College Daze
Chapter Eight: Confessions
Hiroki followed Akihiko out of the party. He had his hands shoved in his pockets and kept his eyes down on the ground. This was helping him to keep his steps relatively steady.
"Do you want to wait here while I get the car?" Akihiko asked taking his elbow again. Hiroki's eyes flashed in irritation as he drew his arm away.
"I'm not an invalid; I can walk just fine. I've been doing it for years you know!"
Akihiko cocked a brow at him.
"You don't say? Because I could swear by how you're swaying that this was a relatively new endeavor for you, Old Man." Despite his light tone, Akihiko's expression was clearly unamused. Hiroki said nothing he just scowled at Akihiko before he started off walking in the direction that they'd parked.
"Kamijou!" Akihiko called out behind him.
"What!" Hiroki snapped without turning around.
"The car is this way."
Hiroki stopped in his tracks. He would have shaken his head at his stupidity, but he was already so dizzy.
"God damn it," he muttered under his breath. He turned around to see Akihiko walking the opposite direction.
Even if Akihiko hadn't used his last name instead of his first, Hiroki would have known his friend was annoyed with him. Especially as the law student didn't wait for him, but instead continued heading towards the car. Hiroki supposed he should try and catch up, but his pride refused to allow him to chase after Akihiko.
In such an obvious way, anyways.
Hiroki soon realized too that even if he wanted to hurry, he daren't try at the moment as his steps were becoming increasingly unsteady. When he finally reached the Akihiko, his friend still hadn't cooled. He stood there stiffly smoking a cigarette rather than leaning against the car. Even in his compromised state Hiroki understood immediately this was yet another signal of Akihiko's displeasure.
Feeling even more flustered, Hiroki scowled as Akihiko opened the passenger door.
"I could have done that myself," he grumbled as he tumbled into his seat, sitting down hard. Once settled, he slumped down slightly in the seat crossing his arms over his chest.
Akihiko closed the door harder that he needed to, causing Hiroki to start. Dark eyes tracked his friend's silvered visage as the young author walked around the front of the car and then climbed into the driver's seat.
Hiroki shivered as Akihiko cracked all the windows allowing the cold night air to creep in.
Akihiko pulled out and soon they were swallowed up in the city's late night traffic. The pair rode for some time in silence, the tension speaking volumes for both. Finally, Hiroki couldn't bear it any longer. Though it vexed him to admit it he finally complained.
"Akihiko, I'm cold."
Akihiko looked over at Hiroki impassively. "You're always cold."
"Yeah, well it doesn't help when you have the God damn windows down and it's freezing!" Hiroki hit the door control for his window rolling it up.
Akihiko's brow furrowed. "Excuse me, Hiroki, but personally I don't happen to find the scent of sex and alcohol a particularly palatable cologne unless I'm the one wearing it."
"Asshole," Hiroki muttered, stung by Akihiko's words but currently at a loss for any more eloquent retort. Stopped at a light, Akihiko looked over. A look of concern washed over his handsome face.
"Honestly, Hiroki, I know it's none of my business, but what were you thinking? I don't understand what compels you to do that sort of thing."
Hiroki looked at Akihiko incredulously. "For someone so bright, you're incredibly stupid, Akihiko." He student watched his friend's brow rise back up curiously.
Soon, determining that Hiroki was not going to be any more forthcoming, Akihiko uttered a deep sigh and turned his eyes back to the road. After another minute his hand traveled over and he raised his own window, then he raised the heat in the car.
Together they traveled in silence. Eventually, however, Akihiko was startled by the sound of Hiroki's quiet growl beside him.
"I still can't believe you did that, Akihiko. How many years had we planned to study together?"
Akihiko looked at Hiroki perplexed. "What in the blazes are you talking about, Old Man, or has the alcohol finally made you delirious?"
Hiroki's eyes met and challenged his friend's lavender gaze. "I'm talking about you taking up law to get Takahashi into that club."
Akihiko's usually cool eyes widened at Hiroki's assertion. "Who told you?"
"Does it matter?" Hiroki asked bitterly, pained that Akihiko didn't even try to deny the truth of it.
Akihiko frowned as he reached for a new cigarette. "Honestly, Hiroki, what's the difference? Literature or Law, I just need a degree to keep my father off my back. I 'm a writer, that's what I have always planned to be. I'm never going to use that degree anyway, but Takahiro, that course of study means everything to him. It's going to change his life and if I can help him, then why shouldn't I?"
Hiroki looked at Akihiko with an expression of sad disbelief.
"You shouldn't have done it because you made a pact with me years ago that we would do this together. Does your word mean nothing to you?" Hiroki felt himself blush as he said this. If it hadn't been for the alcohol, he would have never spoken so plainly.
Akihiko studied Hiroki, "Are you serious, Old Man? I mean we're still going to the same school… It's not as if we never see each other or are no longer friends just because we're not taking the same major."
