Summary: Things turn upside down


It turns out that their visitors were reporters. Dylan Andrews and Jax to be exact. They answered her questions and told her what they had been through since retiring. It was bittersweet relating that information. On the one hand it was a laugh to recall the ridiculous things they had been through. On the other they had to talk about Church. And that still hurt. It was a sore topic for them all.

However Grif's worst fears were realised when Dylan pulled out and played a message that Kimball had sent. Church. Why did it have to be Church?

As soon as the message finished Blue team raced out of the base and headed for the ship. The Freelancers followed them to stop them from rushing off. Sarge led the Red team outside to give them a pep talk, excited to get back into battle. Grif wandered over to his cave.

As he entered he sighed and shook his head. He was so sick and tired of adventures, quests, whatever you wanted to call them. He wanted retirement. He deserved retirement. Ranted it hadn't been the most peaceful, instead being hectic and chaotic but it was in one place. It was still retirement. He didn't want to go chasing ghosts. Church was gone and this little sideshow would probably prove to be fruitless. He couldn't even work up the energy to follow the others just to say I told you so. He was just so tired. He wanted to stop, to pause for a moment and enjoy the simple things in life. Like food and sleep.

He knelt down and faced the cave wall, hanging his head. Why did it have to be another adventure? We did they have to get involved in everything?! It wasn't their job to fix the universe!

He got angrier the more he thought about it. Why was it always them?

For a split second he wondered if he could convince Simmons to stay if he refused to go. Sighing again he knew that would never work. Simmons was too much of a kiss-ass and people pleaser. He would go along with it because the others were for the simple reason of remaining part of the group.

The more he thought about it the more hurt he felt. If he refused to go he would be asking Simmons to choose between him and their friends. And he knew what Simmons would choose. They had known each other long enough. It hurt more than he was willing to admit at the very real possibility that Simmons wouldn't choose him. Even if he really wanted him to.

He knew deep down that if he refused to go his friends would leave him behind. Church was just too important to them. Despite how many times the guy had died and how much of an arsehole he was, they still all rushed to his aid.

Red team just went along for something to do and for Sarge to claim the superiority of Red team because they had to keep saving Blue team.

And they would so again.

While Grif wallowed and seethed in his cave, Simmons had just completed Red team's pep talk. He was excited to do something else. He liked being busy, he had found retirement stressful as he wasn't sure what exactly it was he was supposed to do. And he liked knowing what he was supposed to do.

Red team dispersed and got ready for their next adventure but there was a nagging thought at the back of Simmons' mind, 'where was Grif?'

It troubled him that Grif wasn't with them. He knew Grif would take this badly. He had seen Grif get tense during the message from Church. It was also a bad sign that Grif had gone silent and just walked off after it. He hadn't even protested about the quest to find Church. He had remained silent and just walked out. It normally meant Grif was angry, really angry. That scared Simmons more than he was willing to admit.

He had only seen Grif that angry a couple of times and it was always something he wanted to avoid. Not because he was scared of Grif but because Grif could be extremely stubborn when he wanted to be. He had a feeling that Grif was going to do something they would all regret.

Looking around he noticed the reporter walking off. Maybe she was going to find and talk to Grif.

Although in the back of his mind he had the nagging thought that he should be the one to do that. Not the reporter.

"Simmons! Hop to it soldier, we have a new mission and we must prepare. Help Lopez and Donut load the ship."

Sarge's order prompted him into action and he did as he was told. He just hoped the dreading feeling in his gut was wrong.

Dylan turned around and looked back at the Reds and Blues as they prepared to go on another mission. She had noticed Grif go off on his own and her reporter's instincts were telling her she had made a mistake showing that message. At least as far as Grif was concerned.

For all the reading she had done about the Reds and Blues it was a totally different experience to meet them. Crazy followed them wherever they went but so did tragedy. She just hoped she wasn't responsible for bringing more of that to them.

