"Emma…" the voice sounded distant as she felt the sensation of being shook, "Emma?" Slowly it was becoming louder as she felt the air returning to her lungs, her heart burned as Regina's words continued to sound in her head.
"I'll be waiting."
As her body began to work again she heard a guttural cry coming from somewhere around her, it was the most heart wrenching, pitiful sound she thought she had ever, and probably ever hear. As her senses came back to her she realized it was being emitted from her own mouth. Her eyes flew open as she shot up into a sitting position from the ground on which she had been laying. Emma couldn't stop the cry from sounding and found she didn't want to – she needed to let it out of her, the anguish and sheer devastation she felt needed some release.
She found Henry to be standing completely still with his back to her, he was looking upon the lifeless form of his adoptive mother unable to fathom what was happening. Apparently Emma's screams hadn't shocked or roused him from the numbness he was no doubt feeling. Snow had been the one to shake her daughter, her face streaked with tears although Emma wondered bitterly if they were for Regina or for her. David and Gold stood off to one side unable to think of any possible way to comfort the broken family unit. The paramedics and fire department had yet to move from their place on the side lines, they would remain there until Emma gave her go ahead to move Re- the body. The cold thought ran through her mind as thin arms encased her into an embrace, she didn't want it though, she couldn't have it replacing the virtual feeling of Regina's arms around her only moments before – even if it did happen within her mind.
Snow didn't protest when Emma pushed her arms away, she simply moved back to give her daughter the space she clearly needed but couldn't contain her silent tears as the blonde's sobs ripped through her. She watched as Emma, tears seemingly never ending, proceeded to lift her hand up slowly as she uncurled her fist. She gasped as she caught a glimmer of light coming from Emma's palm until she realized it was simply the afternoon sunlight gleaming from a ring…Regina's engagement ring.
"It was true…" Emma breathed out, her heart clenching at the realization that it was all in fact real, her love, and her reason for breathing was gone, "sh-she's really gone."
She sniffed distastefully as a styrofoam cup filled with steaming coffee was placed on the table in front of her; the smell was turning her stomach.
"Honey…" Snow tried to get something out of her daughter about what she had been talking about earlier at the crash site, she wasn't one for waiting long for information and this only added to Emma's frustration – did no one in this goddamn town know how to give someone time to breathe and regain control of their thoughts?!...Regina did, a lump formed within Emma's throat once more as she fought to hold herself together.
She still couldn't fathom that the one person who understood her most, who knew when to embrace her and when to leave her was gone. The woman she untrusted her deepest, darkest secrets to, whom she shared her every waking thought with (mostly because her thoughts were predominantly about Regina), her best friend, the mother of her son, the reason she finally started to enjoy the life she had…was gone.
"Just…don't." This effectively stopped any more questions or statements from the pixie haired brunette, even she knew how far Emma could possibly pushed and today was certainly not that day.
After waking up and getting to a point in which she had been able to stop crying enough to pull her son away from the overturned car, he didn't need to see Regina's bloodied and bruised body any more than he already had – she didn't want that image to be the one that stayed with Henry. She had allowed the fire department to begin removing her fiancé's body from the car, unable to watch any longer as upon being lifted and placed onto a stretcher after being released from the wreckage her arm fell and hung limply, her ring finger now bare as Emma had attached it to her necklace in order for it to rest near her broken heart.
Tears streamed down the blonde's face as she held her sons guilt stricken body to her own, he was shaking violently and his sobs were echoing through the later afternoon air.
Most things that happened after the ambulance doors had closed and drove silently through the town with Emma's bug close behind were a blur, she recalled catching sight of Archie and Gepetto standing outside the door to the diner with their heads bowed in respect for the late mayor – apparently news travels fast. David and Snow had agreed to take a separate car in order to give the grieving mother and son their own time to collect their thoughts and take in what had happened – both were in too much shock however even to form a more coherent sentence than simple confirmations to any questions asked.
That was how she found herself in this very position at the hospital waiting to see her fiancé after she had been cleaned up as much as possible, Emma despised the fact that her usually flawless skin would be painted with the cuts and bruises of the accident, she also knew that she was going to have to return to their home at some point to find the things to bury her in, that was going to be painful but she had to do it – she had to make sure Regina looked her best as she was laid to a well deserved rest.
"Emma?" she looked up from the spot on the floor to find one of her employees looking at her hesitantly, wasn't he the one who was handling the crash report? A small lump formed in her throat as she thought about it. Shaking her head slightly she merely held his gaze as a way of encouragement, "um, can I ask you something?"
"Sure," emotionless.
His brow furrowed as he took in her appearance, his usually confident sometimes verging on cocky boss was completely gone, in her wake were tear stained cheeks and impossibly raw looking eyes. "Who was driving the car this morning?" he asked as gently as possible.
