"Take care of all the love you spend
It's wasting to nothing
Beware of wolves who hide their teeth
They'll take you and leave you

Should I be like a Russian doll?
A statue in the cold
As empty as a shell
Or make a final stand
Go back to what we had
I'm stepping out from my defenses

This is a call to arms
Will you embrace me
Before it's too late, baby?
This is a call to arms
Will you embrace me
Before it's too late, baby?
This is a call to arms
Will you save me?
Will you save me?

My love, the drums are calling
A red sky, a warning"

Laura Janssen - A call to Arms


Going out through the fire exit was the best thing to do. There was nobody waiting there except one young woman. I declined her demand for a picture but signed her ticket and chatted a bit.

Alec told me he had seen Clary and passed me her words. I can't believe it's going to end like this. Without seeing her again.

I don't understand why I have such a feeling of frustration when I'm thinking about her. Maybe because I'm an asshole and I always get what I want with girls. Yeah I mean sex. But not only that. I'm feeling jealous. How can she come back to her husband after being with me? But again, why would she have chosen me? I have nothing to offer her except a few night stands, plenty of good times and interesting talks like we had maybe. But above all a lot of problems. And she seems to be a good girl, honest and loving and I don't want her to have a complicated life because of me.

"What are you thinking about, Gorgeous? You seem lost".

I feel fingers running through my hair. Turning my head, I saw Kaelie sitting next to me on the couch. After the show, it was Jordan's idea to party at Alec's and my boys brought back some girls they have met at the bar. Kaelie was a fan we've met some years ago. She managed to enter our life through Jordan. This moron finds her stunning and funny and I even suspect him to have a crush on her. But unfortunately for him, she desperately clings to me, in the hope that one day I will be hers.

It won't happen. Ever. Despite the fact that she is indeed a very beautiful woman, the annoying fact that she follows us everywhere is enough to repel me. I have never given her the idea that one day I will give in since I've met her. And yet, she is still there.

Nevertheless, I must have let my guard down tonight since it's the first time she has dared to touch me.

I sigh. 'What do you want Kaelie?"

"You know what I want, Gorgeous".

Even that nickname annoys me. She must be a bit drunk because she isn't normally so brave.

"It won't happen Kaelie. You know that. Leave me alone".

"But you seem so angry. You know you can tell me everything. I will do everything to make you happier."

Damned girl even bats her lashes. Such a cliché. I roll my eyes. "Well, what would make me happy just now is a fucking drink".

Of course, she hands me her glass. Reluctantly I sniff it. Vodka. No wonder she is drunk.

I swallow it, letting the deep taste burn my throat. A welcoming heat spreads through my body and my mind, numbing me.

Music around me is loud, people are dancing and chatting. I laugh. Do all these girls know that tonight they will finish in my mates' beds? Well that's the point of this kind of party, right? That's what the rock stars do aftershow, don't they? I'm not ashamed of that.

You can count on Kaelie to remind you that. This girl never gives up. She is still sitting besides me. I smile at her. She isn't a bad person, she is just terribly annoying. The kind of girl you don't let in.

And yet, as she climbs on my lap, I say nothing. I'm totally numb from the quantity of alcohol I absorbed tonight. I grip her hips and feel her shamelessly moving against me. My body immediately reacts and I harden against her.

"Leaving you alone? Your body says otherwise".

"Shut up, Kaelie" I snap but I don't stop her movements.

I tilt my head back to avoid seeing her face. Like I said, she's easy on the eye but her blonde hair and her blue eyes feel so wrong. Closing my eyes, the only face I see is Clary's. Red long curls and soft brown-green eyes. And I hate that. If I can't ever see again, I must erase her from my thoughts. And the only means is actually sitting in my lap.

I feel Kaelie's lips trailing kisses on my neck up to my jaw, his fingers tugging at my shirt. She clings to me, leaning every part of her body against mine.

My hands have suddenly their own mind and grope her thighs, lifting her short skirt. Her skin is hot and smooth and she shivers against my touch.

I warn her. "Kaelie, listen to me. If we keep on doing that, it will be once. Just once. And I'll never see you again. Do you understand me?"

I see a glimpse of sadness in her eyes. Of course, she understands that whatever happens won't lead to a love story. She has been in our circle long enough to know my rules. It's up to her to decide.

