Stephenie Meyer owns anything Twilight in this story. The remainder is my original work. No copying or reproduction of this work is permitted without my express written authorization. Copyright January 2010 by Word Ninja.
CHAPTER 7
A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.
~Ingrid Bergman
Oh my god.
There were bees buzzing and a slight breeze rustling the long grasses and far, far overhead was an airplane leaving a pale line across the sky.
Bella couldn't hear anything except her own heart throbbing in her ears, and that sound was the farthest thing from her mind.
Oh my god.
Edward Cullen was kissing her. His arm was wrapped around her waist so tight she could hardly breathe, and his lips were moving over hers as if he had all the time in the world.
Oh my god.
Her life had been full of kisses; her Grandma Swan's gentle, pink coated kisses when she was young, Renee's quick, butterfly kisses, Charlie's scratchy, warm kisses. There had been kisses from boys, awkward, wet and sometimes sweet in their innocence. She'd even had kisses from a stranger during her single one night stand that had been jarring and harsh and almost sickeningly erotic in their complete lack of innocence.
None of them rocked her to the soles of feet and the deepest part of her belly and spun the air out of her lungs like wildfire. Not one of them compared to the feeling of Edward's full, soft lips sliding over her own.
Oh my god, Edward Cullen is kissing me.
Bella's brain kept trying to push past that, to grasp the next thing in line, (and Bella knew there was something else in line, she just couldn't quite... focus), but then she'd feel Edward's fingers spreading over the small of her back and she'd be right back there again.
Oh my god. Edward Cullen is... kissing. Me.
Her own arms were against his chest, unable to move because he was crushing her to him so hard, so she just spread her fingers across the hard planes of his muscles and let him kiss her. When he made a noise deep in his throat, something between a growl and a moan, Bella stopped breathing and would have sworn a lightening bolt shot straight down the center of her.
Oh my god, Edward. Edward is kissing me, and...
And what else was there? Every daydream, every childhood fantasy turned to ash and blew away before the reality of him holding her, kissing her. There was nothing awkward, nothing less than perfect about all of it. The way she fit against him, the way his hands settled against her in exactly the right places... it was better than any romance novel could ever have been written.
Oh my god, he is kissing me, and I feel so...
What, exactly? Like she was walking on sunshine? Check. Floating on Cloud Nine? Double check. Nirvana, perfection, heaven? Check, check, and check.
So why can't you shut your ever-running mouth and just...feel it then?
Because something was next in line. What was it after this, after this perfect moment on a perfect afternoon with the most perfect lips ever known to anyone, that wouldn't let her just slide away on the feelings he was pulling from her?
Edward slid one hand slowly up her spine and when his fingers found her hair and wrapped themselves around it Bella groaned into his mouth and tried to get closer.
I just want to put my arms around him, why won't he let me put my arms around him and feel him?
She tried again to push her arms free of his, and felt his own tighten around her like iron bands, squeezing the little air she had in her to expel against his mouth. His smiling mouth.
Why is he smiling at me? Keep kissing me, please Edward keep kissing me. Let me stay lost in this moment of suspended reality where nothing will ever be bad or hard or wrong and just kiss me like this forever.
Leaning into him a little Bella tried to capture his mouth against hers again, but this time he leaned away from her, keeping his arms around her but pulling his upper body back to look down at her.
"Well. That wasn't what I was expecting."
Edward's words, and his droll delivery of them pierced the pink cloud around Bella's brain instantly. Shifting all her weight suddenly back against her heels she broke out of the cage Edward made around her and took two steps away from him.
Opening her mouth to say something, Bella just gaped at him for a minute that dragged on forever as no sound came out. Closing her mouth, Bella took a deep breath and tried again. Two more times and she realized, half a second before Edward's grin widened, that she must look like a gaping fish, her mouth opening and closing in 'o' shapes with no sound coming out.
His grin, (no, his smirk, that's a fucking smirk on his face and what the fuck is smirkable about kissing me?!) was growing as she flushed with an anger that was quickly becoming full-blown rage.
"What. The fuck. Is so funny?"
