Disclaimer: I don't own CCS
Italics + bolds thoughts
Once and Again
.Chapter 8. Happiness
It had never been part of her imagination to ever have Eriol greeted her first thing and bringing her a tray of breakfast in bed the next morning.
"Morning," he grinned as giving a peck on Tomoyo's cheek.
Apparently, the Daidouji co. heiress was too stunned to say anything. She was definitely not used of any kind of this sudden perfect-husband attitude.
"I know this all may seem awkward, but I just want to prove it to you that we can actually have a good and honest relationship," he stated.
"Uhm…yeah," and after some moment Tomoyo slowly smiled. The whole thing may have been odd, but Eriol had tried, and so would she. "Of course."
"Thank you. Now, you may as well try the pancakes. Made it myself," he claimed proudly before the husband-and-wife started to eat the breakfast. It was later after they finished the meal that the Hiiragizawa man spoke again, "Hey, as the sign to begin our new relationship, why don't we go together tonight?"
She really was not used to such adores and romances. But it wasn't a bad thing, and she almost said yes, if not for the sudden realization that hit. "Oh no. I'm sorry. Can't do it tonight,"
His smile faded. "Why not?"
"Kaze. He'll be leaving tonight," and as if having the sudden struck of thoughts, she quickly jumped off her bed. "Oh My God, and I have to–"
"You're not going, are you, Tomoyo?"
Silence.
The woman sighed. There they went again with this debate. "Why not?" she asked back in return.
There seemed to be another changing in responding things, because Eriol wasn't as fierce as he used to when they were talking about this whole Kaze 'discussion'. "Tomoyo? … I will really appreciate it if you stop seeing that Araide guy,"
"But Eriol, he's my friend. And he's leaving to London tonight. We might not see each other for a long time, and…" she sighed. "I just have to go,"
"So that he might still think that he has the chance to get you? I don't think so," spoken referring to the ultimatum the emerald-eyed guy had given just the day before. "I just don't want him to distract you. We've planned to start a good relationship all over again and I don't think giving high hopes to another guy will be an option to help our plan,"
"Please, Eriol. I just want to –"
"I'm doing this to save our marriage,"
"Of course. But I just need to see him and say my farewell and –"
"You don't want to save our marriage," he quickly concluded.
"No, No! I DO want to save our marriage! It's just that –"
You still love him, Eriol thought bitterly.
But it never meant that THE Hiiragizawa backed out. He needed Tomoyo, and he couldn't imagine himself losing the very first woman that he might ever loved.
"I'm not letting you go. You're not going, Tomoyo."
"But Eriol –"
He suddenly took her in his warm embrace. "I don't want to lose you,"
Her eyes stung. She swore, that really, no guy could ever flip her feelings upside down, mend and break her heart at the same time, the way Hiiragizawa Eriol did. Not even Kaze could. She wanted to hug him back, but on the other hand, the urge to push him away was just as strong.
"You're not making this easier for me, Eriol…"
He felt her tears started to fall on his shirt, and that was when he decided to let her out of his embrace. Inside, he cursed himself. Why everything he did could only end up hurting her? Slowly, he got up and stared at her with again his unreadable gaze. But whatever the gaze truly meant, if it was to wrench her heart even more, than he did a successful job in it.
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In any other occasion, it was quite a disgrace if a Daidouji woman cried over something and let her emotion opened up and being vulnerable at the same time. What Tomoyo had just realized, that she had actually created that mishaps for herself very frequently nowadays. She hated it. As a Daidouji, she must be the one who could handle any problem calmly and effectively. But it seemed to be that all those business strategies or even all her families' teachings wouldn't do much to get this unpleasant feeling out of her heart. And truthfully, it was eating her sanity from the inside.
She glanced up at the clock. 3 hours before Kaze's departure. And she still had some urgent thing to decide, between going to meet Kaze or just stay back with Eriol. Tomoyo knew that whatever she would choose would bring a changing in her future life.
Referring back to the memory when she fist met Kaze back then at college. She had been one of the student body committee, and he… well, he was the guy who was famous for his rebel. At the first encounter, none had showed any kind of chemistry –and not even a care to remember each other's name. But time passed by and friendship bond started to form. Sharing warm friendship for a long time, where she would always remember him as the guy who was often misinterpreted wrongly, but a good guy none the less. Caring, with a little sarcastic attitude, she must say that it was hard not to fall in love with this dear friend.
Years had passed when the two denied the growing new feeling until the girl decided (being decided) to get married, that the feelings started to flood out.
It was the kind of suppressed emotion, one that was better not shown… and now, finally, after all of those years of hiding and denying, Tomoyo could actually have the chance to release all of it…
Then… Eriol. Such a remarkable Clow's incarnation, the perfect English gentleman she knew back then in the fifth grade. A guy with a mischievous mind hidden well behind the polite smile. Their relationship had never been more than mere acquaintance until finally the two got engaged. Though so, romance was still far out of the context for 4 years –at least not until the magical event happened that later would be the turnout of all the circumstances. He had behaved very kindly, and even let her to see more of his usually enigmatic self –be it the bad or the good one. And once they let the honesty seeped out, Tomoyo couldn't help but having the feeling that the 4 years could have actually passed better –that having Eriol as a husband wasn't something she ever needed to regret.
