Chapter 8


As soon as the door was shut behind her, with no one in sight, Nesta backed up against it and slid down to the floor, arms over her knees. She let her breath release, and it sped up to match the wild beat of her heart, as she clenched her eyes shut, bowing her head at the feeling of her mental shields finally yielding to the overwhelming torrent of emotion flowing through her.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

She shouldn't have asked. He shouldn't have answered. This shouldn't have been discussed. How was she going to talk to him again without that coming between them? Without things being awkward? And as much as she didn't want to care, as much as she wanted to be able to dismiss his presence in her life as meaningless, she knew it would kill her for things not to be comfortable between the two of them. The one stupid thing that felt right in her life still, even if it was because of that blasted mating bond. She pulled her knees closer to her, and tears began falling softly down her cheeks.

Stupid, stupid. You're so stupid.

She knew she had pushed...pushed for a reason. She could have just left it alone, but she didn't. Maybe she had thought he'd blow the question off with his usual ego. Maybe she had honestly...wanted to know. She didn't know. All she knew was that...

"He's going to be afraid to see me again."

The words came out at a bare, choked whisper, even though she knew with her Fae senses she was alone in the townhome. The truth was, she knew how she felt about him. He was the only one that could take her anger and not flinch a muscle. He was the only one who saw everything about her, every dark secret of her past, and he loved her anyway. She knew he didn't just care about her for her surface, whether her personality or her body. He accepted her baggage as much as he accepted her good days; she knew he truly cared about her. And she'd had the nerve to accuse him to his face otherwise.

Her crying intensified, and the storms brewing inside her fueled with new, spiraling emotions. She hadn't expected how rapidly she'd grown accustomed to him, after avoiding him for the better part of the past month. She had been so nervous about the mission to save Feyre that she hadn't even noticed her feelings return until she was planting herself on him in the Spring Court. She had told herself that it was to calm his anxiety, but deep down...she had wanted to know for her own sake. What it was like to kiss someone she really, deeply wanted to kiss. What it was like to kiss...him.

She knew she loved him. She wouldn't dare speak that out loud, let alone to him, but she couldn't help feeling it. She had given up trying to push it away, trying to deny it to herself. Still, she couldn't accept the mating bond – it felt forced, and she hated every part of it – but she felt she would literally tear herself apart if she rejected it. This warped limbo between the two positions had trapped her, and she'd had to work through this struggle every day. She had convinced herself that she could just wait a very long time, centuries if needed, to come to terms with it; she was immortal, after all. And she knew deep down he would wait for her as long as she needed. But when she heard him talk about her rejecting the mating bond...

She knew that would be impossible. She knew she couldn't do it, whether today or five hundred years in the future. And this time, it wasn't the pain on his face prompting her decision. She knew, in that moment, that she could spend centuries away from him, but she would never forget the sound of his voice; the way he looked at her when they were alone; the way he looked at her when they weren't, wearing his love for her on his sleeve, like every other unspoken thing about him.

Her crying began to subside as she started taking deep breaths, trying to work through her thoughts. Even if she knew she'd never reject the mating bond, she didn't have to accept it right now, either. She knew innately that he wouldn't pressure her, wouldn't push her into a decision. Whether that was due to the mating bond or not, she didn't particularly care right now. But she needed to figure out how to talk to him again, first. Then she could worry about other things. She didn't need to be complicating the situation even more right now.

She took one last, especially deep breath and stood up, wiping her reddened eyes. As she did, though, she no sooner felt the winnows into the townhome than heard voices of her sister and Rhysand emerge from the dining room, mid-sentence. She eyed the staircase, still in view from her location. She knew she couldn't make it there without walking through the view of the two of them in the dining room, and that was a whole host of issues she didn't want to deal with. For the first time in her life, she regretted being unable to winnow.

Suddenly, she heard a scuffling at the door behind her, and her body acted before her mind even thought of the plan. The door crashed into her as it swung open, and she pretended to get knocked into the wall.

"What in Prythian is wrong with you?" she hissed at the person on the other side of the door. She covered her eyes, mostly to shield the redness, as she saw Elain run around the door in concern. She immediately regretted her plan, though she decided she had to see it through now that it was in motion.

