Yes, it has been many months since my last update. I do apologize. At first, I thought the last chapter would be the last. But things just didn't seem to be resolved. So here is an epilogue of sorts, and it took quite a while to write. I have been job hunting and now, I am getting ready to move to another country. So that is my reason for being so tardy with this update. I hope you enjoy it.
Disclaimer: All rights of Dragon Ball Z belong to Toriyama Akira.
Chapter 8 – Beginnings
Adjustments. Modifications. Alterations.
Piccolo absentmindedly listed a group of words that described that state of change that all walks of life went through periodically to adapt to the shifting environment around them. It happened all the time and he'd never given such natural occurrences much thought because they seemed so insignificant to him when there were so many bigger things happening that needed his involvement. The Saiyans. Frieza. Cell. Yet, without even realizing it, he too had adapted and evolved in order to survive. And now, very much apparent to his notice, he was once again adapting in ways that were completely foreign to him, yet rang with a resonance he couldn't ignore. Family. Belonging. Community. Love. Those things that at one point in his life, he had sneered at and pushed aside as being weak and paltry, were becoming a new focus and new direction for his life. And had he been paying attention, he would have realized that since his training of Gohan in the desert, those changes had also been working on him slowly but surely. He'd just been too blinded by his own selfish desires to fully recognize the truth. He did now, however, and for once, he welcomed such a change, even with all the bumps in the road and the annoyances of everyday life.
At the moment, he was sitting next to the lake where Goku had enjoyed taking Gohan for daily fishing and swimming trips, levitating about a foot off the ground as he tried to concentrate on meditating.
Currently, the warm spring sunshine was seeping through the foliage of the trees, and he felt comforted by the simple pleasure of warming himself in the growing sunlight. It had almost been a year since Goku had passed on to Otherworld, but instead of squashing down his own fears and uncertainties regarding the Android threat and then Cell as he had the previous year, he found himself embracing an existence that finally felt true to both sides of his nature as a Namekian.
Taking in a lungful of the clean, fresh smelling air, he slowly let it out and then pivoted his head towards the path that lead back to the Son household. Listening carefully, he could hear the sound of gravel and rocks being pushed out of the way as somebody slowly walked towards where he was meditating. In truth, he hadn't wanted to be interrupted, but he'd been discovering that if he really wanted a moment alone to just process the events and happenings of day to day life or to improve his connection with the world around him, it required flying to some remote location far and away from the place where Gohan had grown up. Still, not all interruptions were unwelcome.
"There you are."
Opening his eyes, he was welcomed to the sight of Chi-Chi standing in front of him. Gone were her heavy woolens and dowdy looking garments in dark, dreary looking colors she had worn all winter. Instead, she was wearing a pretty short sleeved pink dress with a pattern of cherry blossoms spread across the fabric, and her hair was loose, save for the sides, which was held back with a simple clip. She looked…younger and happier than she had when he had first started taking in an interest in her last summer.
He inclined his head towards her in greeting and then watched as she lowered herself to the ground, unbuckling the basket she had attached to her back. Taking out her precious cargo, he watched as she pulled her newest child to her lap and held on to him before she turned and looked at him, giving him a warm smile that he had become accustomed to. Well, except for the times when he would inadvertently do something that would upset her and she would yell at him, only to get an earful back.
"I'm not bothering you?"
He frowned slightly. If she thought she was going to be a bother, why would she have made the effort to bundle up the child and then take a walk with the intent of finding where he had gone off to be alone? Shaking his head slightly, there were still things he found odd about Chi-Chi and he doubted he would ever figure everything that there was to know about her out. She was much more complex than he had ever imagined, a far cry from the temperamental harpy he thought she had been without an ounce of common sense inside her female body. Instead, he was discovering that while she still could be a harridan, she used that front to hide her own insecurities about her abilities as a mother and as a friend to those she felt where important in her life. She had huge doubts about her worthiness for the affection of others, and while she had mostly recovered from Goku's death, he knew that she still struggled with the thought that her husband had abandoned her because he felt she was a burden and hadn't wanted the commitment of a family or a wife.