He created a new feeling inside her, showering her with warmth, passion, protection, and yes… love.
She would definitely be lying if she ever said that nothing changed in her heart.
Yet again, Kaze and Eriol were similar in some way. Both were kind, overly protective and didn't want to lose her just as much as she didn't want to lose any of them.
She loved them both but in a different matter. She knew that one of them couldn't receive the kind of love that he wanted from her.
But admitting it… was something she really, really wanted to avoid. Oh, if only she didn't have to make such tough decision. Well, never in her life, would Tomoyo imagine herself having to decide on such things. She was never one in the spotlight. If the whole life was a big drama, then she would only be the minor role –with lack of conflict. And that was why she had never envied Sakura for always having all the attention given. To her, it was better to be 'invisible' and had a normal, peaceful life.
But things weren't always the way she would like them to be.
Hating herself even more than the situation that she was in, she gave up once again into another frustrated sobs.
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"She still locked herself up in her room?"
Nakuru shook her head. "Yes, Master,"
"Is she …still crying?"
"I guess not. But she is still very depressed,"
Eriol gritted his teeth. "Damn it. I'm gonna check her up,"
"No, no, master! I think it would be better if you give her some more time…" the moon guardian said.
"But –"
"I abhor myself for saying this, but I think the idiot is right, Eriol-sama." the Sun feline suddenly spoke as he lifted his gaze up from the book he was reading.
Sighing, Eriol decided to take the advice from his guardians and slammed his body down on his throne of evil. The silence that came soon after seemed too unpleasant for the moon guardian to handle, so she cleared her throat and excused herself to the kitchen to make tea and prepare some snacks, leaving her master with her fellow guardian.
Spinel still had his eyes to the thick book, but not letting his mind absorbing the content, for he waited for what his master wanted so much to say. Spinel didn't want to push him, but it could happen any minute now…
"Am I making a mistake, Spinel?" the sorcerer finally asked.
Still keeping the book in front of his petite body, the Sun Guardian then slowly answered, "Well… one thing for sure, you're surely distracting Tomoyo-sama's mind very much," and when the master didn't give any other comment, the feline continued, "By all your suddenly possessive behavior. You must have confused her a lot,"
"I'm only doing it to save our marriage… It is getting to a good turn point and I won't risk it for anything,"
"Well…" Spinel murmured darkly as finally closing up the book. "On the other hand, Eriol-sama. You may have risked it…." " Or you may have not," he added after an afterthought.
"I love her, Spinel…"
"I know that. Even without anything that happened during when you two dragged back to the past, I had had the feeling that your love was starting to grow. But is it the same way with Tomoyo-sama? That is one thing that we still haven't found out,"
"I… I know that I've been very stupid in the past for ever ignoring her, for almost letting her go. But now I won't do the same mistake. I'll keep the love, and fight for it. Is that wrong?"
"Nothing wrong with that, Eriol-sama… It's just that… I think…if you want to love, you don't always have to fight to keep her as yours…"
"… Are you saying that I should have… let her go with that Araide guy?"
"IF it's the best option for her and for you, then…yes, I think so,"
Eriol suddenly stood up and snapped at the poor little panther. "I won't give up on her! I can take a good care of her! God, I even promised that bastard that I will be the only man that can make her happy and –" he was suddenly silenced, after realizing what the later statement meant.
Still with such enigmatic aura, Spinel flied closer to his master. "It is always hard to fight for your love, Eriol-sama. But it is always harder to ever let go of it,"
"…But –"
"If you're really concerned about her happiness… then –"
The library door suddenly swung opened, and there on the doorway, stood the beautiful lady that had been the object of the talk.
"T-Tomoyo? W-what are you doing here?" Eriol asked in surprise.
The amethyst-eyed woman blinked, as if not completely sure how on the world she could end up standing there. "I… I have been thinking, Eriol…" she trailed off.
Eriol walked closer to her, and that was when he saw it all on her eyes. Fear, anxiety, despair, and at the same time … determination.
Don't say it….
"And I…have decided… " Tomoyo slowly said. "And I choose –"
"Don't say it!!" Eriol suddenly snapped. He didn't mean to yell at her, but he just… damn it, he just didn't want to hear her even say that bastard's name…. Fury took a slight control of him, but he quickly regretted it as seeing more pain in her eyes.
He was always good in hurting her, wasn't he?
"Tomoyo, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that, I –" he didn't continue, but hugging her tightly instead.
Then all seemed like a flashback for him.
Back at the 5th grade, when they first met… he didn't think much about her. She was just another ordinary girl that could be a little help to him to make Sakura transformed all the cards. She was the charming little girl, but he didn't see about her much back then. Until when he showed him her honest observation, her sincere heart, that he grew more respect and astonishment to this magic-less girl –one thing that was rare for him. Then, years passed…and Daidouji Tomoyo with Hiiragizawa Eriol could never be more than a mere friend with all the politeness and same mischievous mind. She was starting to be one of the woman he cared the most, and that was why he didn't decline the offer Sonomi had for her. To him, she was such a nice girl, and if it was protection that she needed, he would give it. But lust and slight idiocy clouded his heart, as he continuously betrayed her for 4 years long. Yet… she was always there.
