Chapter VIII
Small Miracles
DAY 13
"Your scan results show that the swelling around your spine has subsided and there is no significant damage to the tissue which is very good news."
"Why can't I feel shit then?"
"Sometimes, there may be bruising that is not visible externally but would still impact your mobility. We would need more tests but the fact that you have had no sensation in the past two months would tend to indicate that the paralysis is permanent. With continuous physiotherapy and treatment, the damage might very well be reversible but…
Jo had been watching Happy for the last few minutes and as his fingers gripped the wheels of his chair so tightly that his knuckles became white, she knew exactly how the next few minutes would play out. And sure enough, she could only watch helplessly as Happy cut the doctor mid-sentence wheeling himself out of the room not wanting to hear any more of what the man had to say.
She threw Samson a knowing look and jumped off the desk where she had been sitting for the last fifteen minutes, listening to Dr. Norris, one of the physicians who worked with the center, go through Happy's recovery. "I'll be right back."
She ran after the biker in the deserted corridor. "Happy, wait! Please stop." She caught up with him and stood in front of the chair to block his way. "Look, I get it, hearing this must have real tough, but Happy, this isn't over."
"Come on Doc, you fuckin' heard the guy."
"What I did hear is that the damage could well be reversible. God, Happy I understand how this is frustrating for you, but if you spent half the energy you do fighting us actually working on your program we might actually get somewhere." She countered losing patience with his constant push back.
"Just leave it the fuck alone, Doc"
He maneuvered his chair to move past her and she just knew there would no point trying to talk to him right now. Over the last few days he had finally let her in, giving an inch there and an inch here but still played it pretty close to the vest. But, she was starting to understand him and how he worked and she knew he needed the time to process what he'd just heard.
She let out a weary sigh, feeling a brewing anger stir in the pit of her stomach and turned to see Samson standing by the door to the office. As she made her way back towards him, he knew exactly what was coming. "Jo…"
She walked right by him, a woman on a mission and stormed into the office , where the doctor was gathering his files into his brief case "What is your problem?"
Norris looked up looked bewildered by the sudden outburst. "Excuse me?"
"You couldn't give him a little hope here, Doctor? Something to hold onto? Or do they not teach you that in Med School."
"Jo." Samson intervened a warning in his voice.
"I gave my patient the facts. That's what a doctor does. I'm sorry that doesn't sit right with you or if that's not what Mr. Lowman wants to hear, but I was doing my job."
Jo's anger was reaching new levels. "Do you have any idea of how long it took me to get this guy to start working his program? And with just a few words, you sent us right back to square one." She waved an arm at the X-Rays that were still on the light box. "All he heard today was that he was never going to walk again."
"Unfortunately, that is the reality of the situation."
"Says who?"
"I do Miss Manning and I have about twenty year experience on you."
She sniggered. "You don't see what we see here everyday. You just read whatever your file tells you and move on to the next patient as if nothing happened, as if you didn't just changed their lives, as if there wasn't a real person behind the name. Everyday, we see people, who were left with no hope by the likes of you, so called healers and every day those very same people do things they never thought possible, things you told them they couldn't do. Those people, they make small miracles happen. Every day."
Norris picked up his briefcase and his coat with a snarky smile. "I'm a man of science, Miss Manning, I don't deal in miracles. My job is to provide the best care and advice to my patients, yours is to find a way for them to deal with that. I suggest you let me do my job and you just do yours."
He exited as Jo slumped into a chair, burying her face in her hands.
"Well that was stupid."
"Not now, Samson."
She was so furious, she could have strangled that arrogant asshole. After days and days of trying, she had finally gotten an in with Happy, gotten him to listen to her, and now all the progress they had made was coming undone because of this guy's inability to see the human being behind the patient. She heard Samson sigh behind her. "You know, he's on his way to Graeme's office as we speak, right?"
"Yeah, well. He won't be the first one."
"He had to tell him, Jo."
"Really, Sam? I said not now. Please."