She appeared to be looking through him as she thought back and wondered why on earth he was daring to bother her with such ridiculous questions after all that had happened today. "R-" this would be the first time uttering her name and she found it caught in her throat before it could become audible, the man seemed to realize this as he simply nodded but continued to look puzzled. "Why?"
"Emma…do you remember at all what happened leading to the crash?" she shook her head not even bothering to try and rack her brains again, whether it was the grief, her head injuries or her exhaustion that was keeping her from remembering she didn't know. "Well, you say that Regina," he noticed the visible flinch and intake of breath as he spoke but it was too late, he'd already said it and so he decided the best thing would just be to continue, "was driving but…we found her to be on the passenger side of the car…"
A tear escaped from her green eye as the image of her lost love flashed across her mind, "I know where she fucking was," she muttered irritably. How dare he come to question her about this sort of thing right now, did he have no decent bone in his body.
"No, but that's the thing Sherriff…" his sudden enthusiasm caused her head to snap up finally as curiosity laced with frustration got the better of her, "we've been informed that…even with the severity of the crash, there is no way that she could've simply fallen there due to the force of the spinning," again he winced as the heavy grief flashed across her tired eyes once more, "…she moved."
Emma's lips parted slightly in confusion as she tried to understand his words, "what do you mean she moved? She couldn't have, she…" She was pulled from her confusion as a memory flashed through her mind.
"You can be such an idiot, you know that?" she laughed at Emma's attempt to practically climb into the back of the car to reach her phone, "how did you even manage to get it all the way back there?"
She heard Emma's chuckle as the blonde let out a shout of victory upon grabbing the discarded item.
"Okay, number one," Emma wheezed as she plopped herself back into her seat slightly out of breath from her backseat excursion, "I know you enjoyed checking me out in my vulnerable position," this earned her an incredulous scoff from the brunette beside her, "number two…okay, I sneezed and…I don't know I just dropped it, I still think you hit a bump…at the same time…" she tried furrowing her brow at the absurdity of her attempt to save face.
Regina simply laughed again before reminding Emma to fasten her seatbelt once more, she gasped audibly as the blonde came closer to her.
"If I put that thing on, I wouldn't be able to reach you now would I," she began kissing Regina's neck softly, smiling into the skin as she heard a very audible gasp of approval.
Regina kept her eyes on the road, fighting to keep them from fluttering shut at the mere sensation of her fiancé's lips on her, "we are nearly home dear," she almost regretted her words as the light sucking stopped. Emma really was insatiable but she instantly missed the warmth of the blonde's body near hers – she simply had to settle for a warm hand on her thigh as she turned into the long road leading to Storybrooke. She sighed contentedly as she chanced a glance at her future wife, her heart fluttered at the mere thought of it. Marriage had always been something that scared the brunette, it was something she'd had forced upon her at such a young age – it had been a scarring experience and she was sure she would never feel the desire to do it again after finally escaping her years of torment, she had also been sure that she would never feel this amount of love but a certain stubborn blonde had somehow managed to break through all of her defences and cause her to fall into complete bliss.
Their weekend away together had only strengthened their love for each other, Regina slowly lifted Emma's hand from her thigh and proceeded to kiss the knuckles presented to her. As she lowered it back to her preferred place she caught Emma looking at her with a loving smile from the corner of her dark eye.
"What was that for?"
"Because I love you."
It happened too quickly for either to realize what was going on…almost.
Regina's eyes widened as she felt the wheels lose purchase on the ground, it had been a cold morning but the warmth of the sun hitting her arm as she drove had caused her to forget about the dangerous black ice that lay hidden on the road. She managed to get a hold of what was happening much quicker than the stunned blonde, as the back corner of the vehicle lifted Regina's instincts kicked in, she felt as though time had slowed down completely, she was thankful for Emma's unbuckled seat belt as she unclicked her own from its restraints. Blonde curls obscured her view of the blonde's face as she reached over her lap to the door, the car it seemed was taking on a diagonal spin, if this was going to work she had to do it right and right now.
With all the strength she could muster she pulled on the door handle and flung the door open catching the shocked expression on Emma's face as she began pushing her from the vehicle, a gasp of shock and fear resonated from Regina as she felt strong arms take her own in order to pull her as well – there wasn't enough time for both of them to fully make it out of the car and so before the blonde could gain a strong grip on her, Regina pushed once more with all her might and managed a small smile as she watched her love fly away from the trajectory of the car…then all went black.
"Oh my god, oh my god! I couldn't get her, I COULDN'T GET HER!" Emma didn't feel the strong arms wrapped around her, she didn't hear the soothing words of those around her, she only saw the smile gracing Regina's face as she watched Emma fall safely to the ground, "SHE SAVED MY FUCKING LIFE!" she was angry, angry that she had been forced from the car, angry that she couldn't have saved Regina's life as well but mostly she was angry that her first instinct hadn't been to save Regina yet that's the first thing that came to the brunette's mind. What the fuck did that say about her?
