4:18 p.m.
Looking at my watch, it's only been a few minutes since the last time I looked.
I'm restless, my left leg keeps bouncing up and down, and my hands are a sweaty mess.
I lean forward, putting my face in my hands with a dramatic sigh.
"Bella, for fuck's sake, talk to me," I mumble into my hands. I know she heard me, I can hear her clothes shuffling, and I can see her toes twist into the plush hotel room carpet.
I won't look up at her. I just can't.
She huffs incredulously. "Why?"
"Because we were so close, and I can't believe you're throwing away all of that by refusing to even acknowledge my mere existence," I throw back at her.
I glance at her as she shifts on the bed and shakes her head from side to side. She's quiet, her eyes downcast.
"Why are you doing this? Do any of them know? Because I haven't told them. I figured I'd save you the embarrassment. Is that it, Bella? Are you embarrassed to be seen with me?" I spit out.
I'm livid. Her refusal to speak is worse than a slap in the face. I wish she could just scream at me.
Yell.
Hit me.
Anything would be better than this.
Her head snaps up, eyes blazing into mine. "You think that's what this is about? Really? Coming from you, that's fucking rich, Edward."
I shrug. "Seven months of eye rolls and sarcastic comments will do that to a guy, Bella. You won't be alone in the same room with me, and it's not like I'll willingly corner you alone. I'm not that guy," I snarl, holding on to a shred of my sanity. My hands are balled into fists and I can feel my nails digging into my skin.
She snorts. "How am I supposed to know that? I don't know who you are anymore, Edward."
I roll my eyes. It's epic, the way she keeps blaming me, but it was her who didn't keep in touch. "Maybe if you hadn't closed yourself off the minute you laid eyes on me, you would," I retort.
"Well, maybe we were never that close, Edward. Maybe I didn't want you to hurt me again," she replies, tears sliding down her cheeks.
I hate seeing a woman cry, and I've always hated seeing Bella like this. I want to reach out to her and hold her. But I don't.
I can't.
I'm angry and frustrated, and I doubt she'd ever let me touch her.
Her words resonate in my head. "What do you mean? Me hurt you again? Last time I checked, you were the one that moved away and never looked back."
I sit in a winged-back chair by the window, and press my hands to my face.
The room is quiet, save for the noise outside. It's still raining, and thunder can be heard off in the distance. Peering out the window, all I see from my vantage point is the parking lot filled with cars.
Very wet cars.
And here I thought I was running away from wet weather.
I sigh and drop my head into my arms on top of the table. I'm hungry, thirsty, and emotionally drained.
"Why didn't you reply to my letters, Edward?" The soft, quiet, resigned sound of her voice cuts through my thoughts, and I look over at her small form.
The sight before me tears my heart out. The pain in her face is evident. Her arms are wrapped around her abdomen, as if she's hugging herself.
I've never seen her look so broken.
Did I do that to her?
"Your letters?" I ask, eyebrows knitted together. "I never got any of your letters," I confirm, after thinking about it for a moment.
I stand up, agitated. "Everything I sent to you came back, Bella. For months, I tried. Mom had to bring me to see the doctor. I was so depressed." I scrub my hands over my face and look up at the ceiling. She says nothing. This is so fucked up, we were so close. "What happened to us? Why can't you talk to me?" I sigh, letting my hands fall from my face. I walk over to the bed, and kneel in front of her.
She's contemplating something, chewing her bottom lip mercilessly and I can see in her eyes that her thoughts are going a mile a minute.
"What did the envelopes look like?" she asks out of nowhere.
"What do you mean?"
"The envelopes you sent me, what kind where they?"
I think back to how I had taken time to decorate each envelope with Hello Kitty and Garfield stickers 'cause she liked those. I remember going to the dollar store and getting them specifically to send them to her.
"The envelopes were regular white one but I'd added a bunch of stickers. I thought you'd like that." I shrug and look at the ground. It's kind of embarrassing to admit that I was so lovesick for her.
That part of me still is.
She nods and shakes her head. "I can't believe she did that," she whispers almost too low for me to
hear.
Problem is, I did hear. "Who did what, Bella?"
She looks up at me, her eyes pleading. "I saw those envelopes. Mom said they were for the previous owners of the house."
Her mother? Renee? "Why the hell would your mom do that?"
She shakes her head. "She always thought we were getting too close. She had warned me about staying away from you and how I was too young for a boyfriend. I guess moving was her perfect opportunity."
I can't believe this. "I've missed you so much these past five years, Bella," I say softly, trying to get through to her. There is so much hurt and misunderstanding.
We were kids, but she was my best friend.