Bella tried to keep her voice level but suddenly everything was spinning and red and nothing was right anymore, and why couldn't he just keep kissing me?
"And what the fuck did you expect when you kissed me? For me to sprout wings and fly around the fields? To pass out from disgust? What?"
Edward's grin (it's a smirk goddamn him for kissing me and smirking and he's just a manwhore and I'm just a stupid little girl and oh shit) quit growing and slowly left his face as she stared at him, and finally he took a step towards her, meaning to soothe or shake or kiss her into oblivion again for all she knew.
Well fuck that and fuck you Edward, no... Lothario fucking Cullen.
Reacting to something so deep and hidden she hadn't realized it was there until just that second Bella felt her right fist connect with his perfect jaw as she swung from the hip, just like Charlie had taught her.
She had a moment to appreciate the shocked expression on his face (weren't expecting that either were you asshole?) before pain flowered out from her still clenched fist and traveled up her arm like the fuse on a firework, but backward.
Gasping and pulling her throbbing hand to her chest Bella inspected her knuckles and was surprised to see tiny scrapes along them, letting out tiny pinpricks of blood as she flexed her fingers. She stared at them for a moment without actually seeing them, then reality, well... sucker punched her.
Oh my god.
Edward Cullen kissed me and I punched him in the face.
* * *
Bella stood in silence, holding her throbbing fist against her chest and staring at Edward as he rubbed his jaw. She'd never hit anyone, much less punched them as hard as she could.
Whatever Bella, he deserved it.
Maybe. She was still mortified that she'd actually done it.
"I can't say I was expecting that either. Hell Bella, you've got a mean right hook. Charlie would be proud." Edward's voice was level, but there was something underlying his calm tone.
Bella opened her mouth to apologize profusely, but Edward had one finger against her lips before she got the first word out.
"Hush. I'm not going to insult both of us and apologize for kissing you, because I think we both know it was great."
Bella spluttered against his finger as she tried to reply and got another 'hush' from Edward before he continued.
"I will however apologize for... stealing it. That was rude, and I'm sorry. Furthermore, I'll make you a promise; I won't kiss you again until you ask me to."
That was too much, even from Edward. All the remorse she felt vanished only to replaced with righteous indignation.
"You are the most arrogant, conceited... What makes you think I would ever ask you to kiss me? You think I'm just another one of the local girls who would be thrilled to receive attention from the magnificent Edward Cullen, and let me just tell you, you couldn't be more wrong. I'm not one of your little playthings, and I will not be a momentary amusement for you, and I most certainly will not be asking you to kiss me again. Ever."
There was so much boiling up in Bella that standing still was impossible. She turned on her heel and walked back toward her ranch, fuming and flushed and feeling a sense of embarrassment that didn't make sense.
Keeping her strides long to distance herself from Edward, Bella tried to get her thoughts in some sort of order, but there was just too much flying around.
Glancing down at her watch, Bella was amazed to see how little time had actually passed. Somehow in an hour she'd managed to ogle Edward, connect with him on some strange deep level, and get pissed at him for offering to help her.
And let's not forget about experiencing the kiss you spent more dreaming about than any normal, healthy person should.
Her long strides slowed as she thought about that moment and how his lips had felt on hers, the way his hands had touched her perfectly and...
And what Swan? He's an asshole and he kissed you, and you hate him. Let's get our priorities straight, shall we?
Prissy was back full force, and Bella welcomed her for once.
Edward Cullen is a manwhore. You are not one of his easy girls to be kissed and fawn and faint over him. You will not let him treat you like you are one of them.
Bella's steps lengthened back out as she thought about that. Edward was a jerk, and Bella had no desire to be part of a harem of skanks.
Gaggle? Flock? How exactly does one describe a group of women who throw themselves shamelessly on a man?
That brought a smile to her face, and Bella felt a little bit lighter until the other voice spoke up in her head.
But what about the kiss? You can't just ignore the fact that you felt like a fairytale when he kissed you. That's never happened before.
Bella sighed and cursed the rebellious voice. Because it was right, she'd never felt anything like that kiss.
Which just proves that he has more experience than anyone else you kissed. And that's not a good thing.
