First of all, as I say at the beginning of every chapter, I do not known Supernatural, Eric Kripke does. The lucky bastard.

Secondly, I would like to give a warm thank-you and big, bone-breaking hug to Tricey03 for reviewing every chapter I've uploaded. Your support is greatly appreciated! *hugs* And to address the concern she brought up, I know this is very slow-build Destiel (dude, eight chapters in and NO ONE HAS GOTTEN LAID) but I apologize. This isn't a smut story... but there will be smut. Remember, I'm planning on another 22 chapters after this and there are five different pairings who end up consummating their... pairing, whatever (and none are the het couples!), so there will be sex later! (Just a warning, though, that the first couple to actually have sex will not be Dean and Cas. Who it WILL be, though, is a surprise!)


With a small sigh of both exhaustion and relief, Castiel hung up his apron and headed through the swinging stainless steel doors leading out of the kitchen. He fished his phone out of his pocket and, for what seemed like the thousandth time in over five weeks, dialed the number he now had memorized. His thumb paused, as it always did, over the SEND button.

This is stupid, he thought. It's been more than a month. If I call him now… Castiel frowned at the screen and put his phone to sleep. Taz wouldn't want to talk to him now. His chance had passed after the first week. Once again, his own hesitation and indecision had fucked him over.

"Novak!"

Should have gone out the back way, he thought. Crowley was about the last person he wanted to see right now. Still, he turned in his boss's direction. "Yeah?"

Crowley crossed the relatively short distance between them in three quick strides. "Everything okay, Novak?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine," Castiel said, knowing his expression and the circles under his eyes indicated the opposite. He didn't know why Crowley was asking, but he knew he didn't want to have this conversation with him, especially when stressing about the man's cousin was a fairly big part of the problem.

Crowley eyeballed him for a moment and then scoffed. He clearly could see through Castiel's lie. "Yeah, well, Taz has been asking about you, if you're alright. If I were you, I'd call him and reassure him, yeah?"

Castiel felt a surprising surge of relief. Taz had probably asked Crowley to talk to him, which meant he wasn't upset at him. "Yeah, I'll call him. Thanks."

Crowley nodded and went back to his office, obviously thinking, My work here is done.

Castiel turned and went right for the door, dialing Taz's number again and hitting the SEND button as he slid into the driver's seat of his truck.

"Please enjoy the music while your party is reached." A moment later, the speaker was blaring Adam Lambert, and Castiel had to choke back a snort of laughter. Really?

The song was cut off a few seconds later by Taz's clipped British accent. "Taz Lords."

"Hey, Taz," Castiel said, suddenly feeling faint and hoping he just imagined the tremor in his voice. "It's, uh, it's Cas Novak."

Taz's voice softened considerably. "Oh, hey, Cas!" He laughed. "I thought you lost my number or something."

"No, but I'm sorry. I meant to call you, but…" He realized he was about to say You have no idea that I tried to call you every damn day but then realized how desperate and pathetic it sounded. "But it just kind of got away from me, you know? Anyway, I'm really sorry."

"No need to apologize. Is everything okay, Cas?"

He sighed. "Things have been better. But, um, it's not something I really want to talk about over the phone."

"No problem. Are you at home?"

"No, just leaving work."

"You should come over to the bar. There's only a few people here, so I can give you my undivided attention. Plus alcohol helps everything," Taz added with a laugh.

His hesitation and indecision had fucked him over plenty of times in the past. This time, he only hesitated for a moment. "Sure. I'll be right there."


The moment Castiel walked through the door of the Lord & Lady, he was assaulted by an old-school jukebox blasting loud, gritty punk music by a British band he didn't recognize. It was shortly after eight, and Taz was right: there was only about a half a dozen people scattered throughout the bar. Speaking of whom…

He was standing behind the bar, pulling a bottle and two shot glasses from below the counter and lining up two shots. He glanced up briefly as Castiel walked in, and he smiled. The younger man grinned back and took the seat right in front of Taz.

"I see you found the place okay," Taz quipped, setting the bottle back behind the bar and nudging one of the shot glasses toward him. He picked up the other one.

