2spooky4me
08/10/17: Timmy Turner's House of Terrors
"So your house is haunted," said Connie.
"Well, sort of," replied Timmy, "You see, Crocker's making us do a report on any dead historical person of our choice, and I figured I'd just cut out the middleman and interview one in person. 'Cept I didn't wanna change history again, because contrary to popular belief I do actually learn sometimes, so I wished up the ghost of a historical person. Except I forgot to be specific and Cosmo ended up summing the ghost of Lizzie Borden, because of course he did. Anyway, there was an argument, some people got threatened with axes and Cosmo and Wanda tried to get rid of her. That sort of made her mad, so she summoned an army of ghosts, possessed Cosmo and Wanda and my parents, friends, acquaintances and Vicky, threw me out of the house and turned it into a warped twisted M. C. Escher parody of itself that's bigger on the inside and occasionally screams at people going by."
"...so your house is haunted," repeated Connie.
"Yes."
Timmy stood on the sidewalk outside his house with Steven, Connie, Jimmy, Dipper and Mabel. The house had been horribly transformed - it now resembled a twisted, ramshackle Victorian building that seemed to tilt to the left. There was a hole in the sky above, from which countless bats emerged from a mist of inky darkness. It was certainly not keeping within the building code.
"Please, Turner, ghostly curses aren't scientifically possible," said Jimmy, "It's probably just a localised rift in reality that this Borden woman is using to appear ghostly to you..."
"Jimmy, shut up, it's ghosts," grunted Timmy.
"Alright, fellas."
Sandy, Spongebob and Danny walked up the lawn towards them - the former was holding a device that looked like a Geiger counter.
"We've definitely got a hauntin' here," nodded Sandy.
"And a big one," added Danny, "The Fenton Ghost Counter's picking up three Jacks a second!"
"Three Jacks a second?" questioned Dipper.
"Look, I don't name this stuff, my dad does," replied Danny.
"Point is, we're lookin' at a real Amityville situation," explained Sandy, "This needs to be cleaned up, and fast."
"What happens if we don't?" asked Steven.
"Well, it'll nuke Dimmsdale's TripAdvisor rating, for one thing," shrugged Danny.
"If this haunting continues for too long, your house is gonna turn into a permanent door to the Ghost Zone," said Sandy, "And it might spread."
"That'd bring a whole new meaning to the phrase 'ghost town'," mused Steven.
"So we've...uh...we've gotta go inside, right?" gulped Spongebob, "C-Can't we get the Guys in White to do it?"
"Heh, good one," chuckled Danny, "Seriously, let's get inside."
"Who you gonna call?" exclaimed Mabel.
"Us!"
The group marched to the door, leaving Spongebob behind.
"I...I wasn't joking, though."
The door creaked shut behind them and they gazed upon the scene.
It was a twisted facsimile of Americana. It looked like a turn-of-the-century entrance hall, with a green fire roaring in a fireplace across from the door. There was ornate, Edwardian furniture, all in dark, brooding colours. There were strange portraits along the walls - a zombie Jefferson, a vampire Lincoln, a two-headed Mark Twain, a werewolf Emma Goldman and an apparently normal Ronald Reagan. Ornate, gothic chandeliers emitted a dim light that exaggerated the shadows.
"Alright, we've gotta work out what kind of haunted house this is," said Danny.
"There's more than one kind?" asked Steven.
"Oh yeah, definitely," nodded Dipper, "There's the standard 'spooky ghost' kind, the ironic punishment kind, the one that's possessed by the Devil and whispers in your ear, the one that picks off your party one-by-one until only one of you is left (and that's almost always a girl, for some reason), the kind that warps around you to confuse you, the kind that..."
"We get it," grunted Jimmy, "Sandy, what's our Jack count?"
"Seven and rising," replied Sandy, "It seems to spike the deeper we get into this place."
"Seven Jacks?" quizzed Danny, "Jeesh, any more and we'd be just about at a Maddie."
"Why do you let your parents name this stuff?" asked Timmy.
"I didn't, the patent office did," replied Danny, "We should keep going - we have to find Lizzie before-"
"WHO GOES THERE?!"
"...or maybe she'll just come to us," shrugged Timmy.
