Shawn woke with a crick in his neck and winced. It took him several moments too long to realize where he was and why. He was sitting on his dad's old, worn couch, both boys sprawled on top and against him. He blinked, trying to remember how he had gotten here, why he was still here. That's when he remembered the accident.
"How're you feeling, son?" Henry's voice broke through his foggy mind.
Shawn focused his gaze on the chair where Henry sat with a fishing book. He decided not to answer the question. "How long have we been asleep?"
"A couple hours," Henry said with a shrug. "We kept the boys up long enough to not worry about concussions anymore, so I thought you all could use the nap."
"Thanks," Shawn said, managing to pull his hand out from under Liam's limp body to rub his neck without waking the toddler.
"So?" Henry asked.
Shawn frowned. "So, what?"
"I asked how you're feeling. Aren't you going to answer?"
"I'm fine, Dad," Shawn said, averting his gaze to the floor. Something about the question felt loaded. He didn't like the feeling that his dad knew something he didn't. His mind flitted through the information his father could possibly have on him; however, nothing came to mind. Maybe he'd hit his head harder than he thought.
"Gus told me about Katherine," Henry said finally, "How she died."
Shawn's throat constricted and a burning sensation tickled his eyes and nose. He couldn't tell if he was angry or relieved. He'd known he would have to tell Henry eventually how Katherine had passed away; and yet, here he was, put on the spot, dealing with a situation he had not signed up for. However, to be fair, he hadn't signed up for any of this. Perhaps Gus being the one to broach the subject would make it easier to discuss now.
"I just want to know how you're doing, Son," Henry said gently.
Shawn had not heard that much reserve in his father's voice since Abigail almost died.
He tried to take a deep breath, but it shuddered and shook. "I don't know," he said finally. "I mean, I've tried to understand why her. She didn't deserve to die. The boys did not deserve to lose their mother." Shawn stopped short of a sob. His head hurt, the intense emotion did not help.
"And you did not deserve to lose your wife," Henry said.
Shawn stared intensely at the floor. Every scuff mark suddenly stood out to him. How many of those scars had been from his childhood nonsense? "It was hard, Dad. Really hard. Liam didn't understand why his mom never came home. Skyler is still not the same. Neither am I."
"I wish I could have been there for you," Henry said.
Shawn finally looked up, meeting his father's soft gaze. "I'm glad you are now."
Shawn sat in the familiar police station, waiting for the head detective to speak with him. He'd been called in to give his testimony again about the accident. Frankly, he thought the whole thing was idiotic. He'd already told them everything he knew. All they were doing now was taking him away from his boys when they needed him. Skyler had looked like he was about to cry when Shawn left them with Henry. Liam had been a little clingy, but for the most part, he liked Henry enough not to mind too terribly. However, it was annoying nonetheless that he was even in here. Not to mention he might run into someone he knows…which was not at all unlikely. Already he'd seen several officers he had known. They had not recognized him, or if they did, they pretended not to know him. That was not an unlikely reaction after the giant blow-up he'd caused.
"Mr. Shawn Spencer," a voice suddenly said. It was a voice so familiar, Shawn's first and natural reaction was to smile. It was the voice he had spent several years pursuing its speaker. It was the voice that made butterflies in his stomach.
"Jules," Shawn said, standing up and standing face to face with Juliet O'Hara for the first time in 10 years.
"Thank you for coming in, Mr. Spencer. We appreciate your help on this case," Juliet said, matter-of-factly, as though she did not know Shawn personally at all.
"I'm happy to help wherever I can," Shawn said, taken aback by Juliet's coldness. He did not understand why he was surprised. After all, she was being more civil than he deserved as it was.
"We can go in the conference room," Juliet said, indicating to room Shawn had spent hours in back in the day. She acted as though he would not remember it.
Shawn walked in ahead of her, and Juliet immediately followed, closing the door behind them. He could not decide if he should sit down or not, so he decided against it. He would let Juliet tell him what they were doing. After all, it was obvious he was not in here about the accident. He had already given a more than detailed account to the officer at the scene. Something was going on, and Shawn had a feeling it was personal. To say he felt nervous was a severe understatement. Shawn didn't have to wait long to have some closure.
"When did you get back to Santa Barbara, Shawn?" Juliet asked, turning to face him.
