SHINING STAR
-MichelleTheVampGirl
Chapter 8: Of politics and love.
I felt the bed slightly give way beside me. Glancing up out of my hands, I saw my mother's nervous smiling face next to me. She was wringing her hands in her lap as she thought over her words. Neither of us spoke. It was just as well, I wasn't ready to hear anything she had to say to me.
She was my mother, and he was my father, and yet they were hurting me. It was destroying something inside of me to look at Mason and know that he was my only future. The only option I had. And it was only because of my parents that the jewelled ring weighed down my finger like an iron ball, I knew that in any other circumstances, I would not be marrying him.
But I had my duties. I owed it to my people.
But surely there was a line! A line I could draw where I could say "this is enough!" Is it so wrong of me to want something for myself, to not do everything just because it was expected of me? Does that make me selfish? Not wanting to betray my absent heart?
My mother sighed, and placed a hand comfortingly on my leg. I shook it off, knowing I was being a horrible daughter, but still unable to prevent myself from lashing out at her. The ring on my finger felt like a timer about to explode, like it was ticking down to the end of my life. When the engagement ring came off, and the wedding ring replaced it, my life really would be over.
So I resented my parents for arranging the wedding.
I resented Mason for pushing the ring on me quickly and carelessly, ignoring my yelp of pain when he rammed it on too hard against my skin.
I resented the Kingdom citizens for only accepting me as a ruler if I had a husband.
I resented Eugene for walking out on me, and leaving me in this mess.
And I resented myself, for not having the courage to do anything about it.
My mother seemed to realise that her presence did nothing to comfort me from the caged feeling that grew stronger every day as the wedding drew closer. She got off the bed and went to leave. Regretting how frostily I had been treating her, I glanced up to see her looking back at me, he face mixed with remorse and misery.
"Mama...?" My voice felt small and timid. It was the first thing I had said to her in days, the relief that broke over her face was overwhelming. It made me want to hug her, to tell her I was sorry, to hear her tell me that everything was going to be ok. Instead, I stayed still, and we stayed silent. The atmosphere felt foreign. I realised that while she might be my mother, we didn't know much about each other.
"Do you love dad?"
She seemed taken aback by the question. After a long pause, she nodded slowly.
"Yes, I love your father very much."
"Did you always love him? Before you were married, did you love him then?" I watched as my mother's eyes glazed over. Her face grew distant, his hands were clenched tightly in her lap and I could see her struggling over what she thought she should tell me. Eventually, with resolve in her eyes, she turned back to me, and shook her head.
"No. When I married your father, we were strangers. The first time I saw him was when I walked down the aisle. I had to marry him because my family arranged it. The Kingdom needed a king. Oh, I remember how much I hated my mother..." She looked away, a pained expression crossing her face, her voice growing softer.
I felt uncomfortable in the air that seemed to smother me with its secrets. There were so many things I didn't know, so many things I would never know. A family built on love just seemed to be a front to hide the politics of every couple.
"But you love him now?"
She sighed and nodded.
"Yes darling, I love him. "
Cocking my head to one side, I asked the question that had been on my chest for a while now, even more anxious to hear her answer now that I knew more about how my parents functioned as a couple.
"Why do you love him?"
Silence.
My mother got up out of her chair and left.
...
Mason's arm around me didn't provide either support, or the feeling in my chest that I hadn't felt in a long time. His arm just felt like dead weight, like having a scarf on. Well, seeing as our relationship was all about appearances, comparing him to an accessory was more than fitting.
I looked at Mason, who was looking forward as he drawled on about something I had long since given up trying to listen to. He wouldn't even look at me when he talked to me.
"...so I told them that it was home and they had to leave... Rapunzel are you listening to me?"
He looked down at me, his blue eyes focusing on my face for what felt like the first time all afternoon. Returning his gaze, I nodded sheepishly, though completely unaware of what he was talking about at all. Mason pinched the bridge of his nose together and sighed loudly. After he had composed himself, he removed his arm from the small of my back and opened the door to the palace and ushered me inside.
Once behind the closed door, the pretence of our relationship was over, and he refused to acknowledge me. Our act was a display for the people of Corona, to assure them that their Princess was not unstable and heartbroken, that she had moved on and found them a new future King. Who would have thought that closed up in the castle, was the only place I could be myself. It was like Gothel's tower again, except this time, there would be no Eugene to rescue me.
Mason had vanished into the wing assigned to his family from Rieva, while I retreated to my room, seeking the solitude of my own mind. I would spend the rest of the day painting or something equally distracting to take my mind of the sham my life had become.
Entering my room, my mother was perched precariously on the end of my bed, the folds of her skirt arranged carefully around her. She looked up at my entrance and stood up quickly, crossing the room and pulling me into a hug. When she pulled away, I saw that her wide green eyes were puffy and red, the dried tears staining her delicate cheeks.
"I love your father, because he is my husband, and I have no one else. One day, you will love Mason too. "
She left, hurrying down the corridor to escape the curious eyes of the palace employee's, no doubt already gossiping and making up rumours about her state.
I fell back into my bed, and pulled Eugene's shirt out from under the pillow. Making a snap decision, I tossed the shirt into the fire.
I watched it burn, trying to analyse how I felt about the flames licking at the material of the one memento I had left of the first man I had ever met. I felt numb as the cotton burned away to nothing. A part of me felt like it had been released, all the hurt and anguish I had been holding onto freed from the physical restraint that tied them to me. Another part of me felt more alone then I ever had.
It was time for me to move on.
I would marry Mason, and one day I might love him.
After all, I had no one else.
