Author's Note: Hello, everyone! Thanks for looking into my story, or carrying on with it!

Hereby the second part to this arc. It will take up some more space, because, as already mentioned, I twist those two episodes the way I want and need them.

As always, reviews are welcome and very much appeciated.

Read, review, and hopefully enjoy ;)


A few days later, Josh is sitting at a bar, nursing his beer in one of the lone corners.

He just doesn't know what to do anymore. Ever since the encounter with Ray, Josh starts to call everything into question that he believed was set into stone.

He thought that his home would be something no one could rip away from him, but seemingly it only takes a mauled deer and a guy with douche-bag-clothes to throw you off any ladder you manged to climb the first rungs of.

And sadly, Aidan is not of much help lately, not that the werewolf blames him. Rebecca needs him. Even though Josh is not at all delighted to have her back around after what she did to Cara, the younger man understands that Aidan is, well, trying to fix things. He set her "transformation" into motion. He is just trying to protect her from Bishop and from becoming a sadistic vampire like Marcus is one. Aidan wants to protect someone, and Josh gets that. He wants the same.

He would love to protect everyone, to be perfectly honest.

Josh was and is protective of his sister. He was protective of his family, his fiancée. And he even finds himself protective of both his roommates. He wants to help them, but often just ends up to be the pathetic one in the middle, who mopes about how much his life sucks, and not taking the initiative. Because, let's face it. Sally has to deal with being dead, literally, and being stuck to watch life pass her by. And Aidan has to fight his own cravings while keeping Rebecca clean. And Josh? Josh might have this werewolf-stalker, but the more he thinks about it, the more selfish he feels for neglecting... a chance... of fixing his own mess, so that he doesn't bother the others anymore.

Aidan at least tries to fix his, something that Josh finds himself almost incapable to do, because the mere thought of his wolf, or this certain other wolf, gives him goosebumps, sending little electric impulses right to his pain so that he cringes.

Maybe he is even a bit jealous, of Aidan. Not that Josh would ever admit that out loud to the vampire. Because he surely doesn't envy him for his curse, but... Aidan has a goal now, and that with someone who shares his curse. Josh can't imagine that Ray and he share the same goals. That guy seems to enjoy himself as a wolf too much to bother about humanity.

And that means, once again, Josh is sitting alone in that tiny boat.

Sometimes he really wished he was a bit more like Aidan. He wants something, he sets his mind on it, and gets it. He wants to help Rebecca, so he does it. He jumped off the wagon, he hops back on.

And Josh?

Moping. Brooding. Repeat the process.

The problem for the werewolf is also that he fears that he loses his last bit of protection, now with Aidan less and less around to push those dark thoughts away. Home feels much emptier, now that Sally can transport. So she often ends up with Danny and Bridget because the poor ghost can't stop thinking about it. Again, not that Josh blames her. He sneaks peeks at his objects of desire, too, rather from a distance than from close up. So that means, he often sits alone at home.

Just like it was in his old apartment, his old little life-like existence. Before he started to drown himself in work and a kind of purpose again. He counted cracks on the wall, cried in bed, bought cheap toasters without proper security. Googled bridges in Boston.

It doesn't feel like home anymore. Someone once said that the people in it make it home – and that realization turns somewhat sickening when all people you care about are just... elsewhere, go on, move, while you trod behind, or rather, run circles. Because you just don't know how.

And because you're too damn proud to ask them for help.

Aidan does enough for him, after all. Josh doesn't want to bother him anymore than he did or does anyways. Aidan saved him. That means he is ahead by far.

So now, Joshis sitting alone at a bar, being sorry for himself, thinking about Sally, about Aidan... and Ray. That seems to be just it.

Josh can just escape, run away.

Protect someone else?

Forget about it.

Protect himself?

What the hell are you thinking, little wolf?

Josh wants something, wants to hold it tight, but then holds his hands to his chest, glances at it sideways, and then runs for cover.

Useless condition.

That still goes through Josh's mind, even if Aidan meant it as a joke, it is sadly... true.

