"Last time, on the Extra Smashy Amazing Race..." said Koopa. "The top six teams went to Tazmily Island! On the way over, flight complications screwed up placings.."
"We are sorry to tell you that the flight has been delayed for an hour," said the pilot.
"What?" said Ness angrily. "That lead was for nothing?"
"The supposed first flight departed after the second, making the Frats, Falcon and Ganondorf, and the students Toon Link and Jigglypuff take the lead!"
"I think we're going to have to lie to the frats to stay in," said Toon Link sadly.
"Meanwhile, supposed first departers Roy and Snake, Mewtwo and Lucario, Ness and Pikachu & Link and Yoshi arrived a few minutes after the other flight!"
"We're behind those dumb frats and the annoying kids!" said Yoshi.
"Falcon and Ganondorf, thinking they were last, took the Fast Forward in their desperation!"
"Wait, there's a Fast Forward here!" said Ganondorf. "We should totally take it to catch up to the others!"
"This propelled them, all the way to first!" said Koopa with enthusiasm.
"Falcon and Ganondorf...you're... you're team number..." stuttered Koopa. "T-team number one..."
"NOOO- Wait, what?" asked the frats. "How are we first? Our flight was la-"
"Meanwhile, the Twins, finding the detour extremely difficult, decided to try the other task of the detour!" said Koopa.
"THAT'S IT!" howled Lucario, "We're bald-snarking this!"
"Upon completing the other task of the detour finally, they came to the U-Turn mat, only to find themselves on the bad end of the draw!"
They approached the mat, and realized in shock who was the unlucky team this time.
"Us?" asked Mewtwo angrily, "Why us? We're already behind just about everyone!"
"And so they had to do the actual task they had struggled with even more!"
"We're right back at the start," said Lucario angrily. "Two hours' work wasted."
"The U-Turn perpetrators, Link and Yoshi, took the lead for a while with the students Jigglypuff and Toon Link when it came to completing the detour! However, when it came to finding Flint, the other two teams, Ness and Pikachu & Roy and Snake caught up also!"
"It appears that the father and son have caught up and we're now all together again." noticed Link.
"All four teams started the roadblock all together, only to have the Students and the lawyers yet again pull ahead and complete it first!"
"Just like last leg, it's us and those kids," said Yoshi angrily. "We need this win!"
"In the race for first, it came down to the lawyers, students, and the very confused frats!" exclaimed Koopa.
Falcon swung the taxi door open, which hit Toon Link and sent him flying into a solid concrete wall.
Ganondorf jumped out the glass window of the taxi, and landed on the mat.
Link tried to wedge Yoshi out from underneath the taxi, to no avail.
"The Fraternity Brothers prevailed, ending up as the sixth team to win a leg!" said Koopa with a suggestive look. "Toon Link and Jigglypuff, longtime second-placers, placed second again, much to their distaste!"
"We're two again?" said Jigglypuff angrily.
"Roy and Snake were penalized for the second time in two legs!" said Koopa dramatically.
"Damn it Snake, how many damn times are you going to get us penalized?" yelled Roy angrily.
"And it came down to a battle between the best friends and the Twins!"
Ness hit Mewtwo with a baseball bat in the face.
"...With Mewtwo and Lucario arriving first!"
"Mewtwo and Lucario, you are the fifth team to arrive," said Koopa.
"However, in their desperation to skip the Detour and take the penalty, Mewtwo and Lucario found themselves forced to last place!"
"However, you decided skipping the detour was a wise idea. This incurs a three-hour penalty, meaning until three-hours are up you cannot check in!" finished Koopa.
"Yet in a second surprising turn of events, Mewtwo and Lucario were spared from a Non-elimination!" said Koopa.
"However, your three-hour penalty will be added to the next leg departures, instead, and not only that but you have a speed bump to complete! So you have a long way to go before you recover from your mistakes," said Koopa.
"After seven pit stops, only six teams have remained. Who will be eliminated, next?" asked Koopa.
The Teams: (With their current average for placements, Courtesy of IStalkKirby!)
Falcon and Ganondorf (5.14)
Roy and Snake (2.71)
Ness and Pikachu (6.29)
Mewtwo and Lucario (3)
Link and Yoshi (6.14)
Toon Link and Jigglypuff (2.71)
"Can team Roy and Snake stop getting pathetic penalizations and finally bump up to first for once? Will Ness and Pikachu, the only remaining team without a win finally get first and prove themselves worthy? And will Mewtwo and Lucario, who have a Speed Bump, a shaky alliance, and three hours' worth behind the next placing team, ever catch up and stay in the race after narrowly being saved once?"
"Team Falcon and Ganondorf, who were first to arrive at 10:13 AM, will depart at 10:13 PM!
Falcon and Ganondorf
1st to Depart; 10:13 PM
"It feels good to be racing again after being out of comission for so long!" said Falcon, stretching his legs.
Ganondorf ripped open the next clue.
"You must now make your way to... what does that say... oh, Mushroom City, the communistic country that closely resembles Mushroom Kingdom!" read Ganondorf.
"Teams must now buy tickets to any random flight leading to Mushroom City, a communistic region! Upon completing this, they must travel to the Sport Resort center! At the entrance, they will find their next clue!" said Koopa Troopa.
"We're ready to win this leg!" said Ganondorf, "Me and Falcon received confidence lessons!"
Five hours ago
"Breathe in... breathe out..." said their confidence counselor. "Breathe in... breathe out..."
Falcon and Ganondorf breathed in.
"...Breathe out now," said the counselor.
Falcon and Ganondorf turned a darker shade.
"...Uh, breathe out," said their counselor.
Falcon and Ganondorf turned a darker shade.
"BREATHE OUT, BREATHE OUT!1"screamed their counselor.
Ganondorf breathed out, while Falcon passed out.
The room caught on fire.
Falcon and Ganondorf
Fraternity Brothers
"Yeah, I thought the lessons were pretty calming," said Falcon, smiling.
"I concur," chuckled Ganondorf, wearing a fake mustache and chortling.
Toon Link and Jigglypuff
2nd to Depart; 10:14 PM
"Make your way to the closest airport and buy tickets to Mushroom City!" read Toon Link.
Jigglypuff was trying to limber up, but failed due to her height.
"We need to hurry and catch this flight," explained Toon Link. "We seriously need a better flight than the other teams."
Jigglypuff was too busy crying.
Link and Yoshi
3rd to Depart; 10:15 PM
"Make your way to the closest airport and buy tickets to Mushroom City!" read Link.
"We are pretty happy with our newfound power," explained Yoshi, "I mean, the last two legs, we've been at the top of the pack, and we plan on staying that way for the rest of the race!"
"Oh, and so far no one seems to dislike us for the long run," added Link. "Come to think of it, everyone else has been falling at the seams trying to destroy each other so maybe we can slip ahead when everyone else is busy with the catfights."
Falcon and Ganondorf
Fraternity Brothers
"We need to work together with someone on this, don't you think bro?" asked Falcon.
"Yeah, we can't seem to find where the heck the closest airport is." mused Ganondorf.
"The father and son are too stupid, Ness is impulsive, the Twins are way too far behind... what about the kids, Jigglypuff and whatshisname?" Falcon said.
"IT'S TOON LINK!" screamed Toon Link from a nearby taxi.
A sword gored the back of Falcon's head.
"Oh, that's right, it's Link's clone!" smiled Falcon, dying.
"Why does everyone say that?" said Young Li- I mean, Toon Link.
"We all know you're just Young Link with plastic surgery!" said Ganondorf wisely.
"Moving on, can we work with you guys?" asked Falcon hopefully, reincarnated, as his religion happened to be Hinduism.
"Fine, but we need a team alliance name!" smiled Jigglypuff.
"Why?" asked Ganondorf, annoyed.
"Because it helps with our...motivation?" said Jigglypuff nervously.
"Fine by me!" said a giddy Falcon. "Let's be the unicorns!"
"I want to be the Night Wolves 2.0!" said Toon Link, pouting.
"Dude, no inside jokes," said Ganondorf.
"Aw man!" pouted Toon Link, who began having a pity party.
"I say Unicorns!" said Jigglypuff. "All in favor, raise your hands!"
Jigglypuff and Falcon raised their hands. Along with their driver, who raised both.
"HANDS ON THE WHEEL!1" screamed Ganondorf, horrified.
Their driver quickly put his hands back on the wheel.
Link and Yoshi
Lawyers
"We're wanting to buy tickets on the earliest flight to Mushroom City," said Link into the phone.
Some random foreigner with an accent Link couldn't understand said a bunch of stuff Link couldn't interpret.
"It's for you," said Link, handing the phone to Yoshi.
A random annoying laugh track played.
"Yes?" said Yoshi.
"Yoshi yo yo yoshi shi sho yoshy yo?" asked the flight call answerer.
"Yoshi yoshi shi sho yo!" exclaimed Yoshi.
"Oh, why didn't you say so?" asked the flight call Yoshi. "Two tickets for the 2:30 AM flight straight away!"
"What?" asked Link, confused.
Roy and Snake
4th to Depart; 10:21 PM
"Make your way to the closest airport and buy tickets to Mushroom City!" read Snake.
"I remember a time when-" began Roy.
"Shut up, I don't care." snapped Snake.
Roy burst into tears.
Roy and Snake
Pre-leg Interview
"I don't have the time or the patience to listen to my father's rantings," explained Snake angrily. "I'm tired, exhausted and worn out, the Frats have been getting to me recently, and my nails are ruined!"
Snake burst into tears.
Falcon and Ganondorf
Toon Link and Jigglypuff
"I think the four of us are the elite teams," explained Toon Link, "Along with Roy and Snake. We're the teams who will be taking it to the final leg!"
"You can bet your silver dollar on that!" smiled Ganondorf.
"They make those?" asked Falcon, confused.
"Hi, we'd like to have four tickets to the fastest flight to Mushroom City," explained Toon Link.
"We're on a race!" said Jigglypuff, smiling.
"The fastest flight is at 1:15 AM, though it's a connecting flight through the Wild Lands," explained the flight worker. "However, there is another flight at 2:00..."
"So this is basically a gamble," said Falcon. "Either take this flight that has a 50-50 chance of being delayed or take a later flight which is 45 minutes behind..."
"Should we take it?" asked Toon Link. "What do the rest of you think?"
"I dunno. It's pretty risky," mused Ganondorf.
"I would go for it!" smiled Jigglypuff. "Forget the setbacks and failures, no matter what happens, just go for the win!"
"Wow, that was so encouraging, that I'm totally taking the risk for first so we can win this thing!" said Toon Link.
Ness and Pikachu
5th to Depart; 10:23 PM
"Make your way to the closest airport and buy tickets to Mushroom City!" read Pikachu.
"Man, 'tis so late..." yawned Ness.
"And the race continues on," lamented Pikachu. "Another chapter in our epic quest to win the million dollars."
"How do we even know the money is real? It could be just a million pesos... or maybe just a million rupees. Isn't like ten pesos one cent in american dollars?" asked Ness stressfully.
Pikachu merely rolled his eyes.
Falcon and Ganondorf
Fraternity Brothers
"Well the kiddies are on the earliest flight, but at a risk..." mumbled Ganondorf.
"Man, this is so stressful... what the heck should we do?" asked Falcon, scratching his head/helmet.
"We should... I say we should... we take the later flight!" said Ganondorf.
"Alright, if you say so..." mumbled Falcon.
Roy and Snake
Father and Son
"We need tickets...call the airport!" said Roy.
"All the phones are dead!" said Snake. "And they've been... CUT?"
"By you!" said Roy angrily.
"I'm sorry... I can't hear you... over your pointless DRONING!1" screamed Snake angrily.
"You're the worst son ever!" snapped Roy.
The pair of them burst into tears.
Ness and Pikachu
...Best Friends?