Castiel clinked his glass against Taz's and they knocked back their shots.

It burned going down and he almost gagged, but he got it down. "Holy shit!" he gasped, eyes watering. "What the hell was that? It tasted like floor cleaner!" Burned like it, too.

Taz grinned. "151. Strong stuff."

"Oh, my God, that's not something to spring on someone without warning." Still, he couldn't help laughing at Taz's comical expression.

"Want another?"

"You've got to be joking."

Taz's grin widened. "Of course. How about something else? Stoli?"

Castiel nodded, and Taz poured them each a shot of vodka. After the 151, the Stoli went down like water. Finally, he sighed and shook his head as Taz tilted the bottle toward him again, silently asking, Want another? "Not yet," he said. His brain was starting to fog pleasantly, and he wanted to keep this small buzz going for a few minutes before he started giggling or something stupid.

"Alright, then, love. What seems to be the problem?"

Castiel sighed. "Well, you remember the party Mikey threw for me, right?"

"Mikey. Your brother right? About this tall—" Taz held up his hand at about six feet, Mikey's approximate height "—with glasses?"

"Yeah, that's him."

"Yeah, what about it?"

"Well, the redhead, Anna—she was one of my best friends in high school and I hadn't seen her in about a year. Hadn't even heard from her. Then she shows up and tells me that she's dating the guy I had a major crush on in high school."

"'Had'?" Taz asked, raising his eyebrow. "Doesn't sound like past tense if it's that big of a deal." He splashed another shot of Stoli in each of their glasses.

"Well," Castiel started after they knocked back their shots, "it was past tense. I hadn't seen Dean in eight years, and so I guess it faded. But seeing him again…" His voice trailed off.

"And on the arm of your once-best friend, reawakened old feelings?" Taz guessed.

He nodded. "Basically. And, yeah, they've only been dating for a few months, and… I don't know."

"Well, she doesn't sound like a very good friend if she didn't even warn you that she was dating the man you used to have a crush on."

Castiel sighed and pointed to his shot glass. Taking the hint, Taz poured another. As Castiel swallowed it, he barely noticed that Taz hadn't poured one for himself. "Well, I would agree with you, but that's my own fucking fault." He couldn't keep the bitterness out of his voice. "I never told her."

"Why not? I thought every teenage boy told his best friend who he likes."

"Not at the time. I wasn't comfortable with myself then. I felt like a loser. I didn't want to lose Anna or Sam as friends just because I liked guys. Of course, if I had known then what I know now, that they really wouldn't have cared, I would have told them. But I didn't know and by the time I realized it, I hadn't seen Dean in four years and I didn't want to bring up old high school crushes. I was stupid."

Taz shook his head. "You're not stupid at all, love." He turned his head towards a pretty, older blonde crossing behind him with a case of beer in her arms. "Mary, tell Cas here he's not stupid."

"You're not stupid, Cas," Mary said, turning her head and smiling. She set down the box and looked from Castiel to Taz and back. "What's wrong?"

"Just working through a mini-meltdown, love. Mary, this is Castiel Novak, a good friend of mine. Cas, this is Mary Campbell, my lovely co-owner."

"Nice to meet you, Cas," Mary said, reaching over the bar to shake Castiel's hand.

Castiel's heart, which had shuddered to a shocked halt for the briefest of moments upon seeing the wedding ring on her finger, resumed its normal pace at Taz's introduction. For a wild moment, he'd thought Taz and Mary were married, although he didn't actually recall seeing him wearing a wedding ring. Castiel shook her hand. "Nice to meet you, too."

"Well, I'm going to get this stocked. Call me if you need anything, Taz," Mary said, picking the case of beer back up and heading further down the bar.

"Need another?" Taz asked, pointing to the bottle.

Castiel nodded and made absolutely sure that, yes, Taz was not wearing a wedding ring. After downing his next shot, he asked, "What were we talking about?"

"You were saying something along the lines of you were being stupid for not telling Anna you had a crush on Dean, and I was raising my objections to such a statement."

