Epilogue

This New World Makes Me Scared


August 9, 2009


James was sixteen when his brush with fame finally arrived.

"Who the hell is Gustavo Rocque?" Kendall wondered. He remembered something about hearing him on an awards show a night in his past, but besides a few mentions about his music career, Kendall blanked. All he knew was he had something to do with music, and James was suddenly infatuated with the idea of working with the man and his upbringing.

Kendall was all for the idea of tailing this man down, especially since James had his complete mindset focused on attempting to woo the musician with his talent. Convincing Mrs. Magikowski was another story, or Logan, for that matter. But eventually, both ended up sacrificing time for James.

"I can't believe we're doing this," Logan murmured, his mind rattling behind the wheel, "we're going to get in trouble. I know we're going to get in trouble. I know we are."

"You're yammering again." Carlos noted from the back seat.

"Because when I'm nervous, I yammer and I freak. Okay?"

"I know. Just calm down."

"Fuck you." Logan spat with a flustered mind. Carlos laughed it off, like he was laughing off the situation. How Carlos could stand to laugh at the fact that this was a completely dangerous plan, Logan would never know. Arriving in the city, Logan pulled up in front of the theater as they were instantly rushed in, each giving an audition by a man calling himself Gustavo Rocque.

The man was a devil, and Logan did the honor of pointing it out first, but at the same time, he was James's patron saint, his god, the man that was going to make a miracle happen for him. That is, until he turned him down.

The three boys could see it in James's eyes. Defeat. Pain. Heartbreak. Kendall could see James's world turn to rubble before their eyes. It could very well have been the apocalypse because a man from the music industry, the very industry he wanted to work, told him he wouldn't cut it. Told him he wasn't good. Kendall pictured himself in James's situation; what if NHL officials came and told him he was bad? What if his chance at making the big rinks died because a person merely told him he was? He knew he'd believe it if somebody official like him said so.

He knew he'd be hurting inside, turned raw and dead. It was as if James was told he couldn't dream anymore.

Anger filled Kendall's system, and after an unfortunate turn of events, Kendall and his friends were escorted by the police back to his house, leaving his mother fuming and Katie amused out of herself. He recalled standing up for James the way he did, as if nothing else mattered but making sure James's ticket to fame was salvaged, even if it was a shred.

Not even a shred was made though, and James was emotionally distraught. The demeanor he carried appeared as if he could have carried it forever. Kendall got he and the boys together the night they saw James. Kendall, being their fearless leader, figured that it was never too early to begin healing a broken heart; he wouldn't have waited if James had broken his leg, why should he treat his heart any differently? As a result, the four held a mourning day for James's dreams at Kendall's house.

While explaining, the boys sung to Katie and tried to life James's spirits. He may have smiled, but Kendall knew: no luck.

It was as if a meteor had taken down James's towered put-together psyche, falling it to an abyssal nothingness, never to be seen again. The world would never know James Diamond, superstar. Kendall was determined to pick his friend's mood up, but suddenly, in the middle of their song, a quick and unexpected doorbell

Gustavo Rocque, in all his hellion glory, his dastardly evil, leaving pestilence in his wake, death of the dreams of the people he sees with every step he took stood in on his porch. Bounding up, James cried with delight, "Yes! I knew you'd come back for me." As if the man didn't just take his dreams and stamp them out like a campfire.

Stamping more, with more aggression, Gustavo pushed James away from the hug they were in the middle of. "I'm not here for you. I'm here for him."

And he was pointing at Kendall.


August 10, 2009


Shopping cart golf.

The one thing that got Kendall calm, even in a stressed out situation like the one he was in now. I mean, how the hell could he have known that the fat man would return knocking at his doorstep, the very man who shot James's dreams like a free-range chicken and made sure they would fester by handing all of James's dreams to himself? If he said no, James would grow angry. If he said yes, James would grow angry. Just slower. Either way, Kendall wasn't winning.

"So, I, uh, did the math on this whole singing thing," Logan reasoned, "and Katie was right. You're an idiot."

"Guys, I don't want to go to L.A. with that jerk." Kendall announced. "I want to stay here with you jerks. And play hockey. You know, for our team."

After a few more arguments, Kendall stopped mentally contradicting every one of his friends' pointless arguments, and it was finally James who convinced him to say yes to the very decision that plagued him for two straight days. He didn't want to tell his friends that he spent the night before, turning in his bed, drinking beer for the first time since he was a little kid.

Then Kendall noted his genius idea, and then, within minutes—

They were in.