"We need to seriously pull ourselves together," mused Pikachu. "If we keep to ourselves and don't get into the other teams' affairs, we should be okay..."
"There's only five other teams standing in our way of the million! We must find their weaknesses and destroy them! Then we can steal the million and become the winners of the official Extra Smashy Amazing Race! Mwa-hahahahaaaa!1" screamed Ness.
"How will we do such a nefarious scheme?" asked Pikachu, posing after he stated this, making it look like they had thought of all this ahead of time.
"With... this!" said Ness, pulling out the 'Time Machine' box.
"Oh no...are you serious?" asked Pikachu.
"Oh, I'm serious... I've been waiting to use this baby for a while now!" said Ness. "I would've used it earlier, but..."
"But what?" asked Pikachu.
"But I ran into some technical issues involving this sexy piece of machinery..." admitted Ness sadly.
Three Legs ago
"Man, almost done with this piece of crap," panted a relieved Ness.
He was busy adding the 'M' in Time Machine, but Marth walked in.
"Hey Ness, watcha doing?" asked Marth, smiling.
Ness, distracted by Marth, messed up the 'M', making it into, well, something not-M-esque.
"Curse you, Marth! This will take months to repair!" screamed Ness. "I wrote this in Sharpie!"
"And because of Marth and Ike's evil plan, I had to withhold our little secret weapon until now." explained Ness.
"That's good, because we need to win this leg." said Pikachu.
"Onward, to victory!" screamed Ness.
Roy and Snake
Father and Son
"Well let's think this through," said Roy. "We should just walk if we can't seem to get a taxi."
"Yeah, that'd help," nodded Snake.
They calmly jotted towards the local airport.
Falcon and Ganondorf
Fraternity Brothers
"We're taking that 2:00 flight and hopefully their flight gets delayed," said Ganondorf.
"We didn't go with the 1:15 AM risk flight," explained Falcon.
"The risk wasn't worth it!" said Ganondorf.
Link and Yoshi, who had been walking past, heard what they had said, and went to go change their tickets.
Ness and Pikachu
...Best Friends?
"We're booking a flight that lands at 1:15 AM!" said Ness.
"We're joining the ranks of first!" smiled Pikachu. "Maybe we'll bask in first for once!"
"We have...a reliable source these were first flight tickets..." grinned Ness, as a strange figure dashed away, trying not to be seen by the camera.
Roy and Snake
Father and Son
"We need a little separation from each other," said Snake. "Me and my dad don't exactly see eye to eye..."
Link and Yoshi
Lawyers
"We changed our flight to 2 AM." explained Link. "Turns out, we would have been 1 hour and 15 Minutes behind one flight, and 30 Minutes behind another, and we could have been so screwed. But we were saved by pure luck."
"Man we are so lucky," said a relieved Yoshi. "And to think you said it was a bad idea to blow our money on horse shoes and rabbit's paws!"
Yoshi showed the collection of said items around his neck.
Mewtwo and Lucario
Last to Depart; 1:24 AM
"We're last out," said Lucario incredulously.
"Three hours behind, we suck at communicating, just about out of race money, and now we have no packs." grumbled Mewtwo.
"Like I knew who that was," muttered Lucario. "My bad..."
"It was a security guard! Yes, your bad!" said Mewtwo.
"How was I supposed to know?" asked Lucario, "How?"
"It said security guard on his uniform, Lucario! You were high! It was obvious when you tried to make out with that guy!" yelled Mewtwo.
"I... did that...?" asked Lucario, blushing.
"YES! AND NOW WE HAVE NOTHING!" screamed Mewtwo.
"We have the clue... and 97 dollars..." said Lucario.
"We're walking to the airport." said a disgruntled Mewtwo.
The camera views some airplanes taking off and Koopa's voice comes on.
"All teams now have a flight to Mushroom City!" said Koopa Troopa.
"On the 1:15 AM Flight is Toon Link and Jigglypuff, Ness and Pikachu!"
"On the 2:00 AM Flight is Falcon and Ganondorf, Link and Yoshi, Roy and Snake!"
"On the 2:30 AM Flight is Mewtwo and Lucario!"
"Once the flight lands, they must find the Sport Resort! Outside the building will be their next clue!"
1:22 AM
First Flight Landed
Toon Link and Jigglypuff
Currently in 1st Place
"We're in the top two! We have this in the bag!" said Toon Link.
"Our flight was delayed," lamented Jigglypuff. "Though not by much."
"We're still ahead, that's all that counts!" smiled Toon Link.
"I hope the two of us win this leg!" said Jigglypuff, "That would be really nifty!"
Ness and Pikachu
Currently in 2nd Place
"We're one of two teams competing for the prize this time around! We have this in the bag!" said Ness, eyes wide.
"We have the lead, the teamwork, and the secret weapon to win this!" said Pikachu, with a huge grin.
"We're in it to win it!" chanted Ness.
Toon Link and Jigglypuff
"We need to find a taxi... Hey, wait!" called out Toon Link.
"This is major traffic jam!" said Jigglypuff, eyes wide.
Toon Link spat on the ground. "We have only our buddy Ness to compete, and he seems too gullible to be a threat!"
Jigglypuff cackled manically.
Ness and Pikachu
"We're going to use it when we reach the next clue!" said Ness.
"Taxi! Over here!" called out Pikachu.
"How rude! The guy didn't even stop to listen!" said Ness angrily.
"Maybe its because-"
"That joke is sooo old, like your mom," said Ness. "Your mom is so old, she sat behind Jesus in the third grade!"
"Oh yeah?" asked Pikachu, "Well, your mo-"
"Pikachu? I was saying that to the camera man..." said Ness angrily.
Toon Link and Jigglypuff
The students shoved all their belongings in the back of the taxi.
"To the Sport Resort!" commanded Jigglypuff.
"Right-o!" said the taxi driver.
Ness and Pikachu
"We are going to walk there!" said Pikachu. "Taxis refuse to stop for us."
"This will be faster than the cars anyways..." added Ness.
They ran past the cars who were backed up in major traffic, so much so they were moving less than 5 mph.
Toon Link and Jigglypuff
Pre-leg Interview
"We make a great team," explained Toon Link. "Though, I won't say we don't argue. Every team is bound to argue sometimes..."
"Yeah, we just forgive and forget!" said Jigglypuff.
"Hold it! You are under arrest for attempted murder!" yelled a SWAT member, handcuffing Toon Link.
"HELP ME JIGGLYPUFF!1" screamed Toon Link.
"Oh, and you never helped me with my insomnia problems, why should I help?" asked Jigglypuff angrily, walking away.
Ness and Pikachu
1:26 AM
"There it is!" said Ness, pedalling with Pikachu on their trademark tandem bike.
"How long have we been on our tandem bike?" asked Pikachu.
"Oh, my secret ally mailed that to us!" smiled Ness, looking coy.
"I'd like to meet this guy..." said Pikachu, sniffing.
Again, the shadowy figure sprinted away, trying not to be seen by the camera.
"We're here," said Ness. "Now to take the clue and-"
Ness and Pikachu
1:29 AM
"We're here! The Sport Resort at last!" said Ness. "Now to take the clue, and..."
"Wait! What about the time machine?" asked Pikachu.
"Hold on... okay, we need to just..." said Ness, ripping the clue. "Got it! It says we need to go to the batting cage and successfully-"
"Teams must now head to the Sport Resort baseball cage, and successfully bat 10 baseballs for their next clue!" explained Koopa.
"Now, the secret plan!" said Ness, revealing the box. He and Pikachu jumped inside and Ness drew (In crayon) their intended location.
"Up, up, and awaaaay!" said Ness.
They took off, camera man in the box with them, and they flew through some strange vortex.
Roadside
1:25 AM
"Almost... there..." panted Ness.
A giant vortex hole appeared, and out flew Ness, Pikachu, and another camera man Larry.
"What the- oh, it's you," said Ness of the past.
"You know it! Here's your bike! You forgot it!" said Ness future, handing the bike to Pikachu and Ness of the past.
"Oh thanks! Surely we will get to the Sport Resort faster!" said Ness of the Past, "My thanks to you!"
The two Nesses saluted each other, and Ness Future darted away.
"There it is!" said Ness, pedalling with Pikachu on their trademark tandem bike.
"How long have we been on our tandem bike?" asked Pikachu.
"Oh, my secret ally mailed that to us!" smiled Ness, looking coy.
"I'd like to meet this guy..." said Pikachu, sniffing.
Sport Resort
1:30 AM
The vortex hole appeared, and Ness, Pikachu and Larry flew out with the time machine.
"Now to land, and... let's go!" said Ness. "Any second now, we should automatically disappear, and our different timeline-selves will be taking over!"
"Wait, what?" asked Larry, confused.
"Don't ask," replied Pikachu, "It's confusing-"
Sport Resort
1:27 AM
"We're here! The Sport Resort at last!" said Ness. "Now to take the clue, and..."
"Wait! What about the time machine?" asked Pikachu.
"Hold on... okay, we need to just..." said Ness, ripping the clue. "Got it! It says we need to go to the batting cage and then we just keep batting, getting one, then using the time machine, back to the time we arrived there, until we get 10 baseballs at the same time!"
"This is so easy," said Pikachu, laughing manically.
Toon Link and Jigglypuff
Currently in 2nd Place
"We're almost there...?" said Toon Link, unsure.
Their car was barely away from the airport due to the thick traffic.
"Let's just walk," mused Jigglypuff.
They walked out the taxi, and began trudging past all the cars.
"We should have thought of this minutes ago," grumbled Toon Link.
Ness and Pikachu
Baseballs hit: 0/10
"We're warming up," explained Pikachu.
"Wow Pikachu," laughed Ness, "You're really gonna pull something if you stretch like that!"
People who were onlooking saw Ness laughing and pointing at a stationary stuffed animal.
Toon Link and Jigglypuff
Currently in 2nd Place
"God, where is Ness? I don't see him anywhere..." complained Toon Link.
"What time is it?" asked Jigglypuff.
Toon Link checked his watch.
"Apparently it is... 1:30 AM..." answered Toon Link.
Ness and Pikachu
Baseballs hit: 1/10
"Okay, we hit one!" said Ness.
"Away we goooo!" said Pikachu.
They transported five minutes back.
Toon Link and Jigglypuff
Currently in 2nd Place
"God, where is Ness? I don't see him anywhere..." complained Toon Link.
"What time is it?" asked Jigglypuff.
Toon Link checked his watch.
"Apparently it is... 1:30 AM..." answered Toon Link.
Ness and Pikachu
Baseballs hit: 1/10
"We're back!" said Ness, the machine's engine cooling down.
Ness and Pikachu jumped out the box and began batting again.
"Will the madness ever end?" asked Larry the cameraman.
Toon Link and Jigglypuff
Currently in 2nd Place
"Sheesh, this is quite a long walk..." mused Toon Link.
"You can say that again!" panted Jigglypuff.
Ness and Pikachu
Baseballs hit: 2/10
"Back in we go!" said Ness.
"Yipeeee!" said Pikachu, waving his arms excitedly.
Ness slipped on a banana.
"Where did this come from?" asked Pikachu.
"Oh, I put that there for comedic effect," explained Ness.
"Alrighty then!" said Pikachu.
Pikachu noticed they were surrounded by hundreds of bananas.
"We reeeeally need the humor," said Ness, giving a nervous smile.
Toon Link and Jigglypuff
Middle School Students
"I just hope Ness isn't too far ahead," mused Jigglypuff.
Ness and Pikachu
Ness pressed the dial again, and... Nothing happened.
"WHAT?" said Pikachu, "Broken already?"
"No, we seem to have run out of fuel," noticed Ness, looking at the drawn-in Fuel gauge, which happened to be pointing at the 'E'.
"What does 'E' even mean? 'Extemporaneous'?" asked Pikachu angrily.