"I know Gorgeous. But I have been waiting for that moment since the day I've seen you. Kiss me".

I cup her cheek roughly and press my lips on hers. Her hands grip my neck and push me against her. My tongue licks her upper lip and she opens to me. Although she is a good kisser, this kiss is nothing compared to those I've shared with Clary previously. Whereas she and I fought for dominance, putting passion and fervor in it, Kaelie just follows me. Whereas Clary treated me as equal, Kaelie is almost shy in her way of touching me.

"Relax Kaelie."

I sigh, tugging at his panties aside. No sweet words, no much foreplay. In those moments, while being kind, I don't act as if I care. It's easier for girls not to getting attached to me. My fingers caress her and loud moans come from her.

"Is this what you wanted?" I chuckle.

She's out of breath. "More, please."

"Then let's move this to a more private place".

She immediately jumps off my lap and put her clothes in order. I lock eyes with Alec, across the room. With a nod of his head, he gives me an approving blessing.

"Follow me" I tell Kaelie while standing. She tries to take my hand, but I avoid her by lighting a cig. No intimate touch. Holding hands is always for the woman I am in love with, not for some random girl I fuck.

I lead her to the back of the flat where I know there's a spare room. Closing the door behind us, I take the time to observe her while taking a long drag on my fag. She seems unsure of being here. Almost afraid. I give her a last chance to back away from this.

"Are you sure you want to do this, Kaelie? You can still go back to the party."

I throw my cig in the ashtray and take my shirt off. I know I'm not playing fair. I know that once she sees me, she won't say no. Girls always have a weakness for tattoo. And I'm pretty much covered of it.

She licks her lips, her eyes glued to my torso. "Oh yes, I'm sure."

A smirk appears on my face. "Then strip down and come to me".

I keep on tossing and turning into bed, unable to find my sleep. Seb is profoundly asleep next to me, snoring.

We came back to the hotel two hours ago and as soon as we stepped into the room, he pinned me against the door, his hands roaming over my body. Coming from him, it surprised me. He's not that kind of guy. He's caring and loving but never passionate. I tried to tell him that I was not in the mood for that but he couldn't accept a refusal.

He pleaded and kept on repeating "Say that you're mine babe. Please."

His words broke my heart. I have a beautiful husband who is deeply in love with me and I betrayed him in the most disgusting way. And yet, I found no appeal in his kisses, I didn't come apart under his touch. He had the wrong hair color, his skin wasn't enhanced by black ink, his eyes weren't burning with lust.

The most conflicted thoughts run through my mind. Will it always be like that? Have Jace ruined me for the rest of my life? Will I feel his ghostly touch against my skin for days and feel nothing under the fingers of Seb? How will I be able to live with this burden?

How can a small encounter leave some many traces? How can lust be stronger than love? Is it just lust I am feeling for Jace? Or something deeper despite the fact that I don't know him at all?

When I came to the show tonight, I had the hope to see him, hear him singing, and perhaps get a picture with him. Not talking alone with him or even less having nearly sex with him. My fingers immediately reach my lips. Those lips which have touched his skin, and done unspeakable things to him. His taste still lingers in my mouth, as well as his scent on my skin.

The memories of the night are still vivid in my head and prevent me from finding sleep. I grab my phone on the nightstand and log on twitter. I have avoided doing it since our return but now I can't wait to go to his account.

He retweeted a few videos of the show, uploaded by spectators. The only one he commented one was the last one, showing his very last words.

TheJaceWayland
Probably shouldn't have said that. Sorry guys if I had to leave that early, couldn't get the risk to get mobbed.

I smile. As Alec said, he left unnoticed. No pics of him can be found in my timeline and this fact makes me happy. Just for tonight, he has been mine. And his last tweet makes my heart jump.

theJaceWayland
Best pre show vibes ever. Unforgettable.

A pic is added to the tweet: A black and white photo of his guitar against the wall backstage. I can still hear him behind me, putting his instruments along the wall, before caging me in his arms.

I nearly hit the favorite button and stop. Do I want to give him the means to find me? And yet, thousands of people have done the same. One mention more or less doesn't count. He must have lots of them.. He won't be able to find me even if he's spending his time on twitter.

I decide to hit the button. This tweet is too precious to me not to do it. Then I add mine on my own account.

londonaddict
That was FUCKIN epic. #drunk #gift.