ANNOUNCEMENT

I have a confession to make. I've stopped watching–and caring–about Red vs. Blue.

I could probably write a 20 page essay explaining exactly why, but I'll give you the short version:

Season 15 had disappointed me overall, but there was just enough that I liked in it to leave me a little hopeful that 16 would be better. Season 16 crushed that hope two episodes in, so I called it quits without even finishing it. Why? Because two episodes in, it was clear that the reasons I fell in love with RvB in the first place were gone, just as I had feared they would be. I know a lot of people have hailed the recent seasons as a return to the form of seasons 1-5, but I disagree. Again, it would take me too long to explain the reasons why, but, suffice to say, I feel the humour of seasons 1-5 (for the most part) was much more clever. But, more than that, seasons 1-5, well, yeah, they were mostly funny. They gave me a laugh when I needed one during a hard time in my life, but, at the end of the day, the moment I truly fell in love with Red vs Blue was when Wash said: "You're one of them. You are the Alpha."

The humour was never what kept me coming back. I enjoyed it, yes, but it wasn't the reason I would eagerly wait for each episode every week. It was the plot. The painfully human, theme-rich, character-deepening plot that no one ever would have originally expected to be born from a parody.

The scene that I thought had cemented my loyalty forever? When Carolina took off her helmet, and the Director looked at her with eyes the colour of her own. The kiss she left on his forehead. The "Remember what you learned in the memory unit, Epsilon? About letting go?"

I didn't know it at the time, but that moment came at a key point in my life, and I'm sure I can credit it now with staying in my subconscious so that, when the time finally came years later to face the source of my own hurt, resentment, and anger, I was able to finally let go too. And it was because of moments like those that I thought the writers would continue to give us more, like showing us our beloved idiots coping with Epsilon's death in a way that would allow us to see how much more these characters could still grow while they stepped forward into a brand new plot without him. What we got was a mockery of that instead.

Now, all of that is gone. Good plot and character development has taken a backseat to absurdity like so many other things in the world these days, and in my heart, Red vs Blue ended on a cliffhanger in Season 13.

So, I guess what I'm saying is that I'm giving up this story. I know I've said before that I wouldn't because I loved the series too much but, well, I don't anymore.

I tried picking up this story again, and have spent the last several months trying to convince myself I would get back the urge to write it if I gave it enough time but…it's not coming back. I can't even bring myself to go back and watch the earlier seasons to try and get back into the feel for it, because every time I see anything related to those golden days, I just get this achy feeling of disappointment. It's dead to me now.

And well, damn, that sounded mopey and melodramatic, but it's the truth. And, honestly, I've been considering giving up fanfiction for awhile now. I want to write my own stories, not play in someone else's sandbox anymore. I can craft as many crossovers and fan stories as I want, but at the end of the day, these characters and these worlds aren't mine. They don't spark any excitement in me, and the pre-made worlds they come packaged in don't encourage me to grow as a writer anymore either. It's time I moved on and focused on creating my own work. Because that is when I feel passionate.

So, sorry, but this isn't something I think I can finish anymore. If there's someone out there who wants to try their hand at it, go ahead. It's not like I have some sort of right to this idea. If somebody wants my notes on where the story was supposed to go, I'll provide them. If somebody just wants a summary so they at least know how it was meant to end, I'll provide that too. But I'm not going to make myself miserable over a story that was never really mine. Contrary to the popular belief that writers have to be angsty all the time, I believe that dreading the idea of sitting down to write something is a key sign that that particular project no longer speaks to the writer's heart, and doesn't speak to who they are as a person anymore either. We, as people, are always changing and growing, and sometimes that means growing out of the things we used to enjoy.

All of that being said, I will be deleting my fanfiction account entirely on August 21st, along with this blog. I suspect I'll be getting at least a few angry messages in my inbox before that, but that's not something I can control, and it isn't the purpose of my life to please other people. Thank you for all the support you've offered for this story, as I do appreciate it, but life is calling me elsewhere now. If there is someone who wants to take over or know how it was supposed to end, please contact me and I will let you know.