8


Silence had taken up most of the long hours of the day, drifting by slowly with the ticking of the steady clock on the wall. At first, L had demanded updates and despite most of their efforts having been directed towards finding him, deaths had occurred and there was news to review and discuss. But assignments had been given quickly and silence, once again, took over.

L, bruised, beaten, bleeding periodically through his bandages. He looked vulnerable and exposed sitting in that chair like the rest of them, half naked. But his eyes still blocked the world out, his body was rigid with focus, and his hands dexterously and furiously typed on his keyboard.

To Matsuda, it felt like only seconds ago that he was looking at L on that television screen, tears on the surface knowing he'd caused him to possibly...meet his death. If not that, he decided he'd come back a shell of what he'd been before. What else was he supposed to believe with him singing? Talking to hallucinations? Acid burned? Begging and pleading and-...?

Matsuda leaned back into his chair and looked at the clock in the right hand corner of the computer. It was late and he could hear some of the others packing to go. Aizawa had been holding back another fit of anger all day, but as many of them knew from experience, Aizawa would feel better the next day with sleep that night. None of them had really been getting much of that for a while.

Matsuda watched as Aizawa put his last stack of papers together, sat them beside his computer and turned off the monitor. His finger lingered against the computer screen, his eyes turning over to Ryuzaki's back, caught in the glow of his and Light's screen. The bandages were spotted and matted with blood, but each time Watari had mentioned them while bringing him tea, L simply combated it with a "Later, Watari, please."

He couldn't understand Ryuzaki, no. He didn't think he ever would. How a man, a young man at that, could be so driven and determined as to ignore having been kidnapped and tortured, so caught up in this single case that he didn't even want to discuss it, he would never know. But as much as it annoyed the living piss out of him, it was also something to be admired. Only briefly of course, because usually it ended with him enraged and out of control. His methods were, after all, purely founded with madness.

But briefly, he could appreciate it.

And briefly also, he could sympathize.

He'd wondered occasionally, in fleeting thoughts, what L's life must have been composed of...

He didn't think about this for too long either.

He sighed now, setting his pen on his stack of papers, and moved slowly with his hands in his pockets towards Ryuzaki. He reached out cautiously, as though wondering while doing so, if it was actually the sane decision to make. He touched his shoulder gently, in a spot he didn't think would cause him any pain, and allowed his hand to rest for a moment there. L jerked away quickly. His eyes flickered in his peripheral vision, making eye contact quickly with Aizawa. And though Aizawa initially had planned to nod to him as an apology, he found himself stopped by an invisible force.

Looking into his eyes, he half believed he understood something there. He almost thought he saw something flicker for a second. Like a switch on his inner self, L had turned it off just a moment too late, and he saw something in there before he returned to his dead-stare. The one that gave away nothing...but in comparison, the other look in his eyes gave away everything.

Now he knew...

Now he understood...

He may have been determined to find Kira, but it wasn't that he was too distracted to think about what had happened...it was that he was trying to distract himself...with little luck.

His shoulder's fell from their tense position and Aizawa's hand fell from the air.

L nodded with a blink of his eyes in acknowledgement.

Aizawa, after a moment, nodded back.

L swallowed, releasing a breath, "I've thought about what you've said, Aizawa, and I've decided you're right...There are some things I need to look into..."

Aizawa's brow out of no doing of his own, raised to the edge of his hairline. He parted his lips, as if to say something, but could think of no rational words to use in reply. L was admitting he was wrong? To him?

"If you all wouldn't mind..." L turned back to his screen, "...I'd like to try and find the names of Melkin Hobbs' children...as well as their new address."

"Wh-...What?" Matsuda whispered.

"Ryuzaki..." Light begun carefully, "I think I can speak for all us when we say we'd love to help you in anyway we can but-...What does that have to do with anything?"

"...I'd like to find who was responsible for hiring Melkin. Whatever their intentions may have been, they're a criminal and though I find it unlikely they'd do something like this again, I'd like to be sure. Considering I have no leads, I'd like to find some. I suspect his children may be the closest thing I can find."

"You think his children know about this?" Soichiro replied, "Ryuzaki, I-"

"L."

L eyes focused towards the back of the room, gaining a glance of white hair, he swiveled around slowly.

"Upon learning 'Methods' real name, I took the liberty of having Matt do some research on Mr. Melkin Hobbs and his two children. He should have their information on file for us."

L stood quickly from the seat and thrust his hands into his pockets, "Good. Let's give him a call then."

"Right. On the security line?"

"Yes. That should be best." L paused, looking to the others, "I'll make sure to inform you on what I find..." L murmured after a moment, "...have a good night. Thank you."