"It means Empty," said Ness, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
"Besides, what would something like this even run on?" asked Pikachu.
"... Bananas... " said Ness, looking heartbroken.
"Are you kidding me?" asked Pikachu.
"No." said Ness, depressed.
...
"That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard!" laughed Pikachu, holding his sides, "Ahahahahaa! A Time machine runs on what? Bananas! HAHAAHHAAHAHHA!"
"So now we have to choose between the ability to go back in time, or our comedic running gag..." said Ness, looking desperate.
Pikachu looked shocked.
"Are you saying..."
Ness nodded.
"Oh we are so screwed..." muttered Pikachu, looking at the bananas.
Toon Link and Jigglypuff
Currently in 2nd Place
"Hey, I see the building!" said Toon Link, jumping up and down excitedly.
Jigglypuff was too busy stealing money from a blind man's coffee mug.
"We're almost there, almost there!" chanted Toon Link, grabbing Jigglypuff's arm and running towards the Sport Resort building.
"Thanks old guy for fixing our money problem!" said Jigglypuff, smiling.
Ness and Pikachu
Baseballs hit: 2/10
"We need to think of another way," said Ness. "No way I'm giving up either!"
"Well, either we use the time machine and win this leg, and lose our running gag idea, or keep the running gag idea, and just bust the time machine!" said Pikachu.
"I say... we... WAIT! I thought of something!" said Ness.
Toon Link and Jigglypuff
Currently in 2nd Place
"Run, Jiggly, run!" said Toon Link.
"I'm trying!" said Jigglypuff, hands loaded with cash.
"Where are you getting all this money?" asked Toon Link.
"I robbed a bank!" said Jigglypuff, smiling stupidly.
Ness and Pikachu
Baseballs hit: 2/10
"This is soooo stupid," grumbled Pikachu, in a giant banana suit.
"Oh, be quiet, it could be worse!" said Ness.
"Oh yeah? How so?" asked Pikachu angrily.
Toon Link and Jigglypuff
Middle School Students
"Come on Jigglypuff," said Toon Link, starting to get annoyed.
"I got more money!" said Jigglypuff, overflowing with so much cash it was starting to fly left and right out of her hands, and Jigglypuff, being greedy, was trying to stop and pick up every single one she dropped, was holding her team back.
"Can you stop with the money-stealing gimmick?" asked Toon Link, looking desperate.
Ness and Pikachu
...Best Friends?
"Almost...done!" said Ness, shoving the bananas in the slot of the cardboard box time machine.
Ness typed several things into the keyboard, looking professional.
"...seriously though, bananas? Of all things?" asked Pikachu, still stung by the irony.
Ness ignored, and typed several things into the keyboard, looking professional.
"Are you starting to ignore me again?" asked Pikachu, looking angry.
Toon Link and Jigglypuff walked through the door and saw Ness, and Pikachu the stuffed animal, sitting in a cardboard box.
"What in the... Ness?" said Jigglypuff, looking confused. "What are you doing?"
"Wait... they caught up?" said Pikachu, to only Ness who could hear him, "How much time had we wasted?"
"Too much," said Ness. "So much that the second flight has arrived..."
"Ness, seriously man, what are you-"
Ness, desperate to go back in time, pressed the button, and the box jetted up and through the newly created vortex.
"It was the only way," explained Ness. "See ya, Toon Link!"
Pikachu, the more observant out of his team, noticed they had an extra passenger.
"JIGGLYPUFF!" said Ness.
"JIGGLYPUFF!" said Pikachu.
"JIIIGLYPUFFF!" said Jigglypuff, singing.
Ness and Pikachu fell asleep.
...
Ness and Pikachu woke up.
"What are you doing here?" asked Ness, horrified. "Well, no matter- we'll just exterminate you..."
Ness cackled manically, lifting up Pikachu.
"PIKACHU! EXTERMINATE HER!" screamed Ness, throwing Pikachu at Jigglypuff.
Pikachu (the stuffed animal) merely bounced off Jigglypuff.
...
Ness cried.
"Take this!" yelled Jigglypuff, slapping Ness.
Ness gripped onto the side of the box, desperate not to fall.
"NESS! If you fall, you'll be placed in who knows what time era!" warned Pikachu.
"Oh, really?" said Jigglypuff, stepping on Ness' hands.
"AAAAAAHHHH!1 HELP ME, PIKACHU!" screamed Ness, barely holding on.
"Looks like I foiled your evil plans, Nessie!" cackled Jigglypuff evilly.
Ness and Pikachu looked confused.
"Nessie?" said Ness, looking distraught.
"That's the best I could think up with, gimme a break!" said Jigglypuff angrily.
Ness punched her, and got back inside the box.
Their box landed, and Ness knocked her a good distance away.
"Pikachu, you distract her, and I'll hide the box!" said Ness.
"Gotcha!" said Pikachu, and in Ness' POV, Pikachu attacked Jigglypuff and started viciously shocking her.
Ness pushed the box behind some bushes, and started trying to hit some baseballs.
Jigglypuff tore Pikachu in half, then walked towards the clue and read it.
"PIKACHUUUUUU!1" screamed Ness in horror.
"Oh god... there's bits of me everywhere..." coughed up Pikachu, his entrails spread everywhere.
"I'm calling 9-1-1!" said Ness, looking shocked.
Ness, dialing up 911, heard the phone start ringing.
"Hellooo?" said some random police man... eating a donut or something.
"My Pikachu's been torn in half, you guys hafta help him!" said Ness, yelling into the phone.
"Oh god! That sounds tough! We'll be right there!" said the policeman, hanging up.
"I told on yoooou," said Ness, wagging his finger at Jigglypuff, who had already hit five baseballs.
Toon Link and Jigglypuff
Currently in 2nd Place
"God, where is Ness? I don't see him anywhere..." complained Toon Link.
"What time is it?" asked Jigglypuff.
Toon Link checked his watch.
"Apparently it is... 1:30 AM..." answered Toon Link.
Ness and Pikachu
Baseballs hit: 3/10
"I'll keep hitting baseballs until they get here!" said Ness.
"O...okay..." mumbled Pikachu, barely conscious.
Jigglypuff
Baseballs hit: 5/10
"I hafta beat these cheaters!" said Jigglypuff. "They've cheated their way to the lead, I got to get ahead!"
She missed an oncoming baseball.
Toon Link and Jigglypuff
Currently in 2nd Place
"Sheesh, this is quite a long walk..." mused Toon Link.
"You can say that again!" panted Jigglypuff.
Ness and Pikachu
Baseballs hit: 4/10
"Okay, listen carefully, Pikachu..." said Ness. "We have gone back in time about five or six times now so we need to be absolutely careful NOT to run into our future selves for too long... otherwise a time paradox of mass proportions will occur, destroying the very fabric of your soul, destroying your body and spirit!"
"Sounds confusing," said Pikachu.
"I know, right?" said Ness. "Came up with all that just now. Pretty good, don't you think?"
Jigglypuff
Baseballs hit: 6/10
"Just need four more!" explained Jigglypuff to the camera.
She hit an oncoming one.
Ness and Pikachu
"I'm going to meet the policemen now," explained Ness, leaving Pikachu in the bushes.
Ness started running off in one direction, and suddenly heard voices.
"...What does 'E' even mean? 'Extemporaneous'?" asked Pikachu angrily.
"It means Empty," said Ness, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
"Besides, what would something like this even run on?" asked Pikachu.
"Oh no," muttered Ness. "My time traveling past! What should I do? If I run into him, I might disappear, because I've already run into myself once before!"
"... Bananas... " said Ness, looking heartbroken.
"Are you kidding me?" asked Pikachu.
"No." said Ness, depressed.
"Excuse me, young gentleman," said the policeman.
"Oh, crud! That's not good!" said Ness. "My past is meeting with someone that I, from the future, have summoned to here! That might consequently change my destiny, and could result in something terrible!"
"Like what?" asked Larry.
"... Plot holes..." said Ness, looking scared.
"Oh, no!" said Larry.
"...No, we haven't seen a dying Pikachu. In fact, the only one you'll find is right here, and he's healthy," explained the Ness of the past.
"Uh, he's (cough), over here!" said Ness in a deeper voice.
"Alright, I'm on my way!" said the policeman, walking towards the sound of Ness' voice.
"It worked, Ness of the past is confused!" said Ness.
"Alright," said the policeman, finally over to where Ness was, behind the bushes. "What is it?"
"My Pikachu, he needs to be fixed," explained Ness, walking the policeman over to Pikachu.
"Are you serious?" said the policeman angrily. "Because your stuffed animal broke, you call us?"
"Um... he's not a stuffed animal..." said Ness, looking a little offended.
"Fine! I'll humor you!" said Policeman Bob, starting to sew Pikachu back.
"Oh, thank you sir! Bless you!" said Ness, tears falling down his face with relief.
Jigglypuff
Baseballs hit: 7/10
Jigglypuff was hiding in the bushes, having noticed Ness and Pikachu of the past.
"...seriously though, bananas? Of all things?" asked Pikachu, still stung by the irony.
Ness ignored, and typed several things into the keyboard, looking professional.
"I have to wait for Toon Link to appear," muttered Jigglypuff.
"Are you starting to ignore me again?" asked Pikachu, looking angry.
Toon Link and Jigglypuff walked through the door and saw Ness, and Pikachu the stuffed animal, sitting in a cardboard box.
"A-ha!" said Jigglypuff. "We just need to wait for them to take off!"
"It was the only way," explained Ness. "See ya, Toon Link!"
"Perfect," stated Jigglypuff, walking out of the bushes as soon as Ness, Pikachu and Jigglypuff of the past disappeared.
Toon Link, who had stayed behind, noticed Jigglypuff.
"Jigglypuff, I thought you just took off with them!" said Toon Link, looking confused.
"That was my past self! Let's hurry up and beat Ness!" said Jigglypuff.
Toon Link and Jigglypuff ran back to the batting cage.
Ness and Pikachu
"So all I need to do now, is just beca-" said Ness, suddenly appearing in a hole.
"Aw, really?" said Ness. "What the heck was my past self doing to make me appear in this?"
11 Minutes Earlier...
"La la la!" said Ness, randomly walking into a hole.
"AUUUGH NO! WHY ME?" said Ness. "I blame someone else for my consequences, because I'm eleven years old!"
Ness
"Well, I might be able to jump out or something... I just hope Pikachu is okay." said Ness.
2:01 AM
2nd Flight Landed
Link and Yoshi
Currently in 3rd Place
"We've finally landed!" said Yoshi.
"Wow that flight was delayed by a minute! We are never going to recover from this!" screamed Link, gazing at his watch.
Yoshi rolled his eyes.
Falcon and Ganondorf
Currently in 4th Place
"We need to go to the Sport Resort!" explained Falcon. "FALCON...NAVIGATE!"
Falcon pulled out a map, and turned to the Mushroom City section.
"WARLOCK NAVIG-"
"Copycat!" screamed Falcon. "We all know you steal all my moves!"
Roy and Snake
Currently in 5th Place
"Our bags, where's our bags?" said Snake, frantically looking for their bags.
"Maybe if you actually looked in the BAGGAGE COMPARTMENT YOU'D FIND IT" yelled Roy.
Link and Yoshi
Currently in 3rd Place
"You think the other two teams are not that far ahead?" asked Yoshi.
"Eh, they can't be too far ahead..." mumbled Link.
Falcon and Ganondorf
Currently in 4th Place
"If there's one thing you'd want, what would it be?" asked Ganondorf, looking whimsical.
"...The power to understand women," said Falcon clearly.
"You're stupid! That was stupid!" yelled Ganondorf, snapping out of his dream world, and punching Falcon. "...Besides, I would want the power to understand Shakespeare!"
Some stupid laugh track played.
Roy and Snake
Currently in 5th Place
"There's the bags," explained Roy.