When they were 'cursed' to get back to their past, she helped him to start all the honesty, yes, one thing that embarrassed him, it was always her who helped him. She opened his eyes, she showed him the greatest loyalty and care and… some sense to make him realize that yes, he was always in love with Daidouji Tomoyo… even with him being incredibly stupid not to realize it anytime sooner.
She was his sunshine, his angel, his love, his everything…
Cupping her chin slowly, he then planted the gentlest kiss on her lips. It didn't last long.
"E-Eriol?" Tomoyo questioned.
Instead of replying, he then firmly grabbed her arm and instructed her to follow her. She was starting to give protests –which got ignored, as he walked with her to the garage and ordered her to get into the car. And yes, she hated it again, it was the same unreadable gaze that he had on his eyes. She could never guess whatever the purpose of all of these.
"Wh-where are we going?" she dared to ask as his black car strolled on the night street.
He never gave her the answer, and remained quiet for the rest of the journey. After some failed attempt, Tomoyo decided to just shut her mouth up and waited for whatever was it that the Clow's reincarnation had in mind. At least, she trusted him enough for that.
After some time riding, she began to recognize where the car was heading.
But it couldn't be that, couldn't it?
The car speeded up, earning honks from the other cars, until finally Eriol stopped the car at the parking lot. He killed the engine and quickly got out of the car to open the door for her.
She didn't hop up, but instead asking, "Eriol? Wha … Why are we in here?"
He glanced at his wristwatch and then spoke, "His plane takes off on 8, right?"
"Kaze's? Yes, he –"
"Then you'd better hurry up," he calmly said as once again grabbing her wrist and ran to the airport building with her.
Tomoyo was too shocked to even say anything. Soon, they entered the airport, and after instructing her to wait for a moment, he dashed off to the departure information and asked the young boy there.
"Gate 27. Not far," Eriol muttered as he held her hand and guided the way. He stopped walking before the entrance of the waiting area for the referred gate and then turned around and for the first time stared at her confused eyes. He then smiled warmly.
"Our marriage…" she asked slowly. "Didn't you say you–"
"I know. But Tomoyo, after all of the mistakes I've done to you, I couldn't bear to hurt you even more. You are too precious to me. Our marriage…is my biggest mistake I have ever done to you, and I…" he paused for a moment. "And that's why I'm letting you go,"
"What –"
"We can deal with all the divorcing formalities later," he then chuckled. "But don't worry. I'll make sure that The Bond card wouldn't do anything disturbing anymore. Though I must say, I really got to be grateful to that card… for making me learn about my mistake –in some way,"
"…"
"Hey, cheer up. You don't have to pity me. I'm okay," Eriol sighed.
"… Why? Why are you doing this?" her voice was barely louder than a whisper.
He stroked her ivory cheek tenderly and then slowly walked to the space back her and gave her a gentle hug from behind.
"Because… I love you. And I know that you love that Araide, and even so I had… yeah, selfishly claiming you as mine after all of those terrible things I have done to you,"
Her throat then felt very, very dry.
"Seems like I've never stopped to hurt you," he continued. "And even it is impossible to pay you back for all your gentleness for me –which I honestly think I would have never deserved – I want to at least be able to make you smile even for once,"
Eriol then bent down to her ear level and then whispered at her, "Find your happiness, Tomoyo."
Her heart skipped a beat, and she turned around to see him, but he was already gone from the spot he was just on the previous seconds.
"Eriol? Eriol?!"
Her eyes began to search for his figure between the floods of peoples in panic. .
He wasn't anywhere in sight.
"No… Eriol –"
"Tomoyo?"
She spun her body to the voice's source.
"Kaze…"
The jade-eyed man sighed in relief and then pulled the woman into her arms. "Thank goodness. I thought I would lose you,"
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"Master?"
"Yes, Ruby Moon?"
"I hate Greenland in winter. Why do we have to suddenly move here? And where's Tomoyo-sama? Why is she –"
"Ruby Moon… shut up," said the other guardian. The feline then turned to his master. "Why… you're doing this, Eriol-sama?"
The Hiiragizawa guy stared at the snowing view outside the window on his new manor and remained silent.
The guardians stared at each other before finally the Moon guardian spoke again, "Do you regret what you're doing, Eriol-sama?"
He then smiled softly. "I only regret that I couldn't see her smile for one last time,"
"But –"
"Spinel, you're right. It is even harder to let go the person you love, than to fight to get her,"
"Eriol-sama… are you alright?"
He paused before he exhaled a breath. "… I will,"
Then suddenly a piece of his past got into his mind. It was when he had once questioned why Tomoyo would sacrifice herself that much for somebody else.
That time, she had answered, "Because of love,"
And remembering that, he knew that he had a reason why he would sacrifice his happiness for her.
As long as you are happy, then I'll be happy too.
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Not the end.
