AN: This is a preview of chapter 8. No more will be added to it, so any updates made to this chapter will be strictly rephrasing if something doesn't sound right when I proof read it later on. I wrote all of this in one shot tonight and only ran the spell/grammar check on it. You guys waited so long for the last chapter I figured you deserved this one, I had a lot of fun writing it!
A/N update: Completed revision, reworded some stuff here and there and took out a small part that was duplicated. I think I got it all, but if you notice anything to egregious let me know! Starting on Chapter 9 tonight. Thanks!
It was late into the night and the crescent moon was hidden behind the clouds. Ladybug had been in the middle of her normal patrol. When she spotted...him. There was no mistaking the silhouette that was looking in the opposite direction of her. It may have been over a year since she had seen him, but how could she ever forget. Knee jerk impulse was to run over to him and hug him. A huge piece of her was so overjoyed that he was right there! Her heart felt as if it was about to burst out of her chest. The thumping to the point of almost being painful. Her pulse that had initially skipped several beats was now pulsing to an insane rhythm. Yet she couldn't move from her spot. The anger, the hurt, the betrayal…what had happened when he wasn't there. She hadn't forgiven him for it. She had it locked in her head and buried in her heart and she couldn't face it. When he disappeared and never came back, she never thought she would have to talk about it. She was frozen with anxiety, as much as she wanted to see him she couldn't get passed not ever wanting to see him again either. Never had she been so torn in all her life.
As if feeling the tension in the air, Chat turned around and was equally rooted to the spot. Relief and anxiety swept through him as he realized he had found – or rather was found – by the one person who could make him whole. Her face was unreadable, she was clearly stunned and even in the dark he could see the tense grip she had on her yo-yo. Bracing himself for what he didn't know would happen next he started to take a few steps forward, when on the wind he heard a soft "no".
Had he not been transformed he wouldn't have heard it, but being as he was right now it was as clear as if she had been standing next to him.
"Ladybug"
"No" she whispered again. The extreme sadness washed over her and she felt like she was about to throw up. This was too much, just too too much.
"Please" he begged while extending his hand forward. He hoped she might step forward at least to close the distance.
"Chat…what are you doing here? Where have you been? Why have you come back?" Her voice cracked on that last one.
"My lady I came back because this is where I belong, we are a team and I need you. I came out here to find you. I tried to speak with you before a few days ago but..."
"That was you? Why didn't you say anything!? How long have you been here hiding?"
"I wasn't hiding, I didn't know how to apologize for the way I left...
"Apologize?" she gasped
"An apology won't cut it. You don't know what happened. You weren't there. You don't get to just come back, say you're sorry and think I'm going to just welcome you back as if nothing's changed. EVERYTHING HAS CHANGED!" Ladybug was shaking with anger and hot tears ran tracks down her cheeks. She had just started the process to put the pieces back together, and now with him here...it felt obliterated. Emotions running unchecked and wild.
"Tell me how to make it right ladybug, I'll do anything. Please." He tried to take another step in her direction but she put her hands up in front of her to stop his approach.
"Convince me to forgive you. Or make me forget what happened."
"What did happen?"
Ladybug looked away, too ashamed to admit it out loud. "If you had been here you wouldn't have had to ask" she whispered. With that sentence hanging in the air she leapt away as far and fast as she could. It was all just too much and she needed distance. But even as her mind carried her away from her partner, her heart stayed behind with him. Or so she thought…
She had been hoisting herself roof to roof and running until her lungs burned and legs felt like rubber. She didn't go home, she couldn't. She had to run this out, get it out of her system. She had to run until her mind was too focused on how much her muscles hurt and too worn out to stay awake.
Eventually she landed on a high roof with a view of the whole city. Leaning over with her hands on her knees she tried to drag in huge gulps of air. The sweat was beading down her back and her bangs matted to her face. Every breath she took in seemed to have the opposite affect and felt like her wind pipe would close off, as she was about to panic from a lack of oxygen she felt arms thread through hers and pulling her into a standing position with their hands interlocking behind her head. Effectively locking her arms in place and yet also making it a world easier to finally breathe. It didn't take long before she recognized who was behind her.