"You get them, I'll get a taxi!" said Snake.
Toon Link and Jigglypuff
Currently in 1st Place
"" yelled Jigglypuff.
"Do you mind?" asked Toon Link, eyes bloodred.
He ripped open the next clue, and read, "Make your way to the nearby tea factory and the manager will give you your next clue!"
Ness and Pikachu
Currently in 2nd Place
"They're ahead!" cried out Ness, "Blast! We're no longer in the lead!"
"Curse them! Curse them, so much!" spat Pikachu, with pure hate.
"The time machine is fried, for another hour or so..." muttered Ness.
"We have to make do without time travel now!" said Pikachu. "This is our closest ever to winning a leg! Let's not screw up!"
"Make your way to the nearby tea factory and the manager will give you your next clue!" read Ness.
Falcon and Ganondorf
Currently in 3rd Place
"Lucky us, a cab driver was willing to take us to the next clue!" said Falcon, smiling.
He and Ganondorf were tied up, and were in the process of being kidnapped.
"How nice of them!" beamed Falcon.
Ganondorf tried to say something, but his muffler saw to it that nobody understood him.
Link and Yoshi
Currently in 4th Place
"I think we lost the Frats," muttered Yoshi.
"It's alright, the two of us can catch up." explained Link.
Roy and Snake
Currently in 5th Place
"There's those rotten Lawyers, follow them!" ordered Roy to the cab driver.
"I think us, the kids and the Twins are the toughest teams," explained Snake. "The three of us have always been in the front... well... now just us and the kids have always been in the front nowadays..."
"Let's keep moving, I don't want to screw up our good run now." lamented Roy.
Toon Link and Jigglypuff
Middle School Students
"Being in Middle school, people think we aren't very smart..." muttered Toon Link to the camera. "But that's all about to change."
"Yeah, we don't get in cars with strangers!" smiled Jigglypuff.
"Hey, kid. Wanna come with me and my friend to the...store?" asked a stranger.
"STRANGER DANGER!1" screamed Toon Link and Jigglypuff.
"Wanna go with us to the...uh... candy... store?"
"Okay!" said Toon Link and Jigglypuff, hopping in the van.
It drove off, and the cameraman merely zoomed in on the van as it departed.
...
Then the car backed up and ran the camera man over.
Ness and Pikachu
...Best Friends?
"Me and Pikachu, having been friends for quite some time, we know what to expect from one another." said Pikachu.
...
"Are you going to even commentate?" asked the cameraman.
"Are you going to film, or do I have to do that, too?" asked Ness angrily.
Falcon and Ganondorf
Fraternity Brothers
"A good beer or two, sure keeps you feelin' dandy..." explained Falcon.
"Yes, quite!" agreed Ganondorf, wearing a mustache and stroking it in an evil fashion.
Link and Yoshi
Lawyers
"We have OVER NINE THOOOUSSSAAAND Pesos." said Link, noticing he was drowning in Mexican currency.
"...Which is completely worthless here in a land that goes by coin currency," sighed Yoshi.
"Remind me again why you entered into that Lottery competition back in Tazmily Village?" asked Link.
"Actually, you tried to make me enter the contest, but I refused, knowing you'd somehow make it backfire on me in an attempt to get me killed," explained Yoshi in a monotonous drone.
"What kind of a friend do you think I am?" cried Link.
Roy and Snake
Father and Son
"Who do we think will go out next?" said Roy, repeating the question given. "I personally say the Twins. They've been lagging behind the last couple legs, since leg six..."
"I hate you! And I hate this race!" screamed Mewtwo, in tears.
"We are soooo in last," said Lucario with hate.
"I say that stupid brat Ness," laughed Snake hatefully, "There's no need for wimps in this race!"
Link and Yoshi
Lawyers
"Open... the door..." choked out Yoshi, drowning in quarters.
Link reached for the door in an epic fashion.
He managed to grab the handle and turn it, just enough to have all the money spill out of the car.
"Ah, fresh air!" beamed Link, breathing in and out joyously.
He noticed Yoshi was lying on the floor of the taxi, unmoving.
"Yoshi! Breathe!" said a horrified Link, performing CPR.
Yoshi coughed up several coins.
"Yoshi! Are you alright?" asked Link, looking anxious.
Toon Link and Jigglypuff
Currently in 1st Place
"Roadblock! Who likes tea?" read Toon Link, grinning stupidly.
"Roadblock! A roadblock is a task only one person may perform!" chattered Koopa like a parrot. "In this roadblock, one person for each team must find the tea containing traces of heroin. Once they have found the correct cup, they will receive their next clue!"
"This task may seem strange and slightly frowned upon, but how else would someone find a way to get rid of twenty pounds of heroin?" asked Koopa.
"Wait... there's something else in here... is this... a Fast Forward?" asked Jigglypuff confusedly.
"Fast Forward! This is only one of four fast forwards in the entire race! In a Fast Forward, teams may skip all tasks and go directly to the pit stop!" said Koopa Troopa. "In this fourth and final Fast Forward, teams must go through a target practice course and make it through in under 35 seconds! You must shoot all the targets seen, with the exception of the civilian targets! This sounds relatively straightforward, but targets will pop out from everywhere, and one mistake may hold your team back!"
"Should we do the roadblock, or the Fast Forward?" asked Toon Link confusedly.
"Well... we still haven't used our U-Turn abilities, or our Fast Forward abilities," pointed out Jigglypuff.
"Yeah," agreed Toon Link, nodding knowingly.
"And not only that, but this is the last Fast Forward..." pointed out Jigglypuff.
"Yeah..." mused Toon Link.
"So we shoul-"
"YEAH?" asked Toon Link.
"Too late, my genius moment ran out on us!" beamed Jigglypuff.
"NUUUUUEEEZZZ!1" screamed Toon Link.
Ness and Pikachu
Currently in 2nd Place
"We aren't very far behind them after all!" lamented Pikachu.
"Phew, what a relief!" said Ness, smiling weakly.
"It's... a Roadblock, and... a Fast Forward!" stated Pikachu with excitement in his tone.
"Should we take it?" asked Ness. "This should be the last Fast Forward!"
"But we have the time machine to use! Not only that, but we're not allowed to use guns, anyways!" said Pikachu.
"Curse the stupid 'No cars, guns or puns' rule..." mumbled Ness, looking disappointed.
"Let's do the Roadblock..." nodded Pikachu.
Link and Yoshi
Lawyers
"Do you see a sport resort building yet?" asked Link.
"No, not quite..." replied Yoshi. "I do, however, see Roy and Snake..."
"That's not good," mused Link.
Falcon and Ganondorf
Fraternity Brothers
"We're so lucky these nice people are giving us a ride to the clue!" smiled Falcon nicely.
"Shut up! We'll kill you if you speak again!" said one of the robbers, slapping Falcon.
"You'll let us even take us to the beach later? How cool!" added Falcon joyously.
"What did I say! You better watch yourself pal!" growled the same robber, punching the back of Falcon's head.
"And you're giving away your scotch too? Awesome!" grinned Falcon, "Wanna be friends on Facebook?"
"I'll kill your friend if you say another word!" threatened the robber, holding a gun to Ganondorf's head.
"You'll make us first place? That's so swee-"
Roy and Snake
Father and Son
"I can't seem to spot anybody," sighed Snake.
"Do you think we're in last?" asked Roy, looking worried.
"Naw, I didn't see Mewtwo and Lucario on the plane, so either they're with the three brats, or they were on an even later flight..."
"Hopefully the latter," lamented Roy.
"Hopefully..." said Snake.
Link and Yoshi
Lawyers
"Looking for the Sport Resort!" reminded Link.
"Gotcha." said Yoshi.
"I'm not exactly worried, seeing as we're obviously not in last!" said Link.
"Yeah, those twins are really far behind..."
Roy and Snake
Father and Son
"We're stuck in major traffic," cursed Snake. "Damn! And right when we spotted those frats!"
"Their taxi made an exit off the freeway, at a ridiculous speed!" noticed Roy.
"I just hope those Lawyers weren't able to avoid it..." muttered Snake to nobody in particular.
Link and Yoshi
Lawyers
"We seem to have hit a complication." explained Yoshi. "Traffic's really, really backed up..."
"As if we aren't far behind enough," said Link observationally.
"Wait... are those the annoying death people? Snake and whatshisname?" asked Yoshi, pointing to a taxi a couple cars back and to the right.
"Looks like we lucked out! Woo-hoo!" cheered Link, at the other teams' misfortune.
"Yeah... yeah, it is man," said Yoshi, breathing a sigh of relief.
Falcon and Ganondorf
Fraternity Brothers
"Looks like we're here!" said Ganondorf excitedly. "Will you let us go now?"
"Fine, because you guys are a real pain," groaned one robber, clutching his head, "I actually have a headache from that guys' droning!"
"HYESZ" cheered Falcon.
They were unceremoniously dumped out in front of the Sport Resort, apparently willing.
"Make your way to... blah blah blah... we need to hit five baseballs!" replied Ganondorf happily.
Roy and Snake
Father and Son
"Traffic is getting heavier," stated Roy unwillingly.
"As if things weren't getting any worse." said Snake.
"I know, right?" said Roy.
...
"Did we just agree on something?" asked Snake.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!1" screamed Snake and Roy, crashing into several cars, their own car exploding.
Ness
On Roadblock
"You know, we're actually doing really, really decent this leg..." mused Ness happily.
"I know, right? We'll finally be in the top three!" smiled Pikachu.
Both sighed very dreamily, looking off into the distance.
Toon Link
On Roadblock
"Need to win this... need to win this..." repeated Toon Link.
A cat randomly jumped out of nowhere and clawed Toon Link's face in.
Ness
On Roadblock
"Dee doo dee..." hummed Ness, searching for the correct cup, drinking random ones and showing them to the drink-checker-person.
"Five down, four hundred to go!" said Ness relaxedly.
Falcon and Ganondorf
Fraternity Brothers
"We're apparently third, with the kids far ahead and everyone else far behind!" explained Falcon to the camera in an annoying monotonous voice.
"We have hit four... how many do we need?" asked Ganondorf.
"Ten! So that means we need to hit how many more?" asked Falcon, smiling to the camera.
Silence followed.
"...Uh, what exactly are you fellas doing?" questioned the camera man.
"We're trying to apply for the Dora the Explorer show," explained Falcon to the camera.
Link and Yoshi
Lawyers
"There is little time left, the two of us are rapidly being further and further left behind..." explained Yoshi.
They were stuck in bumper-to-bumper traffic.
"...Wanna play Uno?" asked Yoshi, raising an eyebrow.
Roy and Snake
Father and Son
"Our side is clearing up! Yes!" cheered Roy.
"Those Lawyers look like they're pretty much screwed!" chuckled Snake evilly.
Traffic on their side was moving a half-inch per second.
Link and Yoshi
Lawyers
Yoshi placed down a wild card.
"Green! Now I get to put down one green card I have also!" explained Yoshi.
"Curses!" cursed Link. "Looks like I have to draw from the deck!"
He drew a card, and examined it.
"Curses!" swore Link, "Wrong color! Now for another card from the deck..."
He drew another card and examined it.
"Curses!" ranted Link, "Wrong color! I need another card from the deck..."
He drew a third card and examined it.
"Are you kidding me?" asked Link angrily.
Yoshi grinned at the camera.
Roy and Snake
Father and Son
"An 'A', I found an 'A'!" said Snake excitedly.
"Now you need to find a 'B', you see? The game is really quite simple.
"Dad, dad, I found a 'B'!" said Snake with zeal, pointing to a girl. "It's 'B' for-"
"I get what you're getting at," cut in Roy.
Link and Yoshi
Lawyers
"Curses..." droned Link, taking his 23rd card from the deck, "Wrong color..."