"I'm sorry! I can't winnow, so I have to use the front door..." Elain's face twisted something in her stomach. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, Elain, I'm not that hurt." She brushed herself off as she tried to keep her face away from her sister. "Just to be safe though, I'm going to go upstairs and check while I get changed."

At her words, Elain jumped in front of her before she could react, in order to get a view of her face. She saw her sister's face go to alert and her voice came out soft, but intense. "Nesta...!"

"As I said, I'll be fine, Elain." She moved to try to move past her sister, but Elain narrowed her eyes and grabbed her wrist, to her surprise. Suddenly, she felt herself get pulled sharply, and she stumbled forward in startle, covering her face in instinct.

"Hey Feyre, can you give us a few minutes? No reason to force Nesta to display her black eye from her fight with Morrigan any longer than need be," Elain called out as she dragged Nesta behind her rapidly to and up the staircase.

"Uhh," Nesta heard Feyre stammer back, but they were out of line of sight before she was really able to react. As the bedroom door shut behind the two of them, Elain eyed Nesta.

"I don't need to know anything. But don't try to lie to me." She turned back to her closet and started sorting through clothes rapidly. "Oh, and you should probably cover that eye of yours to cover my story for you. You can use my makeup; we're similar skin tones. I'll get you some of your own tomorrow."

"Feyre isn't going to buy that argument for one second, Elain." Nesta put a hand on her hip in impatience, and Elain peeked from outside the closet.

"No, but you wouldn't have been able to hide your eyes from her anyway. But now, Rhysand will believe it, and Feyre will know not to talk to him about it." She went back to rummaging through her closet.

"Fair enough, I guess." Nesta went to the washroom and began applying her sister's cosmetics. "What are you doing, anyway?"

"Something you don't want me talking about," she heard her sister reply from the other room. Nesta paused for a moment to roll her eyes.

"You can talk about Lucien. I'm not going to bite your head off for it. Just...keep it toned down, please."

"Feyre brought him to Velaris without telling me, so I had no chance to prepare. Plus, he asked me to dinner tonight after our strategy meeting, and I accepted, so I want to look somewhat nice." Nesta startled, smearing her application, and cursed.

"Alone?"

"Yes, Nesta, alone. That's what people do on dates."

"But–"

"Nesta, we talked about this. Besides, he could have just left you in the Summer Court without telling anyone, and we would've never been able to get you back. If he truly meant harm, we would know by now." Nesta still felt sick about it, but she sighed and began correcting her smudged face. "If it makes you feel better, I have no doubt Feyre has plans to put Azriel on our tail for the entire time when he wakes up."

Nesta laughed despite herself at the thought of Azriel's dismay when he finds out about that job. "What happened with him anyway?"

"Well, he apparently was trying to keep Cassian calm in the Summer Court." The mention of his name spun her mind again, and she had to steady herself. "But he definitely failed. If Cassian hadn't already been banned before, he might have been banned for how much protocol he broke today." A swelling of unexpected pride hit her, and a thin smile hit her face despite her inner troubles with him. "So he gave up to at least prevent Cassian taking his reputation down with him. Then, he winnowed Lucien and me here while Morrigan tried to calm tensions with the Summer Court. We went to talk to Feyre and Rhys in the House of Winds for a little bit, but then Azriel went to go sleep. Since Lucien isn't allowed in the townhome, Azriel winnowed me here, and I came in alone as he winnowed back to his apartment to sleep. Lucien's still at the House of Winds, if you're wondering, under guard." Her voice melded into a sharp tone on the last sentence, and Nesta felt badly for her sister, despite her own mistrust of Lucien.

"Huh." They settled on silence after that, each giving the other a small amount of time to brood on their respective issues. Finally, Nesta broke the silence. "What is this strategy meeting you talked about?"

"Rhys, Feyre, and I are going to discuss politics when Morrigan returns from the Summer Court. You are welcome to join us." Nesta hesitated, and Elain must have sensed it, as her voice significantly calmed. "Cassian won't be there, if that's what you're worried about. Even if either of them crashes the meeting, Rhys is going to force them to go home and sleep. Morrigan got a full update from Azriel in private at the Summer Court, and she will relay to us their actions today."

