A/N: Reviews make me happy and inspire me!
Mad Love - The Veronicas
Turns out that a tent in the middle of the woods, tightly surrounded by half a dozen or so of your closest friends wasn't the most ideal way to sleep.
And by 'not ideal', Chloe meant she couldn't.
At all.
The worst part that she was pretty sure she was the only one having trouble. She could hear CR gently snoring and Amy would shout out occasionally about a pack of dingoes. Emily - sweet, precious girl- apparently had a habit of giggling in her sleep.
The only person she wasn't sure about was Beca, but she refused to open her eyes and check.
She wasn't usually one for holding a grudge, but she was pretty hurt this time. She had practically told Beca straight up how she felt twice, and yet the younger girl was still refusing to talk about it. Chloe was patient, (heck, she had been waiting for almost four years!), but she wasn't stupid. If Beca wasn't going to say anything now the chances were pretty slim that she would ever say anything. The thought made her stomach churn and her heart clench painfully. Honestly, if she wasn't so angry, she probably would have cried. But instead, she forced herself to count sheep, wishing for sleep.
1 . . . 2 . . . 3 . . . 4 . . .
She felt movement next to her as little fluffy sheep gracefully leapt over a picket fence.
5 . . . 6 . . . 7 . . .
"Chlo . . . Chloe." Beca's whisper broke through her internal count, and she forced her face to stay relaxed.
She did NOT feel like talking to Beca right now.
"Chloe." Beca sighed and Chloe could feel the warm air gust across her face. "I guess you're asleep. . . " It was silent for a moment, and Chloe was beginning to think that the little interaction was over when she felt cold fingertips caressing her face and she fought back a shiver at the touch.
Beca sighed again. "You're so beautiful." Chloe could feel her cheeks heating with a blush and she was grateful for the darkness surrounding them.
"Like completely and utterly gorgeous." Beca continued. "If I ever get the balls to ask you out, you are definitely going to be the pretty on in this relationship." She was silent again, but Chloe could feel the younger girl's fingers gently tracing the lines of her face. "God, I want so bad to tell you how I feel, that I love you. . ."
There it was, the confession that Chloe had waiting so long to hear. Her pulse punded in her ears and her stomach fluttered in her throat.
"I'm just so scared. Not about the fact that I love you, I feel pretty good about that, especially after all you said last night. . . ." her fingers curled in Chloe's hair. "I wanted everything to be perfect when I told you, and now you're mad at me because I'm being stupid, and kind of an ass . . . I'm being a stupid ass."
Another sigh and a long moment of silence.
"I have a secret . . . a big one . . . one you don't know."
Chloe felt her heart rate pick up and the bottom fall out of her stomach. What could Bec possibly be about say?
"I got an internship, like a legit one. . . at a recording company. And I know if I told you while you were awake that you would say you were happy for me; but on the inside I know that you would be hurt because you would think I'm neglecting the Bellas. But I'm not, I promise, I'm not. I just want to be something besides leader of the Bellas, something worthy of you. And I thought I did, I thought the producer in charge liked me, but it turns out my mixes aren't good enough. Turns out that the thing that I've spent the majority of my free time on for the past six years isn't ever going to get me what I want."
Chloe wanted desperately to pull Beca into a hug, to comfort her, but she wanted to hear what the other girl was going to say. When Beca spoke again, her voice was almost breathless.
"He wants original stuff, Chlo. I've never done original stuff before. I don't even know where to start. So now when I finally get around to asking you to be my girlfriend, I don't get to say 'Hey, wanna go out with me? I'm gonna be a famous music producer one day.' Now it's more like 'Hey, wanna go out with me? I'm gonna work at Taco Bell for the rest of my life."
She was silent again and Chloe found herself dying to open her eyes and reassure the DJ. She once again resisted, knowing that revealing she had been awake the whole time would only open a bigger can of worms.
Instead, she took a moment to think about what Beca had said.
An internship.
That would explain a lot actually.
Beca's touchiness involving the set list.
Her absence from the Bellas' house.
Her unwillingness to talk to Chloe about life outside of the Bellas.
It all made sense.
An internship.
Beca had an internship.
With a real life recording company.
Of course she was good enough.
Of course.
How could she ever think she wasn't?
But how could she not tell Chloe?
How could she keep all of this a secret?
Even if nothing else, Chloe was her best friend, how could she -
"I didn't want to tell you." Beca's voice cut into her thoughts.