She took a deep breath before entering the cave, finding Grif crouched down facing the wall.

Grif heard the footsteps of someone approaching but ignored it and continued grumbling.

"Grif?"

"Go away." Grif said dejectedly. Why did Church have to reappear? They were all just coming to terms with the loss.

"I, just want to talk." Dylan replied as she cautiously approached him.

"Well I don't want to talk to you, or anyone. So make like a tree and fuck off." Grif stood up but remained staring at the wall.

"I…see you're upset. Can we talk about why." Dylan said, carefully choosing her words hoping to defuse the situation. Grif was quick to answer,

"You. That's why. You show up here, you drop the bomb on us and then everyone goes springing into action. We are supposed to be done. I don't want to go on another adventure. I don't want to listen to Sarge. I don't want to get shot at. I don't want to shoot at other people. I want to chill. I want to sit and chill."

"And leave Church to his fate?" Dylan was genuinely curious. From what she had discovered about the Reds and Blues she expected them to be incredibly close-knit. And yet here Grif was ready to abandon one of them. It surprised her, that's for sure.

"Fuck Church! I spent half my life dealing with his shit! HIS ex-girlfriends, HIS daddy issues, HIS…resurrections! Why can't he just stay dead?"

It certainly wasn't what Dylan was expecting but it was cathartic for Grif. It felt good to rant and get some of his anger and resentment out in the open. A pause followed Grif's rant before Dylan attempted to diffuse the situation,

"I've spent a lot of time looking at logs, reading transcripts and talking to eye-witnesses. They all say the same thing about Grif. He's the lazy one, the one that doesn't care."

"Nailed it."

Dylan slowly approached, "Your actions tell a different story. A story of someone who always answers the call. Who always helps his friends and fights for the greater good. I mean I saw you give Sarge CPR in the Blood Gulch logs. You saved his life. I think your sister is right about you. You care about your friends."

Grif bowed his head at Dylan's little speech. He was never going to admit that what she was saying was true. He cared more than he was willing to admit. But he was also tired. Tired of fighting. Tired of running. Tired of having the weight of the universe on his shoulders. He wanted it to stop. He wanted to relax. Spend time with Simmons and chill out. He had had enough and it all came out in that moment.

"YOU DON'T KNOW THE FIRST THING ABOUT ME LADY! I HATE SIMMONS! I HATE SARGE! I HATE EVERYBODY! PRINT THAT IN YOUR FUCKING PAPER!"

With that he stormed out of the cave.

Grif approached the rest of the group in time to see that they were ready to leave.

"Oh…Look who's finally graced us with his presence." Washington commented as he stood in front of the others.

"Where have you been soldier?" Sarge asked.

"Thinking." Grif replied. He knew this wouldn't be easy but it was something he had to do.

"Yeah, right!"

"Thinking about food."

Grif let the insults fly his way before saying his piece, "No. Actually I was thinking that, I quit."

"Quit what?" Simmons asked. For a moment he couldn't wrap his mind around what Grif could be quitting. In hindsight it should have been obvious to see coming.

"You. All of you. I quit. I'm not going. I'm staying here."

"What? You can't quit. That's not allowed." Tucker exclaimed.

"I can do whatever I want. I'm not in the military anymore. I should've quit years ago."

"What about Church?" Caboose asked sad and confused as he watched the scene in front of him unfold.

Grif turned to him, "Let it go Caboose, all of you. He's been resurrected more times than Jean Grey. It's getting old."

"Seriously, dude. You've always been selfish but this is bullshit." Tucker was getting angry. He didn't understand why Grif didn't want to go. This was their friend they were talking about.

"I don't like you. Any of you. But we've all known each other long enough, that you should hear it from me first. I'm done."

With that Grif walked away. He had said his piece. He needed to separate himself from them, even if it was the hardest thing he had ever done. But it was needed. He just couldn't do it anymore. Dylan was right, he did care. But it was time he put himself first. He was just so tired, and he couldn't bare to lose someone else.