Hiroki looked away from Akihiko. He fought to hold back the wave of emotion these words caused him. "Stop the car," he said his voice barely a whisper.
"What?" Akihiko's voice was filled with confusion.
"I said stop the damn car!" Hiroki suddenly shouted. "I'm getting out and walking home. I can't bear to be near you at the moment!"
"Hiroki," Akihiko's low voice took on its most soothing tone as he slowed the car down.
"No! I'm serious Akihiko, let me out here! I'll find my own way home!"
Akihiko's next words carried a tone of melancholic humor. "Well, that shouldn't be too hard as we're here now."
Hiroki's head shot up. He felt himself blush further as Akihiko maneuvered his car into a space near his building. Hiroki once again cursed his abysmal timing. Furious with this new humiliation, he opened the car door and tried to extricate himself from its interior before Akihiko had even entirely finished parking.
Hiroki stumbled as he headed towards the building's exterior elevator, not trusting himself to the stairs at the moment. He heard a car door slam behind him and Akihiko's rapid footsteps as the man strode to catch up with him.
Hiroki felt Akihiko's hand on his shoulder. He wrenched it out from under the cool hand and almost knocked himself over in the process.
"Leave me, Akihiko! I don't need your jokes or your pity!"
"I'm not here to give you either, Hiroki!" Akihiko growled with barely hidden frustration."I'm here to make sure you get yourself put away properly!"
"Well, I don't need that either!" Hiroki shouted as he headed into the elevator. He scowled furiously at Akihiko when his friend followed him into the car.
"I'm sure you don't need it, Hiroki. But please allow me to do it. I mean after all, how many times have you put me away yourself?"
Hiroki stopped mid-growl at Akihiko's question. It was true that he was usually the "dry" man on their outings as, while he did get drunk occasionally, normally he didn't like how free alcohol made his tongue and he always found his memory fuzzy if not absent the next morning. Plus, he certainly didn't relish feeling out of control as he did now.
Over the last several years, he had, in fact, put a drunken Lord Usami to bed countless times. Recalling this now offered the barest of balms to his wounded pride.
"Besides, it's the least I can do, since I'm obviously to blame for you being so upset, Hiroki," Akihiko said earnestly, his voice rich with concern. He held the door open to the elevator when it stopped.
Hiroki eyed Akihiko suspiciously trying to determine the authenticity of his words. Finally he shrugged.
"Fine. Suit yourself."
Akihiko watched Hiroki then waver out and down the walk to his apartment. He caught Hiroki's arm a minute later and this time he did not allow himself to be shaken off.
"Sincerely, Hiroki, I'm sorry. I should have told you."
"Yes, you should have! We're supposed to be friends after all, Akihiko." Hiroki's grumble had become less violent. He cursed again, however, as after fishing his keys from his pocket; he dropped them on the walkway outside his door.
Akihiko bent and retrieved them before Hiroki had the chance to lean over. He unlocked the door and pushed it open. He followed his inebriated companion into the darkened apartment. Hiroki kicked his shoes off in the entry, pleased he was able to do so without falling over. He shed his coat and dropped it on the floor. Akihiko walked behind him, his brow rising as he watched Hiroki pull his shirt off over his head revealing his lean, hard torso.
"Where are you going?" Akihiko trailed behind as Hiroki veered off down the hall.
"I'm going to take a piss, if that's okay with you," Hiroki muttered stepping in to the bathroom. "You're welcome to come watch if you want."
Akihiko sighed as he leaned against the door frame. He wondered if he was this obnoxious when Hiroki did this for him.
"No thank you. I'm going to get you some water. And where do you keep your analgesic?"
"Cupboard over the sink in the kitchen," Hiroki slurred as he shouted over the sound of his piss.
Akihiko shook his head as he moved toward the kitchen. Hiroki had left the bathroom door open and he could still hear the force of his friend's stream from where he stood at the counter. They had often joked as children about Hiroki's horse-like bladder. Akihiko had just finished running tap in the kitchen when he heard the tap start and stop in the bathroom and watched Hiroki stumble across the hall into his bedroom.
Entering the bedroom Akihiko found Hiroki sprawled on his back on his futon; one lean arm draped over his eyes. His lavender gaze traveled the length of his friend's taut torso: Hiroki had left his trousers unfastened. Despite himself Akihiko felt his pulse quicken at this display of masculine beauty.
"Come on, sit up," Akihiko cajoled, pushing his inappropriate inclinations to the side. "You need to drink some water and take some aspirin before you pass out, it will help you not feel so shitty in the morning. That's what you always tell me anyways, isn't it?"
After a few moments of snarling, as when Hiroki didn't move, Akihiko grabbed his legs and pulled them off over the edge of the bed, Hiroki finally reluctantly complied to the orders. His slightly glazed eyes looked at Akihiko questioningly when man bent down and tugged at the legs of his pants.
