"How was the date last night, Mick?" Mike inquired.

Great! Was there no relief from these conversations?

"Okay, I guess," Micky shrugged.

"What do you mean? When I came down here you and that girl were all over each other," Mike commented.

Thanks for the visual, Mate.

"I mean…I'm not saying that part wasn't fun…because it was," he winked. "I just wasn't into her. She was a nice girl, but I don't think I'd see her again."

Peter nudged Davy's arm as if to indicate that now he had a shot. Davy looked over at Peter, his eyes pleading for Peter to stop pushing. Peter seemed to receive that message loud and clear. But not in the way that Davy exactly was looking for.

"So when are you going to get back out there and find someone new?" Peter questioned.

Davy slumped and put his head on the table. He wanted Peter to back off the pressure of him admitting feelings to Micky. He didn't want Peter to encourage Micky for more dates. Couldn't anyone take a hint and know exactly what he was thinking?

"I don't know," Micky looked confused. "Why would I need to?"

Peter began searching his mind for an answer as if he hadn't been ready for that response. "Well…you know…I just…I mean you just…seemed…really excited about yesterday that's all."

"Yeah, I just needed a real date. I missed the companionship of a lady…not that you're not spectacular there partner," Micky said coming behind Davy and enveloping him in a bear hug.

Davy could feel his nerves stand on edge. The embrace was warm and loving. He could smell Micky's natural scent mixed with his cologne. It would be enough to drive anyone mad. He had to get out of there though. If he was going to move forward from this then he had to run from it. That was the best solution, right?

Davy wiggled out of the hug. "Get offa me!" he said more aggressively than he meant to.

Micky walked backwards. "I'm sorry, Dave. I didn't mean anything by it."

Davy was embarrassed for the outburst and didn't know how to respond. He searched his brain but was coming up with nothing. That seemed to be a general theme when it came to Micky.

"He didn't sleep well last night," Peter rescued him.

Finally, Peter knowing was helpful.

"Yeah, I'm sorry Micky. I'm just tired. I think I'll go in my room."

Davy trudged into his room and lay down on the bed. He put his hands over his face. This was a disaster and would keep going on like this if he didn't do something…quick.


"Here he comes!"

Davy scrambled off the bandstand and went to head for the back door. For the past two days, he had decided the best way to stop this madness was to avoid Micky at all costs.

The plan wasn't actually working out so well though, because Davy hadn't noticed before but Micky was everywhere all the time. It appeared as if that guy didn't have other things to do that didn't involve his friends. The first day, Davy tried to stay in his room, but Micky was testing out an invention that entailed a pulley device. He kept raising himself to be hovering outside Davy's window and waving. When Davy shut the curtains, Micky thought it was a good idea to jimmy the window open and climb in. He then wouldn't stop asking Davy if he was testy because of lady troubles.

"I know what this is," Micky accused.

Davy was irritated but still had those butterflies. "No you don't."

"I'm not dumb," Micky said. "You haven't been on dates and you were singing love songs that day. You were in love with that girl, you told her, and she didn't reciprocate. Now you're in a bad mood."

I mean one out of three with the other two potentially happening wasn't too bad.

"That's not it!"

"It has to be! Unless you've been traded with an alien replica too."

Micky came over and began poking and prodding Davy.

"Quit it!"

Micky continued pushing his hands on Davy's stomach. "I don't feel any metal or springs…but you are cold and unfeeling like robot…maybe that's a British thing."

The second day, Micky had claimed that he was going to visit his parents that lived an hour away. Mike and Peter were out on errands that day too. Davy was relieved and was looking forward to some much needed time alone. But lo and behold Micky came traipsing back to the pad not even twenty minutes after he left.

"What are you doing back here? You weren't even gone long enough to get to your parents' house!"

"Good to see you too," Micky said warily. "I remembered while I was driving that my parents are on vacation this week. I would have driven all the way there for nothing."