He is no wolf, no real one. He is... what Sally says, a "puppy".

But even puppies want to protect their family, or don't they?

"Knew I'd see ya 'round here some time," a familiar voice rings out, once again. Josh almost spills his beer as he is ripped out of his thoughts back into reality... where Ray is standing in front of him once again.

Well, isn't destiny a funny bitch?

"Hey, no offense. This is a public place, right?" Ray grimaces, holding up his hands in defense.

"Yeah, no, is a free country. You can take your beer in whichever pub you want," Josh snorts.

Sadly, he had to go with this pub. From all the bars in town, Josh chooses the one where Ray would show up.

Of course.

"May I?" Ray motions at the seat next to Josh.

"What?" the younger man blinks at him, stunned. "Ugh, yeah, why not...? Or rather... no, don't answer that... it's okay for now."

Ray smirks as he sits down, looking almost triumphant, or is it? Josh can't tell. He can't read that person's facial expressions, can't read this guy at all. Whenever he looks at him, he sees a kind of darkness in his grey eyes, but then... the man is just fog again.

But why does Josh feel such a strange kind of familiarity in his heart?

He runs a hand over his chest absently.

"So, how's it going?" Ray asks casually, taking another sip from his beer.

"You know, the usual troubles," Josh shrugs.

Losing his head.

Losing home.

Losing himself.

He's great. Thanks for asking.

"So, did you think about it?" Ray questions, now with a hint of enthusiasm in his voice.

"... about what?" the younger man makes a face.

"About my offer?" Ray asks, lowering his voice a bit.

"More than I wanted to, like... ever," Josh admits.

Why did he ever invite Ray to sit with him?

Oh yeah, because Josh is no longer supposed to be a lone wolf.

Because he has to start fixing his own messes.

"I see," Ray nods.

"Well, but maybe... and just maybe... we've just had some kinda rough start on this, right? I mean... ugh, maybe we can just... talk?" Josh suggests, honestly surprised by his own initiative.

"That's the spirit I've hoped for," Ray grins, flashing his teeth at him.

"Okay," Josh nods uncertainly, suddenly feeling like a child again.

"Alright, so is there something ya'd like to know 'bout it?" Ray asks casually.

"... how were you... turned?" Josh asks. Maybe he will feel more comfortable once he got to know Ray, right? With Aidan it worked, too. They talked, and that reduced his anxiety.

Talking always helps him, but with no one home... no help there, but maybe this can soothe him in some way, too?

"Huntin' trip gone sideways, pretty much," the older man explains.

"For how long are you, you know?" Josh questions.

"Ugh, ten years, round about," Ray shrugs.

Ten years.

Josh is by year two now and still thinks about those tempting bridges, in the back of the head, even if those images become blurry by the edges now that some light falls into that darkness.

"Shit," Josh mutters.

"I'm fine with it," Ray shrugs nonchalantly.

"You are?" Josh blinks at him. Who would seriously be fine with that?!

"We're stronger, you know. Superior," Ray tells him, his voice suddenly gaining more strength also.

"I don't see it like that," Josh argues.

No, they are weak. Fine, they have a strong body, but they are by no means superior. They are just a bunch of wild animals out for blood, out for meat, things that don't know mercy. They kill themselves on every full moon.

And isn't that truly weak? When you can't even protect your little sister from yourself?

"Ya should. We are enhanced species, kid. More durability, greater strength, we're smarter, faster...," Ray argues, a flicker in his eyes. He motions closer, "We can take on five fangs at a time, if not more, and bite their friggin' heads off if we're into it enough."

"I don't want that," Josh argues.

"Why? I mean, fine, ya have your buddy there. But the others? They're just scum," Ray argues.

"Doesn't give us the right to destroy them," shakes his head.

He really should have just gotten a beer from his own fridge. Within his home.

Why did he leave his refuge again?!

"But they take it to destroy us," Ray retorts.

"I don't believe in the eye for an eye philosophy," Josh tells him. He never saw anything in it, and he stopped completely now that he is with Aidan. Josh knows that the vampire did shady things in the past, even if he doesn't know what that is. However, if he believed in the eye for an eye, it would mean that Aidan would maybe have to die for the people he killed.

