Previous Chapter Recap: Last time on Kid Icarus: Uprising! Having tracked down Dark Pit to an abandoned temple, Pit challenged his dark counterpart to an all-out showdown. The battle was long and strenuous, but Pit managed to come out on top, forcing the dark angel to retreat. Now Pit and Palutena must refocus their efforts on defeating the Underworld Army. Find out what happens, now!

"Duty calls and Pit answers!" Pit said as he jumped out the door. Diving through the clouds, he found himself flying through a desert area. " We need to refocus our efforts on Medusa," Palutena began, "so today's target is Tanatos, god of death."

"Tanatos?!' Pit asked. "'You mean the Tanatos!? Wait...who's Tanatos again?"

"Back in the 80's, Tanatos took the form of a snake on Medusa's head." Palutena replied. "He's quite the chameleon, you see, and that was his "look" back then."

"Great fashion sense." Pit said. "But as god of death, he must be a big deal in the Underworld Army."

"He possesses a key to the Underworld, and he's leading Medusa's invasion of the sea." Palutena replied. "Wait," Pit began. "So I'm going to be fighting his forces under the sea? How am I supposed to do that?"

"Just use your gills!" Palutena replied. "Tell me, Pit. How are you with brachial respiration?"

"Oh, no worries!" Pit replied. "I minored in brachial respiration. Wait, your crazy!"

"Alright. Just hold your breath, then! For about four hours!" Palutena replied. "I said, you're crazy!" Pit shouted. Shooting his way through Underworld forces, Pit could eventually smell the salty air. "Ahhh, I can smell the ocean." Pit said as he neared the ocean. "We're heading to Tanatos's base, the Seafloor Palace." Palutena said.

"You were kidding about holding my breath, right?" Pit asked. "Watch and learn, pupil." Palutena said. "Witness the true power of the goddess of light! Ready, set...Dum da da daaah!" That's when something miraculous happened. Right before Pit's eyes, the ocean began to part, forming a passage through it. "Whoa ho ho ho hoooaaa!" Pit shouted in amazement. "You've outdone yourself, Lady Palutena!"

"Next stop: the Seafloor Palace!" Palutena said as Pit flew through the sea, taking in the sight of it all. It was quite magical. "This is just one more bullet point on your already-impressive resume!"Pit said.

"Heh heh! What can I say? I'm an overachiever." Palutena replied, albeit sheepishly.

"Ho, now! Just one second there, lassie!" An elderly voice rang. "Huh?" Pit looked around in an attempt to find the source of the voice.

"Oh, heh heh...Lord Poseidon!" Palutena said. Pit then looked up to see the giant projection of an elderly, blue skinned, muscular man dressed in regal, white and blue robes and a small golden crown on his head. His beard and hair were long and snow-white. In his right hand, he held a large trident. "Tsk, tsk, Palutena. Lies don't become a lady." Poseidon chided.

"I'm sorry." came the apology. "But can't a goddess have a little fun?"

"So that sea-parting buisness was...?" Pit began to ask though he already knew the answer. "Twas obviously my doing, silly boy." Poseidon answered.

"To pull off an attack on the Seafloor Palace, I went to the sea god himself." Palutena explained. "It all makes sense now." Pit said.

"I wouldn't allow anyone else to part my ocean!" Poseidon said. "In fact, I've half a mind to put it back together!"

"No, please don't do that!" Pit pleaded. He was an angel, but he wasn't immortal. He couldn't breathe underwater. "We're going deeper now." Palutena said as Pit flew deeper into the ocean, killing any Underworld forces that crossed his path. Eventually, he ended up in a small cave. "Despite your mischievous ways," Poseidon began, "you should know you have my full support."

"Much obliged, Lord Poseidon." Palutena replied. "It was bad enough when the dark forces were contained in the Underworld." Poseidon said. "But extending their reach to the sea and land is completely unacceptable. As the goddess of light, it falls on you to destroy them. I have faith that you will."

"You have my word." Palutena vowed. "Uh, and mine too!" Pit said as he flew out the cave and into what was apparently the ruins of an abandoned city. "I guess this used to be a city?" Pit asked.

"Yes, but I sunk it long ago." Poseidon replied. "Sunk it? That's a bit...extreme." Palutena replied. She more than most knew that humans could get out of hand at times, but she never dreamed of doing something like that. "Humans consist of equal parts hubris, evny, and deceit. Sometimes one has to put them in their place." Pit and Palutena remained silent, unable to come up with an answer for that. Pit then came across a bed of coral. "This coral is sooo beautiful!"

"True, but don't forget the old saying that every coral has its thorn." Palutena said.

"I'm pretty sure that you're thinking of roses." Pit said. Palutena always had a habit of getting sayings like that mixed up.