August 14, 2009


A lot of thoughts arose when Kendall had arrived in the city of dreams, where the stars walked on the ground, where designer in a regular town meant trash-bag Ke$ha dress in this one. When he arrived, he went along with what his friends did. Relaxed by the pool, went to work, solved a load of problems—which he knew he would have to do a lot of now—and finally ended the day by singing with his friends and taking the quickest elevator to the roof of the Palm Woods, and looked out at the city.

He wasn't used to it. Kendall looked at himself with great uncertainty. What was he doing here, exactly? Was he here to massage James's ego? Was he here to sacrifice his hockey dreams for a silly singing career? Was he here because he was being a good enough friend to pack up and go, leaving behind the life that he had lived in Minnesota? What about Uncle Julian and Aunt Felicia, Auntie Emily, Auntie Jennifer? What of them? What of Logan's dreams, of Carlos's?

That's what he didn't understand. So far, he had liked the perks. The shopping, the lights, the utter magnitude of seeing a famous singer—up close and personal. He knew he would like it.

But something in this big city didn't fit right. There was a puzzle piece mixed into this giant mess that didn't fit in as well as the others would have, and Kendall had the deepest feeling that it would have been him, the odd one out, the joker in the deck. Then again, every deck needed a joker, whether if the game used him or not. Didn't it?

All Kendall could've done at that point was stare at the city, with a load of questions. Too bad the people inhabiting it were too busy with themselves to answer anything.

Feeling a hand creep up on his shoulder, he instantly jumped to find Logan standing there, smiling at him. "Oh, hey. You startled me." Kendall admitted, almost pink in the face.

"I see," Logan nodded. "Thinking?"

"Definitely." Kendall scoffed at the new world before him.

"About what?"

"About... you know. Life. Here."

"Scary, huh?"

"Way."

Logan looked at Kendall in disbelief. "Did you just—did you just admit you were scared?"

Kendall's eyes shifted back and forth, "yeah. So?"

"Sorry. New to me."

"Shut up."

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, but Kendall? Scared? I've never thought I'd live to see him admit it."

"Him is standing right here."

"That's some really bad grammar."

"I thought I told you to shut up." Kendall chuckled, causing an outburst of sudden laughs. Of what, Logan and Kendall couldn't figure out.

"Hey, Kendall," Logan noted after the maelstrom of laughter died down, "what happened?"

"What do you mean?"

"You know. To us. You and me."

Silence for a moment, then Kendall finally answered, getting his thoughts together, "We... grew up. Moved on."

"I don't know if I've moved on yet, Kendall."

"Me either, Logie," Kendall sighed, "me either. But it's the best thing for us right now."

Logan couldn't help but agree, deep inside his mind. With that thought, he let a small tear escape one of his eyes, as he instantly brushed it away. "For the longest time, I couldn't choose between you and Carlos. He and I were good together. We completed each other. But you and I had this past, this whole world that belonged to us."

"I remember."

"I miss Minnesota."

"Let's just forget Minnesota for just a little bit. Until we're ready to go back one day. This is home now, Logie, but Minnesota is, too. It should feel good that we've got two places in the world where we belong."

"If you look at it like that," Logan breathed.

"It feels good, doesn't it?"

"Yeah."

Kendall instantly scooted closer to Logan, and wrapped his arm around his shoulder, holding him tight. "This place. It makes me really scared, Logan."

"That's okay," Logan smiled up at his friend, "let's take this all in slowly, try our hardest, and everything's going to turn out okay."


August 14, 2009


James was running low on confidence by the end of the day, his self esteem physically shot. Sitting lonely in the pool was all he had at the moment, and he felt relaxed, almost compelled to shoo the last people out of the pool-yard so he could have it to himself. So he had the silence to think if he really did belong in Los Angeles. If he really was talented. If singing was really what he loved to do.

"Do I even belong here?" James asked himself.

Suddenly, Carlos comes up behind him, and strips off his orange tee shirt that night. Carlos was in splendor, the fact that the nights in L.A. were still somewhat warm, you could still swim without the sun warming your skin. The humidity was perfect as is. "Yes." Carlos answered, almost a bit too confidently.

"Carlos."

"Hey, James," he said, swimming close.

"Hey, Carlos," James replied. He didn't know if he was in the mood to talk.

"I miss this," Carlos said, relaxing his back against the wall of the pool, "just you and me. Remember?"

"Yeah."

"James, what's the matter?"

"Nothing."

"Are you doubting yourself?" Carlos paused. "Again?"

"Would you, like. Leave? Please?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Leave you? When you need me? Why should I?"

James scoffed, "whatever."