And Josh doesn't want Aidan to die.

He needs his best friend around.

"So what? You never felt the urge to get back at those bastards?" Ray argues.

"... even if I did, it wouldn't be justified," Josh shakes his head.

"So no fang's ever laid hand on ya? Then ya are luckier than I thought," Ray snorts.

"I got my fair share, but... I'm past that," Josh admits.

"Who?" the older man asks, or rather... demands. Why is that guy suddenly so agitated? It's not like this is anything to him, right? Why should he care?

And why does he seem so protective, all of a sudden?

"Some from around here. That guy is a bastard... fang... or not," Josh explains.

"That guy's still breathing?" Ray grumbles.

"What? Yes, of course. Well, okay, they are technically not breathing, but... you know, he's still roaming around," Josh grimaces.

"What did he do to you?" the older werewolf asks, no, again, demands. Just the way Josh demanded from Em to tell him who dared to bully her.

"Just beat me up with his friend. Thanks to that encounter I met, Aidan, though. So... ugh... I see the good in it," Josh shrugs.

And that is the truth. If not for... that beat-up, Josh never would have met Aidan. He would still look at hope through a murky window just to see light reflected in another.

"Dontcha have any pride, man? That guy beats ya up and ya just let him walk away with that, no you let him walk with that every single day?" Ray argues.

"Well, yeah. I don't see a problem in this," Josh shrugs.

Even if Josh worries about being unable to protect others, he couldn't care less about "pride" or "honor". Someone who dies proud... is still dead.

"Problem is that this guy might come after ya again and again," Ray tells him, suddenly upset.

"He won't," Josh assures him.

"Ya think that your buddy can protect you from that?" Ray grimaces.

"They are brothers, and Aidan's the big brother, so to speak. So he has some say," Josh replies, though he frowns at himself once the words travel past his lips.

Why is Aidan seemingly always the one to... protect him? Fight his fights?

Shouldn't he fight his own?

"No offense, but that's retarded," Ray snorts.

"... Okay, let's act like this was not offensive," Josh huffs. That guy is plainly rude.

"Lemme explain. Even if I don't trust your dear Aidan, coz he's a fang, but fine, let's take it that he's reliable and wants to protect ya. Fine," Ray says, to which Josh nods, "Yeah."

"... how much of blind faith do you put into him, huh? Even if he's trying all he wants... You really think he has it that much under control? I guess you've seen fangs on rampage already. They're like us on a full moon, no control, just basic instinct, black eyes, fangs and bloodthirst. If the little brother feels like messin' with ya, be sure he'll do it, and he'll get around your dear Aidan. They are sneaky bastards," Ray warns him.

"I can protect myself," Josh huffs.

Or can he?

Past has proven that he can't, right?

"Seemingly not if you rely solely on a fang for help. Ya are right in the danger zone, ya see? By being so close to the fang," Ray argues.

"I will not discuss my friendship with Aidan with you, Ray," Josh tells him sternly. No, there is no way that constant will be shaken, not even by Ray, especially not by Ray. Aidan is the one who brought him out of his own trip to damnation so that he started to embrace life again, or something that is at least life-like. If not for Aidan, Josh would probably be in the streets or in some shabby hotel, trying to kill himself in the bathtub with a toaster. Vampire or not, Aidan is his friend, even though he is not much around lately, but that's beside the point, right?

Aidan set his Stone One, and Josh built on it.

That's all that matters.

All that should matter.

"Hey, I'm just sayin' that maybe you have to consider, ya know," Ray holds up his hands.

"Let's change the subject right now," Josh grimaces. "Or else this conversation is over before it even started."

"Fine, if that's what you want," Ray shrugs.

"So... how do you handle, with, with... everything, life?" Josh grimaces.

"I've got some techniques. I can show you," Ray suggests, his eyes flickering with almost childish enthusiasm. Josh finds himself smirking at the idea.

Maybe Ray really just wants to help?