Castiel snorted with laughter. "You sounded like Lu for a second. Lawyer words." He thought he saw something flicker behind Taz's eyes at the mention of Lu's name, but he must have imagined it because the next moment, it was gone.

"Have you seen Anna or Dean since the party?"

"The next morning. They crashed at our house 'cause they decided to move out here for the summer except I think they're gonna be hanging around because he got a job at the car repair place about a mile away from my house and she's working at a radio station now. It really fucking blows, knowing they're around and that I could run into them at any time."

"I'm sorry, love. If I could make it all go away, I would." He poured them both one last shot and they clinked their glasses together again.

Castiel downed it in one quick gulp and slammed the empty glass onto the bar in front of him. For a few moments, he tried to count the number of shots he'd taken—was it a shot of 151 and four shots of Stoli, or a shot of 151 and five shots of Stoli?—and realized that it was hitting him all at once. At least, that had to be the explanation behind the way he suddenly reached up, grabbed Taz by the collar, and pulled him into a dirty, drunken kiss.

It certainly had nothing to do with the soft, caring look in Taz's bright blue eyes. At least, that's what he told himself.

Taz tasted like Stoli, which was unsurprising, but this close, Castiel could now smell something faintly salty but extremely delicious on his skin. His heart picked up its tempo and he felt his free hand sliding into Taz's thick, dirty-blond hair and Taz's hand was coming up to stroke his cheek and—

"Cas," Taz murmured, pushing him away just slightly but still cupping his face, "I know you're drunk right now. I'm not going to take advantage of you. Call me tomorrow, okay? If you're sober and you still want to kiss me, let me know. Okay?"

Castiel nodded. "Sorry," he mumbled, blushing with embarrassment.

"Don't be." He gave him a quick kiss and rubbed his thumbs over Castiel's cheeks. "It's okay. I'll drive you home, okay? I don't want you driving in your state."

"How're you gonna get back?"

"I'll call a cab. No big deal, love." He straightened up and called over to his co-owner, "Oi, Mary! I'm gonna take Cas home. Hold down the fort while I'm gone, eh?"

"Sure thing!" Mary waved at them and went back to dropping a shot of Jägermeister into someone's glass of Red Bull.

Taz slid his black jacket over his shoulders, slid over the bar, and helped Castiel off his stool. The alcohol hit him even harder now that he was standing, and he almost tripped several times on the way out the door.

He was suddenly thankful he had Taz to hang on to.


"Hey, Anna, it's Ray. Give me a call when you get a chance. I'd like to hang out with you sometime. Maybe see a movie or something? Just as friends, though. Uh, yeah. Can't wait to hear from you. Um, bye."

Anna chewed a fingernail thoughtfully. Finally, she tapped Ray's name in her phone's contact list and the phone started ringing. It went to voicemail, something for which she was grateful. Peering into the garage to triple-check that Dean's Impala was not there, she waited for the beep and said, "Ray, it's Anna." She bit her lip. "What movie?"


"Jeremy Crowley wrote on Castiel Novak's Wall: 'Call Taz, dammit!'"


Angsty Destiel and some Calthazar! YAY! Wait...no. Sorry! I'm setting it up for conflict! I'm trying to make them all act like real people! Trust me, I know what it's like to be caught between two people and not know which you like better. Castiel is drunk and confused and lonely! And Balthazar is tipsy and conflicted and a bit lonely as well...but at least he doesn't take advantage of Cas, yes?

And I know right now, it seems like Castiel will never get any Dean lovin', but trust me, he will! XD

Dude, have you ever had 151? My reaction was basically the same as Castiel's (not making out with some guy, I mean - almost choking). It's called 151 because it's 151 proof or 75.5% alcohol. It has a bit of a kick to it (it burned the hairs out of my nose). It was like mainlining bleach or something. And I based Mary Campbell off Mary Winchester because every time I introduce a minor character, it pretty much has to be a legitimate Supernatural reference. She and her husband (John Campbell, the former John Winchester) have no children, sadly. I can't see them having kids that aren't Dean and Sam.