"Hey, I know that's not what you want to hear. But it's the truth."
Deep inside, she knew Samson was right and she was being unfair to Doctor Norris. The man had only been speaking the truth but what got Jo so worked up was the way he was going about it. Sometimes the truth wasn't in the patient's best interest and sometimes you have to pick which version of it you give your patients.
"I'm just so angry! You've seen it, you were here from the first day. You know how hard it was to get through to that thick bold tattooed head! Now I have to start all over again."
"He was just doing his job, girl. And you attacked him for it."
She let out a deep breath. "You do realise, you're suppose to be on my side here, right?"
"Can I ask you something ? Why do you care so much? We've seen hundreds of cases like his. What is about this guy?"
"I don't know, he just… he reminds me of someone I used to know."
"Then find another way to get to him. You did it once. You can do it again."
"Yeah, I don't know about that."
He shoved her arm playfully. "Don't give me that crap. If anyone can get through to that thick bold tattooed head again, it's you. The two of you are as pig headed as each other."
"Hey!"
"Come on, let's get back to work now." He concluded, holding out his hand to her. She took it and stood up.
"Oh and small miracles, really?" He mocked with a cackle.
She couldn't help but join in the laughter. "I got a little carried away."
"No, I like it. Small miracles. That's a good one."
********** SOA **********
When Happy wheeled into his room, he had the surprise of finding Jo patiently waiting for him in his desk chair.
"Surprise." She tried to joke but he wasn't having any of it.
He just shook his head in annoyance and reached for his bed. Jo's first instinct was to offer help but she bit her tongue and stayed still in her chair as he finally slid onto the mattress.
"What do you want doc? I ain't in the mood."
"It's okay. I ain't in the mood either." She mimicked.
He just sighed knowing she wasn't going anywhere and got comfortable in the bed. As much as Jesse had gotten to know Happy on the last few days, so had he.
"Just say what you've got say and leave doc."
Remembering what had happened the last time she had asked a question that hut too close too home, she wanted to be cautious this time. "Can I ask about your club or is the subject still off limits?"
She saw him rolling his eyes so held out her hand. "Just tell me this, what happens if you can't walk again? With your club I mean."
He didn't answer. She was starting to understand that this was just the way he worked. He had to think through every word that came out of his mouth. So she waited. When his answer came, she had almost forgotten she had asked the question at all.
"Can't walk, can't ride. Can't ride, can't vote. I'm a fucking ghost. Might as well be dead."
Who knew bikers were such believers in the democratic process she thought to herself. "You're not dead, Happy. Plenty of people live with paralysis. It's a different life but it's still a life."
"You don't get it, do you? My club isn't just a hobby I take on after hours, Doc. It's my fucking life, it's who I am!" He struggled to straighten up and again she had to fight the urge to stand up and help him. He was finally talking and she was not about to mess that up. He managed to sit back up and pointed to the cut resting on the end of the bed. "That cut is who I am. My club is who I am. Without it, I got nothing left. You come here every day, giving me your spiel about my future and my recovery. Tell me something Doc, what are the chances of me walking again? Ballpark figure?
She knew where he was going and she didn't answer straight away.
"Come on Doc. Give me a fucking number. Twenty, thirty percent?"
She swallowed. "About ten."
He cackled and she felt she had to say more.
"But Happy, that's just a number. And the only person who can change that number is you."
"You don't get it."
"Stop saying that I don't get it and enlighten me."
"If I got a ten percent chance of ever walking again, what do you think are the chances of me ever riding again, uh doc? Two, three percent? Might as well say none. That might be a life for other folks, but it ain't a life for someone like me. If you can't understand that, you can't understand shit about me, Doc."
"Maybe. But I can't help but wonder what you're so scared of?"
She knew it before she even looked at him. She had done it. She had gone too far. She saw him freeze, his dark eyes starring daggers at her, his hand almost shaking with fury. "I ain't scared of shit."