"I don't know, I'll have to think about it," Josh shrugs. He is skeptical by nature, so he won't just bite.

The only time he did... was with Aidan.

"It'd do you good, believe me. Maybe you'd have enough guts to go against the little brother, then," Ray suggests, but that only gets Josh to reconsider. "What now? You really think I should just... I should just go ahead to the den and beat the living shit outta that guy, for something that I don't even think about anymore?!"

"It'd come as a surprise," Ray snickers.

"That is not the right thing to do," Josh shakes his head.

"Well, you see, what he did wasn't either. And for us... everything's shady these days. We are shady by nature. We exist between the lines," Ray shrugs. And that couldn't be truer, sadly.

"I see that, too, but that doesn't give me the right to just go after him, to go after anyone. Maybe we live between the lines, but that doesn't mean we can just cross them the way we want," Josh argues.

"It's your natural right. It's in us, you see?" Ray argues.

"I don't care for what's my nature," Josh snorts.

"You should, though. Nature tells you what's good and bad for you, kid. And I tell you, it's unnatural what you have with Aidan, no offense, but it's never happened before that those two species teamed up. We just don't. They hate our smell, we hate theirs, we literally can't smell each other. We are both predators operating in the same niche. You know that from biology class, don't you?" Ray questions.

"If two conflicting species seek the resources of the same niche, they will fight over it. This results either in one being cast out to seek other resources and therefore find a new niche, or... extinction of the inferior species," Josh sighs.

"Exactly. Obviously no side's won yet, but we're fightin'. Over centuries now. That's just what we do. We want to keep the niche," Ray smirks.

"But... wolves go after different stuff than do vampires. We...," Josh argues, moving closer. "We snack a deer, vampires suck someone dry if they don't have it under control. We don't have the same niche."

"Fangs turn humans. So do werewolves. We do operate in the same niche," Ray argues.

"Aidan's not like that," Josh tells him sternly. They live in the same niche in harmonic coexistence.

Screw biology class.

"And ya know that guy... for how long? A few months? At tops? How well do ya really know him? Think about it," Ray shrugs.

"Better than you, that's for sure," Josh narrows his eyes at him, even though...

Doesn't he have a point, a small one? Josh only knows Aidan in a short while, but his faith in him is almost endless. He relies on him blindly to help him, which is of course selfish, but at the same time... Can you really trust someone who lived for so long when you only know him for a time that is no more than a blink of the eye for him?

"Point taken," Ray grins.

"I know what I have to know. I know his character," Josh argues, to strengthen his belief again. "He's fighting for the same thing I fight for. We have the same goal. That's all I have to know."

Well... at least that is what Josh calls to mind ever so often these days. Because Aidan is aloof to help Rebecca that he barely gets to see the vampire. And the fact that he sees Rebecca only underlines that Aidan jumped off the wagon not long ago.

Maybe he doesn't know him too well after all.

Josh shakes his head, no. Aidan is his friend. Ray is just screwing with him. Maybe it is the beer.

Or his foul mood.

"Knowing a person's goal is one thing, learning about the means to get there is another," Ray argues. "Might be that your fangy pal tries damn hard, but it's as you say, he's chasing another demon. And that other demon might take over, and leave you as the one to either pick up the pieces... or simply alone."

"... that is not really encouraging," Josh grimaces, to which Ray shrugs his shoulders, "I would love to paint it in prettier colors, but you gotta see... fighting the fang is another thing than dealing with the beast. That guy's roamed the earth in a long time. You are standing at different points."

"That doesn't mean we can't work towards the same goal," Josh argues. They agreed on that before.

Different curses, same will, same devotion, same goal.

Be normal.

Be human again.

"But don't ya ask yourself why that guy didn't manage to... be what you wanna be... for all those years, huh?" Ray suggests.

"What does it matter?" Josh huffs. "It's as you say, we're fighting different demons. While I have to learn to get a handle on this, Aidan is... he's an addict. And as we know from med school, being addicted cannot be cured. You can always relapse. So it stands to reason that even in all the years he's already around, he didn't manage. Because there is no cure for him."