"If I'm bothering you, I can take Goten somewhere else. He just seemed restless…and I think he missed you. I mean, it's a guess. Who knows what a baby really thinks? I'll just…I'll just…" She trailed off and laughed nervously before giving him an uneasy smile.
"You're not a bother," he said, tensing his arms up before looking away towards the lake.
Without glancing at her, he could sense her sudden relief, though he was still unsure as to why she should be nervous around him. After all, if she wasn't used to his presence after spending the past year with him, then he assumed all of his efforts at his own attempt of understanding the way he felt for her in particular were for not. He supposed he could understand her uncertainty from time to time, as she had the tendency to become fragile in regards to relationships and the expansion of her own feelings beyond that of simply being a friend or a mother. Yet, it did irritate him to find out that she was still questioning and adjusting to things he felt he had made clear to her on more than one occasion since that day when he finally admitted his own growing attraction and need to be a part of her life as something beyond simple protector and provider.
"I suppose I've made you upset?"
Jerking his head backward slightly, he finally turned his face to peer at her as she bent over and sat Goten down on the sandy area of shoreline where they were currently sitting.
"Don't bother denying it. I…well, I guess I still have a problem with putting my foot in my mouth. I shouldn't be so nervous, but there's this part inside me that is afraid if I come across as too forward or too intrusive, you'll just disappear and I'll never see you again. Huh, it's funny, you know? I used to…"
She let out a wry chuckle before brushing a stray lock of hair that had blown forward from the light spring breeze.
"You used to what?"
Flopping her head in a lopsided manner, she grinned before answering his blatant question.
"I used to hate you. Well, hate's a pretty strong word. I disliked you. But you probably know all of that, seeing as I was never afraid to let my tongue loose. At least, I wasn't back then. Now, I don't know…you've been so good to me Piccolo. The last thing I want to do is offend you over something stupid. I never…I never felt that way around Goku because he just took it without really saying anything about the decisions I made. And in the end, he was gone so much, I guess it didn't really matter."
None of this was new to him. Still, he couldn't grasp in his mind why she was still hung up on how things had been between Goku and herself. And, he was beginning to readily admit to a growing sense of jealousy over a dead man, which was nothing short of ridiculous. It was just that coming to an understanding of his own feelings, while it had made his own inner turmoil dissipate, had led to another sort of awareness that made clear why Namekians had seemingly steered clear of the sort of relationships that humanity seemed to thrive upon. There was too much emotional frivolity involved that made wanting that sort of connection a walking liability. Yet, he had entered into the trap, at first not really knowing what he was doing to himself, and now the opposite seemed to be the case. He knew…and he still found himself drawn to partaking in daily life with Chi-Chi and all of the rocks that came along with it.
Listening to her concerns, he nodded slightly in understanding before closing his eyes. What could he say to ease her worries? Wasn't there a saying that actions spoke louder than words? So why was this still a struggle for her? It had never been in his nature to talk or express himself as humans had the tendency to do. Instead, he devoted the time spent on wasted words physically fulfilling the obligations he had towards those he cared for. It had been long since the time where she was incapable of doing the work that needed to be done around the house because of her pregnancy, seeing as Goten was close to five months old. Yet he still made it a point to do many of the day-to-day tasks that Goku had done when he had been around, which Chi-Chi had taken over during his many absences and after his death. He didn't have to, yet he chose to do so because he felt it showed and proved his commitment towards her, Gohan, and now Goten.
"You talk too much. And you worry too much. You know me better than most, so you should realize that if I felt you were a burden or I suddenly decided you weren't worth the effort, I would have made those sentiments clear. Never doubt my…feelings towards you."
"I don't doubt them."
Opening his eyes again, he watched as she gathered her arms around her knees and gazed out across the glassy surface of the lake. She could say that she didn't doubt his feelings or affections, yet she could question him about their validity or worry about her own self-worth on the same breath. It was the one thing in the last few months since Goten's birth that had become a sticking point with him, because there was no way that he could seemingly reassure her, and he felt ill suited to do such a thing in the first place. In the end, it was a question of what she truly wanted, alongside his jealousy over Goku's memory, that was causing a new found feeling of resentment creeping into whatever heart he had. Why couldn't things be simple?