SHUT UP! Everyone in my head just shut up and sit down. I can't think right now, and I can feel his eyes on me, and I just want to get away.
Refusing to turn around, Bella walked the rest of the way to the ranch in front of Edward, and going back and forth between wanting him to catch her and kiss her again and wanting to turn around and punch him again for making her crazy.
Pausing only for a moment at the fence between their land, Bella turned towards the Cullen house and stormed up the steps into the house, calling for Alice as she went.
This calls for a girl's night.
* * *
Edward had expected her to be all smooth curves and honey under his hands and on his mouth. He'd expected her to kiss him back, and he'd been right about both. He had not expected her to respond so passionately to his kiss so quickly, and he'd been pleasantly surprised while he'd still been able to appreciate it from an outside point of view.
Then something else had happened, and suddenly the quick friendly kiss he'd meant to give her (I was only trying to take her mind off everything for a minute, I just wanted her to smile again and be relaxed and comfortable and Bella) had turned into something reckless and searingly hot. He'd struggled against himself and pulled and fought and tried not to give in to the demand every single nerve in his body had been screaming (to kiss her kiss her kiss her and fingers in her hair and on her skin and kiss her kiss her kiss her). When she'd moaned things came unraveled inside him and he did hold her tighter then, because if she touched him with her slight hands one more time, just one more time, he was going to throw her down in the middle of the field and make love to every single inch of her until the stars came and went a thousand times.
She'd flexed her skinny arms against his then, testing the strength of the cage he'd made, and he'd started smiling. He couldn't help himself, and he didn't really want to because it was a good smile, a great smile, one of the ones you feel all the way down and all the way through and remember in later days when there was nothing to smile about. It was just so... Bella. There was no way she could move until he let her, and she had to have known it, but there was no way she was going to quit trying either.
She leaned closer to him, and because at least 95% of him still wanted to lay her across the purple flowers and connect every freckle she had... with his tongue…he pulled back further from her and said the only thought in his brain that didn't involve taking off her clothes and tasting the backs of her knees and the translucent skin behind her ears.
"Well. That wasn't what I was expecting."
Which apparently was the worst possible thing he could have said.
Just as he'd loosened his hold around her she'd jerked back like he'd burned her, and the two steps she put between them seemed a million miles wider. She'd opened her mouth, and Edward had felt the most irrational fear of whatever she was about to say. He'd almost stepped back up to her and started kissing her senseless again, just to stop her.
But he'd waited, and she'd closed her mouth only to open it again immediately. The second time she completed the cycle Edward had grinned hugely because she was just so fucking cute all flushed and dark-eyed with her lips pink and damp from kissing his, just opening and closing in adorable little "o's" that made them that much more enticing.
He'd watched as she'd grown redder, and that sense of something unexpected coming hit him again, right before she asked what the fuck was so funny and suddenly nothing was any more. He'd taken a step towards her, needing to explain that she was wrong, that he'd only wanted to make her smile again, to give her a moment free from all the heaviness of her life.
Then she'd punched him, right across his fucking jaw. Hard.
Definitely didn't expect that either.
Edward thought about it as they walked back to the house in silence. He watched Bella walking, anger coming off her in waves, showing in every tense line of her body. He could feel the tension in his own body growing as he replayed it in his mind, his own anger growing with each repetition.
If she wants to pout that's up to her, but I'll be damned if I'm going to walk up there and try to make it better. Shit, all I did was kiss her. And got a right hook for it, and thank you so much Charlie for teaching her that one. My jaw will be sore for the rest of the fucking week.
He'd only been trying to be nice to her, to give her a friendly kiss. And if it had gotten a little out of control, well that was as much her fault as his.
She liked it. There's no way she would have kissed me back like that if she hadn't liked it. So why the hell did she hit me?!
Women were a huge pain in the ass, and Bella had just reminded him. Maybe she had been cool to start with, and easy to be around, but she was still a woman. And women were crazy.
Maybe I should thank her for hitting me.
Edward snorted quietly at the thought, and watched as Bella paused between their houses before striding purposefully up to his own front door.
Great. Just fucking great.
