Blind Faith
Chapter 8
Edward
"I'd rather go with you and not him but I understand." He sighed and walked over to Felix's car. They drove away. I am feeling like I just missed something big.
I called it a day and headed home to my place, tons on my mind foremost of which is why I didn't go out with Jasper and Felix as Jasper had asked. I thought it over as I poured myself a scotch and pulled together a solitary dinner. Rather than enjoying the company of friends, which was fully within my grasp, I chose solitude peeved by Felix's jibe. It was a petulant and self-defeating move; I recognized jealousy stirring envying the ease between the two men, something I craved for myself. My insecurity where my attraction to men was concerned surfaced, well, specifically Jasper at this point; I suppose I thought my presence would be unwelcome given the way the two of them were eye-fucking each other. Jasper's last words haunted me though, had I made a mistake in thinking he didn't want me along? It seemed as though he was trying to silently communicate to me and I missed it I now realized in retrospect…Damn! When will I ever get it right? I may have handed the man I love to another due to my never- ending stupidity. I downed my drink and polished off the grill cheese sandwich, filling my glass again.
I wandered through my living room towards the lovely Steinway that sat alone in an anteroom that featured French doors and a view of the river. I opened the doors to let the night air in walking idly to the balcony cradling my drink. I was lonely.
I could call Tanya but that would be a bad move, encouraging her at a time I was moving towards ending our engagement. She would comfort me, but at what price to her? Could I be that selfish? No, even I had scruples. I ached to hold Jasper again, tempted to text him as Seth. Again, how much of an ass was I willing to be to seek solace against his skin? I couldn't do it anymore.
I strolled back inside and sat at the piano bench fingering the keys distractedly as I thought about the day. We worked together well; Jasper was a relentless advocate and a consummate professional. In this way we were very much alike; failure was not an option. I noodled a tune, inspired by my thoughts of Jasper…maybe I could compose again I mused. I jotted a few notes down on sheet paper and downed the balance of my drink noticing the time.
Jasper should be home by now…I hope! It was near midnight. Should I text him to see if he arrived home safely? No, I didn't want to take the chance he was still with Felix; I just didn't want to know.
I showered and got myself ready for bed and the next day, arranging my clothes and accessories.
I was just about to turn off the light and crawl into bed when I heard a sharp knock at my front door. Startled I froze for a second before I descended the stairs and stood for a moment before my front door...another sharp rap. I checked my alarm system panel on the left; it was activated. I peeked through the spyhole and encountered sparkling blue slightly bloodshot eyes…
…Jasper…
.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.
Jasper
Edward and I sat in the war room laying out strategy for the depositions and upcoming pre-trial hearings. He was afire with his desire to bring opposing parties down, tapping rapidly on his laptop as each new angle occurred to him. In my way of thinking he was way too emotionally invested in the case, I observed, in my brief involvement with the case, but why? Nothing in the record I saw explained it. It seems he had a ton of previous history with our colleagues on the other side that didn't necessarily bode well for our case. Old grudges would only distract us from doing our best.
They played dirty according to Ed Senior as he informed me that afternoon in the conference room. I liked the guy and wondered about the estrangement between the two men, father and son. I obviously didn't know the whole story, being that I was the new guy; they seemed to be two peas in a pod, alike in so many ways and however professional they were on the job, the lingering tension between them laced their every conversation.
As I stood talking to Ed Senior, Edward walked in and engaged us in a stilted and very arrogant conversation that pissed me off. He had the nerve to ask me if I was "ready for this" I was going to have to have a talk with the boy…that was no way to operate in a law practice. Avoidance gives the opposition the upper hand, I should know, I learned from the best; Peter, the dirtiest player ever.
I reminded myself that I was viewing Edward through the lens of a colleague observing all his flaws, and not as an immensely competent well respected attorney possessed of a fearsome record of wins who had brought huge fees to the firm. He was widely admired as a relentless advocate and I needed to understand and respect his strengths; learn to separate his personal issues from the professional.
"Jasper," he called. "Has Bella finished the deposition schedule yet? I want it set by Friday." He stood and walked out of the office oblivious to Maria as she walked past him into the conference room.
"Edward, I've got it right here" Maria sighed, holding up the folder. "Bella e-mailed it to you earlier today before she went home sick."
Shit! I thought to myself, there's no way she went home sick, Edwards callousness to her feelings sent her home of that I'm sure. This boy needs remedial lessons in sensitivity to the female species. As a gay man, I could relate to her pain. We definitely needed to talk.