"And I'm pretty sure that I'm thinking of coral." Palutena replied. Pit made his way out of the coral bed and onto the bottom of the ocean. "We've arrived at the ocean floor." Palutena said. "Only a little longer until we reached the palace! From there, we'll defeat Tanatos and take his key to the Underworld." Eventually, Pit came across a large structure. "Look." Palutena said. "So that's the Seafloor Palace." Pit said. "I thought it'd be covered in barnacles and kelp, but it's actually very nice."

"I'll be closing up the sea now." Poseidon said "It should wipe out any Underworld stragglers."

"Just give us one more moment." Palutena asked. "Please! I'm not wearing a life vest!" Pit pleaded as he flew into the palace. Once he got in, he took a moment to take in the sights. From the outside, one would not think a room this large would fit inside. "The sea is closed now." Palutena informed him.

"My work is finished here." Poseidon said. "Good luck, you two."

"Thank's for your help." Pit said.

"Oh goodie! Guests!" A voice said with a slight lisp. "Protecting an impregnable fortress can get awfully lonely!"

"Is that you Tanatos?" Palutena asked. " Actually, I go by 'Thanatos' now." the voice replied. " he extra H is for hamazing!"

"Have we met before?" Pit asked. "I'm wounded, truly I am." the voice replied with a fake sob. "I know it's been a while, but surely you haven't forgotten your old foe?"

"Sorry..." Pit replied. "There are just so many foes and only one of me."

"You know we've crushed Medusa's other commanders, Thanatos." Palutena warned. "Just give us the key to the Underworld, and we won't be forced to harm you."

" Hoo hoo hoo! Impatient as always, I see!" Thanatos replied, either unfazed or ignoring Paltuena's threat. "But since you've come all this way...wouldn't you like to stay and catch up for a bit? Oh, pretty please?"

"So you're not going to give up the key." Palutena said. "No need to get all huffy now." Thanatos replied. "I'll have you know that I much prefer honey to vinegar. And I prefer witty repartee to any condiment!"

This is getting nowhere." Pit said, growing frustrated with the conversation. "Our goal here is to track down Medusa, right?"

"Yes, Thanatos is basically Medusa's right-hand man." Palutena said. "That's why he has the only key to the Underworld."

"I have no such thing!" Thanatos remarked. "None whatsoever! Honestly. Honestly."

"How this this guy get to be Medusa's second-in-command?" Pit asked. "Beats me." Palutena replied. "Seniority?"

"Helloooo? It's rude to exclude!" Thanatos said.

"Okay, if Thanatos won't give up the key, we'll have to take it from him." Pit said. "The longer we wait, the more we have to lose." Palutena said. "We need to strike soon. We only have a little way to go, so buckle down."

"i'm buckled and ready!" Pit proclaimed. "Yoo hoo! Can you hear me?" Thanatos asked. "I'd like to be a part of this conversation please!"

"Shut it already!" Pit said. "Me? But you've been talking this whole fanfic!" Thanatos protested. Pit walked up the stairs and into the next room, where he was ambushed by two Wave Anglers, Sherums, and a Armin. Pit defeated them all and walked into the next hall, where three grind rails appeared. "The grind rails run parallel to each other, so you can switch between them." Palutena said. "Stay focused on what's coming up!" Pit hopped on the grind rails and made his way down, dodging electric orbs as he did. "It seems like there's an electric current running through this palace." Palutena noted.

"Oh, my. An excess of frizowatts must have overloaded the dooziestat." Thanatos said.

"Do you have any idea what that means?" Pit asked. "None whatsoever. Hoo hoo hoo!" Thanatos replied. Pit continued along the grind rail until he fell into a hole into another room filled with shallow water. The room also contained a Shelbo and some Octos. He eliminated them all and proceeded onward to a small elevator that took him back where he started. "Weren't we here already?" Pit asked. "Yes, but there's good news." Palutena replied. "A new path has appeared. Follow it to move forward." Pit followed the path into another room, only to slip and fall on his butt. That's when a closer look revealed the floor to be solid ice. He tried to stand again, albeit with great difficulty. "Whoa! It's slippery!" Pit said.

"Hoo hoo! Isn't skating just delightful?" Thanatos said.

"I wish my domain had a skating rink." Palutena said.

"Yeah, it's really...great." Pit replied. Unfortunately, the conversation distracted him from a nearby Snowman's ice breath. Pit found himself frozen by it. He managed to break out of the ice and pulled out his Wolf Claws to finish the beast. "So, the monsters here are aquatic and ice-based." Pit thought to himself. "Better stick to heat based weapons from here on out." He made his way to a nearby elevator. "An elevator! Well, that's convenient." Pit said.

"Going up." Palutena replied. "Now approaching... the second floor."