"What the fuck are you doing?" She screamed.
"You were on the verge of a panic attack, I'm helping you breathe, at the rate you took off it was hard for me to keep up and then I found you doubled over."
"Why did you find me?" She hadn't wanted him one step closer before and here he was touching her. No permission, no consent given, what gave him the right! She seethed.
"You're my partner, we need to talk, and we have to work this out."
Ladybug now no longer winded couldn't help the almost manic laugh that escaped her chest. "Partner? Hahaha did you really just say we are partners? No, we aren't. Get off me!" She attempted to pull and struggle but his grip was iron clad.
"We are going to talk about this. I had to leave a year ago there were circumstances out of my control."
"And that's supposed to make it better? That's going to change how I feel? How? What could have been so important that you deserted me for a whole fucking year?!"
Dropping his voice a few octaves he leaned into her ear and whispered "Are you ready to learn my identity?"
Reeling from this new topic she couldn't help the outburst "For god's sake! Back one day and already jumping to the identity reveal AGAIN? If it wasn't a good idea then, what makes you think I even WANT to know now?"
"That's my point. Without revealing who I am I can't make you understand why I had to go. How do you expect me to make things right and start to fix things?"
"Maybe now you see MY point, you can't" She hung her head in defeat, this hurt so bad. The burden too large. He didn't understand. "Let me go now….please" she whimpered.
"Not without a promise to talk about this later. I have to know I will see you again."
With her head still hung down, through watery eyes she cracked a smile "You still want to see me again?" she laughed. He deserves to hurt like I hurt. He deserves to know what his absence caused. I shouldn't have to carry this alone. "Fine. If you think you can face the truth of what your absence did then meet me at Notre Dame, midnight in 6 months. Find a solution to the fact that the night you disappeared I battled an akuma on my own and damn near lost my life. Tell me how I am supposed to live with the fact that when it came down to me or the woman who was targeted by the akumatized victim, I saved myself and let her die."
She felt more than heard the sharp intake of breath. Quickly both their arms fell to their sides and he stood silently behind her. Staring but not seeing, breathing but not inhaling. Time seemed to have stopped in that moment.
Slowly ladybug turned but kept her eyes down hidden by her bangs. "I see the look of terror on her face every day. I close my eyes and I can see how wide hers are. I cover my ears and I can still hear her screaming. I still carry the scars I got that night from her finger nails digging into my arm where I tried to hold onto her. But I wasn't strong enough to pull us both back up. No one was there to help me. I lost here then and no miraculous power was capable of bringing her back from the dead."
There was no response from Chat. He still stared wide eyed and unmoving, a thousand thoughts cycling through his mind. Trying to process everything he had just heard. There was a small flash of light off in the distance that seemed to break him of his trance like state. Looking down at the top of her head, he let out the breath he hadn't realized he had been holding.
Hooking one clawed finger under her chin he raised her head so her eyes met his. He could see it clearly now. All the suffering she had been through, the self-loathing, the anger, the treachery. He had done this to her. Never in all of his life had he ever wanted to hurt her, and yet here he was, the cause of all of her pain. If it took him until his last dying breath, he would see her smile again, and he would be the cause of it. Tonight though, tonight was not that night. He had to first learn how to forgive himself before he was capable of convincing her to do the same.
At a loss for words all he could do was stare into those accusing eyes.
As she looked at him, she could see as realization washed over him. The light was dimming in his eyes and his jaw muscles displayed his clenched teeth. A part of her hated that she felt better by making him feel worse. Causing more pain was not the way to ease her own. Yet how could he ever understand if he didn't know. If he truly wanted to be a partner again, then it would take her being brutally honest and telling him everything she felt and she knew. Then and only then can they be partners if he can find a way to navigate back to her. Who was she kidding though? How could she ever trust him again? Without trust there can be no partnership.