Regardless of what I perceived to be slightly unprofessional behavior in his dealings with his father, I was drawn to his underlying vulnerability, it seeped from his every pore, not to mention he was the hottest thing on two legs I'd seen in my long memory. Why is this boy straight?
Permit me to paint a picture…Imagine Michelangelo's David clothed, tall and lithe, pale skin offset by a ruddy complexion, cheeks often flushed pink as he concentrated on the task at hand. He had a nervous habit of combing his long fingers through his unruly hair, a russet or bronze confection of silk that changed hues depending on how light struck it, worn a bit too long as if he could have cared less about his appearance. That thicket of hair contrasted against his lovely alabaster complexion, long strong neck, Adam's apple bobbing as he swallowed unconscious to my observations looking almost good enough to taste. His long slender fingers beat a tattoo on the conference room table as he concentrated; pink tongue flicking out keeping his pouty red lips moist. Large mossy green eyes framed by dark lashes full of something unspoken, expressive almost feminine in their beauty …A dusting of hair at the dip in his collarbone observable once he had unbuttoned the top two buttons of his shirt and loosened his tie causing me to briefly wonder about his "happy trail" before I pulled myself back abruptly from my day dreaming idyll and came to my senses.
The boy has a fiancée, a sweet and lovely one at that…
I was reminded for some strange reason of Seth and his clinginess. Edward was very different certainly standoffish, almost unapproachable in contrast the Seth's neediness but my gut told me the boy was a raw nerve ending…He was beginning to fascinate me; we had only had two days of interaction as we worked together although we'd been acquainted much longer, compared to the week long flirtation I'd had with Seth. I was kinda missing my Sethie right now…wanting to nestle into his cool muscular chest as he gripped me to him, but that was not to be, it was in the past, no more.
We continued working diligently, Maria coming and going as we requested files, trial transcripts or boxes of records. We worked collegially albeit without a lot of banter. Edward seemed contained and quiet only occasionally making comments if something struck him as important. Once or twice I looked up and caught his eye…he looked away quickly turning his head away.
I was therefore mystified by Edward's behavior once again seemingly out of character that occurred later that evening after we had spent hours putting together our deposition schedule and timeline with Felix's help.
Mmm, Felix…yeah there was some seriously tasty eye candy. He whirled into the war room late in the afternoon just as dusk approached, binders of investigative materials in hand and we made immediate eye contact. I recognized a kindred spirit (read gay) as he grasped my hand in a firm handshake that just kept going on and on. We sat down, he a little too close to me, Edward separated from us by the length of the conference table as Felix opened his files briefing us on the latest dirt he had dug up on the opposition. I found him funny and flirtatious and he agreed immediately when I asked about his dinner plans implying the three of us would all go to dinner. I had all but forgotten Edward's presence until I looked up and met his eyes.
His hands were behind his head; he was illuminated by a single spotlight shining like a star above him looking like a most beautiful angel, an avenging one it would seem given the fire in his glittering eyes. To all other outward appearances he was the picture of calm, but the air crackled with tension as he arose from his chair, slowly gathered up his files and laptop and left us alone in the war room without further word.
Felix's eyebrows rose slightly but he did not look surprised at Edward's behavior. I assumed wrongly as it turned out that Edward would meet us at the elevator and that we'd head out to dinner together.
The elevator door was open as we arrived Edward holding it for us, his trench coat slung over one arm, briefcase in the other puzzling me as I figured we'd return later for our things.
"Great job with the investigation Felix, that puts us miles ahead." Edward said stiffly but kindly.
"Well thanks, Edward. I'd ask you to join us for dinner but I know that's not something you generally do with the associates." He laughed lightly nudging me; I didn't get the joke.
"Are you coming Edward?" I gave him a meaningful look seeking assurance as I had intended for the two of us to spend dinner getting more familiar as we would be working together for the foreseeable future, with Felix tagging along; he did not acknowledge me, looking away and standing apart from us. "No, you two go on, I'll slog home and review the files. See you tomorrow."
I grasped his arm pulling at him so he would look at me. His eyes flicked at me then away again tugging his arm free and walking ahead of us out of the elevator.
"Why aren't you joining us Edward?" I was suddenly anxious wondering if I'd offended him somehow.
Felix stood apart observing us quietly.
"Jasper, just go and enjoy yourself. I don't want to be a third wheel."
A "third wheel? It's not like this is a date or anything, I considered it primarily a working dinner; I was now thoroughly confused. I regarded his strong back as he walked away and gave one last try in convincing this frustrating, mercurial man whom I'm spending way too much time thinking about to join us.