There was an explosion of blue fire, and the ghost of Lizzie Borden appeared before them. She looked like a typical, middle-class heiress of the late 19th century - curled hair in a bun, a plain but elegant dress, a necklace - but her eyes glowed red and her transparent blue body seemed to be made of licking flame. She sneered as she took in her esteemed guests.
"'Sup Lizzie," said Timmy.
"You DARE to return to my abode, Timothy Turner?" snarled Lizzie, "For that, you must be die!"
She pointed threateningly at Timmy.
"Yeah, nice theatrics, Ganon," replied Timmy, "Look, I've brought my friends with me, and we're kinda good at this sort of thing, so why don't you just head on home and give me my house back?"
"Oh, Timothy, my poor dumb boy," Lizzie said almost sweetly, "My sweet summer child, my naive little snowflake, my-"
"Okay, I get it," grunted Timmy.
"You really thought you could just stroll on in here and take back my house, my people, my things," continued Lizzie, "That's almost adorable. You're not even blinded by anger at my taking of your kin!"
"I'm not so much angry as disappointed," replied Timmy.
"You know what, Timothy? I had thought you were useless," said Lizzie, "But God Bless, I like your spunk. You've got a real personality about you - far better than that of my confounded parents, God rest their souls. I think you'd make an excellent little brother."
There was a long silence.
"That went from zero to creepy in five seconds," said Danny.
"Yeah, not gonna happen," snapped Timmy, "Now give me back my family and my house!"
Lizzie laughed, extending her arms. Ink-black snakes shot out of the walls, shooting towards Timmy. He tried to dodge but they wrapped around his ankles and pulled him up into the air. The ceiling vanished, turning into a swirling vortex.
"Timmy!" exclaimed Jimmy.
Danny scowled, changing from human to ghost form.
"Put him down, Borden!" he demanded.
Lizzie raised an eyebrow.
"Ah, the famous Danny Phantom!" she exclaimed, "How's about I challenge you to a game? I'm going to take half of your friends."
"No, you are not going..."
Parts of the floorboards broke open as more of the impossibly long snakes burst into the room. They shot towards the group.
"Everyone, run!" shouted Danny, dodging out of the way.
One of the snakes shot past him and caught Steven by the arm. He tried to free it with the shield in his other hand, only for it to wrap around that and lift him up.
"Connie!" he shouted.
"Steven!"
Connie reached for him as he was dragged away into the swirling vortex. She gritted her teeth and faced Lizzie.
"Give him back!" she demanded.
"Why should you get special treatment?"
She looked around in time to see Mabel, Jimmy and Spongebob pulled into the sky.
"Mabel!" exclaimed Dipper.
"Spongebob!" shouted Sandy.
All eyes fell on Danny.
"Oh, uh, um, Jimmy!"
"Sandy! Help, please!" Spongebob called back in panic.
"Don't panic, we'll find our own way back!" shouted Jimmy.
"Kick her butt, Dipper!" bellowed Mabel.
The snakes pulled them up and they too vanished into the vortex. Only Timmy remained, suspended next to Lizzie.
"You have until midnight to climb this house and defeat me," she said, "Otherwise, the souls of your friends will be forever lost in LIZZIE BORDEN'S HOUSE OF TERRORS!"
"This is my house!" snapped Timmy.
"Good point," nodded Lizzie, "TIMMY TURNER'S HOUSE OF TERRORS!"
She laughed manically as she ascended into the vortex, pulling Timmy up behind her.
"Danny!" called Timmy, "Help! Noooooooooooo!"
There was a flash of blue light and they were gone, replaced by a blank ceiling. For a moment, there was nothing but silence.
"Well, that's a darn awful way to start," said Sandy.
Connie drew her sword.
"They've got Steven," she growled, "I don't know about you, but I'm getting him back."
"Y'all have no disagreement from me, Connie," nodded Sandy, putting a hand on her shoulder, "I reckon we've got ourselves a house to climb."
"Yeah, and we're not leaving until we get Mabel...until we get everyone back," added Dipper.
"I dunno, I was gonna hang out with Sam and Tucker tonight," said Danny.
The other three stared at him. He smirked.
"Just kiddin'," he said, "Let's get moving. It's a gonna be a looooong night..."
AN: Luigi's Mansion? What's that?
