James was being kissed by Lily Evans. All of his fantasies were within touching distance and ready for his taking. And yet, he found himself pulling away.
"No," he said between her lips. Then he stepped back from her, where he couldn't smell the intoxicating scent of her mixed with the less intoxicating scent of actual intoxication. "No," he said more firmly, without her soft skin clearing his mind of protest. "What about Sirius," he asked, because it was his first and only thought. Sirius. He was betraying Sirius in a way that James will never be able to forgive himself for. He shouldn't even want to kiss her; nevertheless, here he was kissing her, never wanting the kiss to end.
"What about Sirius?" she asked, moving towards him.
James braced his hands against her arms, holding her back. At this surprising action, Lily's gaze travelled away from his lips, the lust in her eyes slowly fading. He hated that he wished he could stop thinking and simply bring her lust back instead.
"What do you mean 'what about Sirius'?" James asked after shaking his head of his wish. At the blank look of her face, he said, "You know, Sirius. Your boyfriend."
Lily choked out a surprised laugh. "Sirius isn't my boyfriend!" she exclaimed.
James could hardly breathe for fear of disrupting the moment. "What?" he whispered.
"Sirius isn't my boyfriend. You actually thought he was?" she giggled. At his silence, she said, "But he's so ga-" Her eyes widened as though she had let something slip, but she quickly recomposed herself and said, "He's so great. Like the actual greatest. But we're just friends."
"The two of you are together all the time."
"Jealous, Potter?" she asked with a playful smile.
"But-"
Lily interrupted James's confusion with another kiss. James sighed into her mouth. He was allowed to love her, thus love coursed through his veins, filling him with a buzz that alcohol had never been able to provide. Sirius and Lily weren't together. They were friends. And with that happy acceptance, James kissed Lily back.
He took her upper lip into his mouth and he could taste strawberries that he wanted to bite into and revel in its juices, but he was careful and he was kind and he caressed her lips within his own. His hands gently ran along a path from the sides of her face into her hair, and they became entangled within the red. His right moved slightly down to cup the back of her neck, pulling her head closer to his own, while his left retreated from the soft haze that it was immersed in. It snaked down her back with his fingertips light against her dress as he ached to feel every curve that she was comprised of, until it stopped over the small of her back, an indent he knew that he would treasure forever. His palm was the closest to flat against her curve that it could be, and he used his grip to press the softness of her into the hardness of him.
At this, Lily emitted a moan into his mouth that made James smile into the kiss. Her hands travelled up from where they lay on his chest to his shoulders then his neck and finally into his hair, through which her fingers clenched to grasp onto his locks. The pain that coursed through him hypersensitised his experience and he became more responsive to every touch, with the lightest of grazes being sensual in a way that he was unfamiliar with. His kisses were losing their softness, and he was smashing his mouth into hers, his desire no longer satisfied with gentle touches. He wanted their bodies to merge into one, and an aspect of roughness was the only way to achieve it. However, in the back of his mind, despite all of the lust overwhelming him, James was sure to make sure that Lily was okay. As she pulled his hair even tighter, her kisses sloppier and harder, James reciprocated.
With a growl emerging deep from his throat, he seized her lower lip between his teeth and sucked it until he heard her gasp. As he let it go, he felt her pull back slightly. His eyes opened and through a cloudy haze, he saw her looking at him. He saw her lips move before the sound registered; "Not here," James heard Lily say. He let her take his hand and lead him to a place that he could neither comprehend, nor wanted to. He vaguely remembered sneaking into the common room. The group were distracted by someone or something on the opposite side of the room to the entrance, so it wasn't particularly difficult to remain undetected. Lily pulled him through a random open door and they found themselves in a cupboard that must have been raided for party supplies. James didn't care. He shut the door behind him then walked to her so that he could continue kissing the girl of his dreams.
After what could have easily either been seconds or hours, a thought that had been shoved into a corner of his mind began to break from its constraints.
"Wait," James whispered, his interruption a shock to even him. Lily hushed him and bought her lips back onto his, but he chuckled into her mouth, "Lily, stop."
Lily sighed and pulled back, their bodies separating with their intertwined limbs untangling.
"Yes?" she asked, and the slight impatience in her voice made him more confident in his action.
He stood tall and said, "You're drunk."
"So?" she replied, laughing.
"I don't want to do this."
"Because I'm drunk?"
"Yeah."
"Well then I'm not drunk."
"Lily," James groaned.
"What?" she asked with far too much innocence for the innocence to be convincing.
"I have wanted this for so long. So no, I am not going to have this first moment with a drunken version of you. I will have it with the real you."
"James, this is me, just less bitchy."
"You're not bitchy," he murmured.
"Yes, I am. But with alcohol, with all those inhibitions lowered, I'm not. Trust me, I know I'm easier to be around when I'm drunk."
"I like the sober version of you"
"Oh. So you don't like this version?" she asked, stepping backways. She reached back and James heard the unmistakable sound of a zip opening as her hand moved down. Her hands then gripped the hem of her dress and she threw it off.
James stared at the body before him. The black of her bra sat beneath skin oozing out into rounded mounds that rose with each breath and set his own breathing pattern to an irregular rate; each of her movements that caused ripples in her skin resulted in a hazardous ceasing of James's breath. He wanted to kiss every inch of it, and the thought of what lay hidden beneath the material – what other skin there was to kiss – sent James's mind spinning. Below the bra, there was a tiny fold of skin. He wanted bite until he heard her soft laugh from above him. Her stomach, with their curves cutting into it, was toned with muscular indents lying in the shadows. He wanted to run his fingers through the groves, gently, so that her hairs raise up in anticipation of him. He wanted to run his fingers towards the treasure below.
"You don't like this version?" she repeated, her right hand slowly trailing the skin from her neck, over her bra, down her stomach, then changing angle so that the fingertips faced down and rested over the side of her thigh, her thumb hooked under the band of her underwear. Her left hand found its way into her hair, which she ruffled and it fell over her shoulders, her face obscured with red that James needed to brush away.
James's heart was racing against his thoughts. He couldn't process the fact that she was making her way back to him, but he noticed an increasing clarity in the constellations of freckles more complex than those in the sky, and he tried to understand her stars. He only realised her proximity when he felt her cool hands run down the sides of his arm. They then moved back up, meeting behind his neck, and the magnetic field she possesses meant that James's lips met hers halfway.
She was everything and he was experiencing her.
"No," James breathed with every ounce of self-restrained poured into it.
"Not again," he heard Lily mumble.
"Stop, Lily," he said more firmly.
Her feet fell from their balls to their heels and her hands fell from his neck to his shoulders. She looked up at him with her doe eyes and James was a blink away from giving in. But he loved her. He had loved her since he was eleven years old.
"Tomorrow?" he asked.
Lily stared at him in confusion.
"We'll do this tomorrow."
Lily rolled her eyes but she couldn't hide the smile that had emerged and James finally relaxed in it. He kissed her on the cheek, but before he could step back, Lily pecked him on the lips with a love that James had always dreamt of. James reached for a blanket on a shelf next to him, then he took her hands into his own and pulled her onto the floor. Lily lay on top of him, her head resting atop his chest, with both of their bodied wrapped beneath the blanket.
James was exhausted. His eyes shut almost immediately after he had rested his head on the floor, but he heard Lily say "Tomorrow" like a promise. James smiled and fell asleep.