It's a sickening thought, really. Because Josh is convinced that this is something Aidan is all too well aware of. That there is always this sense of foreboding. He can be fine for days, weeks, years, centuries, but then the cravings come, the temptation, and suddenly... suddenly you are back to where you started. You begin with Step One and work your way back up the ladder. Josh knows that this is the one advantage his curse has over that of a vampire – he is cursed once a month, one night of sheer terror, one night of fear, drenched in blood and carcasses, one night of being anything but human. Vampires have to fight that every single second of the day. Every moment, they have to be ready to fight, ready to resist. So yeah, Aidan is an addict trying to stay clean for the longest time, for as long as he can. That just seems to be the state of affairs.

"All I'm saying is that you'd have better chances to gain control if you were with one of your kind, not with one who doesn't even remotely understand what it means to be a wolf," Ray tells him. "It's not natural for us. It's against our nature."

"And even if it were unnatural to cooperate like that, it might be the better option after all. Share the resources, or better... we help each other's extinction. That's what I'd favor above all," Josh tells Ray, who gapes at him, "Ya seriously mean that?"

"I don't say we should kill each other, but... try not to turn more people's lives into hell by turning them, into either one," Josh shrugs. At least that is the perfect dark world he pictures.

Help each other protect the rest of the world against themselves. Let's just all build one huge cage for all monsters, whatever the kind, to get in, shut the doors, and then let nature do the rest. Sounds like a plan, right?

"... never say that around a pack. They will kill ya," Ray snorts dismissively.

"Well, I don't see why I should wish that upon anybody whom I'm supposed to care about, as I should care about someone I turn, as his or her alpha or whatever," Josh huffs.

No, he never wants to become an alpha.

He doesn't want to curse someone with his curse. He wants to shield the world from himself.

Even if Josh doesn't know how.

"Thing is... fangs don't die of natural causes. That means we'd be extinct, they'd keep existing. And that's giving up," Ray explains.

"What does it matter what they do?" Josh shakes his head.

"You don't want to rival to triumph by the end of the day," Ray snorts.

"That's childish," the younger man huffs.

"Ya know what really is?" Ray retorts. Josh cocks his head, so Ray goes on, "To believe in this dreamland where everyone lives happily ever after. This is not a happy ending story. This is bloody survival of the fittest. And trust me, that is something the fangs have long since understood. They know that and act upon it. Even if you refuse to fight, they will. They will crush you and they will have no trouble with it. So, if your life's any dear to you, you should gather the guts to fight for what's precious to you."

"You don't have to extend the fangs or claws for that reason," Josh argues.

Or do you?

"Only way to really protect what's important to you, believe me. The fang won't make the difference between your, well, nice side and that of any bloody wolf. He'll treat you like a dog and kill ya, slowly. Mark my words," Ray warns him. "You have something you wanna harbor. Well, with keeping your feet down, you won't manage once it gets tough. I've been there. Ya have to protect what's dear to you with claws and teeth."

"But that doesn't mean that I have to go see Marcus and beat him to mush," Josh retorts.

"It might eventually. Ya still have family?" Ray nods at him.

"What? Yeah?" the younger man makes a face. What's it to him?

"Fangs have the greatest networks Ya really think that this Marcus will stop short before your dear family? What if he digs up their whereabouts to turn them, kill them? Hm? Ever crossed your mind?" Ray threatens him.

Josh bites down on his tongue hard enough to feel the coppery taste of blood in his mouth. He never thought about it, but... fuck, it's true. Aidan's said before that they have this huge network. They have them in important functions, why not some office people who can take a look at such data?

What if not Josh himself harms them, but the vampires?

Why didn't he think about that?!

Stupid, stupid, stupid!

"Hey, I don't say you gotta kill the guy. I mean, I personally would, but... if I were ya, I'd make my point clear that I want them to keep their noses out of my business and away from my family... to make sure they never come close to them again," Ray grins. Josh silences at that, bowing his head, fear tugging at his chest. Why does his heart hurt, suddenly?