Shawn studied her features briefly, gaging the motive behind the question. Was she genuinely interested? Probably, but not as a friend would be. Was she asking what he was doing back, like how dare he show his face in the city again? Oh. That was definitely toward the top of the list.
"A few months ago," Shawn said.
Juliet put out her hand, pointing at a chair. "Sit down. Let's talk."
"I'm not here about the car accident, am I." It was not a question. Shawn was not going to sit down until he knew exactly what he was doing here. If he was here to get bombarded with questions about his personal life the past ten years, he was not ready for that. He had barely been ready to share that information with his dad. In fact, he had barely shared anything with his dad even now. Gus had been the one to tell Henry how Katherine died.
Juliet hesitated. Shawn could tell she was having the same reservations he was having. The way she could not quite meet his eye. "I just want to talk, Shawn."
"This isn't what I came here to do," Shawn said, feeling like he was suddenly on the defensive. Like he had any right to feel defensive, he chided himself. After all, it was his fault everything had happened. It was his fault their friendship had exploded into a million pieces. It was his fault. His fault. Juliet had every right to talk to him or not. He should be grateful that she even wanted to see him again after what happened.
"When were you going to do it?" Juliet asked. "When were you going to tell me that you were back?"
"I don't know," Shawn admitted. "Honestly, I didn't think you'd want to see me again, talk to me again, after what happened."
"You're right," Juliet said. "Or, you would have been right ten years ago, Shawn. But we've both matured, I think, and nothing either of us do now will change what happened then. You were one of my closest friends, Shawn. I just want to know what happened to you. Where did you go?"
"Jules…" Shawn began, but Juliet cut him off.
"No, Shawn. You owe me this. You owe me the truth. After all those lies that you told, I just want the truth." Juliet looked like she was on the verge of tears. Angry, bitter, pained tears. She was right. Shawn owed her this. More than this.
"Alright," Shawn said, going to the chair she had pointed at. "The truth."
Juliet sat down across from him. She did not say anything. She just waited. Somehow, to Shawn, that just made it harder to begin.
"When I left Santa Barbara, I left with all the money I still had. It wasn't much, but I drove until I ran out. I got stranded in this little town, got a room at the motel, and worked at the first place that would hire me. That's how I lived for a month or two. I thought I would leave eventually, but I didn't mind being somewhere where no one knew he I was. I was a stranger, and nobody cared if I came, went, or stayed. That's when I met Katherine." Shawn stopped, not to be dramatic, though he might have been able to play it off. Just remembering meeting Katherine for the first time. The pretty blond having a meltdown over pumping her own gas for the first time. He still remembered that sunburned face smiling at him as though he were the best thing she'd seen in a while. He knew she was.
"Katherine?" Juliet prompted gently.
Shawn realized he was crying. He quickly brushed away the tears, and grinned. "Yeah, sorry. Um. I married her. It was reckless, we'd only known each other for a few months when we tied the knot. Gus came to the wedding. Katherine and I were so happy, though. We moved up to Seattle. We have two boys, Skyler and Liam. Skyler is seven now, and Liam is three."
"What made you come back here?" Juliet asked. It was an honest question. If they had had a good life in Seattle, what on earth would make him come back the place where his life had first fallen apart?
Shawn did not want to tell this part of the story, but like Juliet said, he owed her honesty. "Katherine was killed in a car accident six months ago," Shawn said finally.
Juliet looked taken aback. "Shawn, I am so sorry."
Shawn continued before he could let her words set in. Otherwise, he would not be able to go on. "Being in Seattle just reminded me of her, and I couldn't anymore. On top of that, being a single dad with two small children and no connections…I needed help. Gus let us move in with him for a little while, that's where we are living now until I can find an apartment of our own. Last week, we met with my dad for the first time."
"Henry must be happy, to have you back," Juliet said quietly.
"He deserved a better son than me, but my sons deserve to have a grandfather like him," Shawn said, "He's going to spoil those two."
"Good," Juliet said with a smile. She looked down at her hands.
Shawn changed the subject. "Ten years ago, Juliet, my mistakes caught up with me, and I took it out on everyone here. That wasn't fair."
"No, it wasn't," Juliet agreed.
"I'm sorry, Jules, for everything. For the lies, for the way I treated you, everything. I know that that's not enough to even begin to cover what I did, but I hope it's a start?"