"I'd rather go with you and not him but I understand." I sighed and walked over to Felix's car. We drove away. I watched him standing there watching us…he looked so alone.
.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.
Felix was truly pleasant company going on and on as we drove to the restaurant making me laugh. He was engaging and clever not to mention handsome. In another time and place I might have been attracted to him. It turned out in any case that Felix was in a committed relationship with one of the rising Deputy DAs, Caius Volturi, whom I had yet to meet being so new to the Seattle area. Caius, Felix informed me could soon be Seattle's first gay (and out) DA depending on how the fall elections went. Seattle was tolerant and liberal. Felix was proud of his man that much was evident.
We decided on a Moroccan restaurant, Rick's (how very Casablanca). We were seated in short order, removing our shoes and sinking in to the cushions that surrounded the low table. Filmy curtains gave a certain sense of privacy and intimacy while not shutting out our view of other tables completely, Middle Eastern music added to the exotic atmosphere. I loosened my tie removing it and stuffing it in my pants pocket as we ordered our first round of drinks, talking about the firm learning about each other and just generally having a great time. Felix couldn't resist and texted Caius to join us. We decided to wait to order our food until he arrived probably no more than thirty minutes or so.
We had polished off our second round of drinks when Caius arrived. I liked him immediately, he was different than Felix quieter, less flamboyant; his bushy blond hair was combed back neatly, his dark blue suit cutting an elegant line. We shook hands and he proceeded to get comfortable settling in next to Felix giving him a warm kiss as he wrapped an arm around his neck. Felix helped him remove his jacket and tie, rewarding him with another kiss. It was easy to see how much they cared for each other.
Our food finally came, various rice, chicken and beef dishes wonderfully spiced with nuts and fruits. Everything was delicious including the bread, which served as the only utensil at the table other than our fingers. I looked across at…my newest good friends. I could honestly say that we were going to be hanging out again; these two were a riot. A sudden thought occurred to me, why hadn't I thought to call Jacob? He was a friend as well and I'm sure he would have had them in stitches with some of his stories; I regretted not thinking about it earlier, but I was so wrapped up in trying to figure Edward out…
We ate and talked, gossiped and laughed. I got quite a bit of insight into the Cullen clan from these two, it left me feeling somewhat like a voyeur.
"Can you imagine having to work with your old man after he cheated on your mother? Have you met Victoria yet? I think she was the model for Cruella de Ville" Felix laughed out loud.
"I know Edward can't stand his step-mother and I think the feeling is mutual, I mean, she's barely ten years older than him!" While I was greedily taking in all the gossip, I did feel a little dirty relishing in all the trash talk. This was, after all, Edward's life they were so casually mocking.
"Jasper, don't get me wrong, I actually have a great fondness for Edward, he's an incredible intellect and I truly admire him. I just wish he'd loosen up, like tonight, I know he wanted to join us but he wouldn't let himself, the stick up his ass held him in place… it's unbecoming".
We quieted eating our meals enjoying each other's company.
"So Tanya and Edward, I ventured tentatively" Both of their eyes shot up and met mine suddenly quiet. "She's a lovely woman, very sweet from what everyone says…" They nodded in unison offering no further comment. This, from the two magpies who had been crowing the Cullen dirty laundry just moments before.
"So when are they getting married? " They looked at each other, Felix turned back to me and raised his shoulders and hands in the universal "who knows" sign. I furrowed my brow looking at them suspiciously.
"Okay, what gives? I mean you two are willing to give chapter and verse on all things Cullen until I mention Tanya? What's the big secret?"
"Oh, no secret," Felix sighed, "I think the word on the street is don't hold your breath for a wedding anytime soon, I mean, they've already been engaged for five years and they don't even live together…"
"You can't be serious!" I say, releasing my slightly inebriated inner magpie to join the chorus. "Five years, and she's sitting still for that?" I crowed.
"I guess he's waiting for the right time or right someone, Jasper…think about it; you don't stay engaged for five years if you're truly in love" Caius stated, staring meaningfully at Felix.
"What you're saying is that you two are more than likely to marry before Edward and Tanya tie the knot?" They both nod in unison, which makes me laugh but then, I think of the woman who by all appearances is standing by her man. "That's so unfair to Tanya, he should set her free if he doesn't want her."
"Oh, don't feel too sorry for her, she'll get what she truly wants eventually."
"Children?" They laugh out loud as if I've told the funniest joke ever.