She pondered what her next step should be and after deciding that running away now wasn't an option, she came to the conclusion that she had dug herself a hole, she might as well keep digging and spoke again " Are you sure about that? Because the way I see it, you can either fight like hell and get a ten percent chance of walking again or take the easy way out and not try at all. You know that every day that you refuse to face the reality, is a day where you muscles atrophy a little more. The longer you refuse treatment, the less likely it is that you'll ever walk again. So you refusing to take this chance you got Happy, I just don't understand it. And if it's not because you're scared then why? Because you can keep abusing me and my staff all you want Happy, but the truth is you are the only one who can change that reality, you are the only one who can decide to get out of this bed and do something other than feeling sorry for yourself!"
Before he could open his mouth and hurl abuse at her, she stood up. "Don't bother kicking me out. I'm starting to know the way."
**********SOA**********
Jo shut her eyes as she hid her face under a cushion. She was lying on the battered couch in the staff lounge, replaying her conversation with Happy in her mind. She had no doubt that in another life anyone who'd talked to Happy Lawman this way would be dead. Or at least seriously injured. There was no question about it. But she had to speak the truth which was ironic considering she had gotten in an argument with the doctor for the very same reasons.
She heard the door and lifted the cushion to see Samson standing by the coffee machine with a smug face.
"You talk to him?"
"I did." She sighed. "I think he might be putting a contract on my head as we speak, you know to put me out of my misery. If he does, you can have my car, friend."
As usual, he was founding humor in her problems as he laughed. "That good, uh?"
She sat up. "Oh, yeah, I figured in for a dime in for a dollar. So I basically called him a coward. To his face. "
"How did that go down?"
"I don't know. I ran out of there before he could answer. Figured I'd let him brew in it for a while."
"So now you're hiding?"
She thought about it for a second. "Well, not hiding per se but more like laying low."
"I hate to add to your misery but uh… Graeme wants to see you in his office."
"And this day is just the gift that keeps on giving." She moaned standing up to go face the man who signed her checks. "Just so you know, I'm going to need a lot of tequila to forget about this day."
"You got it sista'."
She chuckled as she walked out and made her way down to Graeme's office. As she walked by the training room, one of the orderlies came out. "Hey, biker guy was looking for you earlier."
"Where is he?"
"Ground floor by the main office."
She knew Graeme was waiting for her but she wanted to know why Happy was looking for her. She hurried down the stairs but as she reached the main office, he was nowhere in sight. She frowned as she saw Jackie making her way towards her.
"Hey, Jackie, you seen Happy Lowman?"
"He was just here five minutes ago."
Jo looked around her and spotted the indoor heated pool. It was a pool they used for physiotherapy and the doors were always meant to be locked for health and safety reasons.
"Jo?"
Ignoring the nurse, Jo started to run in that direction, a nagging feeling taking over her. As she reached the glass doors and looked inside, she spotted the familiar wheelchair in the middle of pool, Happy nowhere in sight.
"Jackie, call some help!"
She slammed the door release button and ran inside. When she got to the side of the pool, she saw Happy's immobile body, face down, in the pool and felt her heart sink. She hurriedly removed her shoes and jumped in after him. As she got close to his body, she saw him moving and picked up her pace. She finally got to him, quickly turning him around. He was heavy but she was fit and she managed to take them both back to the side where several people had already arrived ready to help bring him out of the pool.
Jo kept her eyes on him unable to look away as she was helped out of the pool and Jackie was checking his vitals. As he coughed, coming back to life, Jo finally released the breath she didn't even realise she had been holding.
**********SOA**********
"So first you insult one of the most respected spine injury specialist in the state, a man with a thirty year career behind him, then you accuse him of not caring for his patients and to top it all you put said patient's life in danger and he almost died! You certainly had a busy day, Jo. Anything else you want to tell me about?"
She stood still in front of him, hands in her back. She had changed her scrubs but her hair still damp from her jump in the pool. "No, I think that about sums it up."
"And you're sticking with your story on Lowman?"