Silence hit them again for a little bit after Elain finished talking, and Nesta used the time to prepare her resolve. Finished with her makeup, she came back into the bedroom, eyes widening at Elain. Her sister was in a simple, but stunning light green sundress, no doubt trying to toe the line between what was appropriate for the meeting itself and the promised date afterward. The dress actually reminded Nesta of the wardrobe in her Spring Court guest room; she wondered if that's why Elain had chosen it. Elain noticed Nesta looking her over.

"Well? Does it look okay?"

"You always look good, Elain." Nesta tried to balance her happiness for her sister's happiness with her annoyance that it was over Lucien. Elain gave her an irritated look, and she sighed. "Yes." Satisfied, Elain passed her as she swapped places with Nesta, Nesta beginning to change her clothes into one of the Night Court dresses her sister had gotten for her. She called into the bathroom. "Don't be gross in front of me."

"What do you think we'd be doing at the House of Winds?" was the reply she got back, and she laughed. They didn't speak again until they started walking back downstairs, but Nesta was glad her sister had been the one to walk through the front door. She knew that the next few coming days would be hard, but at least Elain always knew how to cheer her up, even if just for today.


Nesta groaned and laid her head down on the House of Winds conference room table. Feyre and Rhysand had winnowed Elain and her to the conference room to await Morrigan, but Morrigan had asked to talk to them in private immediately upon returning. Then, Elain had left with Lucien out of politeness to her, and so now she was alone in this forsaken room. The "soon" that Feyre had told her had stretched into close to a half hour, and she was about to climb down the thousands of steps herself when Feyre finally returned, the rest of the group in tow, minus Lucien. Nesta glared at Feyre, but Feyre cut her off.

"Nesta, what in Prythian did you do to Tarquin?"

Nesta raised her eyebrow lazily. "The High Lord, right? Never met him."

"He claims you tore his arm to pieces." Feyre's eyes narrowed in impatience.

"Ah, him. Well he snuck up on me without introducing himself, so..." She refused to focus her bored look.

"How?" Feyre began to circle around the table towards her.

"How...did he sneak up on me?"

"How did you tear up his arm? There's no way you did it without powers, and the darkness powers you attacked Morrigan with couldn't do this." Feyre stood in front of her now, arms crossed, expecting a real answer. Nesta exchanged glances with Elain, but Elain gave her a smile that let her know she hadn't told. She looked back at Feyre and sighed.

"I don't know. I took off my bracelet, and then I suddenly had claws when I attacked." It was Feyre's turn to raise her eyebrow. "Don't ask me – I never asked for any of this."

"Anything else? Just claws?" Nesta exchanged glances with Elain, whose smile grew to hide her giggle. She looked back at her sister in irritation.

"Just claws." Feyre cupped her chin in thought.

"Hm...take off your bracelet."

Nesta looked between Elain and Feyre. "That's not a great idea. We don't know what will happen."

"Actually I do think I know. Remove it, please." Feyre put her hands on her hips and pleaded with Nesta with the frustration in her eyes.

Nesta grimaced as Elain's eyes brightened, but she complied, placing the bracelet on the table. She stared at her hands in dread...but found no change. Feyre got an annoyingly cocky smile on her face as she re-crossed her arms, and Nesta glared at her sister in response.

"See? Now if I'm right..." Feyre snapped her fingers, and suddenly Nesta felt a strong cold on her arm. She turned in panic to see it freezing to ice before her and screamed in shock. "Relax! It's just my ice. I won't hurt you with it; I just wanted you to come into contact with it." Feyre snapped her fingers again, and it was gone. "Attack me."

Nesta glared at Feyre again. "I'm not playing these stupid games with you." Feyre rolled her eyes, then swung a kick at Nesta to try to catch her off-guard. Nesta scooted back in her chair in surprise, putting out her hands to defend herself, and found herself blocking the kick with a wall of ice, though her chair fell backwards in response. She panicked again, as ice traveled up and down her body, but the panic just made it stronger, as she started to feel an extreme coldness everywhere along her body. She rushed to the table to grab her bracelet and put it on; her body temperature immediately returned to normal, and she turned in anger to her sister.