Grumbling under his breath, he stood up suddenly, flipping his cape over his shoulder. Making an about face, he glanced down at Chi-Chi, who started to rise the moment he got to his feet.
"Wh…where are you going Piccolo?"
"To spar with Gohan. He's in his room?"
She nodded, looking slightly puzzled by his sudden desire to leave when moments before, he had said that she wasn't bothering him. Inwardly, he wanted to take off his turban and shred it in frustration, especially after giving Chi-Chi a conflicting message. However, giving in to such a frivolous desire was not in his make up, and the only way to help alleviate some of his irritation would be a healthy fight with Gohan. If anything could help him clear his mind, having to focus on survival without being interrupted unnecessarily would do the trick.
Taking a sidelong glance at Chi-Chi to make sure she had Goten back in his basket and secured tightly to her, he started on the path towards the small house that had inadvertently become a focal point in his life. They each walked in silence, both lost in thoughts that neither had the courage to decipher. Soon enough, they were at the front door of the cottage.
Stepping to the side, Piccolo let Chi-Chi pass him as she went to the door, swinging it widely open before stepping into the unlit interior. Striding behind her, he closed the door and observed as she once again took Goten out of the basket and put him in the middle of a the rug on the small living room floor. The boy seemed to be happy to be out of the confines of the carrier, as he cooed and giggled while rolling over onto his back, batting at imaginary shadows that only he seemed to be able to see.
Marching smartly to the bottom of the stairs, Chi-Chi crossed her arms underneath her ample bosom, tapping her fingers slightly against her bare arms before shouting up the stairs.
"Gohan! Piccolo's here and wants to spar. As long as you finish whatever work you have left when you get back, you can go."
That was all it took. In less than a second, Piccolo observed with slight amusement as the door to Gohan's bedroom door burst open, revealing the boy in his purple gi, identical to the one he was currently wearing. Without a word, he bounded down the stairs and skidded to a halt in front of his mother, who was wearing a deep frown.
"That didn't take long at all. When I go up to check on your schoolwork, you better have made decent progress or you won't get to spar with Piccolo for a week straight. Isn't that right, Piccolo?"
It was at times like this that he didn't like having such a prominent role in the Son household. In truth, while he knew that Gohan's studies were important, he did feel that Chi-Chi was too domineering when it came to how Gohan spent his time. The boy was half Saiyan, and while fighting wasn't something he thrived upon, he did need a healthy dose of exercise, especially since he was growing and maturing and his body required it. Normally, he had no qualms with telling Chi-Chi when he felt she was going overboard. In this instance, however, he had no desire to get into an argument that had been around well before he became involved in Gohan or Chi-Chi's life. Inwardly, he cringed at his own apparent cowardess, but since he was already frustrated with how the day was progressing, he only nodded his head in agreement before heading silently back towards the outside door.
As he waited, Chi-Chi went into the kitchen and came back with a sack that most likely contained food for Gohan. Giving her son a hug and kiss against his protestations, the boy escaped and bounded towards where he was standing.
"Let's go."
"Sure thing!"
Without another word to each other, both he and Gohan left, waving at Chi-Chi as they exited and made their way back outside into the bright spring sunshine.
Neither Piccolo nor Gohan paid any attention to how many hours they were out underneath the sun. They continued sparring until exhaustion took hold. When Gohan almost managed to knee him in the head, Piccolo called a time out. Maneuvering over to a rocky outcropping, he settled himself down and took in a deep breath before wiping away some of the sweat on his face and neck.
"Man Piccolo, we've been out here for ages. Mom's going to kill us when we get back."
He smirked at the boy, his fangs glinting in the deepening afternoon light. It pleased him to now be included into whatever imaginary punishment the boy had in his head that Chi-Chi would be sure to administer once they got back to the house. It meant that Gohan had gotten over whatever fears or concerns he had in regards to the relationship he himself had developed with Chi-Chi. In fact, after the confrontation they had prior to Goten's birth, things had smoothed out rather easily, and the current relationship he shared with Gohan had grown much stronger. They…understood one another. He wished he could say the same thing about Chi-Chi.