"Honey, please Emma…Emma please." She felt a sudden sting in her upper arm but her curiosity was calmed suddenly as her eyes drooped shut when the sedative flowed through her body.
She stood bleary eyed at the podium, the week after Regina's death had been possibly the hardest days of Emma's life and now here she stood addressing people who knew nothing of the incredible woman she was to marry, everyone except Henry that was but he had outright refused to attend, he had exclaimed his distrust of those who did turn up. True they had all began accepting Regina as somewhat of an ally but that underlying sense of loathing had always remained. Henry didn't want to sit and listen to fake condolences and watch crocodile tears forced down the cheeks of those who knew nothing of the person his mother really was, it had taken him long enough to realize. She thought back to the previous night as they sat in the chapel of rest gazing upon the peaceful form of the brunette.
She looked as though she was simply sleeping, Emma had chosen Regina's electric blue blouse and black slacks to bury the brunette in – Regina had confessed that it was her favourite shirt as it had been the one she had worn when she had taken in the curse which then saved Emma's life enabling her to return from the Enchanted Forest and it had also been the first time in a long time in which Henry had hugged her – the sentimental value was enough to help Emma make her choice.
"Do you think she knew?" Emma started at the sound of her son's voice; it was the most he had spoken since the day of the accident. She hadn't told him about the moment she had experienced with Regina when she had collapsed; as much as she wanted to she knew it could only distress him more as he didn't have the chance to say a proper goodbye.
"Knew what?" she replied just as softly, the candles seemed to flicker slightly with the change in dynamic.
He inhaled deeply as he spoke trying to keep his voice from cracking, this moment was for remembrance not regret or guilt but…he couldn't help himself – it had been plaguing his every waking moment and frankly he was tired of hiding his fears from the only mother he had left.
"…that I loved her."
"Oh kid," her heart sank at his admission of insecurity, "of course she knew."
He nodded, he already knew the answer but it felt good coming from Emma, she knew not to lie to him no matter how much hung in the balance and he trusted her judgement, "I just…" he struggled to form the words as the inevitable lump took a hold of his already tight throat, "I just wish I would've told her more, you know?" He hadn't noticed that Emma had proceeded to take the seat next to him until her arm draped over his shoulders and pulled him close into her side; she bent her head and kissed his hair in an attempt to stop her quivering lip.
"I know kid."
Emma had been unable to plan the funeral, every time she tried she was reminded cruelly of who she was organizing it for, that thought alone only continued to draw her deeper and deeper into herself and so Kathryn had taken over, Emma had only agreed knowing that the blonde was most likely the only who had genuinely accepted Regina's change and so wanted to pay her respects in the best way possible.
She looked out over the heads of the small group that had attended and looked down towards the stables, they had chosen to have the ceremony on the hill overlooking Regina's second favourite place, her first being somewhere that she had only told Emma about.
"You're squishy," she smiled as she nuzzled closer into the brunette's neck and tightened her grip around a soft skinned waist. She laughed heartily at the expected response.
"I beg your pardon?" Regina asked incredulously, her eyes snapping open to regard the woman beside her, "did you just describe me as…squishy?" she said the word with such disdain but it only strengthened the blonde's joyful laughter.
"Yep, that's exactly what I did." Regina felt the grin and knew Emma was trying to get a rise out of her, "it's not going to work you idiot."
The younger woman stilled her laughter as she questioned as innocently as possible, "whatever do you mean dearest?" Regina simply rolled her eyes as she threw her leg over Emma's waist effectively straddling her.
"I know your game Swan." She stated enjoying Emma's purr of approval as she rubbed her palms up the mayor's silk pyjama clad legs, "you want an argument."
Emma raised her eyebrows keeping the game going, "and why would I want such a terrible thing?" her breath hitched slightly when the brunette's beautiful face came within millimetres of her own, she was so tempted to lift her head from the pillow and close the gap between them. Regina's kisses were absolutely intoxicating, she had found that out from their very first one and since then had become a Mills junkie taking whatever lust filled hit she could at every available opportunity.
"because…" Regina drawled, her tongue peeking out to lick softly against the blonde's lower lip, she knew she was winning when pink lips slowly parted in anticipation, she slowly leaned in and bit down pulling the lip back out as she went. She let it go and had to hold in her own moan as Emma's fingers trailed up her ribcage stopping just underneath her braless chest. "You want angry makeup sex." With that she simply rolled off the blonde and stood from the bed, Emma however had anticipated this outcome; did Regina think she was the only one who knew things?