With that, Carlos snuggled up to his taller counterpart, resting his head on his shoulder and whispering, "I'm sorry that Gustavo's treating you the way he is. You and I both know you don't deserve it." Carlos closed his eyes and attempted to recreate Minnesota. The blankets upon blankets of snow, warm suppers and fire pits in the forest. Becca. Davie.

"Please stop."

"James, L.A. isn't the place for us to be doing this," Carlos reminded, "the whole. Cutesy holding hands thing we used to love to do with each other. When we were so confused."

"We're still confused."

"Point is, we can't argue as much as we can't go back to how we used to be. So you've gotta let me in. Like you used to."

"I thought what we used to do was done for."

"Not everything." Carlos smiled, lifting his head and smiling confidently, "I'm still the same."

"So."

"So," Carlos continued, "cheer up! Who cares what Gustavo says? You're here, James. Don't go breaking your own heart with your self-doubt now. There's plenty of time for that when we're older. Take it all in, James, Los Angeles. City of dreams. Half of which come true."

"Not mine."

"Not yet. Come on, James, sure we can't..." Carlos looked down at his hands, wrapped tightly around themselves, "...emotionally relieve ourselves like we used to... but we can still hold our heads up high, knowing that one day, after the fire has burned out and we've had our fill of this town, we can go back to what we used to have and maybe, finally, pick."

James almost snickered, "Pick?"

"Pick! You and I both know that the four of us have been on each other's asses for the longest time. You were so caught up between either me or Kendall, I was caught up in you and Logan, Logan was caught up in me and Kendall, Kendall was caught up in Logan and you. Don't deny it. We all know what's going on."

"We've been living a life like that?"

"It was a good life," Carlos remembered, "because no matter who we'd end up choosing, we knew we'd be together forever."

"I guess you're right."

"For now, though, we chill. We focus on the friend part of our relationships with each other. Okay? After that, we sing, and boom. We've got it all down, alright? No hesitations."

"Alright."

"Alright!" Carlos smiled, as James dunked Carlos's head into the water involuntarily, the both of them brewing up a good, old fashioned water fight that evening. It may have not been Minnesota, but it would have to do.

That night, Carlos, Logan, James, and Kendall fell asleep in their ruddy apartment. Kendall had a feeling the run-down, used place would change soon. But either way, they fell asleep, dreaming about the world around them. James and Logan lay quietly in their room, James wondering how many stars, the stars on the ground, that is, had their dreams come true. He told himself, right now, he was being birthed from the nebula. His new place in this world was here. And one day, he would supernova, explode, and leave his mark on the world. But for now, he had a lot of fire to spark. Logan, on the other hand, was beginning to sort out his dreams. Doctor would have to wait. The things he sacrificed for James, he didn't understand, but it felt right. Feeling right felt good to Logan, to maybe everybody he knew. But this new day he's been dawned by wasn't so repulsive after all. He liked it, even. The one thing he couldn't dissect was the thought of why singing and dancing felt right. Some things would have to stay unknown for now.

Kendall and Carlos lay quietly, too. Carlos began wondering what this risk had in store for him. He never didn't think about the hazards that came with the risks he took. He wasn't stupid. He just wasn't afraid of breaking a leg. If it was another surgery, it was a risk he was willing to take. But this risk? This chance at fame? What did it have life have in store for him this time? Kendall had the same problem. What of his dreams? Hockey was his talent, and apparently, singing, now, was too. He apparently was perfect for this job, this fact probably filling James for remorse. But he was enjoying life here. James loved it here, Kendall now loved it here, Logan seemed to love it here, and no doubt Carlos loved it here.

Life would have to be this way for a while now.

And it was okay, because no matter how life was, Kendall was there to lead the others with no fear (at least on the outside). No matter when life got scary, Carlos would be there to brighten every situation, heal every hurt with his laughter. No matter how hard life got, Logan would be there to change that all; he'd take the core of the problem and make it simple, and simply defeat all obstacles in their way. No matter how life tried to bring them down, James would be there to let the others know that pushing on, keeping the pace they had, was the only way that they'd get through even the most puzzling of riddles, the most longest of paths and tallest of walls.

And together, the four would walk on, enduring this road of life.

Together.


A/N: Yep. It ends here.

I hope you guys enjoyed it. I'll be posting the sequel tomorrow, and it'll be more serious because it would tie into the actual series and they would be mature enough to do more mature-boy type things. And even though I never said who ends up with who, the sequel will explain all that, so be sure to read it. And I'll make sure the sequel will be much longer.

I apologize deeply if you didn't want it to end. I didn't either. But I felt in my heart that it was time.

You guys are the best readers in the whole wide world, and I hope you continue to read my works. I love you guys with all my heart.