Taking in a deep breath, he moved over slightly on the rock outcropping, making room for Gohan to settle in next to him as he opened up the bag of food Chi-Chi had prepared. They both sat quietly, letting their bodies recuperate from the beating they had given each other. After a few minutes, Gohan was finished eating.
"So…did you have a nice time by the lake this morning? Mom was looking forward to going for a walk. The weather's been pretty nice, but I think it was because she knew you'd be out there. I was just kind of surprised you both got back so quickly. She was only gone for about half hour when you both showed up. Did something happen?"
As usual, Gohan's perceptiveness was no surprise to Piccolo, and as usual, he seemed to have a better understanding of the situation. Motioning his head in the negative, his mind picked over the situation and for once, he considered asking Gohan for his opinion, even though it went against his pride. He had discovered over the years that often times, when he had difficulty understanding human emotions and motivations, Gohan could readily relate those ideas into terms he could understand. The only problem was humbling himself enough to ask.
Deciding to bite the bullet, he cleared his throat, alerting Gohan to the possibility of having a conversation.
"Why does she doubt me? What do I have to do to prove myself to her?"
It was embarrassing, asking these fundamental questions to a boy barely over the age of twelve years, yet he needed to know for his own piece of mind. He couldn't stand the feeling of inadequacy and resentment that had started to make him doubt his place in Chi-Chi's life. And since these feelings and behaviors were relatively new to him, it made her comments and insecurities seem to hold a veiled meaning. That he was not enough. That he could never be what she wanted him to be.
Glancing sideways, it appeared Gohan had not been prepared for such a question coming from his teacher, mentor, and friend. His mouth hung open slightly before he closed it with an audible click. Shaking his head as though he couldn't comprehend such an unlikely question coming from Piccolo, he put his hand up and then opened his mouth to speak.
"Whoa! Wha…what? You think my mom doubts you? Were would you get an idea like that? Piccolo, she…she loves you! I mean, you know, like as more then a friend. Ever since…ever since dad died, you've been like this constant protector towards her and she appreciates that more then I think you'll ever know. Maybe she comes across as hesitant to you, but it's just because she's still getting used to the fact that there's somebody who really wants to take care of her and make sure she's doing well. I think maybe she's afraid that it's sort of like a dream, and one day you'll just wake up and realize that she can be annoying and overbearing and you'll leave. But deep down, I know she realizes that you won't do something like that because you've known her since way before dad went away, so you know all the good and the bad."
He had thought that himself, but after having her continue to act as though she was inconveniencing him, it went against his pride as a man and as a provider. Just as she loved him, he returned the sentiment. True, he supposed he wasn't what a typical love interest would be in human society. However, he wasn't human and so he had assumed that Chi-Chi would understand that, and everything that came with such an unusual relationship.
"Piccolo…if you're worried, why don't you try talking to her about it? I bet she doesn't even realize how she's coming across to you, or that she's doing anything that makes you wonder about what's really going on. I mean, you are telepathic after all, and it would make sense that you would pick up on signals that she wouldn't even be aware of giving off. It wouldn't hurt, ya know?"
Hmph…Talk to her? How many times had he already let go of some of his pride and done exactly that? True, in the months since Goten's birth, he hadn't discussed his reservations, concerns, or latent jealousy with her because he hadn't felt it was something that needed to be discussed. He had just assumed that he would continue in the role he had filled before the child had been born and things would iron themselves out. On the surface, things had seemed to move in a positive direction. But appearances could be deceiving and there were problems between the two of them that needed to be sorted through. It didn't help that he wasn't what one would call a gifted communicator. He simply said what needed to be said in as few words as possible, and most times, he didn't bother with talking at all. It was wasteful. However, finding himself in a relationship with a woman was complicating his relatively simple and quiet life.
He knew that Gohan could sense his reservations about the advice he had just been given. It didn't slip past his notice that the boy's shoulders visibly slumped when he made no response on whether or not he agreed with such advice in the first place. Deciding to avoid any potential misunderstandings or conflict, Piccolo slowly rose to his feet and then stood, crossing his arms across his chest as he looked out over the expanse of land lying at their feet.
"Let's head back."
