I just didn't know what to write next after that previous chapter, so my apologies for taking so long. Though I am not quite sure about this particular shindig because of the state my characters are in. It is so different...
Clary didn't know if her heart was gradually breaking and slowly beating or speeding up and tightening from being so petrified. She felt so vulnerable, so exposed and so… helpless
Gavin was outraged, his lips pressing together in a tight line and his breath so labored that she could hear it from across the room, the awkward silence filling the room. Jace was still pressed against her, still pinning her to the wall, his back to Gavin and his eyes on Clary.
And though Gavin was quite obviously pissed off, the look in his eyes was not that that hurt Clary. It was the look of disgust. Not just directed at the scene in front of him, but at Clary herself. And that hurt more than she could believe was possible. There was no way he'd ever forgive her.
"Get out."
Clary's mouth, already gaping open, somehow opened more, her eyes widening. She wasn't even sure if that was what he said, though it seemed appropriate at the moment.
"Wh…" She tried, but was breathless. Jace suddenly, but very slowly, began to release her, except his eyes would not move from her face. As thankful as she was that he was moving, she wanted to be protected. She had felt safe when he was closer to her, even the slightest brush of skin.
Oh, my god. What the hell am I thinking?!
"Gavin," she mumbled, unable to keep her eyes from his. "Gavin."
He raised his shoulders abruptly, turning his palms upward and his expression turning more irritated. "What Clary?"
"I…" she began, but knew finishing it off with so sorry I hurt you would just not cut it. She didn't know what to say, she didn't know how to fix it.
"What the hell, Clary?" Gavin was livid. "In some moral sense I would understand if you cheated on me with a random guy. Hell, I would've understood if it was with my best friend. But, oh, my god. Clary, he's your goddamn brother!"
Before she could stop herself, she took a step forward, reaching out to him and trying to comfort him. It was just her and him in the room. There was no one else. And she saw his broken heart and knew that she had to do something to mend it.
Just as she moved, he looked at her outstretched hand in horror and backed up. Clary froze and seeing his furious glare boring into her in disbelief, she looked to the floor.
"I'm sorry," she whispered. She knew it was a mistake before she even said it, but she had to. Just to let him know that she actually was, even if he didn't believe her.
Yet, he didn't say anything. There was so much tension in the room, so much angry and hurt tension that she was about to say it again before she saw, out of the corner of her eye, Gavin balled his fists.
"Get out," he mumbled.
Clary finally looked up. Gavin was now staring straight at Jace, his body shaking with anger. And when none of them moved, he looked to Clary again with so much pain, with so much betrayal that she shuffled her foot back a few inches.
"Get out!" He yelled so loudly it echoed off the close walls.
Clary flinched and did quickly to obey him. Thankfully Jace followed her and did nothing to grab at her or, worse, grab at Gavin. She was at the door, avoiding Gavin's gaze and twisting the door knob when all of a sudden she heard a thud. Clary looked over to see Jace on the ground, his hand going to the left side of his face.
"You sick bastard," Gavin growled, getting ready to hit Jace again. But before he could, Jace jumped to his feet and moved out of his line of fire.
Clary could see that he was about to retort back with something equally sarcastic, but he caught her desperate and silent plead and he huffed out a sigh instead. He raked a hand through his disheveled hair and tossed a weary glance at Gavin. Very discreetly, Jace opened the door and walked out without another glance at her or Gavin.
Trying one last time to show how sorry she was that she hurt him, she turned to him and gazed at him tenderly.
Most of his anger was replaced with sorrow, pain and disloyalty now as he looked her straight in the eyes. His body wilted over in exhaustion as he made his way over to his kitchen table and pulled out a chair. He slumped in it and brought a hand to his face, pinching the bridge of his nose.
"Whatever you have to say," He murmured, "I don't want to hear it. Just go and leave me alone."
"Please," she whimpered, her vision turning blurry.
Gavin dropped his hand and looked at the kitchen, avoiding her eyes, not wanting to fully see her. "Clary. Just… just please leave."
Tears began to race down her cheeks as she slowly backed up and moved through the open doorway. Her last sight of Gavin was of him looking down at the floor, his elbows on his knees and his hands clasped together so tightly that they were shaking from anger and hurt.
