Fade to Grey - Ch8

A/N: All your great comments give me a fantastic boost - thank you so much. I'm sorry for not replying to everyone, or getting this out earlier (sorry Mirasmommy), but due to a brief period of sunshine in the UK these last several days I've been out and about. We have to make the most of it!

Thank you too to those who are following on Pinterest - the food mentioned and Rose's outfit are on there.

Things are heating up on a slow burn for our couple and not just in the culinary sense. Ch9 will have CG's POV of this chapter and the rest of the night. A hint of how the night turns out in Ch9 is on there too.

Enjoy and please let me know what you think.

AAx


Once she had stopped being such an emotional mess, Rose rubbed her eyes, picked herself up and went straight to the one place she could vent without that inevitable face to face interaction she tried to avoid. Her blog.

Maybe it would help her make sense of the roiling sea of emotions that she was feeling. She supposed could talk to Kate, but Kate would read it on her blog anyway and then call her up to dissect her words. It would work better that way, as regardless of the confidante she had in Kate, she didn't want to disturb her time with Elliot. Kate had had her fair share of shitty relationships, but Elliot seemed like the real thing this time and she wanted to support that in any way she could. Even if that meant less time leaning on her friend.

Remembering that she needed to shower first, she called Sawyer to come in from the garden. As he scurried in looking sheepish and wearing mud booties, she realised the beast had been digging in her flowerbeds again.

"Stop right there mister!" She intoned sternly, her hand up in the stop motion before he traipsed mud further onto the floor. Not having the heart to scold him due to his more than guilty expression, she shook her head in lament of what she'd find in her garden. He'd need a shower too now.

The fact that he loved getting in the shower made it easier for her to get him in her wet room, even if carrying the great lump all the way was like lifting a sack of rocks. All that lean muscle made her boy one hunk of a dog. Once she'd put him down and turned on the large waterfall showerhead and wall jets, she stripped and watched him as he jumped around snapping at the spray. Once he'd had his excitement, she commanded him to sit and he obediently sat sphinx like as she rubbed doggy shampoo into his feet.

Rose stepped out after turning the shower off and grabbed a towel for herself and one for the hound, rubbing him dry and giving him a kiss on the head when he was done. Sawyer had run off to settle himself down in front of the fire, so she wrapped a cashmere blanket round herself and went to join Sawyer by the fire to dry her hair. Grabbing her iPad to post a quick update, she wondered what her blog followers would think of her mad day. Who would think she was being an utter idiot for considering Christian? Would the romantics think his attention to her was swoon worthy?

Before she could log on to her blog, her phone beeped telling her she had a message. It was Kate checking she was O.K. after they'd left, so she banged out a quick 'fine' message with a promise to catch up later. She noticed that she'd gotten a message from Christian too; he'd sent her a message only a few minutes after leaving and she couldn't help the smile that formed. She'd reply to him when she'd updated and hoped that keeping him hanging didn't make her seem too aloof.


Ragged Rose's blog: Saturday October 10th 2013;6.55pm

A LOT has happened in 15 hours. I had a nightmare about Luka* for the first time in ages and was so freaked out that I cancelled the date with Mr Dom.

The similarities in how they made me feel were just too close for comfort, but as usual, I may have overreacted. I realised that it really is flattering to have somebody want you so much, in such an intense way. With Luka it was a different kind of intense - a different kind of want. There was no suggestion of pleasure that wasn't his.

This guy, he's intense to the point that I don't know whether I'm coming or going. He's so breathtakingly gorgeous, with a tormented soul just as dark as mine. He hasn't said so, but I can see it and it both frightens and intrigues me.

He turned up at my place unexpectedly due to a mutual acquaintance and I was angry and frustrated that he wouldn't just leave me alone. I'd asked him to, so for him to keep persisting made me feel dominated all over again - like prey. I never want to feel so out of control of my own body like that again. However, he came bearing gifts along with his arrogance, so like the pushover that I am, couldn't resist the peace offering of flowers and a smoothie. My favourite too!

We talked and it got intense and inevitably he said something that sparked a bad memory in me and I had a panic attack. Sawyer was there to help of course, but then the unbelievable happened - I let this man who is a contradiction of tyrant and prince charming - comfort me. It frightened him as much as me I think. He held me and I cried -it was the best feeling I've ever had. I could tell that it was new to him, this level of compassion and being what he was - it was probably very out of character for him. I think because it was novel to both of us it just felt right.