She laughed at the child like yelp of surprise that left the older woman's mouth as Emma pulled her back down to the bed rolling her over to mirror their earlier position but with the blonde in power this time. Her long curls tickled Regina's bear arms as she lowered herself down to place a soft kiss on full lips, as she began to sit up long arms draped around her neck to hold her in place. Emma leaned down once more to place a kiss to Regina's nose revelling in the giggle she received in doing so. "I love you, you know?"
The brunette inhaled deeply as if trying to physically suck in Emma's statement, "I know." She kept her arms around the blonde's neck as she tipped over to lay chest to chest on the bed both scrambling to clear any distance between them. Emma linked her top leg between both of Regina's, it was an intimate gesture bore from many nights spent together, at first it was a testament to how close they needed to be to each other even in sleep as this was always the way in which they had awoken, now however it was just a natural element of the couple's relationship – a much loved element.
They lay that way for a while, simply content to look into each other's eyes, placing gentle strokes down soft cheeks, drinking in content smiles, breathing the same air. "This is my favourite place." Regina breathed out as she continued to hold onto Emma.
"In bed?" Emma winked jokingly as she watched Regina's chest rise and fall with a soft chuckle.
"In your arms."
As she continued to look she was sure she could make out a dark silhouette in the distance, her son was here.
"Never had I ever thought I would be standing here having to say goodbye," she was addressing the night sky, the stars burning bright as she spoke. She couldn't speak to the attendees of the funeral, this wasn't for them. It was for Regina.
"You were full of so much life, so much fire and most of all love. There were so many who didn't get the chance to feel just how deep your love could go and how much it could fill you up but I'm so glad that I did. You picked me to give it to and I cherish that more than you will ever know." She didn't notice the tears streaming down her face as she spoke or the collective tears of her audience, she didn't care.
"I know it wasn't easy for you to love so freely, you weren't shown how to and I think that's what made it all the more special. You loved the way you did because it was natural to you, it left you so full sometimes that you couldn't help but let it spill out." She smiled at the memories of Regina's random exclamations of love in the most strange of moments, it was literally because she couldn't hold it in anymore.
"You always felt things so deeply, once you let me in I felt as though I had been traipsing through an unfeeling life until you allowed me to live. I still can't understand how I lived for so long without feeling that kind of emotion, that kind of true love. It feels like air to me, I can still feel it now." She had subconsciously pulled the necklace holding Regina's engagement ring from its place near her heart.
"I miss you so much baby," her voice broke as she talked now, "it is so hard, I don't feel like me anymore because…well I'm not me without you." She tried to gulp in air as she continued to voice the despair that had been filling her every moment of every day since her love's death.
"You are the other half of me, my true love, and my best friend. I miss you Gina and it's not fair!" No one dared move as the pain that was overwhelming Emma washed over them also, Ruby had her forehead resting against Granny's shaking shoulder as they fought to let air in through their constricted throats. Gold for his part remained stoic, he was hesitant in attending but couldn't miss the chance to pay respect to one of the most intriguing women he had ever had the chance to come across, and she truly was unique. Snow had a fist pushed against her mouth to stifle her cries as she heard her daughters desperate words to thin air, she was right, this wasn't fair.
"I don't understand why you had to go so quickly, I had so much planned for us but…" her sobs were stopping as she heard something, a familiar voice dancing across the wind as the breeze lifted her hair and words caressed her ears.
"I'll be waiting."
A guttural cry ripped through her as Regina's promise was washed away with the dying wind but the shocked gasps that rippled through the funeral goers alerted Emma to the fact that it had actually happened.
For weeks, years, decades even after this night the townsfolk of the small town would talk of a faded figure passing through the aisle leading to the podium at which the broken sheriff stood with her arms wrapped tightly around her stomach in order to physically hold herself together, they would speak of a glow that encased the blonde as the sky lightened. Most would simply brush it off as a trick of their tear filled eyes or their pity for the woman in front of them causing delusions. There were some though, those that knew better, who would reminisce about the sound of husky laughter floating around them, the faint click of heels building to a glorious crescendo and perhaps most prominent of all…the soft smell of apples that lingered in the air long after the crowd had dissipated leaving the blonde and her now present son to gaze in wonder at the stars above them with gentle smiles lifting their features.
"You know how much I love you right?" a tear leaked from the brunette's eye as her emotions surged through her body, the feelings coursing through her weren't uncomfortable but sent shivers through her whole being. Green eyes felt as though they were looking through and into her soul, she could feel the heat seeping into her from the woman above.
Emma brought their linked hands up to rest over her own heart as she whispered into Regina's mouth, "'til the last beat comes."
A/N: yep, I made myself cry again…I hope this tied up a few lose ends, especially in regards to how Emma ended up outside of the car. I had meant to include that part in Regina's memories two chapters ago but I got too caught up in what was happening to remember!
Hope you enjoyed this story as much as I did writing it, any requests for stories or continuations/alternate endings are very welcome and much appreciated as are reviews!
