Disclaimer: See Prologue
Author's Note: Seeing as I've gotten a few lovely reviews and all I thought that I'd post up some more chapters. So you'll get this one and the next one tonight and the next two tomorrow and then I am done and this story will be over and I can concentrate on my other stories, yay me!
Chapter Seven: Falling
Remus feels confused as he finally admits his growing attraction to Sirius... but will he fall or stand tall...?
'Sirius… wha?' started Remus complete shock running through his system at Sirius' kiss; then he realized that they were both naked and he had to fight the almost animalistic urge to push Sirius to the ground and mount him.
Sirius was almost as shocked as Remus at the kiss he gave him but he convinced himself that he'd done it for no other reason than to get Remus to want him. He congratulated himself on a job well done when he saw obvious desire fog Remus' eyes before it suddenly vanished and he was left looking into Remus' incredibly clear; honey coloured eyes.
'Sirius… wha?' Remus huskily started again before he had to stop and swallow a few times to regain his composure and he was hoping that Sirius wouldn't see the stirring from a certain part of his body.
'Sorry about that Remus… it's just that I was so glad to see you!' said Sirius with a devilish grin.
'Oh?' said Remus and he knew that he sounded disappointed so to cover it up, he sat up as much as he could without brushing his body against Sirius'.
Who knows what would happen if that happened? So with extreme care Remus made sure that their bodies wouldn't touch and without looking at Sirius he looked around and asked 'Do you think there's some new clothes around here somewhere?'
'I don't know… maybe' said Sirius amused by how Remus was acting.
Remus was acutely aware of Sirius' naked body still leaning uncomfortably close; how Sirius' intoxicating scent hung in the air and how Sirius' hot breath struck his bare skin every time he spoke, thus causing a strange shiver to pass through Remus' body. Sirius on the other hand seemed oblivious to all of this and, to Remus' relief; he seemed oblivious to what it was doing to Remus' body. Still Remus refused to even glance at Sirius but it was hard to resist the urge to watch him; to study every single line of Sirius' body until he knew them by heart. But Remus pushed all those thoughts and emotions away until they were safely locked deep within his mind where they could stay until it was safe to study them. Meaning when he and Sirius were dressed and he had a moment to himself to seriously consider what it was he truly wanted.
'Uh… Sirius… do you think that you could… move?' asked Remus a little nervously.
'Why… what's wrong?' asked Sirius.
'Nothing… as such' replied Remus a little throatily and he finally looked at Sirius.
Sirius felt his breath catch in his throat when Remus' unbelievable honey coloured eyes met his. Sirius felt as though he was drowning as he gazed into those golden depths and he felt as though he would never be able to look away again. It seemed that Remus must have felt the same way because, since the moment he'd met Sirius' gaze, he hadn't blinked or looked away once.
Remus felt paralysed by the look in Sirius' intense dark grey eyes and he felt irresistibly drawn to them and their owner. Then with a start Remus noticed that Sirius had moved imperceptibly closer and now there was only the merest hint of a gap between their lips. Remus' breath came in hitching little bursts as Sirius' hot breath caressed his lips; then everything seemed to stop as Sirius one more bought his lips to meet with Remus' in a kiss. As soon as Sirius kissed him all thoughts fled from Remus' mind and he let himself get lost in the wonderful new sensations that were coursing through his body. It may have been wishful thinking or even his imagination but to Remus Sirius' lips tasted like chocolate; Merlin how he missed chocolate!
Remus was blissfully enjoying Sirius' lips on his in the gentle kiss when Sirius suddenly decided to change it into something else. Without warning Sirius grabbed Remus' bottom lip between his teeth and gave it a sucking nip before running his tongue along it in a gentle caress. He was happy with the startled gasp he got from Remus and he was about to see what other sounds he could draw out of him when Remus suddenly put his hands to Sirius' chest and firmly pushed them apart.
Because he couldn't bring himself to look Sirius in the eye Remus was watching his hands which were still pressed against Sirius' bare chest and because of this he failed to see the faint echo of disappointment that briefly flared in Sirius' eyes. Remus and Sirius stayed how they were for a moment; each trying to regain their composure and as Remus squished the desire that was burning through his body he was secretly glad that Sirius had bitten his lip. When Sirius had bitten his lip Remus had felt a bolt of pleasure shoot through his body but the pleasure couldn't compete with the need to stop what was happening before it went too far.
Sirius may not have meant for it to happen but with that bite Remus had come to his senses and had remembered why they had to stop. He wasn't going to let them get lost in a kiss; no matter how much his body craved it and more. For he and Sirius were friends… male friends and he was already different enough; he didn't need to add being gay to his list of worries.
'Sirius what… are you doing?' said Remus and he knew that his barely restrained desire was evident in his tone but so was his confusion.
'What do you mean?' asked Sirius, seemingly perplexed.
'Why do you keep kissing me?' replied Remus and he felt his cheeks heat.
'Let me ask you something' said Sirius seriously.
'Um… okay?' said Remus uncertainly.
'Don't you like me kissing you?"
'That has nothing to do with it!' said Remus shaking his head.
'So you don't like me kissing you?'