I've never felt so wanted than in his arms earlier today. We agreed to see each other and see what happens but I will not be his sub and he knows that. I can't imagine for a minute that he'll completely give it up, but if he's prepared to compromise his lifestyle then I can too I suppose. The thought of suffering pain for someone else's pleasure makes me nauseous, but I know from what I've found out since my experience, that there can also be pleasure in submission and a little kink. You know how I feel about the fact that I came to welcome the pain from my time with Luka*. It was the way I coped with the desolation I felt then. Feeling something more overwhelming than the degradation and violation that happened to me, and the thought that I was never going to live my life how I dreamed.

When I felt the pain, I welcomed its ability to transport me to another place. A place deep inside my mind where I felt free. In my mind I saw myself as a bird flying from the castle, soaring and swooping through the turrets and archways, over the forests, villages, cities and the vast ocean that separates Europe and America - all the way back home.

For a brief moment, I did wonder what it would feel like to offer my submission to someone in return for pleasure and not pain. He said he could make me feel things I'd never experienced before. For another moment, I wondered whether that meant love too. I'm not sure that this man is capable of love, but I'm equally as unsure although I want it.

Hold on - I've got a message from 'him'...

I just had a text/facetime conversation with Mr Dom just now that gave me hope. He was playful, flirty and so unbelievably sexy. We laughed and joked and he teased me until I just couldn't be scared of him any more. He may be serious and dominating, but there's a wicked sense of humour buried under that complex indomitable persona.

Even more shockingly, after the breakdown earlier in the day, I invited him back over for supper. I know what you're thinking - is she crazy? That's debatable but I have to say that I have a good feeling about this.

I think I'm changing and I'm scared and excited to feel wanted and desired. You don't know what's out there unless you try, right?

Goodnight friends - got dinner to cook for a gorgeous man…

RRx


During her typing, her phone had beeped again, so she took a second to check it. He'd tried again, obviously getting impatient at not having an instant reply - control freak or what? Deciding to put him out of his misery, she texted him back. Texting was far less intimidating and was nice and safe - she could do this.

She teased him about his lack of patience and they bantered a little. Not wanting to tell him about the blog, she fessed up to taking a shower with Sawyer which he found very amusing. Their conversation was flirty and light-hearted but when he switched to Facetime her instead, she panicked and hesitated. She was completely naked but for the blanket that hung off her shoulders, but if she kept the camera above her shoulders, he wouldn't see anything she wasn't ready to show.

Their chat was going well until he teased that he would spank her for rolling her eyes. She was unsure about how to feel about that. A large part of her recoiled at the thought of pain being inflicted, but that small deep but rising deviant side of her that had enjoyed it (even for her own justification), couldn't help but be a little turned on. The thought turned from uncertainty to a yearning naughtiness that just simmered beneath the surface. He had a way with words that was for sure. The talent he had for innuendo and seduction was impressive and she was falling for it, big time.

Something about his face, those eyes and the sincerity of his words gave her the confidence to trust in him earlier and now she wanted to test that trust. He'd managed to turn the fear she felt for him into something that she could work with. His naughty sense of humour lightened his scary dominant side; a light-hearted side that she was sure didn't come out that often. It was similar to Elliot's but edgier, darker. During their conversation, a slow burning desire warmed her deeply in her core. She welcomed the feeling, knowing that she could feel this way and that she didn't have to compare every man she met to Tomas. That's what her therapist had said repeatedly. So, taking a leap she invited him for supper.

Therefore, here she was with 20 minutes before he arrived and she was naked and not a scrap of anything cooking. Quickly she found a recipe on her Jamie Oliver app that only took 15 minutes, so she dashed to her bedroom to put on something comfortable quick sharp. Her hair up and held in place with ornate chopsticks, she'd chosen a creamy angora off shoulder sweater dress and over-knee socks. It was just the right mix of sexy and comfortable that she would have worn anyway - a 'take me as I am' kind of outfit. However, she knew better than to say that to Christian, as he would most definitely make naughty out of it.

Dashing to the kitchen, she set up her iPad for the recipes she wanted. Loving everything the cheeky British chef cooked she'd downloaded his app and was trying out recipes on Kate and Jose until now. Christian would be the guinea pig for this recipe that she was going to make herself tonight. She had enough for herself with leftovers when she'd been to the deli the day before, so she had plenty for the both of them and some other stuff in the refrigerator to add to it.