Caboose didn't understand what Grif had done. They were all friends and friends supported each other. Friends stayed together, "He can't, he can't do that! Someone do something!"

Sarge stepped forward, "Grif! Desertion is punishable by death! So keep going! Desertion means leaving the military, not eating dessert! Seriously Grif, turn around." His attempts to goad Grif into an argument which would ultimately convince him to come along had failed. Grif ignored him. Grif had always been lazy but he didn't know how Red team functioned without him.

The others turned and walked towards the ship as Grif walked away. It was obvious that Blue team were angry and the Freelancers were disappointed, but Red team were stunned. They didn't know what to do. They had never lost a man before. Left them behind, accidentally or on purpose sure but they had never had a member choose to leave.

Simmons stood in stunned silence staring at Grif's back. Willing him to turn around. Hoping he would change his mind at the last second.

But he didn't.

Simmons felt his eyes welling up as Grif disappeared from sight.

"Simmons come on. We have to go. Or do you want to be left behind as well?"

Simmons flinched at Tucker's words and the malice in his voice. Simmons understood both sides. He got why Tucker was angry but he also understood why Grif didn't want to do this anymore.

Willing his reluctant feet to move he turned around and made his way to the ship.

Jax turned to Dylan, "You know, I liked them better when they were funny." Dylan turned to Jax and agreed, "Yeah. I hope we didn't fuck something up." Although something told her they had done just that.

Once onboard he sat down and tried not to cry. His best friend had just left. Left him, saying he didn't like him. Grif's words had been both a pinch to the gut and a stab in the heart. But it also confirmed to him that Grif didn't feel anything for him. What happened in the storage closet meant nothing. He meant nothing to Grif.

Tears silently fell down Simmons' cheek as he processed what had just happened. The rest of Red team were strangely quiet. Not even Sarge was barking out orders or insults about Grif. Even Donut was strangely quiet.

Simmons felt terrible about leaving Grif behind. They shouldn't have done it. They should have made him come along or stayed with him and avoided Blue team problems. Why did everything have to get messed up?

It was then that Simmons realised that they had taken both ships. Grif had no way of getting off the moon. They had stranded him there. Plus the point of the isolated moon they are on was so no one would or could contact them unless they reached out directly. Just like Dylan and Jax has done.

Guilt ran through Simmons and tears fell even harder causing his breath to begin to hitch. They hadn't just left Grif behind behind they had stranded and abandoned him there.

Back on the moon Grif watched the ships the ships leave. Anger and annoyance running through him, 'Fuck them. I'm going to enjoy my retirement. I earned this. I deserve this.'

During the next few days he was determined to do as little as possible. He was determined to enjoy his retirement, the others be damned.

The problem came at night. At night there was even less to do but it was the dreams that troubled him. His deepest fears played out in his dreams. It was where he was good enough, not worth enough. He was too fat, too lazy, too incompetent to be bought along for the journey. His worst dreams were always those that contained Simmons. Since being left alone dreams of the doomed colony transformed into dreams of the moon. Here Simmons would tell him all the worst things that he thought about himself and also relayed his deepest fear. That Simmons not only didn't return Grif's feelings but also hated him.

He would often wake up in a sweat over those dreams.

But he determined to make this work. He wasn't going to go back to them snivelling, even if he wanted to go back.

He would never admit it, but it hurt that his friend left him behind. He knew that he always complained, was lazy and generally avoided work at all costs but he thought he was part of the team.

All his insecurities raced to the surface the more time he spent alone. The others actions seemed to have confirmed Grif's worst insecurities.

Deep down Grif hoped that this was something that was fixable if, no when, he encountered the others again.


Finally got this chapter out. So things on the moon base haven't been going smoothly. I will skip parts of season 15 as I want to focus on Grif and Simmons.