Tearing her eyes away from his she stepped to the ledge, yo-yo in hand. Glancing back over her shoulder and committing to memory his image, feeling as if this is the last time she would ever see him. Then she took back off into the night. Heart heavy, soul troubled and feeling completely defeated.
Weeks went by and Marinette hadn't been in contact with anyone. She took up every job she could. She missed her therapy appointment and stopped her meds. She avoided lunch dates and game nights saying she had prior arrangements with work that couldn't be rescheduled. She couldn't fall asleep at night and she couldn't patrol, the risk of running into him again was too great. She felt raw and exposed and would not take the chance of bumping into Chat. Tikki tried to convince her that she still had a duty to perform and at the very least owed it to the Parisians to continue her responsibility. The truth was there hadn't been an Akuma in a very long time and the police were handling the normal crimes with ease. There wasn't an immediate threat. Then Tikki started harping on her about closing herself off from her friends and how she needed to keep taking her medications. It wasn't that she wasn't right, but Marinette desperately needed to just be herself and no one else at the moment. So she took off her earrings and hid them away for safe keeping.
Adrien blew up her phone every morning seeing if eventually one of her mornings would be free for coffee. She had to give him an A for persistence, but always politely turning him down.
She constantly made sure she was out working before Alya got up, and didn't come back until she either knew she was staying with Nino, or would already be asleep in the apartment. A few times Alya had surprised her by waiting up most of the night wanting to talk to her. But Marinette would brush past her and claim that she was too tired to talk. She would smile and tell her everything was alright and that she was simply working this hard because she needed the money right now.
During one of the rare conversations she had with Alya she learned that her best friend got the job. Marinette had tried to be excited for her and they celebrated in their usual girl's-night-in way. However that only added to her stress. How was she going to afford this place on her own? Yes she's making really good money right now with her steady job and all her side gigs, but she was quickly approaching a burn out and didn't think she could maintain this stamina indefinitely. But she wouldn't bring that up, she was going to let the now News Journalist celebrate this achievement and plaster the biggest smile on her face. Worries were for another day.
Days passed since the good news and Mari found that she had a decent bit saved up. Alya had agreed to pay that months half of the rent and next month's half. That gave Marinette time to put out an ad for a new roommate and save some extra money to float on her own if it took a few months to find someone.
One evening Marinette came home dead on her feet. She had worked at the tailor shop from 8am until 5pm. Came home ate dinner and got changed into her waitress outfit for the diner late shift she was working that night. Now its 3am and all she could think of other than needing sleep, was that she had to be up in 4 hours to go back to the tailor shop. She jammed the key in the door and thrust it open, instantly she notices the boxes everywhere. Naturally there would be boxes as Alya was moving out. A bit perturbed that Alya had been so carless to not leave a clear path to get anywhere, Marinette winded through the maze of boxes to get to her room. She had been on this particular work bender for the last 3 weeks ever since she started the diner job. She probably need a shower honestly, but the thought of standing on her feet anymore was a quick 'no' to that thought. She didn't trust herself to take a bath without falling asleep. Clearly the only solution is to put on clean pajamas and pass out as-is, leaving hygiene to be dealt with in the morning.
Soft light came in through the window and shined on Marinette's face. Her eyes still blurry from sleep she attempted to roll over and ignore the rays. The smell of coffee permeated her room and she scrunched her nose in confusion. I thought Alya said she was staying with Nino? Do I get up and hang out with her since she won't be in the apartment much longer? Ughhh but I'm so tired. What kind of friend am I? I should get up.