Rummaging around her crowded refrigerator, she grabbed the box of camembert along with the ready-made lemon and mint couscous and lastly, a rocket and beetroot salad. She popped the cheese whole in the box into her oven to bake. It would be warm and creamy spread on warm rosemary foccacia as a starter. Luckily, the main was very quick and would be ready to eat when her guest got here.

Christian was the first man she'd cooked for that she wanted to impress. She'd cooked for Jose and Elliot before, but that was different, as she didn't feel the need to impress either of them. Jose was eager to try anything new and Elliot - he'd eat roadkill if it looked edible. She wanted to impress to Christian that she wasn't a complete mess and that she could do something good. Maybe she'd show him her paintings too…but perhaps that sounded a bit too much like a pick up. Come up to my studio to see my etchings...the bedroom was that way too.

Getting back to their dinner, she brushed the harissa marinade on a dozen sardines and flash fried them. If the weather was warmer, she'd have popped them on the outside grill in her chiminea but the evenings were getting chillier now. Multi-tasking, she grabbed a lemon and chopped it in half, adding it to the pan to caramelize on one side.

Just as she was taking the sardines off the heat, her buzzer went and she practically ran and slid across the floor to the entryphone. Seeing Christian waiting in the lobby, a goofy smile on his face, she felt a flush of anticipation like a giddy schoolgirl. She pressed the button answer.

"Knock knock." He joked, causing her to laugh.

"Er...who's there?" She asked, playing along.

"Boo." Huh?

"Boo who?" She rolled her eyes, realising what she'd just fallen into.

"Don't cry, I'm here now baby." She couldn't help the small laugh that escaped at his face. He was trying hard not to laugh at how stupid the joke was, oblivious to the fact that this behaviour was exactly what made tonight possible.

Buzzing the lock she invited him in and met him at the door to her apartment, Sawyer darting through her legs to get to him first. Boy, that dog was smitten. Christian struggled to hold his cargo as he tried to fuss Sawyer without being knocked over.

"Hey Sawyer."

"Hi. Come on Sawyer, let the man in." She shooed her overexcited dog inside.

"Good Evening Rose." He reached for her hand, kissing the knuckles tenderly. It was definitely swoon-worthy.

"Sorry about the terrible joke, you bring it out in me." A wink accompanied the kiss. Cheeky...

"I daren't ask...It's something we have in common though - terrible jokes. I'm not really one for telling them either, its a torture I choose not to inflict on people…"

"Ooh, that's harsh Miss Steele - it wasn't that bad." He rolled his eyes dramatically.

"Talking of inflicting things. Who spanks you when you roll your eyes? Don't think I didn't see that Mr Grey…"

Touché Mr Grey!

He'd licked his lips and narrowed his eyes before replying, obviously contemplating some witty retort. She was not expecting his reply though and she chased a thrill all through her body when he admitted it.

"I might let you if you if you ask nicely…" Now that was an offer she could get on board with!

Where had that come from? Never, ever had she contemplated the idea of inflicting pain on another, but after their earlier conversation about him spanking her, she couldn't get the image out of her mind. The idea that he, the consummate dominant would allow her control to spank him was thrilling - even if it was just said in jest. She wouldn't, in a million years, want to hurt him the way he knows or worse, but to have him offer his trust in her control was a powerful aphrodisiac.

He'd barely got through the door and already she was having erotic thoughts about him. Fuck, what was happening to her? Now that the door to her libido was unlocked, whatever delicious pleasures might be revealed, she wanted them. She wanted to throw that door wide open and never shut it.

Biting her lip, she decided to indulge him. "I might just take you up on that." Before he could answer, she pulled him by the hem of his sweater to the kitchen, inadvertently brushing the bare skin of his taut stomach. When she looked back, his eyes flashed with unconcealed desire as he moved closer, arms full but nonetheless intimidating. Her breathing hitched as he got close enough to whisper in her ear.

"What a smart mouth you have Miss Steele...I love it." His breath was tantalizingly close that she could feel its warmth on the surface of her skin. She felt herself tilt her head reflexively as he teased her with his closeness.

A huff and a whine broke the spell as Sawyer reminded them of his presence. With a wicked smile, Christian pulled back and offered the contents of his arms.

"I think we'll have to save this conversation for later. Here, I brought wine - I wasn't sure whether you liked red or white so I chose both and…" Rose took the wine and put it down on the counter-top.

"And these are for you too." He produced another bunch of gorgeous flowers, purple freesias this time.