"This play-by-play really isn't necessary." Pit said.

"Now approaching...the third floor." Thanatos said a short while later. His comment was met with silence from both Pit and Palutena. "Are you two ignoring me?" he asked. Pit said nothing, but continued onwards into a room inhabited by two Snowmen and a Frozum. Using his Wolf Claws, Pit defeated them all and moved into the next room. That's where he was attacked by a Mimicutie! Taking great pains to avoid its kicks, Pit beat the chest monster. "The monster situation is quite claimant." Palutena said.

"Is that... a good thing?" Pit asked.

"You know, it's importunate." Palutena said. "Or unpropitious."

"Are you still speaking english right now?"

"I'm sorry, Pit." Palutena said. "I didn't mean to confuse you. Let me make this easier for you. Big Monsters Kill Pit! Grrr!"

"Ahhh, that makes perfect sense! Thank you!" Pit said. He then caught sight of a treasure box and made his way towards it only to cry out in surprise as the floor opened up from under him and he fell back into the main room. "Just your run-of-the-mill trap door." Palutena said. "Shake it off and keep moving." Pit navigated a narrow walkway while dodging the electric orbs that traversed it. Eventually, he reached a room filled with Ziks and a Zak. Pit killed the Zik, severing its telepathic communication with its brethren. A Vakloom then appeared. Pit tried to shoot it, but his shots got absorbed by its vacuum. It then poked its head out of its shell to fire a large laser at Pit. Pit dodged the laser and threw a smart bomb in its shell, killing it instantly. He then saw a large panel on the floor and got on. The panel began to rise and take him to what appeared to be an obstacle course. "What's this?" Pit asked.

"Looks like a moving platform. Stay on it." Palutena advised.

"Let me jazz things up for you a smidge." Thanatos said. "We do have to keep things interesting! Hoo hoo hoo!" Pit moved to dodge the oncoming walls and the icy wind. "Keep on trooping, little trooper!" Thanatos encouraged. "I'm curious about something, Thanatos." Palutena said.

"Yes?" he asked. "You are the god of death, are you not?" she began to ask. "And if the Underworld is the land of the dead, why don't you outrank Medusa?"

"I'm not really interested in climbing the corporate ladder." Thanatos replied. "You wouldn't believe the amount of overtime you have to put in. Plus, that sort of strict hierarchy isn't the Underworld style."

"You're avoiding my question." Palutena said. She could tell that there was more to this than what he was saying. Thanatos wasn't really a good liar. "What was that? You seem to be cutting out!" Thanatos replied. "La la laaaaa la! I can't heeear you!"

"It's hard to get a good read on him." Pit said. "I can't tell if he's weird or just dim."

"A-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa-wa." Thanatos replied. Pit made it through the obstacle course and found himself transported back over the main room. He used the nearby elevator and was sent to a different room, one with marble columns lining it. "Thanatos should be in the next room over." Palutena said.

"Oh, goody!" Pit replied, mimicking Thanatos's tone. "Then do let us get to the fist-cuffing!" An assortment of Underworld enemies stood in his way. Pit dispatched them all and made his way to the next room. The room was large with glass windows surrounding it. At the other end of the room was a large throne. Down floated Thanatos. The god of death had an overall clownish appearance. He had a green, cracking skin tone and fish-like characteristics. His face consisted of pink eyes with crosses in them, a stubby nose, and a large smiling mouth with blue lips and a small fang protruding from the right side of his mouth. He had pointed ears and a skull at the tip of his head that seemingly moved with a mind of its own. A red jewel was embedded in his belly and he wore a skull tattoo on his left shoulder. He wore silver shoulder armor that was covered with branch-like structures with jewelry hanging from them and bolts of energy swirling around them. He wore a large red scarf and trousers decorated with yellow and red stripes. His hands were red and he wore bracelets on his wrists. He also wore sandals decorated with skulls.

"Oooah! I must have dozed off there. Hooah. Waiting around is such exhausting work!" Thanatos said.

"Heroes always arrive late on the scene!" Pit replied. "Careful, Pit. Thanatos is a skilled chameleon." Palutena replied. "Don't be surprised if he changes into a spider or scorpion or cockroach or tick...or a moth or lizard or leech or tapeworm or centipede or bat or snake or...cat."

"But a cat...would be kind of cute, right?" Pit asked.

"I'm tempted to reach for my book of snappy comebacks," Thanatos began as he hovered off his throne. "but...maybe I should just show you? And a one, and a two... and a one, two, three!" Then in a puff of smoke, Thanatos changed into... a large, green foot? "A foot?" Pit asked incredulously.

"Really?" Palutena asked. "How much harm could-?"