"I should give him a piece of my mind," I joke, draining my drink. I've lost count but I think I'll be paying for it in the morning.
"Here's Edward's address" says Felix handing me a card. "I'd go right now if I were you" He rolls his eyes barely able to contain himself.
"I just might do that…" I wiggle my eyebrows at the two of them, which sends them into another paroxysm of excited giggles. They cling to each other lovingly. I want that.
We order desert and more drinks and espresso traditionally prepared, Moroccan style.
I sighed, thinking briefly of Edward, puzzling over the man as I swirl my coffee heavily laced with whiskey. He was penetrating my brain at ever increasing intervals; his piercing eyes haunt me. This was all sorts of wrong. His lonely figure as we left him behind…I put back my fourth or fifth drink and ordered another, encouraged by my partners in crime…er, justice. Thoughts of Seth swirled through my increasingly pickled brain as well, intertwining with my ruminations over Edward. I was starting to get seriously horny and just might march myself over to Seth's Place if I could just remember how to get there…I think I'm really drunk…
"Come on dear Jasper, let's get you on your way." Felix grabs me up waiting as I struggle to find my shoes. "Oh, who needs shoes..."
"You do, it's thirty degrees outside!" He struggles to help me on with my shoes as Caius slips my coat over my arms. They both escort me to a waiting cab giving the driver instructions on where to take me as we exchange numbers and promise to get together again very soon…I love these guys…I fall back into the cab barely able to keep my eyes open.
The cabbie has opened the car door, it squeaks annoyingly…I must have drifted off…in a slight panic I check to ensure I still have my wallet and phone; I locate them feeling better. The cabbie is poking at me directing me to a doorman standing outside a luxurious development, not mine…whose? The doorman takes my elbow and walks with me to the elevator, I'm dimly able to focus on the fact I have no idea where I'm going but he's holding onto a white card, apparently my ticket to paradise? I giggle…the doorman looks at me strangely as he props me up in front of "Unit A, Tenth Floor." He raps on the door and departs. I weave and rap on the door again myself.
I peer into the spyhole wondering where I am. Everything is spinning, I'm a little dizzy.
The door swings open and I come face to face with a bare-chested sleepy faced Edward. He does have a very lovely "happy trail" after all; I want to follow it wherever it leads. Have I died and gone to Heaven?
.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.
Edward
… I stood in the doorway confused and caught off guard by Jasper's sudden late night appearance at my door, slowly dragging one hand through my unruly mane. I was shirtless, barefoot obviously minutes from sleep, my low-slung sleep pants leaving nothing to the imagination. I felt very exposed and vulnerable given where my thoughts had been most of the night. That is, obsessing on the creature that was staring at me drunkenly weaving a bit as he held on to the doorframe for support.
"Jasper" I said roughly clearing my throat, "come in." I stood aside enough for him to enter. He walked past me brushing up against my bare chest with his coat covered shoulder lightly but just enough to light my skin afire; I felt my skin break out in goose flesh, my chest was slightly flushed with obvious desire as he drew back and regarded me, holding my eyes prisoner with his intense gaze. It took every thing I had not to grab him into my arms and ravish his scrumptious albeit inebriated mouth. I curled my hands into fists to keep myself in check.
"What are you doing here?" Jasper looked at me a little confused as if he were wondering the same thing, then stuttered a bashful response,
"I just…I mean…you were…why didn't you come with us tonight, we had a great time…"
Of course they had a great time, I thought, I wasn't there. Why did he care?
"We went to Rick's, had Moroccan. I met Caius, Felix's partner, the two of them were hysterical…" He drifted off looking at me distracted, obviously in his cups. Jasper looking lost, longing for me? If only that were true, must be dreaming. I want him so badly, but I fear hurting him even more. He has no idea of my attraction to him, how close I am to coming out; he's definitely toasted, but still very, very cute.
So my stupid jealously was ill founded and I missed out on a grand evening. Typical idiot move on my part.
"Jasper, you need a place to stay tonight? It's too late for you to find your way home…you can stay here, I have a spare bedroom." I was startled by his quick yes; he looked suddenly exhausted. Why had he drunk so much?
He staggered a little and braced himself against me to keep from falling, the rough fabric of his coat contacted my nipples making me feel a little unhinged. I sat him in the side chair off the foyer and collected myself.