"What are you trying to do, kill me?" Nesta was seeing red, but Feyre just rolled her eyes again and waved her off.

"I was in control of the situation the whole time, Nesta. You were never in real danger. Anyway, it seems I know what your power is, if you haven't figured it out by now."

Nesta took a few seconds to breathe, so she wouldn't assault her sister, before answering. "I take it...I absorb power from people?" She looked around the room to notice that Morrigan and Elain were silent with awe on their face, though Rhys had an infuriating smirk planted on his.

"I'm not sure if you absorb it or clone it–" Nesta's attention snapped back to Feyre. "–but either way you can store other individuals' powers in your body. Your claws were likely from coming into contact with Tamlin when he was shifted, and your darkness abilities were likely prompted from exposure to Rhysand's abilities. If you were trained, you could probably eventually wield powers rivaling my own, especially with the information of your abilities limited to this room."

"No." Her firm answer surprised herself almost as much as her sister, but she knew exactly what training would entail. She picked up her chair and planted it hard, upright, almost splintering the base with her strength. "The last thing I need is more Fae things to worry about." Feyre looked startled and exchanged glances with Rhys, then stammered.

"I mean – we could organize it with Cass–"

"I said no, Feyre." Nesta saw Elain visibly flinch in anxiety at Feyre's mentioning of Cassian's name. "Now can we discuss the actual strategy meeting, or are we going to spend the entire time talking about me?" She sat down, but she maintained her locked gaze with Feyre.

Feyre and Nesta stared each other down, neither willing to back down, until Morrigan cleared her throat. "If I may, High Lady..." Feyre exhaled sharply and spun on her heels to walk to the head of the table, away from Nesta, and nodded tiredly to Morrigan. "As mentioned earlier to you and Rhys, it seems Tarquin is pretty angry about the various Night Court members visiting the Summer Court today. What I waited to mention until this strategy meeting was that he has requested a meeting with you two, as a result."

Rhys began to let out a laugh, until he saw that Morrigan was dead serious. "He can't be serious. No one's that much of an idiot as to enter enemy territory with blood rubies on their head."

Morrigan sucked in her breath. "He asked to have the meeting at a neutral Court. His suggestion was the Winter Court. He's willing to suspend the blood rubies for the specific length of time you would be at said Court."

Rhys and Feyre exchanged incredulous looks again. Feyre turned to Morrigan. "When?"

"Tomorrow." Morrigan's reply was abrupt, as if she hated having to pass the message along. Nesta wondered what Tarquin's conversation with her had been like. Morrigan's attention turned to Nesta. "He also said he'd be willing to forgive your sister's threat on his daughter, whatever in Prythian that means, in addition to Cassian's violation of his ban."

Nesta rolled her eyes as the attention in the room shifted to her. "I didn't threaten her. Elain heard me."

"Well...it wasn't really a threat, but it was incredibly rude of you, Nesta." Elain's tone in her reply stung with disapproval.

Feyre groaned. "Great. I'm not sure we even have a choice. It sounds almost like a veiled threat to use our Court's actions as leverage to turn other Courts against us if we don't accept."

Nesta and Elain snapped their heads to her, but Elain spoke first. "You can't possibly be considering going there. You're risking your lives!"

Rhys gritted his teeth. "I think Feyre's right. It's risky, yes, but if Tarquin were to ambush us, he would risk the wrath of the Winter Court as well as, most likely, the Day Court after we just gave them advance notification of the Dawn Court's movements. And I just can't see him accepting a position where he has to rely on help from any of the Spring, Autumn, or Dawn Courts. He has too much integrity for that." He took a deep breath and continued. "In addition, we can have Azriel with us tomorrow. Tarquin can't object to us bringing another member of our Court for protection, and Azriel can try to understand this meeting's...motives better."

Feyre nodded. "There's no way this meeting is only about today, though I wouldn't be surprised if it was sparked by today's activities. There are more potential negatives to avoid this meeting than to attend it." She turned to Morrigan, still standing before her. "Let him know we'll accept." Morrigan nodded and winnowed away.