With that simple phrase uttered, he observed Gohan as he packed up the remains of his snack in the simple cloth sack Chi-Chi had given him, dusting off his dirty gi before waiting for him to give the signal to leave for home. Nodding his head when the boy was ready, he used his ki and leapt into the sky, slicing through the air like an arrow as they both headed back to the little cottage located on Mount Pazou.
Within a few minutes, both Piccolo and Gohan veered towards the cottage that suddenly loomed within sight. Touching down on the soft, springy grass, Gohan ran up the path to the front door and went inside, no doubt thinking of placating his mother over what he considered to be excessive tardiness. However, his actions proved to be unnecessary as she wasn't within in the confines of the house.
Although it was spring, and there was an over abundance of noise compared to the relative silence that winter afforded, Piccolo could easily pick up the humming coming from the other side of the building. Slowly stepping around the house, he slid up against a wall and watched as Chi-Chi knelt in the dark earth, pulling up weeds around the flowers that had come up to great the change of seasons. He noted that Goten was lying underneath a makeshift tent close to where his mother was lovingly working with the fruits of her labor.
Truthfully, watching her work free of the worries and concerns she had dealt with the previous year was a refreshing sight. And, if he were honest with himself, he enjoyed the view, although he would never admit to that. The attraction business still caught him off guard most of the time, but it was just one more thing he was adjusting to, and wondering about why he should have such thoughts about a human female in the first place had never gotten him anywhere. So he just placed such acknowledgements in a safe box within his mind to think about and digest later, when he had the time to compose himself and process his shifting thoughts.
She continued to work in the garden for close to a half an hour, oblivious to his presence as he observed her progress. It wasn't until Goten started to fuss underneath the canopy she had set up for him before she snapped out of her reverie. Pushing off her knees, she stood up and brushed some of her hair out of her face, leaving a dirt smudge across her forehead from her filthy gardening gloves. Taking a slight step over to where Goten was now screaming unhappily, she took off her gloves and tossed them to the ground before bending over to pick up the unhappy child. It was at that moment when she caught a glimpse of his form, her eyes widening slightly in surprise before her mouth turned upwards at the corners in a pleased smile.
Cooing softly to the baby, calming him down until his sobbing was nothing more than a few wet hiccups, she started to walk towards were he was standing up against the house. Upon reaching him, Chi-Chi shifted Goten to the side and did something that was unexpected and for which he was not prepared. Leaning up against him, she stood on her tiptoes and gently brushed her lips against the underside of his jaw in greeting, something she rarely did. And, because he wasn't ready for such a move on her part, and he rarely was when she decided to attack him with human romantic acts, he blushed unconsciously. Deciding to make nothing of the moment at hand, lest he embarrass himself or anger her in his stupidity when it came to games of attraction and affection, he waited for her to push away from his body. Thankfully, his reaction only seemed to please her for whatever reason and she smiled pleasantly, waiting for him to say or do something. When nothing happened, she spoke up.
"Did you work out whatever kinks that were in your system with Gohan? You were both gone for a while, even for the two of you. I don't really mind, as long as you're happy and he's upstairs studying."
Drawing his brows down in confusion, that wasn't the reaction he was expecting to receive. He, just like Gohan, had assumed that she would angrily attack him for taking up her son's precious studying time with sparring. Nor did he expect her to have deduced that his sudden need for sparring had served exactly the purpose for which she had stated. Puzzled by her lack of anger and her deep understanding, he let out an inaudible sigh, realizing that since coming to spend so much time within the Son household, it would only make sense that Chi-Chi would eventually come to understand his patterns of behavior, even if he had never made a point to explain them to her, beyond some of his initial divulgences.
Clearing his mind of the thoughts spinning here and there, he glanced down at Chi-Chi, realizing she was still waiting for an answer from him. Grunting a non-committal sound, he was relieved when she nodded her head and then stepped around him, heading towards the front of the house. Following her lead, he found himself once again within the cool interior of the cottage that had become like a second home to him.
"Umm, Piccolo? You can sit if you'd like. I've got to feed Goten and then I'll be right back."