"Like I said, It was my fault. I'm sorry. I took him to the pool. I guess I forgot to put on the brakes and he just fell in the water. I should have been more careful."
It was a blatant lie. She knew it. He knew it. Everyone in the center knew it. But she had a tacit agreement with Jackie and she knew that the nurse would back her up if need be.
"You know I don't believe a word of that, right?"
"It's the truth." She insisted
"Do you have any idea of what could have happened if he'd died in that pool?"
"Like I said, I'm sorry."
Graeme laid back on his chair, his voice taking a fatherly tone as he spoke."Jo, you're a great therapist. Probably the best one I got here. You're a giant pain in my backside, but you are the best. You care about your patients and you always put their needs first. But you're too hot headed, and you take things too personally. I'm looking out for you here. Now I'm going to ask you this once and once only. Do I need to be worried about you and this guy?"
Jo swallowed hard, taking a beat before she spoke again. "He strikes a nerve Graeme. It's hitting me close to home but that's it. That's all. I just want to do my job here."
"Good. Because you know that can't happen. I won't tolerate it."
"Of course."
"Go home, Jo" he sighed. "Take a couple of days, put some distance."
"Graeme…"
"It's not a request."
Jo nodded her understanding and made her way to the door. She couldn't hold anything against Graeme. She understood where he was coming from. He was responsible for what happened in this place and he was just doing his job. It could have been worse and she knew she should count herself lucky. More than anything, she was having a hard time caring about anything, her mind too busy processing was what had almost happened. If she had gotten to the pool a few minutes later, she would have been having a very different conversation.
"Jo? Think about what I said, alright?"
************SOA**********
A few minutes later, after stopping by her locker to gather her stuff, Jo walked into Happy's room, changed and ready to leave. She wanted to make sure he was okay before she went home.
He had been changed and was staring at the ceiling, his jaw clenched shut as per usual while Jackie adjusted his pillow. The nurse heard Jo come in and smiled. "Hey. I was just finishing up." she patted Happy's arm. "You have a good night Darlin'." She said, smiling to Jo as she walked past her.
"How are you feeling?" Jo voiced as she felt a sudden lump in her throat.
He didn't acknowledge her. He was ignoring her. She let her bag fall to the floor and took a few steps towards the head of the bed.
"Happy, look at me, please." There was a new edge in her voice, a warning she wasn't going away until he faced her. He did, his glare meeting hers.
"I get it. You're angry. What you heard today, what the doctor said about your chances it sucked. I get that, I really, really do. But you need to get this, Happy. If you don't walk again, if you never ride again, it won't change that doctor's life, and it won't change my life. But it will change yours. Most of the people in this place would kill to be in your shoes. Kill! Because you have a shot at doing what they all want to do. Walking, feeling their legs, feeling whole again. You have a shot, Happy, I promise you that. It might be a long one but that is still more than what they have. Now I know you don't know me. I know you don't care much for me and that you have no reason whatsoever to trust me. But I'm asking you to. I'm asking you to trust me. Trust me Happy. Let me help you. Because if you do, if you let me help you, I promise you that you will ride again. I'm not saying maybe, I'm not saying it's a possibility. I'm giving you my word that you'll ride again. I am taking that ten percent and I am making it a hundred. It'll be painful as hell, it'll be the hardest thing you and I ever do but you will ride again. All you need to do is to trust me. Take a chance on me." She felt her eyes watering and looked away, refusing to let him see her fall apart.
She picked up her bag from the floor and as she reached the door to the room, she turned back to him. He was still looking at her but she could swear his glare had somehow softened. "And Happy? Next time? I'm letting you drown."
Jo managed to held her head up high and keep it together as she made her way out of the center. By now, everyone knew she'd been sent home and people were throwing her pitying look as she walked past.
She got to her car, throwing her gym bag in the back before taking place in the driver seat. Gripping the steering wheel, trying to calm herself down, she suddenly felt it. The other side of the adrenaline rush. The downfall. It washed over her and unable to hold it anymore, she let herself cry.
**********SOA**********
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