Hauling her legs over the side of the bed and trying to find the motivation to get her out of her room. She convinced herself that if for nothing else, at least get up to get to the coffee machine. Taking a quick inventory of herself in the mirror she confirmed that she was hot. A hot mess. The pony tail she had up last night was pulled out in different places and had frayed hairs sticking up. Her eyeliner was smudged and she smelled like condiments from work…or is that BO. Taking a quick sniff she realized she couldn't tell and knew Alya wouldn't care. She had changed into a tank top and some booty shorts for bed so at least those didn't reek to high hell. Putting on her bunny slippers she slinked down the hall to the bathroom to brush her teeth. Her alarm hadn't gone off yet but seeing as she was awake anyway, it made sense to perform some of her morning rituals before having to go work in the shop. As she's brushing her teeth she sees a man's razor and toothbrush on the sink. Picking up the toothbrush absentmindedly she turns it over in her hand as if it's going to be engraved with the reason as to why it's there. Why would Nino leave his razor here? I should take it out to Alya so she doesn't forget it or something.
Finishing her task she set off for the kitchen in search of her lord and Savior Coffee.
The image didn't register in her mind. There was a coffee mug in front of her, which had a hand attached to it. Ok, this is not unusual, but the skin tone is surprisingly Caucasian... Connected to that hand is a Caucasian forearm, bicep, shoulder, neck and…..
"Holy shit Adrien!"
"Hey Marinette, coffee?" He asked as he nudged the cup at her once more.
Out of habit she takes the proffered cup in both hands. Too tired to register exactly what the hell was happening. "why are you here?"
"Didn't Alya tell you? I tried to call a couple times to see when you would be home with a key, but when I couldn't reach you Alya decided to just stay with Nino until their moving date and gave me her key instead."
"Why would she give you her key?"
"Well awhile back she had talked to me about my own apartment search and I told her I really hadn't found anything that I really liked at the time. She mentioned that she was concerned for you to finish out the lease on your own, and how much you really loved living here. So we agreed that I would take her room and she and Nino are getting their own place closer to her work. He still has a few loose ends to tie up around here with his wedding clients, but it works out for him in the end."
"Wait what! Why has no one talked to me about any of this?"
"Is there a problem with this arrangement? I thought you would be relieved, I thought it might be better than a stranger you don't know living with you."
"No. No it's fine, I'm hardly home as it is. It's just shocking to wake up and see you here before I've had a chance to even grab a sh…." Oh my god I haven't showered?! Shit when was the last time I shaved my legs! Are my butt cheeks hanging out of my shorts? I feel a draft...ooooooh I bet he could see my ass if I turn to leave. Oh god what was the smell? I hope it was condiments….
"Are you alright Mari?"
"-fine! Totally fine. Just ah…yea, definitely wish I would have gotten a heads up about all this so I was a bit more prepared." Marinette's face was beet red and her ears felt hot, this was mortifying.
"Go get your phone right now and show me your notifications."
"What? Why?"
"So I can see exactly how many unread texts and calls I've sent you, not to mention Alya's. You have rarely been around, and haven't bothered to keep up with us, if you had, you would have known."
"Can't deny that logic I suppose." Glancing the microwave clock sent Marinette into a panic. "Shit shit shit shit shit its 9:30 I'm an hour and a half late for work and I haven't even showered!
"You mean I live here and I still can't nail you down for our coffee date?"
Stopping mid sprint in the hallway she whirled on the spot with her hands on her hips. "First rule of living here, nothing gets referred to as a date. Not coffee, dinner, game nothing. We aren't dating, we are living together." Then it occurred to her that he used to text her every single morning asking about their coffee date, and how she hadn't gotten that text in four days. She had assumed he finally gave up…but... "How long have you been living here that I haven't notice?"
"3 or 4 days, you're very hard to cross paths with why?"
"I stopped getting texts when you moved in…is that because you thought by living here I was basically trapped into a never ending coffee get together with you?"
Looking a bit sheepish Adrien scratched the back of his neck and nodded a bit "Well I figured it would be a perk anyway, can't avoid my offer forever so to speak."
She turned and started her race back to the bathroom before he could see the grin on her face.