"Just sayin'...," Ray whispers. He raises his hand for the bartender for the bill. He puts down a few crumpled dollars before he stands up.

"Where are you going?" Josh asks nervously.

"I will make it clear to them that they should fuck off," Ray tells him.

"What? You want to go to the den? Hey, it's not even moon. They will kill you," Josh exclaims.

"As I said, I'm stronger, even without the full moon," Ray grins self-consciously.

"That's suicide," Josh warns him.

"Sure, alone it is, but... that's just the way it works at times," Ray smirks. Josh puts down a few dollars as well before hurrying after him, "Ray, I implore you, you don't wanna mess with these guys."

"Oh, I so wanna," Ray laughs before entering the street.

And so it's the old game of pulling and pulling away. Josh holds on to Ray, tries to cut him off, but Ray just pushes his past him.

And Josh feels bad for admiring this kind of strength. For being jealous of that man's devotion.

They continue to argue until they reach the den.

"Ray, stop. I beg you," Josh pleads him again, actually pleads him, holds him back, but the older wolf is having none of it, "Kid, that I go in there's decided on. Only question is if you're in, too."

He pushes past Josh.

"What?!" Josh gasps. That guy can't be serious.

"I see," Ray sighs, shaking his head, looking disappointed.

Well, Ray, you may have backed the wrong horse.

Josh, so he himself believes, is just one huge disappointment, so you had it coming.

With that Ray walks past him and enters the den. Josh stands there, perplex.

What should he do?

If he walks away, Ray might get killed.

If he walks in, he might get killed, along with Ray.

No matter what, something bad will happen.

However, before Josh can even contemplate on this, his feet, out of instinct, decide to walk. Josh can't even understand what is happening. He can hear the blood rushing inside his head. His muscles tense. He blinks, only to find himself now inside – just to see Ray pummeling with a bunch of vampires, among them Marcus. Once the ginger catches sight of Josh, he smirks at him viciously, "Now look who's decided to join the party! It's Aidan's bitch! Come here, boy! Come here! Such a dirty little mongrel, aren't you?!"

Josh bites down the comment he would like to throw back, but knows better.

He wants to... protect... Ray. Twisted little world.

He can't protect Aidan.

He can't protect Sally.

Or Em.

Or the vandal.

Or himself.

But maybe saving Ray is within his capabilities?

Josh holds up his hands in defense, his heart hammering in his chest, "Hey, I'm not here to fight. Please, Ray doesn't mean it. He's had too many drinks. Marcus, let him go, okay? He's no competition to you anyways."

"Damn straight he ain't. Ever the more reason to make this piece of trash suffer for being so stupid," Marcus snorts.

"Marcus, listen to reason, please," Josh begs him, but that is when Marcus is already jumping him and punches him violently in the stomach. Josh goes to his knees, gasping for air. He suddenly feels snow flakes biting into his skin again, and gravel...

Will Aidan come around the corner now to tell Marcus to lay off?

Get it together, Josh! You can't always ask Aidan to fix you, can you?!

"I should've killed you last time!" Marcus snarls, kicking him again and again.

No, Josh can't protect himself.

He can't protect anyone.

"I don't understand what Aidan sees in you. You're just his dirty little pet, ya know? Just pathetic," Marcus snarls. And even though Josh knows it's just Marcus, those words sting.

Because they are seemingly true.

"Marcus, I don't want to argue with you. I just want to take Ray away from here. C'mon, he's had enough of...," Josh stammers, but that is when Marcus delivers the next blow, punching him in the face this time, sparking stars in front of Josh's eyes.

Still the same game.

He is on the ground, biting back tears, getting bullied.

And Josh seriously thinks and hopes that someone comes to save him.

Just how pathetic is he?

Still just a teenage boy getting bullied.

How on earth would he protect anyone, right?

"Marcus!" Josh yells.

"What now? Will you fight for him? Puppy love, hm? Or will you just run to your master to fix the mess for you? Huh?" Marcus grins.

Why does everyone think that he is weak?

Yes, Josh is Aidan's friend, and yes, he helps him, but Josh also helps Aidan, right?