When Micky turned his back Davy flung his head back in agitation. "What are you going to do now?" he tried not to sound irritated.

"Oh I thought I'd tinker around with some brilliant ideas."

"In your room?"

"No, out here," Micky started dragging things out of the closet.

Davy got up abruptly. "I'm going to the beach."

Micky dropped his stuff. "That sounds better than this. I'll go with you!"

That's all Davy had needed was to go and stare at a half-naked Micky all day. But that is exactly what happened. And Davy tried all afternoon not to gawk at Micky's physique. Though it was difficult with Micky continuing to pester Davy to engage in activities.

After the lack of luck Davy was having with the plan, he enlisted Peter's help. He wasn't exactly keen on the idea, but apparently he wasn't able to do this himself. Peter was helping begrudgingly since he was pro Davy telling Micky the truth, but that guy couldn't say no to anything. So Peter had been standing as a lookout for Micky. When he saw Micky coming he would warn Davy so he could slip out without Micky knowing where to find him. If Micky didn't know where Davy was then he couldn't foil the plan anymore. If he would even be looking for him at all.

Davy got out the back door with ease. He was hurried and had run down the stairs two at a time. He had to be quick for Micky not to see him even run on the beach so he wouldn't follow him. Peter's plan was to feign ignorance about Davy's whereabouts, which wouldn't be difficult since Peter didn't know where Davy was going. Davy hadn't even chosen a place until the last minute. He went to the last place he would think anyone would find him.


Well, Operation Avoid Micky was a success today. Davy hid in the public library until closing. He sat on the floor of an aisle about nuclear physics. No one bothered him or came by all day. The only problem was that it was terribly boring even with books around and the only thing there was to do was be alone with his thoughts. The more he thought about the situation, the more hopeless he felt. He was away from Micky this whole day and what had he done the whole time…think about the situation with Micky. That was counter-productive. So maybe the plan wasn't exactly a success.

He didn't know what to do. Obviously the plan wasn't going to work. As Davy walked home he furiously kicked the rocks on the sidewalk. If avoidance wasn't the answer then that meant the opposite would be. Confronting. He wasn't ready for that. But would he ever be? It was all too much for him now. He just needed relief from all of this Micky stuff and there was no end in sight. Nothing would take his mind off of it when Micky wasn't around and the alternative was that Micky was around. It was a lose-lose situation.

Davy took a deep breath and opened the front door. He was positive of what would be waiting for him on the other side. And as predicted Micky was on the chaise lounge reading a book about great inventions. He turned as soon as he realized Davy had come in and smiled.

"Hey Babe, where have you been all day?"

Davy shrugged because he didn't have an answer that wasn't about hiding. "You know around."

"With a certain young lady?"

"No," Davy had to let out a little laugh at that. Micky was so persistent.

"Good to hear you laughing. You seem to not be yourself much lately."

Davy wasn't surprised Micky had noticed and he couldn't be bothered that he had pointed it out. He was a little touched that Micky seemed concerned about that.

"Yeah, I can't lie about that."

"Well, I'm happy to see you like this. I've missed you."

"You have?"

Micky sat up and patted the seat next to him. "Yeah, I don't like to see my friends struggling and hurting."

Davy was reluctant but took the seat next to him. "It really isn't that big of a deal. I'll be fine."

Micky put his book down and took his glasses off. "I don't buy it."

He was looking straight into Davy's eyes. There was concern in those eyes. It made Davy feel warm and tingly all over. The fact that Micky cared so much was making Davy fall for him all over again.

"I don't see how one girl has got you so down in the dumps. I mean there are plenty of girls out there that would fall for that British charm in a second. Why her?"

Davy couldn't keep this in. "This…person is different. They are exactly my type in a way that I can't begin to describe to you. It is like I feel like my true self when I'm around them. I can be the full version of me. No lies, no secrets. It's freeing."

"You feel like you can't be that way with anyone else?"

"I can't. It's hard to explain…well not exactly word wise but having the courage to say it."