"You've been so caught up; in winning World's, in having the Bellas back at the top - I didn't want you to think that I wasn't fully invested, that I was putting anything less than my best towards World's. That's why I didn't tell you sooner. Hell, you failed Russian Lit. three times so you could be a Bella. . ."
If that's what Beca thought she had stayed for . .
"Although, I don't know . . . it's stupid but . . . I'm kind of beginning to hope that part of your reason for staying was me. . . That's stupid, I can't believe I even said that out loud. No one ever stays for me."
Chloe felt her heart breaking at the pain behind the softly spoken words. The tent was silent for a moment and she fought to keep her breathing even.
"That was pretty easy. If only it could be that easy when I tell you for real."
Beca's lips brushed against her forehead and she relished in the feeling.
"I love you, Chlo. I just wish you knew that. I wish I had the guts to say it while you were awake."
Chloe felt the hand in her hair draw back.
"Maybe tomorrow." the brunette whispered.
"Maybe tomorrow." Chloe repeated in her head, the phrase proving to be a much better sleep aid than sheep.
The air between her and Beca was different the next day. She knew on her end that the whispered 2AM confession definitely had something to do with her boost in mood and she could practically see the weight lifted off off of her co-captain's shoulders. Beca seemed more at ease around her, and was impressively receptive to the activities that Aubrey had planned.
Of course 'impressively receptive' by Beca standards equaled up to moderately disinterested by regular standards.
Still, Chloe was grateful for her cooperation, and she quickly found herself getting lost in the feeling of camaraderie that came from working with the Bellas. She also couldn't deny the relief that came from having Aubrey in charge again. Her best friend may be - well - bossy, but she always made Chloe feel as if everything was taken care of.
Which was kind of nice sometimes.
Especially when she was freaking out about finally graduating, and World's, and being in love with her other best friend.
So definitely nice on days like today.
After a few hours of crawling around on obstacles, they were hot and sweaty, and she could feel Beca's - and everyone else's - relief when they took to the water. The mud though, that was Beca's last straw. She could see the frustration settle on the brunette's face, and while Chloe was actually kind of having fun, her co-captain most certainly was not.
"Well that was two steps away from being almost fine!" Aubrey's smile and tone of voice belied her words as she criticized their latest riff.
"Sorry, what are we doing?" Beca demanded.
"We're rediscovering our sound." Chloe explained for what felt like the hundredth time since she had started planning this retreat.
Aubrey nodded in a agreement.
"Are we? 'Cause it feels like were just singing songs that would never go in our set."
"Beca, come on!" She pleaded.
"No! None of us know how to beat Das Sound Machine but I know it's not gonna be by doing this!"
"This is just an exercise in finding harmony, Beca." Aubrey explained gently. "Sometimes you have to break things down before you can build them back up!"
"I've got more important things to do!"
That stung. She knew Beca was frustrated and stressed about her internship, but she suddenly felt like the Bellas - and maybe even herself - fell a little lower on Beca's rankings of importance than she had thought. She felt all of the built up tension from the past few days bubble to the surface.
"What could be more important than this?!"
"Forget it." Beca was quick to cover her slip but Chloe wasn't about to let this go.
"No, you don't think we haven't all realized that you've been a little checked out lately?"
Fat Amy came up behind the DJ and lay a hand on the shorter girl's shoulder.
"Come on, Beca, just tell her."
She wasn't for sure if Amy was referring to the internship or Beca's feelings for her, but she could see the look of fear in Beca's eyes.
"Tell me about what? You mean the internship? Is that what's 'more important'?" She used finger quotes to exaggerate her point, and she watched as Beca's face fell.
"You knew?"
"I didn't, actually. Until you told me last night."
As soon as the words were out of her mouth, she wanted to take them back. She watched as Beca's face progressed from shock to hurt before finally settling on anger.
"You were awake?" It was as if tendrils of ice reached out to curl around the words, making a dagger headed straight for Chloe's heart.
She could feel the rest of the Bella's turning to stare at them.
"Yes."
"How much did you hear?"
She swallowed, but her throat was dry.
"Everything."
Beca's arms flailed around her in a way that would have been comical if it wasn't kind of scary.
"You listened to me fucking spill my guts while I thought you were asleep?! Real mature, Chlo!"
"It's not like you're ever going to be brave enough to tell me how you feel while I'm awake."
"At least I don't keep failing college because I can't let go of an a capella group!"
"I stayed for you, Beca!"