Juliet frowned, but she still wouldn't look up. "You're right, Shawn. It's a start."
"I don't have any right to ask you anything," Shawn said, "but, what about you? How is life?"
Now Juliet looked up. "It was hard, at first. Dealing with what happened. I almost quit, moved on. Lassiter talked me into staying. Five years ago, Vick moved to San Francisco, Lassiter became chief, and I moved up to head detective. Here I am."
Shawn looked at her ring finger. It didn't even have a tan line. "Any significant other?" Shawn asked.
"Yeah," Juliet said, a small smile twitching the edge of her lips. "He's a good guy. I think he might pop the question soon."
Shawn smiled. "That's great, Juliet. I'm very happy for you."
"Thank you, Shawn." Juliet heaved a shaky sigh. "Thank you for coming in."
"When is Dad going to be home?" Skyler asked, fingering the leather stitching in the glove Henry had given him. They'd had an adventure, as Henry called it, of going up to Shawn's old bedroom and the attic to go through all his old toys. Liam was still engrossed in several of the treasures he had unearthed, while Skyler was watching the door intently for Shawn to come through.
"I'm sure he'll be back soon," Henry said for the hundredth time.
Skyler sighed and fell back on the couch. He did not want to cry, but he felt like he might. It was hard enough being left with Uncle Gus sometimes while his dad ran errands, let alone Grandpa Henry, a man he had only known a week. Shawn acted as though Skyler and Liam should love him just because he was Shawn's dad. Liam seemed to like him well enough, but Skyler did not know what to think of him.
Henry had a nice smile, and he tried to make the boys feel at home. He got them crackers and juice, and made them peanut butter sandwiches without the crusts. This morning he had made all of them Mickey Mouse pancakes for breakfast. Skyler clenched his jaw to keep it from shaking. All the things Grandpa Henry did were things Katherine would have done.
"Are you feeling alright, Skyler?" Henry asked.
Skyler looked up and tried his hardest to smile. "I'm fine," he lied. It might have sounded honest had he not hiccupped on a suppressed sob.
"Hey, hey," Henry said gently, moving from his chair to come sit next to Skyler on the couch, "Your dad is going to be home really soon."
Skyler did not like this situation at all. He scooted a couple inches away. "It's not Dad," Skyler said. "It's you."
"Me?" Henry looked hurt, but he covered it with a sad smile. "Did I do something to upset you?"
Skyler scowled at the baseball glove, because scowling was the best next thing he could do besides bursting into tears. "Why do you do all the things Mom used to do?"
"I didn't know that I was," Henry said.
"She used to make us special pancakes, and give us crackers and juice for snack, and cut the crust off our sandwiches," Skyler said stiffly.
"I see," Henry said. He was quiet for so long that Skyler dared to glance at him sideways. Henry caught him looking and smiled a little bit. "Can I tell you a secret, Skyler?"
Skyler did not know if he wanted to know any secrets. Not from Henry. But maybe he did. His curiosity caught him before his angry resolution. He nodded one short nod.
Henry leaned closer. "My mom used to make me special pancakes for breakfast, give me crackers and juice for snack, and cut the crust off my sandwiches when I was a boy. And Shawn's mom did the same for him. I think that moms are the same like that. Doing special things for their children."
Skyler blinked. He did not know what to think about Shawn having a mom and Henry having a mom. He looked at Henry. "Where's your mom, Grandpa Henry?" he asked.
"She passed away," Henry said.
"Like my mom?" Skyler asked.
Henry nodded. "I miss her a lot. Sometimes, when I miss her the most, I talk about her and tell stories about when she was with me."
"I tell Liam stories sometimes," Skyler said, looking down at his glove. "Because I think Liam might forget, because he's so little."
"You're a good big brother, Skyler," Henry said with smile. He put a hand on top of Skyler's head, just like Shawn always did. "But sometimes, you can tell other people stories about your mom too."
"Dad doesn't like to talk about Mom," Skyler whispered.
Henry was quiet for a few moments. "He will. Someday. Maybe not yet, but he will. For now, if you want, you could tell me stories about your mom. I am very sorry I never got to know her, because she seems like she was a wonderful lady."
"She was," Skyler agreed. He sniffed. "You want to hear stories about Mom?"
Henry nodded. "I would, if you'd like to tell me some."
Skyler smiled. "I would."
TBC
