A/N: okay, so here's the deal, normal type is 2004, or the present for the story line, italics is Chris' memories, and bold is the changed future.
Disclaimer: I don't own Charmed, and the song is by Within Temptation
Hand of Sorrow
The child without a name grew up to be the hand
To
watch you, to shield you, or kill on demand
The choice he'd made
he could not comprehend
His blood a grim secret they had to
commend
Chris hadn't been a nameless child, far from it in fact, but with the world that he had been raised in, the world that his family belonged to, was the magical world, and his older brother was the twice blessed, and his mother was a Charmed One, making him either Wyatt's brother, or the son of a Charmed One. He had been the one that had protected his older brother when he had turned evil, and now he might be the one that had to kill him, not the best options if you asked Chris, but the Resistance, Wyatt, not even the Sisters could understand why he made the choice that he had or the reasons behind it. He had to succeed, Chris need to save the world and his brother. There were even times that Chris wasn't sure why he had decided to save Wyatt rather than kill him. After all, his brother had killed their family, and the love of Chris' life, not to mention the fact that he had sent the whole world to hell in a hand basket, why did Wyatt deserve a second chance and Chris be left with all of the memories? Why was Chris stuck hiding who he was no matter where he went? And once the resistance found out he had been forced to leave because all they could do was discuss how to use Chris to kill Wyatt, and now he was in the past, once again keeping his lineage a secret from the world, and his family.
He's torn between his honor
and the true love of his life
He prayed for both but was denied
Chris had wanted nothing more than to save his brother and restore his family, but he also wanted to be with Bianca, and the chances of that happening in one reality, let alone two was slim to none, so he wouldn't hold his breath that they would know each other once he got back from changing everything, chances were that she would be evil, and he wouldn't be able to save her this time because he would never meet her. He didn't pray, that wasn't Chris, but if he had he would have hoped that she would be happy no matter what befell her in her life and that she would somehow come out on top, or do at least one good thing during her time, but he would always know what she had done for him.
So many dreams were broken and
so much was sacrificed
Was it worth the ones we loved and had to
leave behind
So many years have past, toward a noble land of
lies
Will all our sins be justified?
Chris had lost so much; his family had lost so much. They had lost all hopes of being remembered as good, and protectors of the innocent the day that Wyatt had killed the Charmed Ones. And Chris, he had lost more than the others, given up more. Chris had given up his life, his love, his home, and his brother, and he didn't even know if it would be worth it, he didn't know if any of this would amount to anything or if he would just end up losing his life over it and the world would be left in turmoil. He had to try though, he wasn't a Halliwell if he gave up. He hadn't left anyone behind though, they were all dead, except Wyatt, but he was as good as dead to Chris, and so was Bianca, because he wouldn't be in love with her ever again, there would be a wispy memory, but nothing more to hold her with once he changed the future. It had all started when he was fourteen with the death of their mother, Wyatt's first kill, Leo's failure to be there for him. He had lied to do the right thing since then, and he wasn't sure what was truth and what was lie at this point. He had killed and stolen, and he wasn't sorry for any of it because it had needed to be done in order to save those that he had killed and place them in a better future, but he was condemned to hell once he died.
The curse of his powers tormented his life
Obeying
the crowd was a sinister price
His soul was tortured by love and
by pain
He surely would flee, but the oath made him stay
Power, that's what had started this all was power, or to be more specific, what had started it all had been powers; Wyatt's to be more precise. Sure Chris had been dragged along for the ride, he had powers too, but unlike Wyatt, who was a psycho and did more than embrace his, he made them stronger, Chris took after their mother and saw his powers as a curse, something to be avoided at all costs. They were the reason that his brother had killed their family after all. And yet, even though he thought of his powers as a curse, he used them every day, mostly to protect others, but he also used them to take lives. Chris wasn't even sure that he knew what love felt like anymore, just an empty space, he knew pain though, pain was an old friend of his. He knew he would have left long ago if not for the fact that he had promised his mother that he would save Wyatt, always protect him from the world, he couldn't kill Wyatt, and he couldn't run away.
He's torn between his honor and the true love of his
life
He prayed for both but was denied
He had people waiting on him, people who he could return life to, and they wouldn't know anything about it, but they all still needed him. Then there was Bianca, he had left her to die, he had left her dead. He had prayed even though he didn't believe it would help her, he had, it hadn't saved her life, and he had prayed for the fallen and the living, but now he knew that prayer wouldn't get him anywhere or anything because he had sinned and he had no faith.
So
many dreams were broken and so much was sacrificed
Was it worth
the ones we loved and had to leave behind
So many years have past,
toward a noble land of lies
Will all our sins be justified?
Chris had had dreams, so had Wyatt and their mother. They all had wanted something, but something else had planned differently and messed everything up. Chris had new dreams now, but they weren't for him, he needed to save his brother and the world, and what was the point of a new dream if it had been the sacrifice of the original dream to get it? He wasn't sure that anything was worth it now, not even living, he could just give up and not go back, he could fail, they wouldn't even know he was dead, although they would probably assume it, they probably assumed it now. He had been living in a shit world for years and he couldn't see anything different in the past, around every corner was death and destruction, another demon of Wyatt's to kill, and none of it helped as far as he knew. Lies and murder was all that this had led to and Chris jumped head first into it.
Please forgive me for the sorrow
For leaving you in
fear
For the dreams we had to silence
That's all they'll ever
be
Still I'll be the hand that saves you
Though you'll not see
that it is me
He could ask for forgiveness, but only once he was dead, and there really was no point in asking once he had changed everything, if he changed everything. He had caused sorrow just like Wyatt, had killed peoples sons, daughters, mothers, father, sisters, or brothers, Chris was far from perfect, the only difference was that he felt remorse for what he had done. Unlike Wyatt who was in fact the Source of all Evil and the result was that he was close, almost in cahoots with Satan. But Chris was still worse than Wyatt, he had left all of those people to die, to be in fear everyday, and even if he did fix this he would still remember them all, faces, voices, and their pleas for him not to go. Chris knew that everyone had to give up dreams in everyday life, but they still had a chance, in his life dreams stood no chance at all, children would still have dreams, but that was all that they could ever be, dreams. And yet, they would never know that he was the one that had saved them, they would never know that they had ever needed saving, or the tortures that they had gone through.
So
many dreams were broken and so much was sacrificed
Was it worth
the ones we loved and had to leave behind
Piper looked at her son and knew what he had sacrificed, given up for the world and she smiled, he had given his life and the love of his life to save his family and the world. Not many mothers could say that their sons were their hero for a valid reason, but Piper could even if she couldn't give people that reason. If that Chris was still in her son anywhere, he would know that it had been worth every breath and injury and fight that he had had to put up, every life he had had to take had gotten a ray of sunshine placed back on it and the world had been repaired because of one person, two people, Piper could even admit that Bianca had helped Chris in the end.
So
many years have past, toward a noble land of lies
Will all our
sins be justified?
Twenty-three year old Chris looked at his mother in the kitchen, she didn't know that he knew, but he did. He had lived in that life, that world for nine years, and he could remember that change for nine, since he was fourteen both times. He didn't feel guilty about lying to her for all of that time, because lying was a sin, but he didn't want his mother to know that he remembered that life, that hell, so he just didn't tell her.