2:37 AM
Last Flight Landed
Mewtwo and Lucario
Currently in Last Place
"Finally out from the gate!" euphorized Mewtwo.
"Gate? What gate?" asked Lucario.
"The horse stall gate, like the horse racing," explained Mewtwo in a smart manner.
"That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard," said Lucario.
"Oh? Well uh... um... Oh yeah?" asked Mewtwo threateningly.
"Yeah," replied Lucario staring down Mewtwo.
They had a staredown.
Ness
On Roadblock
"We've just about been head-to-head throughout this leg," noticed Ness. "It's like... a face-off!"
"Focus on drinking random drinks!" cheered Pikachu.
Toon Link
On Roadblock
"Ness is a nice guy, but I can't let myself be beaten by the likes of him!" explained Toon Link, looking saddened.
"Go Toon Link!" cheered Jigglypuff.
Ness
On Roadblock
"Toon Link is cool and all, but a race is a race!" explained Ness morbidly.
"You can do it, Ness!" yelled Pikachu from afar.
Toon Link
On Roadblock
"I wonder what our team would win?" questioned Toon Link.
"Probably some stupid vacation thingy," explained Jigglypuff.
Ness
On Roadblock
"This is my 29th cup, maybe this one's the one!" said Ness with excitement.
He walked up to the guy and showed him the cup he had just drank the tea from.
The man inspected it, then nodded.
"YES!" cheered Ness, "YES, YES, YES!"
He ripped open the clue and read aloud: "Make your way over to the Pancake restaurant further down town!"
"Teams now have to journey over to the local pancake diner, where the teams shall find their next clue!" explained Koopa.
"Sorry Toon Link, but looks like this leg is mine!" cackled Ness, running out the room.
Toon Link
On Roadblock
"Not for long..." grumbled Toon Link, rummaging through cups and showing multiple ones to the man.
The man nodded.
"You pass," he explained.
"Are you serious?" asked Toon Link, shocked.
Ness and Pikachu
Currently in 1st Place
"Taking the lead, feeling good!" smiled Ness.
"We'll finally win, man, finally!" chattered Pikachu.
"Taxi!" hailed Ness, waving to a taxi.
Toon Link and Jigglypuff
Currently in 2nd Place
"Make your way over to the Pancake restaurant further down town!" read Toon Link.
"We're only a couple minutes behind, if we double-time it, we'll catch up!" said Jigglypuff hopefully.
The two of them tried to flag down a taxi.
Falcon and Ganondorf
Currently in 3rd Place
"Make your way to the nearby tea factory and the manager will give you your next clue!" read Ganondorf.
"Duuuude, we're totally rockin' this leg man," said Falcon, clearly stone drunk.
"I know, right?" smiled Ganondorf, not realizing.
"We're like, totally like, gonna beat the otherrrs," said Falcon, clearly stone drunk.
Roy and Snake
Currently in 4th Place
"You now need to go to the batting cage and successfully hit 10 baseballs. You will afterwards receive your next clue." read Snake.
He turned to his dad and asked: "Dad, what's baseball?"
"Oh, it's real simple, something that your old man used to be good at," said Roy, grinning.
"Is it fun?" asked Snake, looking sheepish.
Link and Yoshi
Currently in 5th Place
"Ha! Now you have to draw four cards!" taunted Yoshi, "And the new color is yellow!"
"What?" said Link angrily. "This is stupid! How many wild cards are you gonna get?" as he spoke he was drawing four cards.
Yoshi put down a yellow skip card, then a yellow reverse card, then put down a seven yellow card.
"Dude, this game is freaking annoying," said Link with anger.
Mewtwo and Lucario
Currently in Last Place
"Last, and no hope in sight." said Lucario, with an evil frown on his face.
"Last, and hope fully in sight!" smiled Mewtwo, with a good-natured smile upon his face.
"You two are like fire and water," analogized the camera man.
Ness and Pikachu
Currently in 1st Place
"Alright, take us to this pancake restaurant!" ordered Ness to the cab driver.
"We're in a race!" beamed Ness and Pikachu, smiling brightly.
Their car sped off, leaving the incoming team Toon Link and Jigglypuff in the dust.
Toon Link and Jigglypuff
Currently in 2nd Place
"We...are...SO GOING TO KICK THEIR ASSES!" roared Jigglypuff, as she jumped back up.
Toon Link merely coughed up some dust.
"They have been really pissing me off! No more!" screeched Jigglypuff, obviously infuriated.
Toon Link was apparently choking on some excess grease from the car.
"PREPARE TO MEET YOUR MAKER, NESS!" screamed Jigglypuff, forcing her and Toon Link in the closest taxi and pointed a gun to the taxi drivers' head.
Falcon and Ganondorf
Currently in 3rd Place
"Roadblock! Who on your team likes tea?" read Ganondorf.
"Hey, look man, the last fast forward!" pointed Falcon, as it fell out.
"We already used up our Fast Forward, so... Hey, I'll do the task!" said Ganondorf.
"Good luck, duuude!" said Falcon, waving to Ganondorf.
Roy and Snake
Baseballs hit: 4/10
"We've only hit half of what we just about need!" said an agitated Snake.
"I feel like we're starting to actually have to try really hard to stay in the race, compared to the early legs when there was lots of cannon fodder..." reminisced Roy.
"Dude, we've been feeling worse and worse for wear every leg..." explained a tired Snake.
Roy hit a baseball.
"Whoa son, lookit that, I actually hit one!" said Roy excitedly.
Snake hit three in one swing.
"How it must suck to be old," mused Snake, flexing his muscle as girls tried to hold his arm and feel them.
Link and Yoshi
Currently in 5th Place
"Oh! Oh, Uno!" said Yoshi excitedly.
Link muttered something that was inaudible.
"Man, this was fun," chuckled Yoshi. "Well, we're here!"
"What?" asked Link, looking a little confused.
"We're here at the Sport Resort!" said Yoshi. "Remember? The race? We played Uno in the traffic to relax ourselves?"
"Oh yeah... OH YEAH!" said Link, panicking again.
"On second thought... Hey, let's play Uno inside..." said Yoshi.
"Okay!" said Link, forgetting their troubling situation.
Mewtwo and Lucario
Currently in Last Place
"Great! As if our problems weren't bad enough!" cursed Mewtwo. "We would hit bumper-to-bumper traffic, when we already have a thirty-minute time space, and not only that, but we have a Speed Bump! BUT NOW WE'RE IN BUMPER-TO-BUMPER traffic!1"
...
"I like you when you're angry," smiled Lucario.
Ness and Pikachu
...Best Friends?
"We are living large, Pika!" cackled Ness, drinking random champagne.
"But... shouldn't we celebrate at the mat? We still have a Detour to do!" reminded Pikachu.
"No! That's stupid! You're stupid! Frick you! Frick you, frick your mom, frick your dad, frick your brothers and sisters, and frick your dog!" screamed Ness.
Both the Pikachu stuffed animal and the taxi cab driver were staring at Ness.
Because the latter was staring at Ness, the cab they were driving in crashed head on into a truck.
Toon Link and Jigglypuff drove by.
Toon Link and Jigglypuff
Middle School Students
"We're not out of this yet!" said Jigglypuff, grinning maliciously.
"Sorry Nessy, but we've got a vacation to catch! ...And attend to." said Toon Link.
"Not that far ahead till we're there!" said Jigglypuff excitedly.
Ness and Pikachu
...Best Friends?
Ness and Pikachu climbed out of the burning wreckage, looking very pissed.
"If only there was some way to get back at them... we have to beat them, we HAVE to beat them and get first!" screamed Ness.
"Keep your wits about you, Ness, we have some ways to go," said a calm-headed Pikachu.
"We could win, Pikachu! Win! We're the only team who hasn't won yet! Let's hurry up and win this leg, man!" said Ness, now looking very depressed.
Pikachu patted him on the back.
Ness started to cry and hugged Pikachu.
"Aw, Pikie, you're always there for me! What would I do without you!"
"If we work together, we'll be unstoppable!" said Pikachu, inspirationally.
Toon Link and Jigglypuff
Middle School Students
"We're taking the lead that Ness so desperately wants!" explained Toon Link.
"Hey, we need this win! We need bragging rights to be the first team to win a second leg!" chimed in Jigglypuff.
Toon Link pointed to a picture of Mewtwo and Lucario.
"...What about them? Mewtwo and Lucario?" asked Toon Link.
"Who's Mewtwo and Lucario?" asked Jigglypuff, genuinely confused.
Advertisement
"Ever had Amnesia? Ever had the need to cure it?" asked Quinn, grinning hugely. "Well now you can, with our latest product, Amnesia-away!"
"Remember things you've completely forgotten!" said Kirby, as if from nowhere. "Remember things that didn't even exist in the first place!"
A picture of a unicorn appeared on screen.
"Wow, a Unicorn!" said Kirby excitedly.
Kirby took a sip of the medical drug.
"I remember being a kid again!" said Kirby, smiling and waving to the camera.
Quinn took a sip of the medicine.
"Gosh, Kirby, that reminds me of the time we went on the Extra Smashy Amazing Race!" said Quinn, having an epiphany.
A huge SWAT team broke into the room, and promptly dragged Quinn away.
Kirby merely watched.
Production Room
"You were told to never ever mention the first season in your commercials," explained a Shy Guy. "It was a disgrace, you and your alligator friend breaking into the set, stealing the casting call script and forcing your names on there."
"Actually, it was Victor's idea-"
"SILENCE! DO NOT MENTION HIS NAME!" roared the director Shy Guy.
"Uh, so what should I do now?" asked Quinn, "Because, you do realize you guys barged in on a live commercial, right?"
"We did not intend on doing so, yet you had to mention something you promised to forget..."
"Actually, since my memory has been coming back, I now realize you guys actually drugged me with a forgetting serum, and because of mine and Kirby's product, 'Amnesia-away', I have successfully regained my memories back!" said Quinn, looking happy.
"You guys do realize that you two are still on the live commercial, right?" said the Koopa Paratroopa camera man.
...
"Is... that a bad thing?" asked the innocuous Quinn.
Ganondorf
On Roadblock
"Somebody's definitely been here," said Ganondorf, inspecting the empty tea cups.
"Go Ganondorf!" cheered Falcon.
"I need to systematically eliminate the drinks one by one," Ganondorf told himself.
Roy and Snake
Completed Task
"Make your way to the nearby tea factory and the manager will give you your next clue!" read Snake.
"Let's go, son!" said Roy, beckoning his son.
They hurried back to their taxi and closed the door. On Snake's hand.
Link and Yoshi
Lawyers
"Uno! Uno!" said Yoshi, excitedly.
"Should we do the task now?" asked a somewhat amused Link.
"Yeah, probably," said Yoshi, shaking hands with his partner.
They went to go do the task.
"Oh! I hit one!" said Link with joy in his voice.
Mewtwo and Lucario
Twin Brothers
"We're still in traffic," explained Mewtwo to the camera man in the car with him.
"I thought of something!" said Lucario, a giant lightbulb appearing over his head.
He punched Mewtwo so hard, he was knocked out. He then broke the side window and impaled some glass in Mewtwo.
He dialed 911 then screamed in the phone: "HELP! MY BROTHER! He's been in a car wreck!"
Lucario added some finishing touches to Mewtwo's unconscious body, and the supposedly 'wrecked' car.
The ambulance arrived shortly, and Lucario, Mewtwo's body and the camera man got inside.
"How long has it been since the car wreck?" asked one associate.
"Five minutes," said a teary-eyed Lucario.
Lucario winked at the camera when the worker turned around.
Ness and Pikachu
...Best Friends?
"There's a taxi company! Let's steal one!" said Ness.
The two ran inside.
Five minutes later, bursting through a brick wall, Ness and Pikachu at the wheel, the two laughed triumphantly.