Two minutes later she and Alice were in Alice's room, the door tightly closed and the sound of giggles and whispers coming through the door. Edward snorted again, in disgust for all things female, and went to find Esme. At least he could enjoy the strawberry ice cream.
* * *
"What do you mean, Emmett ate all the ice cream?! Dammit!"
Edwards hands went to his head and lifted off his hat so he could pull on his hair as he paced the kitchen floor in front of Esme.
"Edward, I'll pretend I didn't just hear that language under this roof because I know my son loves and respects me enough not to use it in front of his mother. And I apologize about the ice cream, Emmett sneaked in while I was out at the barn taking some to your father. When I came back there was nothing but an empty tub and a spoon in the sink."
Esme walked over to Edward and stood in front of him, her face turned up to his.
"And I've already started another batch and told Emmett that he would be disowned if he came anywhere near it."
Edward sighed and pulled his hair again before he wrapped Esme up in a tight hug, lifting her feet off the floor and making her laugh. It was a sweet sound and it took the sharpest edge off his anger.
"Thanks Mom. I'm sorry I cursed in your kitchen. And you're the most beautiful, amazing, perfect woman in the entire history of the world."
Esme smiled back at him then turned to move back towards the meal she was putting together for dinner.
"So do you want to tell me what's going on, or would you rather pull your hair out piece by piece?"
Edward chuckled at her tone; she somehow managed to make him feel completely ridiculous and five years old again.
"I don't know, really. I just feel... restless I guess."
"Tired of being at home again with your old boring parents I suppose."
Edward smiled, telling her that neither she nor Carlisle was old or boring.
"I'm just ready to start doing something. I mean, something that only I've done. Not that what you've done isn't good enough, I just don't feel..." Edward trailed off and absently lifted one hand back to his hair and began pulling at it again.
"I'm not saying this very well, am I? What I mean is that you and Dad have made this such a wonderful place, our home, the ranch, everything. You worked hard and struggled and had tough times and made this beautiful place that runs like a dream. But I want to do that. I want to put every bit of myself into something and sweat and bleed for it. I want to make something with my own hands that I can look back at one day and be proud of, the way you two are of this place."
Esme had stopped re-arranging the table as he spoke, and when he looked back at her their were tears standing in the corners of her eyes.
"Oh Edward. I am so proud of you, of the man you've become."
She walked to him again and gave him a quick hug before moving back to her table, fluttering like a butterfly over her dishes.
"Whatever you decide to do, you know your father and I will be right behind you backing you up."
"I know Mom. And thanks."
"You're welcome. Now, why don't you tell my why Bella left with a smile and came back looking like she couldn't decide whether to cry or start swinging."
Damn she's good. And it's a little late for the "start swinging" part, considering the way my jaw is throbbing.
"Um, well... we went for a walk, and I told her I would help her, you know, around the ranch because she doesn't have enough people working over their, and she's working herself to death, you can see the shadows under her eyes, and it's not like Dad really needs my help, especially since Jasper is here and I just thought that maybe she would like to have some help..."
Edward realized he was rambling, and stopped talking to take a deep breath. Then he started again.
"She's got too much pride to ask for help, I thought she might take it if it was offered. She... declined my offer."
And that's enough for you to know Mom, please don't start diving for pearls.
"Hmm..."
Not a promising response. Great.
"Well, you offered to help, and she declined. There isn't a whole lot more you can do about that. Bella's got a stubborn streak wider thanthe Montana sky, and I love her dearly for it. She's not the type of girl who takes things on lightly, but when she does take something on, she fights tooth and nail to the death to keep it. She's stronger than anyone gives her credit for, but she's also just a scared little girl who's trying to make her own way. Surely you understand that Edward."
Esme continued to flit around, leaving Edward to stew in silence over her words. She given him a completely sensible reason for why Bella had refused his help, but Edward felt like she was saying something else, telling him something completely different.
But what the hell is it?
* * *
Bella sat on the foot of Alice's bed, laughing hysterically at Alice's story about Jessica Stanley and her latest attempt to get Jasper to notice her. It involved a tube of red lipstick, a very tiny skirt, and an unfortunate amount of"napkin dropping". Apparently she'd been in the feed store at the same time as Jasper, and she'd managed to stay on the same aisle as him the entire time, dropping nearly everything she picked up just so Jasper would stop, retrieve it, and give it back to her.