"Here, let me take your coat. I'll get you something more comfortable to sleep in." He allowed me to remove his coat and at the same time slipped out of his shoes. I noticed immediately that they were unlaced, tongues hanging out. Strange…
I left him there in the side chair as I first hung his coat in the closet than rummaged through my drawers for some sleep clothes. Settling on soft flannel pants and a plain white t-shirt I returned and saw that Jasper was out for the count. I smiled at his silly face, all hunched over, mouth open, snoring softly. Right now, as I gaze at him, my heart hurts and I remember why I love him.
I reach over and turn off the foyer light and lock up again. I lean in close to him puzzling as to how I'm going to get this man into bed…his bed, of course, the guest bed the word bed making me weak. I put my arm under his and wrap it around his back as he drapes his arm over my shoulder and I whisper lightly, "Jasper, help me get you to bed" I tug him up onto his feet and his head lolls onto my neck. He sighs and kisses my jaw, brushing his lips along my neck as I move him down the hall towards the spare room. He sucks at my earlobe driving me to distraction.
I could cut diamonds right now, I'm so painfully aware of his everything…
The hand draped over my shoulder pulls back and curls into the hair at the nape of my neck pulling my face towards his. Oh my fucking God he's going to kiss me. I want this so bad. His soft whiskey tinged mouth meets my desperately hungry lips and softly brushes against them at first then deepens the kiss, hungrily, breathing harshly searching for my tongue, pushing his tongue against it seeking entrance, our mouths are open, wet, dripping desperate to get as much of each other without causing actual damage.
He pulls my head back sharply gripping my hair almost painfully as he devours my mouth. I give in and pull him against my bare chest momentarily giving in to my lust and push him up against the wall pressing my aching cock against his equally hard member. He is still fully dressed. I still carry his pajamas in one hand although they are now crumpled and balled up between us. I am panting with need. He rocks his hips forward thrusting and driving me temporarily insane as he moans and feverishly kisses and nips at my collarbone, scraping at my nipples. He leans down and suckles me before lightly biting down; I might come from this alone.
I stop and move away from him gaining control of my senses if only briefly. I pull an aroused Jasper into the guest bedroom, finally and he's tugging desperately at his shirt whispering to me…"Sethie, baby I fucking missed you bad". He's so drunk, it's dark and all he can think of is my alter ego. I want to cry, it hurts so badly; but I caused this. His shirt is off followed quickly by his pants until he stands naked, gloriously naked, if unsteadily before me. I look into his lust-filled eyes and he shocks me.
"I want you Edward…Fuck me", he is staring relentlessly at me panting and moaning my name again…me, my name…he flops down on the bed, parting his legs exposing his immense erection to me intentionally vulnerable, his wavy blond locks wild around his face, licking his lips in anticipation. He can't possibly know how I feel about him; I'm rocked by his words and would love nothing better than to grant his every wish.
I can't do it, take full advantage and make love to him in his current state; I want him to be fully with me the next time we touch. He strokes himself, his eyes never leaving my face, I lose control, concede defeat as I drop to my knees before him and run my tongue up his throbbing shaft taking the tip of his cock in my mouth sucking him in. He can't contain himself and thrusts up into my mouth nearly gagging me as he moves in and out rolling his hips like a porn star watching himself in pained pleasure, his chest flushed rosy in his aroused state. I spread his legs further and hum against him drawing pathetic whimpers and moans as he explodes in my mouth collapsing back on the bed. He sighs; throws his arms over his head and is instantly asleep. I lay my head against his thighs as I watch his cock soften. I kiss it once more and draw his sleep pants up his unresponsive body.
It takes a few minutes before I'm able to maneuver his prone form straight on the bed and pull the blankets over him. He's snoring softly, torturously in his inebriated state. I seriously doubt he'll remember much in the morning, which may be for the best; I don't want him to be embarrassed by his actions, I certainly enjoyed every frigging minute without regret. The only negative is that I am left still semi-hard thinking about him and his glorious cock.
I return to my bedroom and finally, more than an hour after I first intended to, crawl into bed but not before I shed my pants. I run my hands over my body stroking my skin lightly thinking about his touch, how his naked body felt. Touching my nipples pulling at them a bit getting myself worked up recalling how he attacked my mouth so relentlessly. I take my cock firmly in hand and stroke myself to release. I am too tired to clean myself properly using the edge of the sheet; I'll strip the bed in the morning. I can't recall a moment I felt more satisfied and at peace. As I drift off to sleep, I realize the only thing better would be if we were wrapped up in each other legs tangled, kissing one other softly as we descend into slumber. I smile and dream of my love sleeping tantalizingly nearby.