He noticed the slight flush of her cheeks and inwardly rolled his eyes at her sudden bashfulness, when she'd all but attacked his jaw with her mouth. Actually, he supposed he was exaggerating the last part, but having merged with Kami, he was quite aware of how human females fed their offspring, so he saw no need for her to act as though his knowledge of her baring her breasts for her child was something offensive or repulsive. It was…natural, in its own strange sort of way. Thankfully, he did not have to witness it.
She slowly made her way up the stairs to her bedroom, leaving him alone in the living room. He knew better than to interrupt Gohan's studies, and he also knew better than to simply leave the house while Chi-Chi took care of her son in the way that only a mother could. So, with nothing else to do, he stalked around to the old sofa and sat down, crossing his arms and closing his eyes as he tried to meditate while he waited for Chi-Chi to come back downstairs.
The time alone afforded him the chance to go over his concerns and the advice Gohan had given him after their spar. In most cases, he was beginning to feel inadequate for the relationship he found himself in. It was true that deep down within himself, he felt that his actions should have shown over and over again how much he wished to make Chi-Chi happy, in his own way. Yet, his own natural reserve and quiet contemplation was so opposite of Goku's naturally boisterous and curious nature, he pondered if his lack of spontaneity and verbal acknowledgements were what was leaving Chi-Chi so insecure about his…affections, for lack of a better word. Nevertheless, she had told him that she wasn't looking for the relationship she had shared with her late husband. Lately, however, he was beginning to wonder and he knew that if her mind had changed, he was not the right sort of man for her, and that hurt more than it should have.
However, he would never find out if he didn't let go of a portion of his pride and ask her why she sometimes seemed so nervous or unsure around him. Perhaps…perhaps there was something going on that had nothing to do with the reasons why he felt she was insecure and he was going about it in all the wrong way. It was…frustrating.
Caught up in his musings, he was unaware that Chi-Chi had come back downstairs. It wasn't until she nudged his knee with her leg that he was brought back to awareness. Snapping his eyes open, he controlled his reaction to jerk away from the source of the touch, relaxing when he saw it was only Chi-Chi trying to get his attention.
"You should be more careful. It isn't wise to sneak up on people."
She merely laughed at his statement, earning a frown in return.
"Come on Piccolo! Don't be so dour. You'll chase the sunshine away with that grumpy looking face of yours. Besides, you're usually so tuned in to your surroundings; I figured you knew it was me."
With that said, she leaned down so that her warm brown eyes where looking directly into his equally dark ones. They were so open and candid; it was easy to forget his earlier distress. Without realizing it, he started to relax and his own lips began to part in a slight imitation of her cheerful smile, so different than the way she had been earlier in the morning.
"That's better. You know, you're…you're really quite handsome when you don't wear an expression on your face that says you'd like nothing more than to chew through a bucket of nails."
Watching her straighten up abruptly, he didn't miss the fact that she was embarrassed over telling him she thought he was pleasant to look at. In fact, it was the first time that she had ever told him such a thing. He couldn't say that he'd ever cared one way or the other if people found him pleasing to look at. Things such as looks mattered little to a warrior, yet he could feel a warm sensation forming in the pit of his stomach that only seemed to happen whenever he was alone with Chi-Chi and their conversations had nothing to do with day to day life. Such was the case at this moment. He was pleased that she found his outward appearance adequate, yet he knew that that wasn't what had drawn her to him in the first place. Apparently, this was a recent development.
He was still adjusting to her confession when he felt her grab his hand in order to pull him to his feet. Following her lead, he stood up, dwarfing her against his height. Looking down slightly, he caught her peering at him with a pensive look.
"Piccolo, let's go outside and…and take a walk. Goten's napping and I, um, already told Gohan you and I were going out for a bit. I hope you don't mind?"
Again, it was back to her insecurity. It baffled him how she could move from being comfortable to suddenly being unsure in the space of a millisecond. He wanted to tell her that if she thought he would find it a problem, then she shouldn't have made arrangements without consulting him first. However, he knew that would offend her and quite frankly, he wasn't up to dealing with an upset female. Besides, the point was moot as he wanted to spend time with her. Nodding his head in agreement with her scheme, he noted the relief in her eyes before she turned around and headed towards the door. Crossing his arms, he walked outside behind her and followed as she started down the path that led to a glen behind the house.