"Try me."

"I don't think I can."

"Look, we're best friends. I want to be able to help you through this turmoil. I can't if you don't let me in."

Micky reached for Davy's hand. He held Davy's smaller hand in between his. Davy felt safe and secure in that moment. It was as if all the pain and suffering from lately had washed away from that simple touch. He knew in that moment that Peter had been right all along.

"Okay, here goes nothing." He took a deep breath. "I have feelings for someone and it's not what you think. I have romantic feelings for a man."

Davy paused to see Micky's reaction. The drummer simply held onto Davy's hand tighter and nodded for him to continue. Davy's heart was pounding in his chest.

"I've known for quite some time that I was…different. That I was feeling more for men than women. I was keeping it to myself. I didn't want anyone to view me differently. To hate me."

"We could never hate you. We love you. Love is understanding," Micky caressed Davy's cheek with one of his hands.

Davy shivered. "Well, this whole fake relationship thing caused me to be more in tune with my real self."

Micky's facial expression changed. Davy started to have fear again. He thought Micky knew where this was headed and was beginning to panic. Micky was going to let him down. He was going to be harsh.

"Davy, I'm sorry…"

Oh no here it comes.

"…if I knew you were struggling with your sexuality, I never would have suggested it."

Davy eased a little at that response. "You don't understand. It wasn't a bad thing. It was so liberating to be authentic, even if it was for deception."

Micky's face relaxed. "Oh good. I didn't want to be the cause of your pain."

"Well…" Davy began, "here's the thing…" He rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably. "…I may have liked being with you."

"Of course, who doesn't like being with me," Micky joked.

Davy smiled. "No Mate, not like hanging out. I started developing feelings for you."

Micky stared wide eyed. He was silent and seemingly stunned. "Meaning, what? I'm sorry I don't think I'm hearing you clearly. Feelings for me?"

"Yeah."

"Like romantic ones?"

"Unfortunately, yes."

"Why is that unfortunate?"

"Because…"

It's now or never.

"…I fell in love with you. I'm in love with you."

Micky dropped Davy's hand to close his gaping mouth. He then put his hands over his eyes. Davy was waiting in anticipation. He wasn't sure if Micky was angry or just shocked. It was all out in the open now. No turning back. It was minutes of agony that felt like hours. The uncertainty hanging in the balance.

"I know I've sprung a lot on you. I'll give you some space."

Davy stood and turned. Instantly he was pulled back down into his seat. His eyes were locked with Micky's. Micky seemed to be searching Davy's eyes for answers to a question that Davy didn't know. Micky placed both hands on the sides on Davy's face and pulled him in for a kiss. Davy's arms naturally found their way around Micky's waist and pulled himself closer. The kiss was short and sweet. When they pulled apart, it was Davy's turn to be wide eyed.

"What…um…what the hell was that?"

Micky seemed to be searching for the right words. "I'd be lying if I said I didn't feel something when we were pretending to be a couple too."

"Feeling what exactly?"

"I mean come on, you're gorgeous. Any person would count themselves lucky to be in that level of intimacy with you. When I went for that kiss that day we were practicing, I did it because I wanted to know what it was like to kiss you."

"And?"

"It was more than I hoped for. I needed more but I knew…well thought I knew that you weren't going to have the same feelings. So I tried to go on that date but I couldn't shake you out of my mind. I kept trying to be around you so I could soak up every ounce. Even if it hurt."

"I was doing the opposite; I was trying to avoid you like the plague. I wanted to get over you because I didn't think you would ever want to be with me."

"And that's when I started to believe that you had caught on to my feelings and were disgusted by me."

Davy tilted up Micky's chin that had fallen in shame. "I could never be disgusted by you. You're my everything."

"Does this mean?"

"I think it does. We must be what we're going to be and what we have to be is free. Together."

Davy leaned Micky back into a passionate kiss. The butterflies exploded in his stomach.

This must be what it feels like to be your true self.