Right?!

He is not that weak.

… wolves are strong, or aren't they?

And... Josh is a wolf.

"Kill him already!" Marcus barks at the other men, nodding at Ray.

Birds of feather flock together, right?

Two weird birds in the same niche. Maybe Josh has to protect his for once, and not allow the other to cast him out?

Josh doesn't know why or how, but somehow he gathers all his strengths and jumps Marcus, pummeling him to the ground. His sight is obscured by flickers of white and grey as he brings down his fists on the man, suddenly feeling strong. Like a stronger dog dominating the smaller one.

Maybe biology is right after all?

Josh beats Marcus so hard that the scatters of blood hit the opposite walls, creating odd patterns.

Splish. Splash.

Who is weak now? Huh? Who is weak now?

Stop it! Stop it!

You are better than that...

Or are you?

There is another way!

But who cares?! It works! It works!

Let it go!

Kill him! Kill him!

Both men struggle for dominance, but eventually, Josh is able to hit Marcus in the temple hard enough to knock the vampire out.

Only now Josh starts to hear sound other than his heart beating in his chest, the dark tendrils still dancing in front of his eyes. Josh staggers to his feet, swallowing hard, tasting more copper, tasting shame, "You can let him go now. I don't want any more trouble unless you want it."

Ray fights them off almost gleefully. Josh takes the older man by the arm and pushes him to the exit with a growl before he turns to the other vampires again.

"You should just keep away from us," Josh stammers at the vampires, though he is not sure if it came out as a warning or plea. His voice was shaking too hard.

Josh rushes after Ray, who is leaning against one of the walls outside, gasping for air, looking like he just won a tournament. And Josh would just love to punch that smile out of his face.

Beat! Beat! Beat!

Those red patterns would look good on that wall also, or wouldn't they?

Josh pulls him by the collar, "What the hell were you jackass thinking?!"

Ray just giggles childishly, so Josh holds on even tighter.

Why does Josh do that?

That's not the way he usually acts...

But maybe he should?!

"What's so funny?! They could have killed us?!" Josh curses.

He could have killed them, too!

That's not funny!

"That was amazing. Didn't think you'd have it in you, but you do," Ray smiles fondly.

"I'm not. I just got you out because you are stupid," Josh snarls, his hands suddenly starting to shake.

He never should have done this.

What was he thinking – or not thinking?!

"Really, I underestimated ya, kid! That was fabulous!" Ray snickers.

"Are you, are you insane?! I didn't want this to happen, I was just trying to save your sorry ass for whatever the reason!" Josh curses.

"Coz I'm one of your kind, Josh. We stick together," Ray tells him.

"I never should've come with you," Josh curses, letting go, tears prickling against the inside of his eyelids.

"But you felt it, didn't you? This satisfaction, huh? It felt good, didn't it? And now be honest to yourself. This guy's beaten ya. And now you got back at him," Ray giggles, his features dark.

"Go to hell, Ray. If this has consequences for me, I'll blame it on you, and then I will turn back to you, you get me?" Josh threatens him. Ray wavers his arms in the air defensively.

"I'm off!" Josh curses, screwing his eyes shut. Ray laughs to himself as he disappears into the shadows he came from, his laughter following him in a cruelly loud, cruelly long echo.

Josh stalks down the streets, his breathing still heavy and hitched, the puffs of air turning into white mist against the cold weather of the night. His chest is aching, his body feels feverish. His knuckles pound to unknown rhythms, loud drums.

Just what the hell did he do? Why did he help Ray?

Because he wanted to protect someone for once?

But if that's the price... is that really worth it?

Will that protect his family now?

Or did he just doom them?

Or his other family?

Josh would like to scream, shout, cry, pull out his hairs, despite all the pain he feels. He wants to be consumed by this pain, wants it to numb him. Wipe away the blood still crusting on his knuckles.

He lost to his dark urges.

To the wolf.

Seemingly, Aidan is not the only addict.

Josh may just have found his own little drug.

Because... no matter how paining the guilt...

Fuck, is this euphoria?