Eventually, he found himself side by side with her as they made their way out into the late afternoon sunlight filtered through the leaves of the trees they walked underneath. It was quiet…it was peaceful and he felt content.
Finally, Chi-Chi stopped when the path led to an open expanse of grass next to the stream, which fed the lake that Gohan enjoyed swimming in and where he enjoyed meditating. He wasn't surprised when she smoothed out her skirt and knelt down in a sitting position on the sun-kissed grass, nor was he surprised when she motioned for him to do the same. Humoring her, he did as she asked, lowering himself to the warm earth.
"It's such perfect day today, don't you think?"
He nodded his head, though in his opinion, each day had its own set amount of perfection. However, it was the first day in probably close to two weeks where the sky wasn't overcast and the weather rainy or cold. Still, the conversational topic was an unusually bland one for Chi-Chi, who, as he had noted on many occasions, wasn't above talking about any number of things as long as she felt someone was listening to her. It was as though she wanted to talk about something, but was unsure how to go about doing so, and thus, the neutral topic of weather had been brought into the equation.
"Piccolo?"
Snapping back to attention, he grunted an acknowledgement of his name and glanced towards her. He observed as she unconsciously picked at her skirt, fiddling with the cloth in her hands before smoothing it back over her knees. This only heightened the sense of discomfort that she was emitting. It took a certain amount of restraint to not yell out 'What?' in exasperation.
"Piccolo…are you happy here?"
It took a great deal of self restraint not to pinch the bridge of his nose in frustration. Was he happy? It was an utterly female thing to say. Certainly, he wasn't unhappy, but could he honestly reply that he was the opposite? There were very few times in his life that he could actually recall feeling joy over something, and those few times were far apart from one another. He had a hunch, though, that Chi-Chi wasn't asking him so much if he were happy as she was asking whether or not he felt burdened by his undertaking to watch out for her, Goten, and Gohan in Goku's place. The entire situation was ridiculous because she had to know the truth, and he couldn't understand why she was worrying over something that he felt was insignificant.
"Piccolo?"
"What?" he asked testily, noting Chi-Chi's slightly perturbed expression in regards to his tone of voice.
"Are you?"
Letting out a deep sigh, he crossed his arms over his chest and tried to think of an adequate response, one that wasn't cross or exasperated.
"I'm content."
"But you aren't happy?"
"What is your definition of happiness? If you expect me to walk around smiling and chasing after stupid butterflies, then you're wasting your time. I'm not…"
He stopped before uttering the last word, lest he injure his pride more than he already had by losing his temper. Apparently, Chi-Chi understood the gist of his meaning, nor had she missed his snappish tone of voice because she stopped picking at her dress and started to rise.
"I…I see."
Thoroughly irritated with himself and with her, he impulsively grabbed her arm and yanked her body down next to his so that she was leaning against him. This kept her from running away from the uneasy and uncomfortable atmosphere they found themselves in.
"No, Chi-Chi, you don't see. I don't understand why you have this doubt within yourself, or why you've started worrying about things that make little sense to me. Am I happy? Who, on this planet, is ever in a perpetual state of bliss? Even Son, who proved himself to be an overstated optimist most of the time, had moments of negativity or self-doubt. In my opinion, only idiots are happy one hundred percent of the time and I believe that most of human kind has done itself a disservice by asserting that only happy people are normal. So the question remains: what is it you want from me? What is it that I am doing wrong which is causing this…this anxiety around you?"
Closing his lips tightly together after uttering such a lengthy speech, he waited patiently for her answer. After a few moments, he felt her body shift away from his, leaving him suddenly devoid of the warmth that had been emanating from her skin.
"You aren't…you aren't doing anything wrong."
Setting up on her knees, she slowly pushed back a piece of hair that had fallen away from one of her hair clips, slipping it behind her ear. Warily, he waited to see what she would do and was surprised when she extended her arm out and lightly touched the side of his cheek with the tips of her fingers. Automatically, he schooled his face into a blank expression, lest he give away his own swirling emotions. Slowly, she removed her hand and placed it in her lap, blinking at him as though she was trying to puzzle something out.