"Ever heard of athlete's foot?" Thanatos asked, interrupting her. He then leaped up in the air in an attempt to land on top of Pit. Pit leaped out of the way to avoid the crushing stomp. "I call that one, Putting my foot down! Hoo hoo hoo!" he said. He saw Pit trying to get to his feet. "Uh oh. Guess I better punt!" he shouted as he kicked Pit across the room, hitting the glass with a loud crack. Pit got to his feet and tossed a Boom Spear at Thanatos. The explosion sent the god of death reeling in pain. "You can't attack me with puns!" Pit said.

"Jokes, puns, and feet. Oh my!" Thanatos replied. "I'm running this fanfic! And it's just the tip of the spear. And speaking of spears..." Another cloud of pink smoke enveloped Thanatos as he morphed into a large sword that resembled the blade Magnus wielded. The blade was surrounded by an array of spears. "Slicety-Sliiiice! Dicety-Diiiice! Stabbity-stab-stab-stab-stab!" he sang as he slashed at Pit. Pit dodged out of the way and pulled out his new Magnus Club. "No need to sound so gleeful!" He said as he locked blades with Thanatos. He managed to throw him off and got a few more good hits in. Thanatos changed forms once again, this time taking the form of a large bat.

"Keee! Keee!" he shrieked.

"That's not even what a bat sounds like!" Pit said as he fired a shot from his Palutena bow only for Thanatos to disperse into a swarm of bats. He then re-coalesced and fired bat-shaped energy blasts at Pit. "Woop woop woop woop woop!" he said.

"And neither is that! This is getting really annoying really fast!" Pit said. Pit fired several shots at Thanatos from his bow. The god of death changed form once again, this time taking the form of a large doll. "What's this?!" Pit asked. "It looks like he turned into a doll." Palutena said. Pit opened fire on the Thanatos doll, but his shots had no effect, until that is he aimed a shot at the red jewel. That caused the doll to split open, releasing a smaller doll. "There's something inside of the doll!" Pit exclaimed.

"Wait, inside Thanatos...is a mini Thanatos?" Palutena asked. "I wonder if they sell these in the gift shop." Pit repeated the process of firing at the gem on his chest, causing the doll to shrink and shrink until it released a very tiny Thanatos doll. "Aha! There he is." Pit said. "He walked up to Thanatos and pulled out his Scorpio staff, wielding it like a golf club. "Fore!" Pit said as he gave Thanatos a good whack, sending him across the room. Thanatos changed shape once again. He now resembled a large, floating urn.

"I'm just gonna catch a few Zs here." Thanatos said. "By the way, your attacks are useless." Pit fired on Thanatos with his staff, but his shots bounced off of him. Thanatos spat out several skulls at Pit. Pit got an idea. He whacked the skulls back at Thanatos. Those seemed to have more of an effect. Sometimes, Thanatos would spit out red skulls that exploded on contact. Pit kept it up until Thanatos was forced to revert to his normal form. "You're a good fighter, Pit." Thanatos said. "But now I gotta give you the hook." Thanatos turned his hand into a hook and grabbed Pit to throw him across the room again.

"You're getting a real kick out of this, aren't you." Pit said as he yanked Thanatos close to deliver a kick to his face. It helped that he was naturally stronger than a human. The kick staggered Thanatos, but only briefly. "Oh yes!" Thanatos said. "I'm having a blast!" He then summoned spiked bombs and tossed them at Pit. "In fact," he continued, "It's a-mace-ing" He then turned his hand into a large mace and slammed it down. "As much as I'd like to continue this battle of the puns," Pit said. "It's time to cut to the chase!" He summoned his Palutena blade and charged at Thanatos, cutting him clear across the chest. He then followed up with a charged shot at point-blank range that destroyed the gem on his chest, sending him to the ground.

"Crushing victory!" Pit shouted.

"Crushing defeat!" Thanatos replied as he began to inflate like a balloon. He then exploded into a burst of dark flame. ''Fareweeeeell!" he shouted. A pink gem with the Underworld Army insignia then fell on the ground. "Pick up that gem, Pit." Palutena said. Pit picked it up and eyed it a bit. "This is our key to the Underworld."

"And I just have to hold it?" Pit asked.

"More or less." Palutena asked. "But first, we have to get you geared up for the final battle." She then extracted Pit out.


Next Chapter Preview: The Space-Pirate Ship. Arrgh matey! On the next swashbuckling chapter of Kid Icarus: Uprising! Pit must arm himself with the Three Sacred Treasures to defeat Medusa, but they've been stolen by the scurvy Space Pirates! Now the Underworld sea dogs are out to get the Treasures. Will Pit reclaim the treasures? Or will he be dancing the short plank jig? Find out next time on Kid Icarus Uprisng!

OOC: I thought the pirate talk would give the chapter preview the extra oomph. Tell me what you think!