"After those boy scout losers!" said Pikachu.
Toon Link and Jigglypuff
Middle School Students
"We're here!" said Jigglypuff with a tone of urgency in her high-pitched voice.
Toon Link merely ignored her and jumped out the car.
Jigglypuff ripped open the next clue.
"Eat ten pancakes per person on your team for your next clue!" said Jigglypuff. "Apparently this leg has a lot of navigating..."
Toon Link was already inside and eating a pancake.
Ness and Pikachu
...Best Friends?
"Eat ten pancakes per person on your team for your next clue!" read Pikachu (Ness).
"Let's do this!" said Ness encouragingly.
"Right behind ya' Nessie!" said Pikachu (Ness).
"Maybe we'll get lucky and ace this task!" said Ness optimistically.
Ness noticed a few feet away was a speed bump, with Mewtwo and Lucario's faces.
"Looks like someone's gonna be busy!" laughed Ness.
Ganondorf
On Roadblock
"Being in the middle for so long actually has been advantageous," explained Ganondorf, still searching for the correct cup, "We're not in danger of being eliminated, but also we're not always first so no-one hates us..."
"But we hate Roy and Snake!" said Falcon annoyingly.
"Why do we hate them again?" asked Ganondorf.
"I'll tell you at the end of the leg," explained Falcon. "Builds up confusion, and keeps the reader hooked."
"Reader? What reader?" asked Ganondorf, looking confused.
Roy and Snake
Currently in 4th Place
"God, I hope we've been ahead of Falcon and Ganondorf, at least, this whole time..." muttered Snake.
"Holding grudges," reprimanded Roy, "That's what makes them hate us. This is what we were talking about back in January 2010..."
"2010?" said Snake, confused. "Has the race really taken that long?"
"Yeah! Today is April fourth, 2011! The race started April fourth, 2009..." explained Roy.
"Then... then what have we been doing between legs at the pit stops for so long?" asked Snake, confused.
"You know, I actually don't reme-"
The camera quickly shut off mysteriously and suddenly.
Link and Yoshi
Baseballs hit: 3/10
"Dude, if we don't hurry, Mewtwo and Lucario are gonna put us down for good!" said Link.
"Alright, but let's play Uno in the car on the way to the next clue!" said Yoshi.
Link grinned hugely at the comment.
Mewtwo and Lucario
Twin Brothers
"We have to take him to the hospital, sir!" explained a nurse.
"No! He's fine! We need to get out!" snapped Lucario, trying to take Mewtwo's unconscious body with him.
"Sir! No, sir! You have to keep him strapped in, or he'll go into cardiac arrest!" screamed another nurse.
Lucario literally jumped out the moving ambulance, with Mewtwo's body, and the two hit the ground and rolled for a bit, along with the camera man.
Mewtwo finally awoke again, very disoriented.
"What... what happened...?" asked Mewtwo.
"Well, let's see, I knocked you unconscious, stuck huge shards of glass in you, called the ambulance, lied to them and said you were in a car wreck, punched you back to unconsciousness when you were starting to stir, noticed our destination was next to our ambulance, argued with two nurses over your body, and finally we jumped out a moving ambulance, and now you're internally bleeding from the shard wounds that are now impaled in you," said Lucario.
"..." said Mewtwo.
"Oh, and it turns out that we never needed to do any of that, we were less than a mile from the Sport Resort anyways," added Lucario.
Ganondorf
On Roadblock
"Dude, how far away do you think the other teams are?" asked Falcon.
"Not that far I'm assuming," sighed Ganondorf, "We need to keep racing and hope we're ahead of the pack."
"If I had to guess, I'd say we're either third or fourth... Because we know for a fact the Students and Ness is ahead of us... and we also are positive that the Twins are reeeally far behind." explained Falcon.
"That leaves the Lawyers and the Father/Son combo. We need to watch out for them." finished Ganondorf.
He showed his thirty-first cup to the cup-person.
"No, sorry," said the Boo.
"Dang," said Ganondorf, disappointed.
Roy and Snake
Currently in 3rd Place
"The next clue!" said Roy with some form of optimism in his tone.
"Roadblock! Who on your team likes tea?" read Snake.
"Wait! What's this?" asked Roy, showing a Fast forward clue.
"Yes! A fast forward!" said Snake with wide eyes.
"What do we have to do?" asked Roy.
"Let's see...we have to go through a military training program! Perfect!" said Snake. "This is exactly my kind of task! Let's do the fast forward!"
"Alright, son! Finally a task where you can vent all your anger, and we'll go straight to first place!" said Roy, looking excited.
The two left the building, not noticing Falcon and Ganondorf walking out literally a few seconds later.
Falcon and Ganondorf
Currently in 4th Place
"Make your way over to the Pancake restaurant further down town!" read Falcon.
"Dude, we're tearing through this leg!" said Ganondorf.
"We need to be careful, remember, this time it's an elimination leg!" said Falcon.
"We've lasted this long, no falling out now." said Ganondorf.
"Taxi!" called Falcon.
Link and Yoshi
Baseballs hit: 7/10
"We're soaring through this, man!" said Link.
"Whoever hits the tenth ball gets to go first in the next Uno game!" exclaimed Yoshi excitedly.
"Dude..." said Link, shocked.
"What is it, Link? What?" said Yoshi.
Mewtwo and Lucario
Baseballs hit: 0/10
"Hey guys!" said Lucario with some inward joy in his tone.
"How long have you guys been here?" asked Mewtwo.
"A-about fifteen minutes..." said a mortified Yoshi.
"Good, then this shouldn't take long," said a satisfied Lucario.
"Are you guys the only ones still here?" questioned Mewtwo.
"Uh...yeah, we guess, everyone else is apparently ahead," said Link quietly.
"Looks like a face-off," said Mewtwo, as he telekinetically hit the baseball with his baseball bat.
Lucario hit another one.
Link and Yoshi
Currently in 5th Place
"That... was scary!" said Link, out of breath from sprinting out of the Sport Resort.
"Well, we have the clue, at the least," said Yoshi, holding up the clue.
"Make your way to the nearby tea factory and the manager will give you your next clue!" read Yoshi.
"Whoa, I see them coming out, run, run!" said Link, horrified.
Mewtwo and Lucario
Currently in Last Place
"Hey guys! Wait up!" said Mewtwo, calling after the Lawyers.
"Looks like they didn't want to carpool together," said a snickering Lucario.
Falcon and Ganondorf
Currently in 3rd Place
"Dude, do you see the pancake place yet, dude?" asked Falcon.
"Naw man, not yet." said Ganondorf.
"Keep looking!" said Falcon enthusiastically.
Toon Link and Jigglypuff
Middle School Students
"Well, it appears that we're eating pancakes in order to stay in first place." said Toon Link.
"Shut up! Keep eating, or we'll lose!" screamed Jigglypuff, who was talking whilst eating which made her start to choke.
Ness and Pikachu
...Best Friends?
"Eat! Eat!" said Ness, on his fifth pancake. "Come on Pikachu, if you don't eat at all, we won't pass!"
"Actually," said a nearby producer, "Because only one of you has a digestive system, only Ness has to perform this task!"
"HOORAY" said Ness and Pikachu.
Toon Link and Jigglypuff
Middle School Students
"I'm finishing... my seventh one..." said Toon Link, eating at a decent pace.
Jigglypuff was not in her seat.
"Jigglypuff? Where'd you go?" said Toon Link, looking around.
Ness and Pikachu
...Best Friends?
"AHAHAHAHAHA" cackled Jigglypuff, eating Pikachu's pancakes.
"What the heck, she's eating my food!" said Pikachu to no-one in particular.
"Jigglypuff, go back to Toon Link!" said Ness angrily.
"Fiiiine," said Jigglypuff unwillingly.
Toon Link and Jigglypuff
Middle School Students
"Well? What kept you?" asked Toon Link. "I'm on my eighth pancake..."
"I finished," explained Jigglypuff. "You've been taking forever, so I went to bother Ness and Pikachu..."
Ness and Pikachu
Currently in 1st Place
"Detour: Cook or Sell?" read Ness.
"Detour!" Said Koopa, "A detour is a choice between two tasks, each with its pros and cons!"
"In Cook, teams have to successfully cook three different meals in the pancake restaurant! Once they have done so, they will receive their next clue. This seems particularly easy, but one mistake on one of your meals while cooking means you must start all over on that meal!"
"In Sell, teams must take a car and deliver four meals to different people! Yes, this is easier than the other task, but teams have to drive all the way back to the pancake restaurant for their next clue!"
"Well, what do you think we should do?" asked Ness.
"Probably the first one," decided Pikachu.
"Cooking it is!" said Ness, walking back inside the restaurant.
Toon Link and Jigglypuff
Currently in 2nd Place
"Detour: Cook or sell?" read Toon Link.
"Oh man, we should totally sell!" said Jigglypuff.
"You think so?" asked Toon Link.
"Yes, yes, totally!" said Jigglypuff.
"Alright then... whatever you say..." said Toon Link.
They walked outside.
"Hey kids, wanna do some dope?" asked a stranger.
"Oh man, we should totally do dope!" said Jigglypuff.
"You think so?" asked Toon Link.
"Yes, yes, totally!" said Jigglypuff.
Falcon and Ganondorf
Currently in 3rd Place
"Eat ten pancakes per person on your team for your next clue!" read Ganondorf.
"Dude, this is like, such an easy-seeming task," laughed Falcon.
"I bet you we're going to throttle this task..." mused Ganondorf.
"FRAAAT POWEEERRR!1" screamed Falcon and Ganondorf, posing.
Roy and Snake
Attempting Fast Forward
"Attempt number one!" said Roy, as he and Snake were suited up (Which Snake already was, and had been for the whole race, so really it was just Roy who was now suited up).
"And... GO!" said the announcer.
Snake did a few ninja moves, and as soon as the five communist targets popped up, along with two civilian targets, Snake performed a 360 degree spin and shot all five communist targets.
Snake and Roy ran a few feet, and before walking inside the building, two more civilian targets and a communist target appeared.
Snake shot the communist target, and strode onward, with a smile proud on his face, bravely moving past the deadly dangers of communism, and continuing forwar-
Roy shot a civilian target.
"Dammit, dad," said Snake angrily. "You don't shoot those targets. They're civies!"
"S-sorry, son..." said Roy.
"Alright, let's try again," said Snake, sighing.
"Attempt number two!" said a random Goomba.
Snake pulled out dual M9s, and shot all three communist targets at the beginning, ran on, and shot the next communist target.
walking up some stairs, a communist target popped up.
He knifed it and ran onwards.
Several targets appeared.
Roy shot a civilian target.
"SON OF A-DAMN IT ALL, DAD" said Snake angrily.
"I-I'm s-s-sorry," said Roy ashamedly.
"Attempt number three." said the second goomba worker.
Snake this time pulled out a Vector with a suppresser and ACOG sight, and shot all three targets with ease, shot the fourth one and switched to his side arm, a Glock 18 with a Red dot sight and a suppresser, then shot the target at the top of the stairs.
He then took out all seven of the targets with a full sweep with his AA-12.
Snake placed C4 onto the top of the building, grabbed Roy, and jumped off the two story building, and as he was falling, pressed the detonator.
The building exploded, sending tiny little pieces of cardboard and wood flying everywhere, and Snake opened his parachute.
They landed safely to the ground, and Snake calmly started walking to the exit of the practicing facility, smirking as he triumphantly thought of being in first place for the leg, and how amazing it would be to win the million do-
Roy shot a civilian target.
"SON OF A BITCH, DAD!" screamed Snake angrily.
Link and Yoshi
Currently in 5th Place
"We have to lose them, driver!" said Yoshi. "We'll pay extra, give you a fanny pack- anything, just lose them!"
"Got it," said the Shy Guy driver.