"Come on and kick yourself out of these," Akihiko coaxed, using the phrase his nanny had when he was a child.
Hiroki cocked his head to the side. "I didn't realize guilt made you act so maternal Akihiko." Then he hiccuped slightly and added, "In fact I didn't realize you ever even felt guilt at all."
Akihiko frowned at Hiroki's comment, feeling wounded. This wasn't something he ever expected to hear from his best friend.
"I told you I was sorry, Hiroki. Honestly I can't imagine why it meant so much to you," he sighed.
"Because I love you, Akihiko," Hiroki sighed back as he kicked his last foot out of his trousers.
Akihiko looked at Hiroki sitting on the edge of his futon, naked but for his boxers. How he managed to look simultaneously so fierce and so vulnerable was beyond Akihiko, but it was that very quality that had first struck him about Hiroki when they were children. Akihiko took a deep breath, then he moved over and sat down on the futon next to his friend.
"I love you too Hiroki," he said quietly.
"No."
"No, what?" Akihiko sounded confused.
"No, you don't love me." Hiroki exhaled a long breath as he leaned over and ran his hands through his wild brown locks.
"I do love you, Hiroki, you're my oldest and best friend." Akihiko reached over and ran a cool hand through dark hair, displacing Hiroki's hands.
"You know we go through this every time we're together and you get too much drink in you."
Hiroki raised his head and cast a skeptical eye at Akihiko. "We do?"
"Ummm," Akihiko acknowledged.
"Do I tell you how I love you then?" Hiroki asked curiously, despite the horror Akihiko's assertion caused him. Hiroki's words sounded thicker than usual, but Akihiko couldn't tell if that was from alcohol or emotion.
"No," Akihiko said simply.
"Would you like to know?"
Akihiko shook his head sadly. "Not really."
Hiroki looked away blushing furiously. "Well that's for the best, I suppose." He suddenly sounded very tired.
"I suppose so," Akihiko agreed, his own tone slightly weary.
Then before Akihiko knew what hit him, Hiroki was suddenly upon him. He found his mouth captured in a crushing kiss. The frantic passion and desperate strength of it overwhelmed him and Akihiko found himself opening up and swept away in heat of Hiroki's liquored lips.
Hiroki pushed Akihiko onto his back on the futon, pinning the man beneath his bare torso. His fingers twined in Akihiko's thick silvered-hair. Hei ravished Akihiko's mouth for several slow minutes. Then as suddenly as the onslaught had begun, it ceased.
Hiroki broke the kiss and pushed himself up off his unrequited. He slid, sitting, back over to the edge of the bed.
"We do this every time I get drunk?" Hiroki asked softly, twisting his longer fingered hands together. Akihiko's head was still spinning, his breath short from the kiss. He sat up slowly not saying anything, but he nodded.
"Except for the kiss. That was new," he finally answered.
"And I never remember it after?"
"Not so far, no."
"What happens if someday I do?" Hiroki asked.
"Even if you did, Hiroki, would you ever admit it?" Akihiko queried back. His senses still reeling, his arousal sparked by his friend's intimate oral embrace.
Akihiko watched Hiroki for several silent minutes.
"You should go home now," Hiroki's voice was hushed.
This response stunned Akihiko.
"I think you're right," he finally whispered after another few moments of awkward silence. As he pushed himself up off the bed, Akihiko watched Hiroki lay down, turn on his side, and flip the coverlet over himself. Hiroki pulled a pillow over his dark head.
"I'll see you around on campus next week," Akihiko offered lamely. When there was no response he shook his head and headed for the bedroom door. He had almost reached the doorway when Hiroki's muffled voice stopped him.
"You know, some day you should just let me fuck you, Akihiko, and get you out of my system for good." Akihiko looked back at the blanket wrapped figure. His hands moved unconsciously to his lips, where the burn of Hiroki's fevered passion still lingered.
"Goodnight, Hiroki," Akihiko softly stepped out and closed the door behind him.
Outside the apartment a few minutes later, Akihiko leaned against Hiroki's apartment door and lit up a new cigarette. His oldest friend's words echoed in his mind. Feeling the fag between his kiss bruised lips, Akihiko realized that maybe someday he would have to take Hiroki up on that proposition.
Akihiko pulled the smoke from his lips and studied its glowing tip in the dim light of the walkway.
Then maybe we could both extinguish the embers that lie there, smoldering in our hearts.
The thought brought a bitter smile to Akihiko's face. On that note, he pushed off the door and out into the darkness of the remaining night.
NEW AN: Hope you're enjoying this X, I know you are out there reading…Yes, I know that I said I was turning in…Heh.
OLD AN:
Suprised?
I have always wanted to write a fic where it becomes clear that Akihko knows... has known... and carries on as though he is ignorant anyway, because he can't deal with the reality of Hiroki's love for him. So here it is.
Omake is next and then this fic is done.