There it was, the secret she had kept hidden for so long, finally spoken aloud. Beca's eyes were filled with hurt, and she soon realized that her confession could easily be taken as a mockery of Beca's words from the night before. A part of her felt bad, but a bigger part of her was angry that Beca could still not understand how Chloe felt about her.
They locked in a stare-off that was only broken when Amy stepped between them, placing a hand on each of their shoulders.
"I don't want you guys to fight, you're Beca and Chloe - together you're Bhloe, and everyone loves a good Bhloe!"
"You know what? I don't have time for this, I have a demo to work on." Beca marched towards the woods, only slowing down to throw a glare at Chloe over her shoulder. "Of course, you already know that, don't you?"
"Beca!" She called out but the DJ didn't turn around.
Emily shouted at her to stop but she was too late, the bear trap yanked Beca upwards in a tangle of limbs and leaves and Chloe felt her stomach drop in terror.
"Chloeeee!" Beca's screech echoed in the trees. "Chloe, I'm sorry! Don't let me die! I'm too young to die! I haven't even told you- I need to tell you-"
She jogged over with the rest of the Bellas, squinting up at the net.
"Bec, we'll talk about it later, we've gotta get you down."
"No, no, I need to say this."
Silence fell as everyone stared expectantly up at their captain.
"Chlo . . . I can't - I just - I can't say it - I don't -"
"Sing it!" Aubrey offered and Chloe found herself wondering how the blonde could know. But then maybe she had always known.
The net dropped a few feet and everyone screamed before Beca started singing - softly at first and slowly gaining volume.
It's kind of cool in your company
It's kind of hot when you're mad at me
You know I hate it when I lose a fight
But you'll make it up to me tonight
I'll take you places you've never been
You make me shiver when you touch my skin
And then there's days that you don't come around
I'm running, trying to chase you down
We've got that L-O-V-E, the kind that makes you mad
I put up with your crazy 'cause I'm your better half
I think I love the challenge 'cause I love to win
You know you've got that talent of pressing all my buttons in
The trap dropped again, and Beca was close enough now that Chloe could see her eyes squeezed tightly shut.
I knew you were trouble from the day I met you
One look in your eyes and I could not forget you
You got me feeling ooh
You got me feeling ooh mad love, mad love
Trouble from the day I met you
Got me seeing double and how could I forget you?
You got me feeling ooh
You got me feeling ooh mad love, mad love
She felt a flutter in her stomach and Beca's words, and there was a tiny voice in the back of her head screaming that this was it, that it was finally happening. Her joy was short-lived however when the net dropped completely, Beca crashing to the ground, taking Amy and Jessica with her. Lily was hanging like a bat from the rope, a knife clutched between her fingers but Chloe barely noticed, her attention focused on the tiny DJ currently crawling her way out of a bear trap. She knelt down beside Beca, hands brushing the hair away from her face with trembling fingers.
"Bec-"
"No, Chlo, let me finish."
Chloe nodded, not trusting herself to speak without it all rushing out.
Beca took a deep breath before she began singing once again.
I can take it baby, that's alright
You can't love without a little fight
I really wanna be with you, man
You're such a pain to try and understand
But the way you lay it down on me
I get weak and it's hard to speak
I've got a feeling you've cast a spell
I slipped and then I fell
We've got that L-O-V-E, the kind that makes you mad
I put up with your crazy 'cause I'm your better half
I think I like the challenge 'cause I love to win
You know you've got that talent of pressing all my buttons in
She forced herself to be quiet, to not fidget despite her excitement.
I knew you were trouble from the day I met you
One look in your eyes and I could not forget you
You got me feeling ooh
You got me feeling ooh mad love, mad love
Trouble from the day I met you
Got me seeing double and how could I forget you?
You got me feeling ooh
You got me feeling ooh mad love, mad love
As the last of the lyrics died on Beca's lips, their eyes locked. She could see so much written on those blue irises. Nervous energy, love, and just a hint of fear. She reached her hands to grip Beca's.
"Bec-"
"No, Chlo -let me finish. Please." When she didn't say anything, Beca continued.
"I love you. Like I'm in love with you. You're the first thing I think about when I wake up, and when you're not around I really wish that you were. You make me feel like I can do anything; and I'm so sorry that I didn't tell you about the internship. I was so nervous about it and you, and World's - I just convinced myself not to. But I should have because you always make me feel like I'm so much better than I am. I know that I've been a jerk lately, and I'm sorry for that too. But I can't not tell you anymore, it's eating me up inside. I love you Chloe."