"Dude, they're a couple cars back, and they're trying to follow," reported Link, who was watching behind them.
"Oh, man, oh man- We spent too much time playing Uno." said a worried Yoshi.
...
"Wanna play Uno?" asked Yoshi.
"Hell yeah!" said Link.
They played Uno in the taxi, as their driver tried to lose the other taxi.
Mewtwo and Lucario
Currently in Last Place
"We have to gain on them, driver!" said Mewtwo. "We'll pay money, give you gasoline- anything, just pass them!"
"Got it," said the Monty Mole driver.
"They're a mere two cars ahead." said Lucario.
"This is our chance to stay in! We need to take it!" said Mewtwo boldly.
Ness and Pikachu
On Cook
"Do do dooo," hummed Ness, cooking three pancakes simultaneously.
"Good thing you're good at cooking." said Pikachu, smiling.
"Yeah, otherwise we'd be not doing so good at this task." agreed Ness.
"Heh, I bet Toon Link and Jigglypuff aren't exactly doing so well," sneered Pikachu.
"You said it!" said Ness.
Toon Link and Jigglypuff
On Sell
"Alrighty, I'll drive, and navigate. You do nothing but sit in the back and we should ace the task," said Toon Link.
"Okay!" beamed Jigglypuff, sitting in the back of the van.
Toon Link started the car.
Falcon and Ganondorf
Fraternity Brothers
"Duuuude, is that... Ness who is cooking the food?" asked Falcon.
"Whoa man... are we sober?" asked Ganondorf.
"I thought I was," sighed Falcon.
"If that isn't an illusion, then we've caught up to the other teams." said Ganondorf.
Link and Yoshi
Lawyers
"Roadblock!" read Yoshi quickly. "Who on your team likes tea?"
"You do it!" said Link, "And hurry, those Twins will be here any second!"
"Alright, alright..." said Yoshi with urgency.
They ran inside.
Mewtwo and Lucario
Twin Brothers
"Well, we're lost," sighed Lucario.
"Looks like it..." said Mewtwo.
"When do you reckon the Speed Bump will appear?" asked Lucario.
Mewtwo opened his mouth.
"Shut up," said Lucario.
Mewtwo closed his mouth.
Yoshi
On Roadblock
"Half of the cups are gone, apparently?" noticed Yoshi.
"Have you even been observant enough to notice I've done just about every task for our team? I've done six, how many have you tried?" asked an angry Link.
"How should I know? Like, three?" said Yoshi.
"WRONG! This is your second one!" screeched Link.
"Whoa, man, calm down!" said Yoshi, placating.
Falcon and Ganondorf
Fraternity Brothers
"Dude, we're tearing through this!" said Ganondorf.
"Yeah man," agreed Falcon, sneaking a couple pancakes under the table to the stray dog he had made his friend.
"Wow Falcon, you're hogging these like a pig! Have you been hiding this appetite this whole time?" laughed Ganondorf.
"Uh... heh heh, yeah..." chuckled Falcon nervously.
Toon Link and Jigglypuff
On Sell
Packages sold: 0/4
"Dude, there's little time, make the sale!" said Toon Link to Jigglypuff.
The back door of the van opened, and Jigglypuff hopped out and handed the box to the Boo.
"THANK YOU FOR YOUR SALE!" said a rabid Jigglypuff.
She threw the package at the Boo, and it went right through him.
"What the heck is wrong with you people!" said the Boo, shocked.
Ness and Pikachu
On Cook
Meals cooked: 0/3
"Almost done with the first one!" said Ness.
"Don't mess up, because this will ruin our chances of getting a lead!" said Pikachu.
"It's okay, mom always was a good cook!" said Ness.
"You think Toon Link and Jiggles are gonna catch up to us?" asked Pikachu.
"I doubt it," replied Ness.
Toon Link and Jigglypuff
On Sell
Packages sold: 1/4
"Make a left, up ahead," said some random GPS device.
"Alrighty!" said Toon Link excitedly.
"Modern technology will kill us all!" said Jigglypuff ominously.
"Yeah right," laughed Toon Link.
Their car plunged off the road and into the lake.
Falcon and Ganondorf
Fraternity Brothers
"I think we're done?" said Falcon.
"Actually, I'm full and we have two left," said Ganondorf.
"Oh noes! What will we do?" asked Falcon, horrified.
Yoshi
On Roadblock
"Do you think we're going to stay in?" asked Yoshi.
"Hey, we weren't last overall, that's what I didn't want," chuckled Link.
"I just hope we stay in to the top five," lamented Yoshi.
Mewtwo and Lucario
Twin Brothers
"All I wanted was to be in the top six," said Lucario, "And look where we are!"
"All I want is the million!" said Mewtwo, grinning.
Toon Link and Jigglypuff
On Sell
Packages sold: 3/4
"Alright, we need to make a right up ahead," said Toon Link.
The guy from All-state commercials appeared and their car hit him head on.
"Ever had a rabid cone destroy your car?" asked Mayhem. "Well you can get All-state insurance to be on your side!"
"What the hell, man!" yelled Toon Link, stumbling out of the car, bleeding.
"Can't breathe..." choked out Jigglypuff, still in the back with a shard of glass impaling her.
"Just call 666-777-8888!" said Mayhem.
"Dude... what is your problem?" asked Toon Link, one eye bleeding.
"We will fully pay for all damages, no matter who will sue you," continued Mayhem.
Ness and Pikachu
On Cook
Meals cooked: 1/3
"Dude, who do you think will be eliminated?" asked Ness, as he cooked the second meal.
"Definitely the Twins," smirked Pikachu.
"I agree!" laughed Ness, at the Psychic Twins' misfortune.
"If anything, at least we won't be eliminated!" said Ness.
Toon Link and Jigglypuff
On Sell
Packages sold: 4/4
"You guys okay?" asked the Goomba they gave the last package to.
"Need... to win... the leg..." coughed up Toon Link, blood dripping down in his shirt.
Toon Link tried to pull the shard out of Jigglypuff, who was currently unconscious.
"Um, should I call someone?" asked the Goomba.
"Hey, Gary," called a voice from inside the hotel room.
The person walked out to reveal Victor Fox.
"Hey... is that... Toon Link?" asked Victor.
"H-help..." said Toon Link, trying to help Jigglypuff.
"You've got to be kidding me..." sighed Victor. "Are you guys told to follow me everywhere or something?"
"Help me take her to the next clue..." whispered a physically exhausted Toon Link.
"Good thing I trained in medical school," said Victor, helping Toon Link carry Jigglypuff inside the van.
Ness and Pikachu
On Cook
Meals cooked: 2/3
"We're on the final meal!" said Ness.
"We need to hurry, if we move fast enough before the two others can get back, we'll be rid of them for good!" said Pikachu.
"Oh my gosh, I can feel the pit stop already," squealed Ness.
"What, you have a sixth sense too?" asked Pikachu, shocked.
"I was not being serious... but you have a sixth sense?" said Ness.
"The sense to know when people have a fear of us," explained Pikachu.
"Oooo, creepy!" said Ness.
Toon Link and Jigglypuff
Completed Task
"You sure you want to go back to the pancake place?" asked Gary the Goomba.
"Heck yeah, need to win," said a weak Toon Link.
"On the count of three, we pull this piece out," said Victor. "One... two... THREE!"
Toon Link and Victor pulled out the shard, and the latter put pressure on the wound.
"Okay, she's okay." breathed Victor.
Falcon and Ganondorf
Completed Task
"Detour: Cook or Sell?" read Ganondorf.
"Cook! Cook!" said Falcon.
"Looks like Ness is about to get a little shock," said Ganondorf, smirking.
Ness and Pikachu
On Cook
Meals cooked: 2/3
"Almost... done..." said Ness, trying to finish up the last one.
The meal fell on the floor, and Ness and Pikachu gasped in horror.
"But... we came so far!" cried out Pikachu.
"We're screwed!" said Ness, bursting into tears.
"How could things possibly be any worse!" screamed out Pikachu.
Falcon and Ganondorf
On Cook
Meals cooked: 0/3
"Hey Ness! And Pika-thingy!" smiled Falcon.
Ness and Pikachu cried even harder.
"What did I say?" asked Falcon angrily.
Toon Link and Jigglypuff
"We're here!" said Victor to Toon Link, as the former opened the back of the van so Toon Link could jump out and get the final clue.
"Make your... way... to the pit stop!" read Toon Link, "The Mushroom Skylight!"
"Teams must now make their way to the pit stop, Mushroom Skylight, one of the tallest buildings in all of Mushroom City! The last team to check in here may be eliminated!"
"We need to hurry!" coughed Toon Link, getting back in the van.
Ness and Pikachu
On Cook
Meals cooked: 2/3
"Just need to think... concentrate..." said Ness, making the last one.
They added the finishing touches, then showed the manager.
"Here is your next clue," said the Koopa manager.
"We passed!" said a happy Ness.
"Make your way to the pit stop, the Mushroom Skylight!" read Ness.
Falcon and Ganondorf
On Cook
Meals cooked: 0/3
"Dude, do you think the two kid teams are having an epic footrace battle thingy to the mat?" asked Ganondorf.
"Naaah, probably crying and throwing a hissy fit that they're not first or somethin'," laughed Falcon carelessly.
Ness and Pikachu
...Best Friends?
"Is... is that Toon Link?" asked Pikachu, pointing ahead.
"That is!" yelled Ness, "Hey taxi! Take us to Mushroom skylight!"
He paid the cab driver up front.
"Sure thing!" grinned the Toad.
Toon Link and Jigglypuff
Middle School Students
"Step on it!" said Toon Link.
"Gotcha!" said Gary the goomba.
"We're almost to the mat!" said Toon Link epically.
Five minutes later...
The Pit Stop
Toon Link and Jigglypuff's van came to a stop, outside the building.
"Out! Out!" said Toon Link, helping Victor carry Jigglypuff inside.
They moved through the glass doors and moved to the stairs.
Ness and Pikachu's taxi stopped just short of the glass doors, and Ness, with Pikachu in hand, ran through the glass doors, after Victor, Toon Link and Jigglypuff.
"Sorry Toony," said Victor, grinning, "But I have other things to attend to!"
"You... you jerk!" screamed Toon Link as he attempted to drag Jigglypuff onward by himself... up some stairs.
Ness reached the foot of the stairs and attempted to catch up to Toon Link and Jigglypuff.
"Almost... there..." breathed Toon Link.
"Looks like its the end of the line, Toon Link!" laughed Ness, passing up Jigglypuff and Toon Link.
Jigglypuff woke up.
Ness and Pikachu ran even faster past them.
"Where... are we?" asked Jigglypuff.
"The pit stop, Jigglypuff! The pit stop!" exclaimed Toon Link.
"Well why didn't you say so?" asked Jigglypuff, instantly up and moving.
She floated up and ran past the other two racers and floated through the highest floor door and stood on the mat.
"Come on Toony!" called out Jigglypuff.
Ness smacked Toon Link's face with Pikachu and ran onward.
"We... must... win!" screamed Ness.
Ness, followed by Pikachu, ran into the pit stop room and headed for the mat.
Toon Link threw his boomerang, which hit the back of Ness' head, making him face plant.
Toon Link approached the mat, but was tripped by Ness, with Pikachu.
Ness threw Pikachu onto the mat.
Ness and Toon Link wrestled on the ground next to the mat ferociously.
"We... must... win... this... LEG!" screamed Ness.
"We need to win again!" screamed Toon Link.
Toon Link hit Ness so hard it threw Ness off him.
Toon Link made a break for the mat.
Ness used PK Thunder, and started to direct it at himself.
Toon Link was 5 feet away from the mat.
The PK Thunder was an inch away from Ness.
Toon Link was 4 feet away from the mat.
The PK Thunder came in contact with Ness, sending him literally flying towards the mat at an astounding speed.