"Wait." Nesta broke in, and Feyre swiveled her gaze. "I thought we were going to talk about what happened to Cassian and Azriel."

"Oh, that." Feyre's look cooled into a lazy boredom as she drummed the table with her fingers. "Turns out the carriage Azriel had been tracking was empty. Cassian ambushed it, but they found no one inside. The horses were going the right direction, but they weren't carrying anyone. Lucky for the two of them, as I don't think either of them could possibly handle a fight right now from what I hear about their current states."

"But what about...the girl Lucien swapped with me?" Nesta's stomach tanked at the thought of some innocent Spring Court girl being handed to the King of Hybern.

"Well..." Rhys exchanged nervous glances with Feyre. "There's not much we can do, unfortunately. We have no idea where they're going or of their present location. We'd be playing darts on the map of Southern Prythian. If it makes you feel better, the person he swapped with you was Alis with a shapeshifting potion." Her eyes twitched, as her stomach suddenly felt even worse. "I've spoken to Lucien further, and he has said her nephews have also been taken to a safe location in the meantime." He tried to give her a reassuring smile, but her eyes grew distant. "Alis isn't a lightweight. She can handle herself for awhile, and don't think I won't try to gather information about their location too if I can get any. But there's no point blindly trying to rush into the Spring Court; it would be more likely that one of us would be killed than actually find her right now."

Nesta hunkered into her seat in frustration. A few moments of silence passed before Feyre stood up.

"Do you have any questions before we suspend this meeting until tomorrow, after we return?" Elain and she both shook their heads, and Feyre and Rhysand winnowed out. Elain turned to her sister.

"Alis will be okay; Lucien said she is deceptively powerful. But we'll find her eventually, okay Nesta?" Nesta lifted her eyes slowly and spoke in a cool tone.

"Thank you Elain, but I kinda just want some time to myself. Go enjoy your time with Lucien."

Her sister stepped back in a small bit of surprise, but she caught herself, bowing with a smile and leaving the room. Alone in the room, Nesta dropped her head in her arms on the table. She hadn't meant to involve someone else in her mission to get Feyre, and of all people to get tripped up in this mess…

She sighed. This day was just getting worse and worse – she didn't want to think about the potential problems that awaited her sister tomorrow. And she was helpless to do anything about it unless she trained with the very person she couldn't face right now. Even then, there's no way she'd be prepared to fight within the next few days. She twisted her face as she realized she had wasted an entire month she could have used to prepare for helping to protect her sister once she was back. But once again, Nesta Archeron let down her entire family out of a selfish need to pout in times of stress, letting others do the hard work for her. Elain had helped prepare Nesta for when she was ready to get settled here and had helped do errands for the rest of the Court, Feyre had been literally risking her life in the Spring Court, and she...she had spent her month walled up in a small townhome, unwilling to even talk to anyone other than Elain.

The sacrifices you made for others.

Cassian's line from a few hours prior struck through her mind, and she scoffed at herself. Where was that woman now? The second she got dragged to Prythian, her drive to save her sister had immediately been consumed by the hatred she constantly clung to. And it ashamed her.

She let out a strangled cry of frustration as she stood up. She couldn't just sit around, doing nothing still. She had to do something, help somehow. She was going to rescue Alis if she could. And she knew one person who would help her. She wasn't going to let her internal issues hold her back from saving someone else's life, not this time.


An hour later, panting, she finally reached her intended destination and banged hard on the door. She made a mental note to ensure she was winnowed out of the House of Winds in the future. She heard a ruckus from inside, but no one answered the door. She banged harder this time, her second swing flying into the air as the door opened before her.

"What–" Cassian cut off his angry retort as he saw her standing in his doorway, impatience littering her eyes and hands on her hips. His clothes, she noted, looked ruffled and hastily thrown together – she must have woken him up.

"First of all, your tunic's on backwards." He blinked at her without reaction. "Secondly, I need your help." And she pushed past him into his apartment, not needing an invitation, his face still frozen in place.