"True life is lived when tiny changes occur." – Leo Tolstoy
Week seventeen brought the first time Reid's pregnancy sickness made him have to excuse himself during the middle of delivering a profile and dash to the bathroom. He apologized to Hotch more than was necessary, and everyone else was sympathetic, while JJ had handed him a banana and said it would help. He'd been surprised, and then remembered they were rich in pyridoxine, which helped metabolise amino acids. Luckily that seemed to be the worst of it, and the sickness greatly reduced thereafter, whether the uptake of bananas in his diet was the cause wasn't clear.
Week eighteen heralded a dramatic upward swing in Reid's libido, and it seemed Morgan was only too happy to match it. His skin felt extra sensitive, it was easier than ever to get to orgasm, and several times he'd woken Derek up in the middle of the night just to turn accidental sleep-touching into deliberate sexual touching. That his husband seemed enamoured by his growing belly, but not to the point where it made him feel like he was a new fetish, also made their lovemaking fulfilling and exciting.
By week nineteen his craving for raspberry jam had become such that he'd just wander to the cupboard and take a spoonful of the stuff to indulge in without even bothering to spread it on bread. He'd gone off the strawberry pots of jello they usually bought, and they'd had to switch to the previously unfavoured green lime. There were also several nights where Morgan felt Reid get up and heard him go downstairs, and a quick sleepy kiss when he got back into bed revealed lips that tasted of chocolate, and he'd worked out in the morning that his husband sometimes got a craving for ice cream, and would just go eat a spoonful and then come back to bed.
At week twenty, Reid was agitated in the waiting room as they waited for their second sonogram. They were half way through the pregnancy, and Spencer's belly had expanded considerably in the previous weeks. Morgan wasn't sure what was contributing most to his husband's agitation; his paranoia that the sonogram was going to reveal some manner of complication, or the comment they'd heard made of them as they crossed the hospital parking lot. Even with their jobs, they surrounded themselves with people they trusted, and sometimes it meant hostility to them came as a surprise. The woman who had tugged at her child's arm to move him along faster, muttered 'So wrong...' and given them a wide birth reminded them both that to many so dogmatically inclined, Reid getting pregnant was one of 'god's mistakes'. Reid never normally had much response to stranger's judgement, but Derek had felt the man's grip go limp in his, and now he was rubbing his hands nervously over his face and fidgeting in his seat.
"Everything's fine, baby." Derek assured him.
"You can't know that." He mumbled.
"And it does you no good worrying that there might be something wrong." It was chiding, but it was said kindly, a hand running down Reid's thigh to squeeze his knee with the words. "You need to think positive."
"That's easy for you to say."
"You think so, do you?" Morgan waited for Reid to meet his gaze. "Baby, I worry about the same things as you. I may not have an eidetic memory and remember everything I've ever read about pregnancy, but I know a lot about it, and the risks. But the odds are stacked in our favour, and I'll tear myself up if I don't block out the small percents and complications. I don't want that to happen to you. I need you to try switching off that big old brain of yours sometimes. Not for me, but for you."
"I'll try." Spencer offered with a smile. He was already trying, perhaps not as much as he could, but trying none the less.
The sonogram was normal, and their fetus – they declined the offer to determine its sex - was now bigger and more human-looking than alien, and as the technician pushed the wand over Spencer's belly she was able to reveal said fetus sucking its thumb. Spencer blinked rather fast a few times and then launched into a ramble about the development of the innate sucking ability, but Derek wasn't really listening, because he was watching the shadowy image of their child on screen sucking its thumb. For the first time since finding out Reid was pregnant Morgan wished the man was more socially average, wished that he could coax some normal response from him, even the cliché teary-eyed wonder of impending parenthood. Of course it didn't come. Reid's words had tapered off though, and he was watching the sonogram screen as the technician continued to check things.
Their obstetrician talked them through the sonogram, explaining that everything looked on track, and even though Reid wasn't gaining as much weight as she'd wanted him to, it was still more than she's actually expected. Things were routine until they got onto the subject of birth.
"Have you thought about birth options?" Dr Chan asked.
"We haven't decided what we're doing yet." Spencer said. Derek consciously stopped himself from frowning, not wanting to give away his confusion as he glanced sideways at his husband. They hadn't discussed birth options because Morgan didn't think there was anything to discuss.
He didn't bring it up until they've returned home though, and he was reluctant to because Reid was in a much better mood than a few hours previous. Morgan didn't want to ruin that, but he had to ask.
"Baby boy," he started, leaning against the wall separating the living room and kitchen and watching Spencer sorting through some papers, "is there any particular reason you didn't tell the doctor you're having a caesarean section?"
"Well, I'm not sure whether I want one yet." He said, having paused but not looking around.
"Reid," his surname, a sure sign of worry, "you know a caesarean is safer than natural birth for men. You were going on about the statistics a few weeks ago."
"I know."
"Then why would you even entertain the idea of that risk?" Reid still hadn't looked around at him. "Is this about it being 'natural'? I didn't think you'd care whether it was considered natural or not."
"I don't." Reid turned on the spot.
"I don't get it, then." Morgan said. He got the distinct feeling he should get it, when Reid's face fell, his bottom lip sticking out just a little and his eyelids lowered, hands now crossed over his chest.
"If I give birth via caesarean section," he murmured, "they have to give me narcotics."
And Morgan realised what he had missed. He closed his eyes, a slow exhale twisting up out of his throat.
"I'm sorry baby." He said, opening his eyes again. "I didn't even think about that."
"It's a major surgery. I'd have to have narcotics, and I don't want to be risking addiction at the same time I become a parent."
"Spencer, I don't want you to take narcotics if you don't want to." Morgan took several steps forward. "But I really don't want you to risk a natural birth. It's risky, and your pelvis is narrow, and if you don't take painkillers you are going to be in so much pain." He reached out, squeezing the man's arm. "But I'll be there, whatever you want. If you want a natural birth I will be there by your side, holding your hand and helping you recover. If you choose a caesarean, I'll be there every second to make sure you don't get hooked again if that's what you need me to do."
"Thank you." Reid said, forcing out a smile. Morgan knew by now it wasn't entirely genuine, but he also knew Reid didn't think to purposefully make himself upset.
"C'mere." He smiled, holding out his arm. His husband complied gladly, but hesitated pressing himself against the other, having to accommodate his belly in the process. He rested his chin on Morgan's shoulder, glad when the man wrapped his arms around his back and held him close, making clear where his priority was despite his swollen belly pressed between them.
"Love you." Reid murmured.
"Always." Morgan added, placing a lingering kiss on the man's strong cheek.
"Every habit he's ever had is still there in his body, lying dormant like flowers in the desert. Given the right conditions, all his old addictions would burst into full and luxuriant bloom." - Margaret Atwood