Watari followed L up the stairs into the dimness of the darkening hallways, the wall sconces being the only source of illumination. He looked to L mildly for a moment and gave a small sigh, "Do you really think they'll know something?"

"I'm not sure..." L replied with a small shake of his head, popping the tip of his thumb between his teeth, "But that's my secondary motive in this..."

"And your primary would be?"

"I'd like to send them each a check..."

"Wh-...What? Why on Earth-"

"Melkin Hobbs did his work to ensure they were well taken care of and for only that reason. His daughter and son, respectively, are twelve and ten years old and the orphanage they're going to won't be giving them more than bus fare on their eighteenth birthday. Not every institution is run like Whammy's...-"

"Yes, but...His children are...grown, Elliot."

L stopped mid-step, cocking his head slightly to the right, his eyes focused on the ground below, "Grown...?"

"Yes. They're, from what I can remember looking over the files...hmm...must've been around thirty or so. Could've been in their later twenties...But most definitely grown. However, what you said does sound familiar. I think their grandchildren were around that age..." Watari paused, "Oh yes. Melkin's daughter had a boy and his son had the girl." Watari gave a small humorless laugh, "I apologize, this all seemed like irrelevant information at the time when I was reading it."

"...It is now." L whispered. "His children are...grown...? But then why..." L furrowed his brow, "Excuse me. I think I...need some time to think. Would you have the files faxed over, Watari?"

"W-Well...Yes. Absolutely. Is..something wrong?"

L began towards an elevator.

"...I'm not sure. I'll see you in the morning."

Watari hand fell on L, "I meant-"

L pulled away quickly, looking back to him with his eyes fully opened, his hands balled into fists reflexively.

Watari paused, his hand slowly guiding itself back towards himself.

"I meant with you."

L fell silent, his gaze turning back to a demurer one, his hands unraveling, his body returning on it's path to the elevator doors.

"...Right. Well, good night then."

The doors closed.


L knew Melkin didn't lie.

His words may have been convoluted to a point where only he knew what he meant, but he knew he didn't lie. He was trying to save up for his children: even if they hadn't needed it. But then...why?

And there was only one explanation he could come up with.

Guilt.

But for what?

A few explanations came to mind. Marital issues, abuse...Maybe he blamed himself for his children's mistakes. But to go so far as to torture for money? Despite the fact they were making it on their own? This took a special breed of guilt. One that he just couldn't shake. One that he thought could be repaired with dollar signs as band-aids. What could he have done to make things so bad for his children?

Something was missing from the puzzle.

Two things...

The other missing piece was who would hire Hobbs to torture the person he saved so many years ago? What sort of revenge could that have even been to him? L was sure he was distant from common courtesies and typical human emotion, but he still wasn't sure why Hobbs would have been effected the way that he had? He'd completely broken down to nothing. Like a chemical reaction, his structure simply...dissolved. Right back into it's basic form. Then he...

L tried to think of it as happening to himself. He was not above mild methods of torture to extract information from possible suspects or witnesses. No. He'd done it in the past. And at first, L almost thought it was someone he'd previously done this to trying to get their pride back from him. However, he'd never ever gone as far as Method did. He'd never physically hurt a person. Isolation, blindfolds, and tasteless porridge meals typically worked well enough, and if not... there was one time...

He closed his eyes, shutting his view from the city below.

One time he'd sprayed a girl with a cold hose. Her teeth were chattering...her legs could barely hold her weight but she had to try: she was chained standing up to a wall. She cried and cried...

He tried not to feel anything...but he did feel something. Even if it wasn't what Watari felt as he looked away with a hand over his eyes...he felt something. He thought more than anything...it was probably fear that she didn't have the information he was looking for and thought she had...and then that would mean everything he'd done had been for nothing. But his deductions, not assumptions, had been true. She did know. She was just strong and her acting skills were unparalleled.

But what if?

What if she hadn't known anything? He'd never have gone further than the water hose, but...what if he had? What if he'd resulted to Method's styles of torture? And for her to know nothing?

What if, further, she'd been someone he'd once saved? But hadn't initially recognized? What if-

L opened his eyes again, looking down on the quieting city below. Young men in large jeans and hoodies roamed, watching fearful girls in tight skirts. Noodle strap bags and long sleek hair.

L moved to the bed and stared down at the carpeted floor.

A chemical reaction would have happened in him too. One that would break him down to basic molecular structure. A single carbon floating around aimlessly. Maybe for a month. Maybe for a day. Maybe for the rest of his life, he'd feel a guilty pang when he thought of her face or name.