"I was so hurt, Edward. When I received nothing from you for weeks, Mom said I had to forget about you and make other friends. She said that our life in Forks was gone and I needed to move on," Bella says quietly, her eyes downcast.
Everything makes so much more sense now. Her mother intercepting our letters and the lack of response.
"Every day, I felt like it was my last; like I'd die without you," I say and bring my hands to her bare knees, looking for some sort of connection with her.
She won't look at me, but her gaze flickers to my hands on her skin.
"I tried for over a year to reach you," she says softly, tears falling over her cheeks as she finally looks me in the eye.
I'd like to see Renee try to keep us apart right now.
My voice cracks and my throat constricts. "You had my phone number, you could have called me."
She brings her hands to mine and presses her thumbs over my knuckles, fidgeting nervously. "I was angry that you hadn't written, and then I waited too long. I didn't think I'd ever see you again."
"I didn't either," I say, but I have so many questions. "Why do you hate me so much?"
I search her face for answers I'm not sure she will ever be able to give me.
She's still the beautiful girl I knew, except she's filled out quite nicely in the past several years. My eyes automatically flicker to her mouth as she sucks in her bottom lip, and all I can think is how her lips used to feel pressed against mine.
We hadn't kissed very often; we'd just tested the water, seeing what the fuss was about. We were young.
Her mouth opens and closes, and finally she speaks. "When I saw you, I recognized you right away. I didn't know what to tell you," she explains. "I figured you had moved on. I was surprised you didn't have a bunch of girls fawning over you." Her cheeks get pink and she averts her eyes.
It's not like I couldn't get a date. Girls did ask me out. I just said no a lot and after a while, they stopped. When I was in high school, I did date, but none of them where her.
"Do Alice and Rose know?" I ask.
She shakes her head. "I've never told them. I was angry at you for years, Edward. That doesn't just go away. So, I just pretended to be indifferent toward you."
I can't blame her. To anyone else, this whole thing is ridiculous, keeping so much anger over a few lost letters, but when you're thirteen, it's like the end of the world to lose your best friend. Or at least that's how it had felt for me.
"Were you planning to ignore me for the next four years, 'cause that's a long time, sweetheart," I reply, running my fingers lightly over her knees.
"I went through so much when mom and dad divorced. I wished you were there. I cried and cried, but there was nobody I could talk to because all I wanted was you," she says. With a deep sigh she continues, "I don't think I would have lasted for that long. I'm barely holding on now, Edward."
I choke on my own sobs. I missed her so much and knowing that she felt the same just breaks my heart. We lost so much time together, all over a misunderstanding.
"Then stop. I'm here now, and I'll be here for as long as you want me." I want her to trust me again. I want us to get past this. We're adults now, after all.
"Mom re-married and stayed in Florida, and dad moved back to Port Angeles when I started at U-Dub. I've been closer to my dad since the divorce. Knowing she did this to us, to me, I can't forgive her. There's just no way. It's the last straw," she states, and closes her eyes.
I don't even want to think about her parent's divorce and how that must've felt for her. I'm just so overwhelmed.
I close my eyes. "I loved you," I tell her quietly through clenched teeth. I'm not angry with her. I'm angry at the situation.
Memories of her filter behind my eyelids: running and playing thought the trees; our parents yelling for us to come home; her face, happy and bright as the sun shines in her eyes.
Her fingers stop moving over my hand, and I hear her breath catch in her throat. When I open my eyes, her eyes search my face as mine do the same to hers.
We are a mere six inches from each other. I can feel tears, burning hot trails down my cheeks. It's not manly, but this girl has seen me through everything. I've never hidden from her, and now is not a time to start. I close my eyes once more as I try to calm all the emotions bubbling to the surface.
It's all too fast, too real.
She's here and she's talking to me, instead of pretending and pushing me away.
She lets go of my hands and I feel the pads of her thumbs wipe away the moisture from my cheeks. I open my eyes again and look at her, she's worrying her bottom lip; something she's done for as long as I can remember.
"I never stopped," I tell her softly; truthfully.
She drops her hands from my face. "I thought you'd moved on and forgotten about me. Rachel liked you so much, I figured she'd pounced the minute I was gone."
I scrunch up my nose. "Rachel? Jake's baby sister?"
Jake was one of my best friends growing up. He was no Bella, and was never able to replace her, but he was a good kid no less.
Bella smiles timidly. "Yeah. She always said you were hot." She shrugs. "I figured after I left that you moved on."
I push her hair back and tuck it behind her ear. With my hand cupping her cheek I say, "Bella, there was never anybody else."
Sooo... if you're still with me after yesterday's epic short chapter... see, this one was looooooong... :o)
