a spot to park, and I know it's the farthest from her dorm. I just want a few more minutes with her, that's all.
"Thank you," Tessa says when we park. Though she doesn't make any move to leave my car.
"Goodnight, Tessa."
"Goodnight, Hardin." She still doesn't move, only this time I know it's because she is lost in a thought. She is looking at me, but not really looking at me. I want to ask her what she is thinking about to hear her say it, though I already know.
"So much for being friends," I say, and she comes back to me. Her cheeks flush a light pink color, and the color creeps down her neck.
"We really are bad at this…" Tessa says.
"Horrible." I agree.