Clary kept looking at her phone. She felt as though she should give Gavin a call, even though she was just outside of his apartment on the sidewalk. She hated leaving him like that. She wanted to see him, to make it all better. But she knew that the best she could do was to understand what he was going through and do what he said and just leave him alone for a while.
She took a long, deep breath as she stared at the building one last time and finally tore herself away, making her legs move and looking forward. Literally and mentally.
But she stopped short because across the street stood Jace, his gaze dark and with sympathy and comfort. Swallowing hard, Clary made her way to him as he opened his arms to embrace her tiny body with his. When his arms wrapped completely around her, pulling her so tightly to him she could hardly move or breath, she began to cry all over again.
And he just held her, kissing he head, stroking her hair, rubbing her back or her cheeks where the tears had trailed down. Finally, it subsided and her cries turned into hiccups as she tried to catch her breath.
"I'm sorry," she whispered.
He tunneled his hands through her hair and loosened his hold, just a little. "No need to."
Clary sighed, breathing him in and so enjoying how heartening he was.
"I should be apologizing," he mumbled.
She furrowed her eyebrows and pulled away to look up at him, confused.
Jace kept his hands around her waist. "I should've never done what I did. I should've stopped or—"
"No," Clary interrupted sternly. "If anyone should've done something, it should've been me. Hell, I was the one that was living there purposefully to get away from everyone."
He grabbed a bit of her shirt and began to rub it between his fingers, contemplating what she had just said. "Away from me?"
Clary's mouth opened in protest, but no lies came out to take away his look of hurt.
Bit by bit, his fingers slipped away from her until his hands were by his side, his eyes not leaving hers as he tried to hide the pain her words brought him. Neither of them saying anything as they stood there, words unsaid, truths unconfirmed, lies untold.
Suddenly, Clary's phone rang in her hands. She flinched from the buzz in her palm and closed her eyes, calming her speeding heart. When she opened them again, she kept her eyes on Jace's. The phone continued to ring for a few more seconds—those seconds filled with intensity—before she flipped it open and put it to her ear.
"Hello?" Clary murmured.
"Hey, Clary. How's the boyfriends apartment? Anything interesting happen that I should know about?" Isabelle sounded serious, but Clary knew that she was just teasing.
"Uh," Clary hesitated, cringing a little at the word boyfriend. "It's complicated."
Which was the wrong thing to say. On the other line, she could hear Isabelle's sharp intake of breath, her harmless joke turning into sheer curiosity.
With her eyes still glued to Jace's, she continued her conversation somberly. "What's up?"
Isabelle sighed loudly, expressing her irritation. "You will tell me later. No choice. But there is something. I need you to come back for a while. Luke says he found something, but he won't tell me what."
Clary felt no surprise or interest. Nothing but empty.
"Clary? You still there?" Isabelle asked after too long of silence.
"We'll be right over."
"We? Who's we? Is Jace there? Clary?" Isabelle continued to ask as she pulled the cell away from her ear and snapped it shut.
"What is it?" Jace inquired once she stuffed the phone into her pocket.
She sighed and began to slowly walk down the street in the direction of the Institution. Jace matched her pace and kept a good distance between them at that. This hurt Clary, but she had brought so much pain today that she knew she deserved it.
"Isabelle says that Luke found something," she replied.
Jace slid his hands into his pockets and stared forward, finally taking his intent eyes off her. "What did he find?"
Clary shrugged. "I don't know. She didn't say. Or, rather, Luke didn't tell her."
"So we're off to the Institution, I presume?"
She nodded and sighed once again. "Yes. Hopefully it's something… good."
From the corner of her eye she saw a very faint grin pull at the corners of his mouth. She didn't really understand how it was that funny. Though, in some way it was oddly humorous that all in one day she had fought and made out with her brother, broken up with her boyfriend and moved out—with all luggage left at her ex's apartment. But it wasn't funny enough to make her smile or laugh.
In a very unusual way that was so foreign to her, she could feel her heart harden, turn cold and bitter. She felt different, changed and she didn't know if it was forever. With all her thoughts and feeling comingled and intertwined, one stood out among them all.
How can I be with Jace after all of that?
Eyes seem to show true sentiment as I have peculiarly proven in this meticulous chapter. Speaking of sentiment, it appears that my characters are growing soft on me. Hmm, that needs to drastically and interestingly change. Quickly.