Toon Link was 3 feet away from the mat.
Ness was above the mat.
Toon Link was 2 feet away from the mat.
Ness started to fall.
Toon Link was 1 foot away from the mat.
Ness landed on the mat.
...
...
"We... we're first..." said Ness, barely breathing.
"Actually, you're second," said Koopa after a few seconds.
"WHAT? HOW!1" screamed Ness.
Koopa pointed to Jigglypuff, who was grinning, and it was revealed she had pushed the plush toy Pikachu off the mat.
"Toon Link and Jigglypuff, you are team number one!" said Koopa Troopa. "You have won a trip through the lovely Kanto after the race!"
"We did it!" cheered Toon Link and Jigglypuff.
"So close! Why?" cried Ness.
"Ness and Pikachu, you are team number two!" said Koopa Troopa.
Roy and Snake
33rd Attempt
Snake ran through the course with ease, having memorized the entire practice course due to doing it 33 times in a row.
"You passed!" said the director.
"We passed? That's it? Nothing else to it?" asked Roy.
"Yes... all you guys needed to do was just complete this one simple task, but you screwed it up so bad you guys wasted an hour just completing a simple one attempt task..." explained the director.
Roy and Snake
Currently in 3rd Place
"Make your way to the pit stop, the Mushroom Skylight." read Roy.
"Finally," sighed Snake. "We could have been first!"
"I didn't intend to ruin our chances!" said Roy.
Falcon and Ganondorf
On Cook
Meals cooked: 2/3
"We're on the last meal already?" laughed Falcon.
"Duuuude, we'll be third for sure!" added Ganondorf.
"Haha, just need to make one more meal then we go to that pit stop!" said Falcon.
Link and Yoshi
Currently in 5th Place
"Make your way over to the Pancake restaurant further down town!" read Link.
"Awesome, almost to the end!" said Yoshi. "And we just finished a really hard roadblock, so we should be able to keep our lead against Mewtwo and Lucario!"
Mewtwo and Lucario's taxi showed up, and the Twins ran past the Lawyers.
"Hey guys, good luck with the Roadblock, it's supposedly reeeeally hard!" laughed Link.
Mewtwo and Lucario
Currently in Last Place
"Roadblock!" read Mewtwo quickly. "Who on your team likes tea?"
"Lucario, do the task and just use your psychic powers!" said Lucario.
...
"There's no point," explained Lucario, pointing to the only cup left full out of all 400 cups that had originally been full.
"Awesome!" said Mewtwo, him and Lucario running out.
Link and Yoshi
Lawyers
"Heh heh, can you imagine their faces by now?" asked Link.
"Yeah, they're probably freaking out now," chuckled Yoshi.
Mewtwo and Lucario walked out.
"That was easy," smirked Lucario.
Link and Yoshi scrambled to their car in a hurry.
Falcon and Ganondorf
Fraternity Brothers
"Make your way to the pit stop, the Mushroom Skylight." read Ganondorf.
"Duuuude, hurry!" said Falcon with urgency.
"Taxi!" called out Ganondorf.
Roy and Snake
Father and Son
"Alright, we need to hurry because we have about 8 miles until the pit stop so hopefully we can make the distance," said Roy.
"MWA-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA!" cackled Snake, running over civilians.
"Knowing Snake, we should get there under 4 minutes," sighed Roy.
Link and Yoshi
Lawyers
"See the Pancake restaurant?" asked Link.
"Dude, if we don't find it soon, we're screwed!" said Yoshi.
"Screwed? More like-"
They exploded, due to the fact that there were starving children in Africa, and no-one was feeding them.
Mewtwo and Lucario
Twin Brothers
"We've been traveling forever, I just wanna reach the pit stop," sniffed Mewtwo.
"I think I see the Lawyers a few cars ahead..." said Lucario as-a-matter-of-factly.
Link and Yoshi
Lawyers
"The restaurant!" screamed Link.
They halted the car and ran out.
"Eat ten pancakes for your next clue!" read Yoshi.
Mewtwo and Lucario
Twin Brothers
"Dude, the pancake restaurant!" exclaimed Mewtwo.
"And the Lawyers!" said Lucario.
"They're both right there!" added Mewtwo.
Link and Yoshi
Lawyers
"Dude, be careful, pancakes are said to be fattening," said Link to Yoshi.
"How do you know so much?" asked Yoshi, impressed.
"I watch the box with the moving pictures, thank you very much," said Link.
Falcon and Ganondorf
Fraternity Brothers
"Hey, I think I see the hotel in the distance!" said Falcon.
"We're gonna make it!" said Ganondorf.
Roy and Snake
"AHAHAHAH!" cackled Snake, firing a rocket launcher at Falcon and Ganondorf's taxi.
It made contact, and sent their car flying forward.
"Damn it, that helped them get closer to the final destination," cursed Snake.
Falcon and Ganondorf
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH"
Roy and Snake
Snake forced his car to go 20 mph/kph faster, then rammed his car into the frats'.
"Suck it, Frats!" screamed Snake, throwing a grenade in their car.
"That ought to keep them busy for a while," smiled Roy.
Falcon and Ganondorf
A random pineapple landed in their car.
"Oh look, a pineapple," said Falcon, trying to eat the grenade.
"THATS A GRENADE," screamed Ganondorf, yanking it out of Falcon's hands and throwing it out the window in time.
"Something tells me we've gotten on the wrong foot with these guys," sighed Ganondorf.
"Actually both Snakes' feet are equally violent," said Falcon.
Roy and Snake
"Gain on them!" said Roy epically.
"If we can beat them, we could narrowly get third," said Snake.
"You think we're gonna beat 'em?" asked Roy.
"Oh yeah, sure," said Snake.
Falcon and Ganondorf
Snake's car rammed the Frat's again, and the two swerved left and right dangerously.
"Duuuude, this is dangerous, man!" said a shocked Falcon.
Their cars shot straight towards the Skylight hotel building, and neither car slowed down in fear of being left behind.
So in conclusion, both cars slammed into the front glass doors, and went straight through.
After the dust settled, Falcon opened the car door, and stumbled out, bleeding.
He headed to the elevator.
Snake was dragging Roy, and was following.
Ganondorf tripped as he had been following Snake.
Falcon managed to get himself in the elevator, and called out for Ganondorf.
Snake had already gotten in the elevator with his father's unconscious body.
Snake pressed the elevator button for the 21st floor.
Ganondorf crawled inside Falcon's elevator and Falcon pressed the elevator button for the 21st floor.
The two elevators slowly moved to their destinations, one slightly ahead of the other.
At the Pit Stop
Falcon and Ganondorf's elevator opened first.
As they were slowly headed towards the mat, Snake appeared out of nowhere, and tackled the currently stronger of the two, Falcon.
Snake and Falcon rolled on the floor as they punched, kicked and scratched at each other.
Ganondorf tried to reach for the mat.
Falcon and Snake rolled on top of him.
"FALCOOON... KICK!" screamed Falcon, punching Snake.
"That was just unfair," whined Snake, clutching his nose.
Roy had regained consciousness and had gotten to the mat.
Falcon kicked Snake off of him and headed for the mat.
Ganondorf was reaching for the mat, but just as he was about to touch it, Snake stabbed his hand.
Falcon sucker punched Snake, and knocked him further away from the mat.
Falcon then ran onto the mat.
Snake toppled over Ganondorf, who had been feebly trying to get the blade off his hand.
Roy kicked Ganondorf in the face.
Falcon quickly Falcon Punch'd Roy off the mat.
Snake scrambled towards the mat.
Ganondorf pulled the blade out, and kept a scream from leaving his mouth.
Snake touched the mat.
Roy got up and ran towards the mat.
Ganondorf put the tip of the blade between his index finger and his middle, and aimed at Roy.
Roy was less than a foot from the mat.
Ganondorf threw the combat knife.
Roy realized a giant knife had gone through his stomach.
...And he collapsed on the ground.
Ganondorf touched the mat.
"Falcon and Ganondorf, you are team number three!"
"Duuuude, awesome!" said Falcon, wiping sweat from his brow.
"Roy and Snake, you are the numero quatro team!" said Koopa.
"Quatro?" said Snake, "Is that some form of code? What does it mean? Danger? Deception? Your underwear is too tight?"
"...It means you're fourth team," said Koopa angrily.
Link and Yoshi
Currently in 5th Place
"They still have to do the Detour, even if they've finished the Speed Bump," chuckled Link.
"Yeah, they're soooo screwed!" nodded Yoshi.
"Make your way to the pit stop, the Mushroom Skylight." read Link.
Mewtwo and Lucario
Currently in Last Place
"I just hope we can beat these punks to the mat!" said Mewtwo.
"Yeah, and anyways, the Speed Bump was easy, involved psychic powers!" said Lucario.
"I think we can, I think we can, I think we can!" repeated the optimistic Mewtwo.
Link and Yoshi
Currently in 5th Place
"While you were wasting time eating pancakes," explained Link, "I was busy throwing Mewtwo and Lucario off course!"
"How so?" asked Yoshi.
"I drew the directions on their map, the wrong directions to the Pit stop!" cackled Link.
The two of them shared a laugh.
Mewtwo and Lucario
Currently in Last Place
"Why did our map say to go to a helicopter facility?" asked Mewtwo.
"Probably inherited some of your stupidity," shrugged Lucario.
At the Pit Stop
Link and Yoshi had used the elevator, and had just reached the pit stop floor.
They calmly walked towards the mat.
Suddenly, as if from nowhere, a helicopter burst through the glass wall, and headed straight for the pit stop.
It crashed halfway there, and Mewtwo flew out of his seat, and landed on the mat, a broken bloodied mess.
Lucario, who got a concussion from the crash, was clutching his head.
Yoshi had lost his right ankle from the helicopter rotors, and was trying to wobble towards the mat.
Link was busy being impaled by a chair leg, on a wall.
Yoshi fell over, and was quickly losing consciousness from blood loss.
Lucario unbuckled himself from the helicopter control seat, and he staggered towards the mat.
Yoshi placed his left hand (which was missing a finger) on the mat.
Lucario neared the mat.
Link took out the chair leg and in a desperate attempt, threw it at Lucario.
It hit Lucario so hard he stepped back a foot, and hit the ground.
Link, losing blood even faster than Yoshi, clutched his chest and moved towards the mat.
Lucario jumped on top of him and beat the living tar out of him.
Lucario was walking back towards the mat when Link grabbed his ankle, making him fall just short of the mat.
Link crawled over him to the mat, and was less than an inch away.
Mewtwo hit Link so hard with the gory chair leg, he knocked Link out like a light.
Lucario touched the mat, letting go of his lingering breath.
"Mewtwo and Lucario, you are team number five!" said Koopa Troopa.
"We're... still... in..." breathed Lucario, obviously relieved.
"Link and Yoshi, you are the last team to arrive, and I'm sorry to tell you, you have been eliminated," said Koopa.
"It's... okay," said Yoshi, trying to smile.
"Even though we didn't win the million dollars, we still had a million dollars worth of memories," said Link in a voice-over.
"I'm just glad we got through eight legs," said Yoshi.
Link regained consciousness.
"Ugh... did we make it, Yoshi? Are we still in?" asked a weary Link.
Yoshi looked pained.
Finish Times:
Toon Link and Jigglypuff: 6:36 AM
Ness and Pikachu: 6:37 AM
Falcon and Ganondorf: 7:00 AM
Roy and Snake: 7:01 AM
Mewtwo and Lucario: 7:22 AM
Link and Yoshi: 7:23 AM - Eliminated!
Good to finally be rewarded with another leg, huh? It was the two year anniversary of this story yesterday... Hard to believe the first season took 5 months, and this one has taken two years!
Anyways, do the usual, Review, and tell me who you liked, who you hated, who you think should go out next, your favorites, your hates, etc.
That's all, folks!
