- Unforgivable, Unforgettable -
Summary: "She wanted to forget that it had happened. Forget that she had failed. But she never would, while he was part of Fairy Tail." Inspired by Chapter 105.
Acknowledgement: Levy's refusal to say or think Gajeel's name was inspired by the wonderful work of ArouraLeona, in particular When the Lights Go Out and the Inception story, A Closed Circle.
Thanks to everyone who's been reading, especially to those of you who've reviewed and/or fav'ed! I want to say a special thank you to Sandataba for reviewing every chapter in one sitting! (You didn't leave a signed review so I didn't like to PM you, but) thank you so very much for taking the time to do that - it's hugely appreciated!
Rated: K+ - Language: English (UK) - Genre: General - Words: 1,545 - Published: 13-08-11
- Unforgivable, Unforgettable -
She didn't want him in her guild.
She didn't want him anywhere near her.
Levy McGarden, considered by many to be a veritable angel of sweetness and light, wanted nothing more than for that man to disappear off the face of the earth.
But not solely for the reason Jet and Droy imagined.
Not just because of the beating. (She couldn't bring herself to call it a fight. It had been such a one sided affair.) Or rather, not just because of the pain the beating had caused her. That was what concerned her teammates. It was the thing that least concerned Levy.
Perhaps it was strange, but she found it hard to remember the physical pain. Obviously it had hurt, a lot, but the memory dulled with time. It couldn't retain the true agony of the event. Pain was fleeting. In that respect the mind was much weaker than the body. Because what was still as vivid as the moment that it had happened were the emotions- the feelings that she had endured that night- and still endured to this day.
Fear. Anger. Shame.
Shame was the bitterest. The one she had least expected. The one she hated him for making her feel. She didn't want to relive her humiliation every time she walked into the guild. She didn't want it sitting there, embodied in his visage. She wanted to pretend it was all a bad dream. She wanted to forget that it had happened. Forget that she had failed. But she never would, while he was part of Fairy Tail.
He had broken her body. Shredded her confidence. And she didn't know what to do with the tattered remnants that he had left behind. Even if she could put all the pieces back together, she feared she would never be quite the same again.
He had changed her, but he had never acknowledged what he had done.
The night she couldn't forget. Did he even remember it?
Specifically.
Or was it simply one more moment of unmemorable violence to him?
Because she would remember the way his eyes had lit with malice and cruelty for the rest of her life. And yet those same eyes now looked through her as though she didn't exist.
It was perhaps his greatest insult.
And yet she should have been consoled.
But she wasn't- she didn't know why- but she didn't want to be forgotten.
Surely, to be forgotten was to be safe? And safety should have been all she wanted. Every time she saw him, she had to fight the urge to run away. With varying degrees of success. What was she running from, she asked herself, each and every time her throat closed over with fear? What did she imagine he was going to do to her?
Because he never did anything.
No action, no word, no look was spared for her.
She was nothing. She meant nothing. Why was she scared of a man who had forgotten her very existence?
Perhaps because it was his taunts that echoed in her nightmares.
Trash. Scum. Fairy bitch.
She would make him take it back. Somehow. Someday.
She smiled to herself, almost in surprise, and turned a page of her book. See. It was still there. Her courage. He had it chained and padlocked. But it was there inside her. And metal corroded. Given enough time. She would be free again. Free of him. She just had to wait.
For the moment, she would try to take solace in her books. Retreat into the worlds inside their pages. Run away and hide. Contentment was her fleeting companion as she visited those faraway places. Fleeting because deep down she knew what she was doing was craven.
It was then, as she was tucked into a corner of the new barroom with her nose in a book, that Master Makarov approached her. Drink in hand, he asked if he could sit at- or more accurately on- her table. He began chatting away without further preamble.
"How do you like the new guild, Levy?"
The final touches of the rebuild had only just been completed, but Levy wasn't convinced that her master was talking solely about the new building. Her answer was carefully diplomatic.