She held them up to her nose, inhaling the pungent sweet scent. Freesias were such a feel good flower; their scent was just so uplifting. "Thank you, they're lovely. Thanks for the wine too, I have to admit to knowing nothing about wine - I only have beer and spirits."

"Well, consider me your teacher. I happen to know a lot about wine, in fact I own a vineyard in California - the white is from there." He shrugged it off as if it were nothing. She wasn't quite sure if it was bragging in his voice or just a vulnerable need to impress. She settled on the latter and was indeed, impressed.

"That's amazing, I hope you'll tell me more about it over dinner? Consider me your pupil: I warn you, I'm horribly uneducated."

She'd moved away to start getting dishes out and putting the finishing touches to the food as Christian leaned against the counter watching her.

"You look stunning as always Rose. I particularly like the socks…" His eyes raked over her from head to toe and it gave her a thrill. She'd not chosen the outfit this effect at all.

"Are you teasing me Mr Grey?" She asked with a coy smile as she waved a bread knife in his direction.

"I wouldn't dream of it Miss Steele, especially not when you have a large knife in your hand!" He moved from the counter and sidled up behind her.

Taking the knife so his hand was guiding hers, he sliced the Italian bread into sizeable chunks. His body was pressed against hers gently, not so hard that he pushed her into the counter, but a hint of a touch. Rose's breathing increased as he held her other hand on the bread to keep it still as he sliced. Such a domestic action was turning into something so very sexy.

When all the loaf was sliced, she felt him lower his head to her hair, his audible inhale intentional. Now that they'd let go of the bread and the knife, their fingers were interlaced - his on top of hers, a gentle show of dominance.

"You smell delicious Rose...so edible."

Her lips parted and her eyes closed as his mouth moved towards her ear, once again his breath teasing the sensitive flesh. She felt the tip of his nose brush the top and then the lobe before she felt his tongue trace the same path. Warm breath tickled as it reacted to the dampness of his tongue. If this were what he could do to her with just this action, she would be a quivering mess if he went further. Notwithstanding earlier, she'd not let a man so close for a long long time.

Reigning in her libido that was just getting fired up, she realised that they needed to eat before it got cold.

"Not that I'm not enjoying this very much, because I am - but the dinner's getting cold…"

She pulled her hands from his and turned to face him, smiling shyly. He tucked a strand of loose hair behind her ear and let his finger trace down the exposed skin of her neck. The way he looked at her was heart-stoppingly, breathtakingly sexy. Flushed skin and dilated pupils, he looked like he'd be happy eating her rather than their food.

"Christian?" He seemed in a daze but eventually smiled, gently putting his arm around her shoulder.

"What are we having?" He looked at the dishes curiously whilst licking his lips. All the aromas in the kitchen were making her hungrier and to her shame, her belly gave a loud rumble.

She pinched her lip in embarrassment before they both laughed. "Sorry, I'm famished. I hope you like Camembert and sardines - but not together of course!"

"I haven't had sardines since I went fishing with my dad...ages ago. They smell delicious and I love cheese of any kind, so I'm going to be a well fed man by the looks of it."

Feeling confident and happy that they could flirt and have a somewhat grown-up conversation thrilled her. He too looked very happy to there and she imagined that maybe he didn't get many chances to just kick back and relax like this, being a big shot megalomaniac and all. She hoped they'd get to do this again, even though the evening had just started.

"Great! It's a new recipe, so you're my guinea pig tonight...I hope you like it. Can you do the honours with the wine please?"

"Sure. I think the white will go best with what's here. What's for dessert?" That quirky brow of his was just the sexiest, most naughty brow and it made her want to slap his cheeky ass.

Oh wow, did she really just think about spanking his backside? What a delicious thought...

"It must be damn good if you're blushing and biting that lip…" She'd totally spaced out for a moment and blushed deeper at being caught in the act.

"You'll just have to wait and see Mr Grey…" She flirtatiously replied. She hoped he liked chocolate.

As if on cue, after waiting in the wings, her inner goddess lie down on a chaise, chocolate body paint and brush at the ready. Hussy!

The individual chocolate tarts with fresh raspberries she'd planned on couldn't come soon enough and from the looks of his face, he felt the same.


* Remember that Tomas - Anastasia's captor is called Luka in her blog due to security reasons. Ana prefers to be called Rose as Tomas always used her full name and it gives her the creeps. That may not always be the case though…

Disclaimer - as always, I own no rights to the FSOG trilogy story or characters.