Me: Felicitations, web surfers, stalkers, and donut men! Wuz up!!!?? Not to sound needy, but I really NEED reviews. I don't know why. They just make me happy.

Total: That sounded needy. Aren't you supposed to say the disclaimer.

Me: Aren't you supposed to bark?

Total: Eh, bite me.

Me: Anyhow, I just wanted to say that I only own a dog named Toby so, I don't own Total or Maximum Ride. JP does. Lucky guy.

Total: Yeah, he makes like millions every day probably.

Me: Don't make me any more jealous than I already am.

Total: Yeah, but you've been talking about your comments forever.

Me: Thank you to all the lovely citizens out there who commented.

Total: Can I write my list of things that would stink if they happened please. I didn't come here to listen to more of your talking.

Me: Said the over-talkative dog. Emphasis on the dog part.

Total

It would really stink if…

1. I was cursed by the Wicked Witch of the West and couldn't speak for the rest of my life. Oh my Kibbles, that would mean…BARKING! Never gonna happen.

2. Gazzy owned me. He would totally be a bad owner.

3. Iggy owned me. I would be the testing doll for all eternity. Plus he trips on me. I'm starting to think he does it on purpose.

4. Anyone except Angel owned me. She's perfect.

5. Max stopped letting me order my own caviar with room service.

6. I wrote my own book and no one bought it because I was a dog and I shouldn't be writing. Grrrr…

7. Hollywood rejected me for Lassie because I was too 'small'. Ugh. I'm just on the petite size. I'll have you know, I'm the flying Scottie. I am so cool.

8. Akila decided on pink for the wedding gown. Her colors are midnight blue and emerald. How many times must I tell her this!

9. I was white. That's so girly. White. Black is more fierce and scary. Like me. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

10. Someone found out that I'm the one eating the sugar cookies. I could never live that down. They just taste like heaven.

Me: So, the rumor is true? You an Akila are getting married?

Total: She's my lady. Pink is just not her color. And it doesn't go with the church.

Me: Are you going to wear a white tux.

Total: OF COURSE NOT! Hello, didn't you read number 9? Sheesh.

Me: Okay. So, do you like peanut butter?

Total: Yeah, I guess.

Me: Good because I'm starving.

Total: See you, internet ladies and gents.

Me: Logging off.