'No!... I mean yes… I mean that's besides the…' begun Remus confusedly but Sirius laid a gentle finger against his lips; effectively silencing him.
Then Sirius leant in close to Remus' ear and whispered in an almost husky tone 'I like you Remus… more than I've ever liked anyone and if you want me too I'd be more than happy to sleep with you'
'Um… don't we already sleep with each other?' asked Remus innocently; being purposefully dense.
'Fine… if that's the way you want to play then I will simplify it for you,' said Sirius with a throaty chuckle, 'If you wish it then I will have sex with you'
'Sirius…' groaned Remus weakly and then in desperation he roughly shoved Sirius away, got up and fled through the trees; not caring one whit that he was still naked.
Sirius was too shocked by Remus' fierce reaction, not to mention his incredibly well shaped arse, to do more than stare and by the time he thought that maybe he should have gone after him; Remus was long gone. With a wry shake of his head Sirius got up, grabbed an outfit from the pile of clothes that had been sitting just behind Remus and then as he started to get dressed he said to himself 'Well… that was unexpected; I wonder what's going happen now?'
Remus was nearly a mile away before he stopped running and he was shocked for a moment by how easily he could still breathe before the memory of what had just happened between Sirius and him came back and he dropped to his knees; his arms wrapped around his body as silent tears coursed down his cheeks.
'Why do I have to feel like this?' demanded a distraught Remus angrily of the air.
'What's the worry?' asked Fabian from Remus' left.
Startled, Remus glanced to his left and found Fabian squatting down beside him. Remus received another shock when he noticed that there was genuine worry in Fabian's strange eyes.
'What are you doing here?' hiccupped Remus; trying to wipe the tears from his eyes.
'I have brought you a change of clothes and I thought that perhaps you'd like someone to talk to?' said Fabian holding out the clothes.
'Thanks' said Remus with a weak smile as he took the clothes and put them on.
'No worries, it's part of my job to make sure that those under my care stay alive; not to mention the fact that I need to be there when each of those that I bring here are ready or near to ready to admit to themselves what it is that their heart's truly desire also, because I'm alone here, I end up caring for those under my care because even if only for a little while they are company' said Fabian with a smile and he shifted his position so that he was sitting cross-legged on the ground.
'Don't you need to breathe?' asked Remus sitting cross-legged across from Fabian.
'Your friend asked me that once, before he rescinded and the answer to it is no; I do not need to breathe because I have a very important job to do and I am therefore not allowed to die'
'He did… didn't he?' said Remus and a few fresh tears escaped from his eyes as he thought of Sirius and all that they had been through together.
'So it seems that the thought of your friend really touches you deeply, doesn't it?' said Fabian with his head cocked to one said and an unfathomable look in his eyes.
'Yes… and I don't understand why! Nor do I understand why I keep getting animalistic urges from deep inside' said Remus with a watery smile.
'You'll have to figure out the first bit for yourself but I can help you with the second part if you like?'
'Really? Thanks I'd like that a lot'
'The animalistic urges you keep feeling are coming from the wolf inside of you'
'Oh… but how is that possible and how come I've never felt it before?'
'That is easy to explain; there has always been a part of the wolf in you just like there has always been a part of you in it and the reason why you can suddenly sense it, and you should know that it could probably sense you too, is that you now have a common desire' explained Fabian calmly.
'A common desire… what could we both want?' asked Remus sceptically.
'That is for you to realize… I cannot tell you; think back and talk out loud about what seems likely and then perhaps you'll know' replied Fabian giving Remus an amused yet knowing grin.
'Okay, let's see… you brought Sirius and I here so that we could learn what it is our hearts truly desire. Padfoot asked Moony if he would protect Padfoot and Moony said "always". Since then I seem to have become more easily embarrassed around Sirius. When we ate the hallucinogenic fruit you said that the only thing that looked solid is what our heart's truly desired. Last time I was Moony I kissed Padfoot but I always do that; he's such an adorable little dog even if he's not so adorable in person. But Padfoot kissed Moony back and that's the first time he's done that and when I became human again this morning Sirius kissed me' said Remus; his voice getting softer as he reached the end.
'Okay… you said that you always kiss Padfoot but has Moony ever kissed Padfoot before?' asked Fabian giving Remus a knowing look.
'No… he hasn't' said Remus wondering what Fabian was getting at.
'Now think on that and think on this; remember what you said about what I said when I was explaining about Heart Fruit and what I said before about you and Moony now having a common desire?'
'Right' said Remus and he thought on what he'd just been told to think on and all the while Fabian was watching him closely with that same inscrutable look on his face.
Fabian gave a sorrowful little smile as Remus slowly paled with the realization of what Fabian had been talking about and then Remus flushed a deep red as he finally accepted the truth. A truth he had known for a long time now but had been unwilling to admit; especially to himself.
'So now you know,' said Fabian standing up and dusting himself off, ' Now all you need to do is figure out what you're going to do about it; see you around'
Remus, feeling slightly dazed, watched as Fabian walked off; disappearing before he'd gone ten steps. So now Remus knew the truth and because of his acceptance of that truth he knew that if Sirius was to voice his offer again then he wouldn't be able to resist. Because he knew now without a doubt that Sirius was what his heart truly desired.