"It's…I love you Piccolo. I'm sure you know that. And I see how much you do everyday, how much you've started to fill in Goku's shoes. But…will it last? It isn't that I doubt you. I'm just afraid that the more time you spend with me, the more you'll begin to feel chained down. I never really thought about any of this until I found out that Goku insisted on not being wished back. At first, I thought how dare he just leave Gohan and me behind? How dare he turn his back on us, even though I knew he thought it was for the greater good. I thought, he knew his own son was stronger than himself and what right did he have to run away from his responsibilities and leave them to an eleven year old boy? And then…I started to think that maybe he left because of me. Because I treated him like a child. Because I was cross with him. Because I fought against his training of Gohan and because it angered me every time he'd take off on me without so much as an explanation. I loved Goku, I truly did. But he was exasperating and difficult to deal with. Yet, I realize that I can be the exact same way. So how can you make such a commitment? I don't want you to hate me Piccolo or feel you have to be tied to a woman such as myself."
There was an awkward pause and he tried to piece together her feelings of inadequacy. Here he had been wondering if her sudden uneasiness around him had to do with how he compared to Goku. Instead, while Goku seemed to be a focal point, it had to do with her own lack of self-esteem and her assumption and belief that Goku had left because of her behavior and her attitudes. While it was true that at one point, many months ago, he had thought something similar along those lines, since getting to know Chi-Chi, since becoming part of her intimate circle of acquaintances, he knew that her fears were unfounded. It was her devotion to her family and her inner strength that caused her to sometimes behave in an overly forceful manner. He understood this about her, and he loved her because of it. And he was sure that Goku had felt the same way, thought he was by no means going to sit and try to understand the moron's inner feelings in regards to the woman he had married.
"There's nothing wrong with you. I have made a choice. Caring for someone…it isn't about being happy all the time. It's about making a commitment to somebody, no matter how many times you may disagree or become frustrated or angry with each other. Look, I'm no expert when it comes to human emotions. Just realize that I don't feel trapped in the least. I don't feel 'tied down,' as you put it. If that were the case, I would have left long ago and you would have known exactly where you stood in regards to me. So stop analyzing this…this situation. Believe in yourself. Son didn't leave because of anything you did. He made his choice, and although we may never understand his reasoning, I'm sure he wouldn't have left had he felt you couldn't be a good mother to his children. Don't think that I'm saying what he did was right. I'm just trying to emphasize a point and that point is you think too much when things are more than obvious. Would it hurt to try to…to rely on me instead of worrying that I'm going to end up despising you because of it?"
She nodded her head slowly in response. Taking that as an affirmative, Piccolo nodded and crossed his arms.
"Good."
End of discussion. Gradually, he lowered his guard and relaxed, enjoying for the first time since they had walked out to this particular spot the beauty around him. He'd been out to this place probably hundreds of times, but there was something special about sitting in the shade with a person who had opened her heart to him.
It didn't even bother him when she scooted over next to him and put her arm around the small of his back, leaning her head against his shoulder. Instead, that particular warm feeling he sometimes felt around Chi-Chi started to penetrate his interior and a sense of contentment washed over him.
He had made a commitment to her and he meant to fulfill it, no matter how frustrating things could get between the two of them. He realized, as he was sure Chi-Chi did, that this was just the beginning of a new adventure, he supposed. While he had never imagined himself in such a situation, it felt right. He…loved her, and she loved him. There was a bond between them that spoke louder than words ever could, and whatever problem might appear on the horizon, they would work through it. Together. As one. Apparently, that was all he had ever wanted.
This is the end. Although a few of you have expressed curiosity at Piccolo's and Chi-Chi's developing relationship, I confess that I wouldn't really know how to write such a story between the two of them, and it would have to be as a sequel to this one. I hope this ending did the story justice. Thanks so much for all of the terrific reviews I received, which was the highlight of writing this. I have never received such lengthy and detailed reviews for anything I have written, and each one I received felt like a precious gift. I will admit to missing that! If you would like to review this one, you are more then welcome to!