Everything was going splendidly for Jessica until Jasper picked up the last thing she dropped and asked her if she'd thought about seeing a doctor for her problem. Alice had been spying from the next aisle over, and she said the look on Jessica's face was priceless, while Jasper's had been nearly shining with good intentions.
Bella was almost in tears, gasping into the comforter as she imagined the scene Alice painted for her. Jessica had always been desperate, sometimes going to such extreme lengths that even Whorin' Lauren had been surprised, but Bella could just imagine how ridiculous she must have looked to Jasper, who would never fall for something that obvious.
"Alice, what exactly were you doing there? Not spying on Jasper, surely."
Alice gave Bella a level stare and answered, "What I was doing there can wait. Why don't you tell me what's going on with you?"
Bella's giggles evaporated as Alice looked at her, waiting for a response.
"Nothing Alice, why do you ask?"
"Bella, don't even try to pull this shit on me. I'm your best friend, and I can tell when something is wrong, no matter how stoic and contained you think you are. So tell me, or I'll find out my way."
Bella looked at her diminutive friend for a moment, and remembered standing on Violet Hill with her thoughts of being a terrible best friend.
Here's your chance Bella, let Alice be your friend again. Besides, it might feel good to get some of this off your chest.
"Alice, I... Not tonight."
Bella watched as Alice's face fell and wondered how many times she had hurt her friend by simply not sharing.
You are a horrible friend, and a bad person.
"It's going to take a little while for me to get through it all, and I'd rather we have plenty of time for that, so why don't we have a sleepover? We haven't done that in a long time. You can torture me with that medieval device you swear is an eyelash curler and I'll spill secrets. It'll be fun, right?"
Alice launched herself across the bed at Bella and hugged her tightly before launching into plans like a wartime general.
"We'll do it Friday, and I'll get some wine and I'll pamper you and we'll tell secrets and whisper and, oh Bella... Thank you."
Bella cringed internally at Alice's enthusiasm but smiled and nodded and hugged her back. She owed Alice at least that much.
Girl's night could be fun, right? Besides, it's been too long since you spent time with another female, and a bottle of wine should smooth away all the rough edges. Friday night, here I come.
* * *
A/N:
CONTEST: Silence of the Wolves. If you've always wanted to kill of a member of the pack, or thought Jake should die a slow, painful death, or maybe a wolf dies in a moment of supreme unselfishness to help everyone else... If you're interested, check it out on my profile page.
First off, thanks to all of you who continue to read despite the fact that it takes me forever to update. I've already started the next chapter, and I'll make every effort I can to get it out sooner than this one! Whether or not you leave a review, it makes me smile to know that people are enjoying this enough to keep reading. And for those of you who review, I heart you guys so hard. I learn something from each and every one of them, and they set my heartwings all aflutter.
Secondly, if there's something you're not happy with in this chapter, I can almost guarantee that one of my betas told me to get rid of it or fix it. Which I didn't listen to. So the fault is all mine, and please feel free to do a little mini-beta in the review if there's something you think could have been done better/different. I love constructive criticism.
Last but never ever least, my betas. rameau is the toughest, greatest teacher I could have hoped for. And if she decides not to beta anymore, I only hope she'll grace me with her HILARIOUS side notes. ("What if instead of a one night stand, Bella decided to be a one night slut..." From this is born a crackfick so funny I can't stop laughing/crying long enough to write it.)
And bookjunkie1975, whose praises I cannot sing enough of. I fangirl all over her constantly, which must be annoying, but she's just so lovely. She's my soulsistah. Anything she rec's, be it fics, books, music, movies, whatev.... trust her and go check it out. She's pure amaze, and my ego wants to make out with her. (It told me so after her #FF for me on Twitter.)
Get your Hale bales at the ready ladies, guess whose coming up in the next chapter? ;)
Oh, and there's links to some gaw-juss (gorgeous for all you non-southerners) banners for Big Sky on my profile page.