But...to kill himself?

Would he kill himself?

"No..." L shook his head, "No, sorry, I can't understand that Mr. Hobbs..."

The door opened.

L looked up.

Watari looked back.

His eyes overcast by shadows, his skin pale. He studied the boy before him for just a moment and then closed the door behind him.

"We...We need to change your bandages."

L looked down to himself. Dark, wet strips of gauze lined his skin. Blood was bubbling up from one place, crawling down his skin.

Wordlessly, he moved to the bathroom, sitting on the toilet lid as Watari entered, fumbling with a large roll of bandages between his fingers. He appeared almost...nervous. He stopped suddenly, like someone hit pause, and he stared down at the roll. His eyes were hidden from him, but something shimming in the light fell from his face, staining the white gauze.

"Watari?"

Watari swallowed visibly, his breath shaking, his hands clamping around the roll tightly until the tips of his fingers went white, then, just above a whisper, he said "I know what happened to you, L. I was hoping my suspicions weren't true, but...When you said nothing about it...Stupidly I thought...I thought maybe I was wrong."

L looked to him, obviously provoked by the words coming from Watari, his eyes scanning his body for signs of deceit, his fingers gripping the toilet seat lid in fear, "Watari what do you mean?"

He could feel finger tips touching him, he could feel things inside...he could feel breath on his neck, snaking it's way across his skin like a disease, "I don't know what you mean, Wata-"

"I was the one who bathed you when we got you back here...I saw the damage. Do you think, Elliot...that I'm a fool? My observational skills certainly don't match yours, but I've never been more than a step behind. So do you think I'm incapable of seeing the obvious?"

There was a moment of complete silence, the only sound the vibration ringing in L's ears. Watari stepped closer, touching the bandages carefully and then begun to unwind them from around his skin. Gnarled and ugly like an oak tree, L could see his skin had begun to heal in pink-red flesh tones that stood stark against the white.

"Besides your uncharacteristic flinching from both Aizawa and myself, besides the obsessive scrubbing and scalding hot water, besides the way you acted coming back from that room with Kyba...I washed you and I saw the blood trails, I saw-"

"Stop!" L jerked away from Watari's hands, his eyes narrowed and burned with anger, "Yes, Kyba raped me but I didn't withhold information from you. My sexual abuse is not relevant-"

"Relevant?"

"Yes, it's not relevant to Kira, it's not relevant to Hobbs, it's not relevant for any reason. It didn't and doesn't matter."

"So your saying it didn't even affect you?" Watari paused, shaking his head as he watched L's challenging glare, "That's not what I saw on the camera!"

"It was more than rape that did that to me. I was drugged, burned, dehydrated-...Individually, nothing affected me. I was sure I was dying...I was sure I'd...never see you again. That is what affected me, and that's all. At that point, when I was in that room with Kyba, I was sure that Metho- Hobbs would stop at nothing to get what he wanted from me..."

Watari paused in thought, but a look of disbelief rested on his face as he shook his head. He gave a half smile formed by sarcasm and discontent "Fine...fine, L, but if it didn't affect you...if none of that meant anything to you...why are you trying to find the person who hired him? Why are you seeking them out?"

Watari attempted to catch his eye, but L looked on past him, at the back wall, looking into the grout between the tiles.

There was silence.


"Heart attack. In his prison cell."

Nights had always dribbled by like black paint droplets. Intermittent and smeared across daylight skies. They passed hour by hour in fear. He didn't close his eyes. All he could imagine was Beyond behind him, with a smile that shouldn't have ever really been called a smile.

He knew he wasn't there.

But where was he? Nobody had seen him since...then he just...ran away.

All he could think of was that he was there. He'd found him. After all those years, he'd found him again. And he was standing there...watching him sleep and ready to strike a knife through his back, into his lungs. He'd listen to the air escape from the hole he'd created, trying to catch breaths only to drown in his own blood. That would be how B would love to see him go.

Suffering.

Without being able to scream.

Just looking into his eyes.

So he would know...it was him that killed him.

He slept in periods of minutes when he had to. Or he'd nap in the daytime sitting in a chair looking outside if he had to, but only if he knew Watari would be around.

Not sleeping became easy.

It became productive.

It became...just a part of life.

Even after death.

"Heart attack. In his prison cell."

L looked at Watari and thought he'd get a good night sleep. Finally.

But then he realized that night as he stared up at the ceiling...

...he hadn't really had a good night sleep since he was twelve years old.


Yes I know, haven't updated in a while. Expect more updates sooner.

Thank you for reading.

Please leave a review below? I'd really appreciate it. Thanks again!