"It'll take a little getting used to."
"Mira tells me you haven't taken a job in a while?"
No, she hadn't- because- because she had thought she was almost recovered, and then the master had accepted him into Fairy Tail. Levy had suddenly found herself doubting her ability to spell her own name right- let alone use her magic if called upon do to so! The last time she had needed it- it had failed her spectacularly.
"It's nothing. I've just been- building up my strength," she said lamely.
Master Makarov stared silently into his tankard for so long that Levy thought the conversation must be over. She returned her attention to her book thankfully.
"Strength is not a purely physical attribute."
She looked up again, uncertain she had heard right. "Master?"
"Real strength is not measured by the size of our muscles."
So said the man who could transform himself into a giant. Yes, that was a truly convincing argument. Levy closed her book, and waited with mounting certainty for the next pearl of wisdom that was to be bestowed upon her.
Master Makarov took a long draught of beer and smacked his lips together with apparent satisfaction.
"It's measured in the conviction of our hearts. In our capacity for kindness and compassion. In our ability to forgive."
"Are you asking me to forgive him?" she demanded bluntly.
There was no point skirting around the issue. She could read between the lines. She knew it would cause problems. Was causing problems. This indescribable fear that consumed her whenever she was in the same room as him. It was becoming harder and harder to stop Jet and Droy from doing something about it. About him. But forgiving him- forgiving him was unthinkable. It hurt a little that the master would even suggest it.
"I'm asking you to forgive yourself."
Levy's book slipped out of her fingers and hit the tabletop with a soft thud.
"M-Master?"
He thought she was to blame too?
"You couldn't have stopped him. I want you to stop reliving it."
"No," she said, so softly she barely even heard herself. "I don't accept that. There must have been something I could have done differently. A moment I missed."
Her teammates relied on her. She always got them out of every sticky situation in which they found themselves. There had to have been something else she could have done to protect them!
"I would hate for this to define you. I think you need to face him."
"No!" Although the master's words were spoken kindly, a shudder shook Levy's whole body. "I can't."
"He's not so bad. …I hope."
Of course, she should have seen it sooner.
"You think you can save him, don't you, Master?" she said quietly.
Master Makarov laughed and shook his head. "He'll have to save himself."
..ooOOoo..
Levy's thoughts were faster than the speed of light. But they weren't going to save her. Not when the only thing she could think was that there was no way she could dodge a lightning bolt.
It was instinct that made her raise her arms and close her eyes.
Useless instinct.
She didn't want to hurt again.
The buzz of electricity crackled around her. Harmlessly. Had she misjudged the path of Laxus's attack? She eased open an eye. Right there. That second. She knew. Nothing would ever be the same again.
Because he was standing in front of her. Smoke rising off his body. He had saved her. It was a fact that she would never be able to rewrite.
She didn't know if she hated him more or less because of it.
"Gajeel…"
It was the first time she had ever spoken to him. The first time her lips had tasted his name. He dismissed her with apparent contempt, but incredibly that didn't stop her from watching him walk away, injured and unsteady on his feet. She watched him for the first time without cowering, without hiding. She saw a man, just a man, not the monster who lived inside her head. Something inside her shifted. She had stood in his shadow and she had survived.
But why had he-?
Levy pressed a hand to her mouth.
There had been no reason for him to do that- Laxus hadn't been aiming at him- he didn't have to subject himself to another hit.
Enduring his punishment had been his- had been Gajeel's original intention. She knew that- she had deduced that fact. It made a kind of twisted sense. But unnecessarily taking an additional blow didn't make any sense at all! No one else had moved to shield her. Not Jet. Not Droy. She certainly didn't believe Gajeel was the kind of man who would instinctively protect anyone. So it had been a conscious decision on his part.
He had decided to stand between her and Laxus. He had decided to protect her. Which meant, she supposed, he had not forgotten her after all.
- Fin -
